How do you help a college age student

[Myothername]

decide what to major in? DS is 19. Did not do well in college his first year. Lived on campus and basically goofed off and partied. The 2nd year, this past fall, he was back home and did better but his GPA is still about 1.8. He wants to do the occupational therapy assistant program at the community college and I think he can get in based on his ACT score which was 22. Everyone I have talked to was very impressed with that score. I always thought he could do better but hey if they like it fine. He won't find out if he gets in this program until late May and if he doesn't he wants to go on to the 4 year college in our town. We are all for that but he has to have a major or we will not pay for anymore school. He says he does not want to go back to school until he knows he can make good grades.

He has pretty much taken all the core classes he can take at the community college except for Algebra and he could retake 2 or 3 more to pull up those grades. The 4 year university has a test you can take online to help you decide a major but DS made a good point. He thinks that test will gear you toward things they have majors in and not necessarily toward what you really would be interested in. So I tell him to take one that is not affiliated with a school and he says he will do this.

I don't know what else to do to help him. Right now he is working part time, living at home, playing video games, etc. He had been out of state working but that job played out. He really does not go out partying with his friends because most of them are gone off out of state to work. He is the only one in his close group wanting to go to college. He has only gone out maybe 3 times with his friends in the last month.

I am starting him doing one big chore a day at the house when he is not working because it is good for him and I need the work done. He does not need to just sit at home all day doing nothing.

Anyone been in this position? My mother never had any hand in my college education and decisions. She left it entirely up to me so I am not sure how far I need to get involved. I did put in a call to the 4 year college dean of students to see about him getting admitted with the low gpa and what he needed to do in that regard. I am just not sure how far I need to get involved. DH would have me do everything but I feel it should be DS doing all of the footwork.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

There is always the possibility of military service. By the end of the three year enistment he will (a) have a much better idea of what he wants to do, (b) be motivated to do well in college, and (c) have benefits which will assist with expenses.

 

[Myothername]

There is always the possibility of military service. By the end of the three year enistment he will (a) have a much better idea of what he wants to do, (b) be motivated to do well in college, and (c) have benefits which will assist with expenses.

He won't even consider it. Not really sure why. We live in a heavy military area. He is not so adamant about the Coast Guard because he loves to swim and has been a lifeguard for 3 years.

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

You mentioned in your post that your son was interested in the Occupational Therapy course...Does the 4 year college have something like that? IMO it seems he may be geared towards something like that. I know before I headed off to college, I took some time to go over what the college of my choice offered. Once I started looking at the schedules and the class offerings, my major popped out at me and practically grabbed me. What are his interests? Does he talk about what he would like to do later in life? He's young, so it's hard to blurt out, "This is what I want to do with my life" if you really don't know, and it seems that he doesn't want to follow the same path everyone else has taken, i.e., going into the military, or following his friends. Find out what he is interested in, take that first thing that pops out of his mouth when asked, and type it into google and see what's out there. You never know what you may find. Good luck!

 

[snoopy two]

Job shadowing helps and hospitals are usually pretty good about allowing a shadow.

 

[DisneyLover83]

I am just not sure how far I need to get involved. DH would have me do everything but I feel it should be DS doing all of the footwork.

In my experience I did not excel in school until my parents stopped pushing. He is 19 years old, let him figure it out. I did not know what I wanted to do at 19 and left a 4 year university for 4 years. I worked as a nanny and cashier. At 24 I went back and am majoring in Accounting, will graduate in December. At 19 I never even considered accounting! I am on the deans list and have a 3.8 GPA, never in my wildest dreams did I think that would ever be me!! Give him time, let him figure it out on his own.

 

[Myothername]

In my experience I did not excel in school until my parents stopped pushing. He is 19 years old, let him figure it out. I did not know what I wanted to do at 19 and left a 4 year university for 4 years. I worked as a nanny and cashier. At 24 I went back and am majoring in Accounting, will graduate in December. At 19 I never even considered accounting! I am on the deans list and have a 3.8 GPA, never in my wildest dreams did I think that would ever be me!! Give him time, let him figure it out on his own. It was the best thing my parents ever did for me.

I am all about him not going to school until he is ready or at all. But he must get a full time job. We have told him if he does not go back to school in the fall he will have to pay his cell phone, car insurance and get a health insurance policy. He does want to go to school though. I think what is stressing me and DH is that he is not taking any steps right now. I want him to take the test online to see what he might want to major in in case the Occupational Therapy thing does not work out. I want him to be working more too. Of course jobs are scarce right now. He does work as needed for a security system installation company but it is very sporadic. Has not worked in a week. I told him he needs to let them know he needs regular hours or he will find something else.

 

[DisneyLover83]

I am all about him not going to school until he is ready or at all. But he must get a full time job. We have told him if he does not go back to school in the fall he will have to pay his cell phone, car insurance and get a health insurance policy. He does want to go to school though. I think what is stressing me and DH is that he is not taking any steps right now. I want him to take the test online to see what he might want to major in in case the Occupational Therapy thing does not work out. I want him to be working more too. Of course jobs are scarce right now. He does work as needed for a security system installation company but it is very sporadic. Has not worked in a week. I told him he needs to let them know he needs regular hours or he will find something else.

I agree about him working, one of the things that opened my eyes the most was having to pay my own bills. Your doing the right thing!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am all about him not going to school until he is ready or at all. But he must get a full time job. We have told him if he does not go back to school in the fall he will have to pay his cell phone, car insurance and get a health insurance policy. He does want to go to school though. I think what is stressing me and DH is that he is not taking any steps right now. I want him to take the test online to see what he might want to major in in case the Occupational Therapy thing does not work out. I want him to be working more too. Of course jobs are scarce right now. He does work as needed for a security system installation company but it is very sporadic. Has not worked in a week. I told him he needs to let them know he needs regular hours or he will find something else.

I understand.

This weekend we are doing a "power point presentation" with my soon to be 19yodd. (So we can stay on topic.)

Give your son a concrete copy of your expectations and go over them.

Then sit back. There is only so much I am going to do at this age.

 

[quasar4legs]

I have a son the same age

No real answers but you might find it helpful to read 'the myth of maturity' which looks at the development of young adults. I found the book very helpful.

Good luck

 

[Bob NC]

The 4 year university has a test you can take online to help you decide a major but DS made a good point. He thinks that test will gear you toward things they have majors in and not necessarily toward what you really would be interested in.

Now THAT sounds like a professional excuse seeker.

 

[minkydog]

I am all about him not going to school until he is ready or at all. But he must get a full time job. We have told him if he does not go back to school in the fall he will have to pay his cell phone, car insurance and get a health insurance policy. He does want to go to school though. I think what is stressing me and DH is that he is not taking any steps right now. I want him to take the test online to see what he might want to major in in case the Occupational Therapy thing does not work out. I want him to be working more too. Of course jobs are scarce right now. He does work as needed for a security system installation company but it is very sporadic. Has not worked in a week. I told him he needs to let them know he needs regular hours or he will find something else.

I agree. We have had this rule in our household for many years--work full-time or go to school full-time or join the military. DS23 has taken 3 semesters of college after which we mutually decided that he needed to get a job and figure out what he wants to do, since studying wasn't much his thing. Unfortunately, he decided to test the boundaries last summer and now resides somewhere else. There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Anyway, I would suggest your son contact a local community college and as for a career aptitude test. In my experience, they don't push you toward their own offerings. When I did it the test gave me a lot of insight and also made some suggestions of careers that I never even thought about.

Some kids take awhile to grow into their adulthood. If he was 35 I tell you to kick him to the curb, but he's only 19. Maybe it *would* be a good idea for him to take some time, work awhile until he knows what he wants to do before he goes back to school. I know my first year in school I just thought it was party city. I was a smart girl, but you'd never know it by my freshman grades. Then by accident I discovered my major and suddenly I was all about school.

 

[mamajoan]

Hi... I have a son that just graduated last year... he did ok. but his degree is in History and marketing. He is working at Target going up the management chain. Altho he is happy he wishes he would have gotten a tech degree.

Occupational Therapist Assistants make good money, have great career potential and many work opportunities. So I say, let him check it out and apply for the program, it may take a while for him to be accepted. I would also ask him WHY he wants to be an COTA. That would be the most important reason for applying for the program.

I was a Physical Therapist Assistant, worked with lots of COTA's during my career. I met only 2 male COTA's .. they were excellent!!

If he does get into the COTA program... he will have to work hard... cause it ain't easy

Best wishes.

 

[Sparx]

has he finished his general ed? if not, he still has a little while to take different kinds of classes to figure out if he really wants to do occupational therapy. He could take the intro class and see if he is still interested.

 

[Nolcrest]

One thing that would motivate him to work full-time or at least more hours would be for him to be responsible for his own cell phone and car insurance.

We have never paid for these items for our kids. It gave them the motivation to work for what they want. I have to say that they never ask us for a dime either. They learned early on that they need to work for what they want. This was the reason why both my kids thought carefully about college.


So, I do agree with you and would support your son in whatever he decides to do but it has to be his decision and his doing. Start by having him pay his own expenses. He's certainly old enough to do so.

 

[disfan07]

My experience has been kind of similar.

I barely graduated high school. I went to a CC and the first semester I got a 1.7 GPA...I was on academic warning afte rthe first semester. I than took off the spring semester because of medical issues.
I went back in the Fall of 2008 and fiinshed with a semester GPA of 2.45...nto great, but better.
Spring of 2009---I got a GPA of 3.45...much better
Fall of 2009---GPA of 3.5
RIght now, I went form a GPA afte rthe first semester of 1.8 to havign a GPA of 3.1 going into my 5th semester.

It took a while for me to get motivated, but eventually I did. I have always known that I wanted to major in psychology but it took me a while to get motivated enough that I could persue that goal.

 

[golfgal]

Ok, I am going to be honest, a 22 on an ACT is not a very good score. I don't know who you have talked with but a 22 won't get you into most colleges especially with that GPA. As for the taking the career interest test and gearing it toward offered majors, that is just BALONEY! It sounds like he doesn't want to be in school and is looking for excuses not to go. I would tell him to take a semester off, work full time, charge him rent, utilities, etc. so he gets a dose of the real world. Make sure you charge him what he would pay in the real world too-you can put the money aside to give to him after he figures out what to do with his life if you want. Two things will happen, he will find a job he loves and life is good or he will find a job he hates and realizes he screwed up in college, goes back and gets a degree.

 

[cruisnfamily]

I understand.

This weekend we are doing a "power point presentation" with my soon to be 19yodd. (So we can stay on topic.)

Give your son a concrete copy of your expectations and go over them.

Then sit back. There is only so much I am going to do at this age.

I want to hear what's going to be in your power point! Please share!

 

[RitaZ.]

One thing that would motivate him to work full-time or at least more hours would be for him to be responsible for his own cell phone and car insurance.

We have never paid for these items for our kids. It gave them the motivation to work for what they want. I have to say that they never ask us for a dime either. They learned early on that they need to work for what they want. This was the reason why both my kids thought carefully about college.


So, I do agree with you and would support your son in whatever he decides to do but it has to be his decision and his doing. Start by having him pay his own expenses. He's certainly old enough to do so.

ITA.

Has he taken Anatomy and Physiology yet? When I took A&P, some of my classmates were taking it before they could apply for the OT assistant program. The program they were applying to required a grade of A in A&P I & II. His GPA is really low right now, which isn't going to help him.

You've given him two reasonable choices: work full-time or go to college. If he really wants to further his education, he should be the one making the calls and seeking out the information. You've done all you can. It's up to him to decide what he wants to do.

Hang in there.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I want to hear what's going to be in your power point! Please share!

It is not finished yet however we are giving her the "choices" for next yr. We have an added complication of a BF in TX that is not helping the situation.

She is not sure she wants to go back to the college she is at. OK....so now what. Plus she is unsure of her major.

So, if she is going to ditch said major there is no point in attending a college that is a ton of money right now.

1) Move back home, go to CC and work. Figure out path.
2) Go to a cheaper University and do a lot of research toward majors she is interested in. There are cheaper options out there.
3) Go back to current college with a set degree interest.
4) Move out, go to TX and be with BF. This option cuts the apron strings though.

That is pretty much the basics. There is other stuff with this. We are willingly to meet her halfway, but I am not going to put up with the BF drama and crap associated with it.