How do you handle offensive people?

[Nik's Mom]

Op, I really believe that people like the woman in your group have low self esteem issues. The only way they can feel better about themself is to tear someone else down. We have some dis'rs that way too!

You've received some sound advice here. I'd confront her if the comments are way off base, and ignore comments that aren't worth the attention. But being the stubborn person that I am, I would not leave that group if I really loved it.

 

[metime]

I would be concerned if the children are in earshot of this person.

I coordinate a homeschool group and most of the time in that case those people are in the wrong type of group. I find when people are expressing their opinions in that manner they are looking more for a group that supports those specific opinions rather than a group of homeschoolers. I find most of them belong to religous homeschool groups, or organic eating only homeschool groups, or something with more of an agenda other than homeschooling.

We sometimes encounter people who are very religious, while our group is not based in any religion, we welcome religious topics of educational value for our children. There are those who try to "save" us all with their opinion and I try to nicely make suggestions of other groups that will meet the needs of that person.

It won't be long until she offends someone. Homeschoolers are not known to silently suffer.

Have you tired speaking to the person who coordinates your group? Members contact me about an issue with another member because I am in the position to do something about it, sometimes it warrants me saying something and sometimes not. That way people's names can stay out of it and I can say something like "We all feel strongly about our personal choices which is why we all homeschoool . I know of a lot of members who would be offened by your comments and I am sure you don't mean them that way but it is how it comes across. Would you mind trying to be more sensative around people?"

I would certainly rather have a discussion with one or 2 people than have it be a giant issue at an event around other people and end up reflecting on our entire group because it has been brewing. I think as homeschoolers we all get enough generalizations made that we don't need them with in the homeschooling community.

I would say something now calmly and rationally about how it is affecting you personally rather than lose control and say something out of anger in the heat of the moment because you may end up looking equally as offensive.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Hi npmommie

Well eventually she'll manage to offend everyone in the group and nobody will want to be around her. aka self destruction.

I agree that she's putting others down to make herself feel better and that she probably enjoys the (negative) attention she gets from her rantings. Remember, Psych 101 - negative attention is better than no attention at all.

My DH always laughs and says people like this are attracted to me like flies to poop. I generally enjoy engaging them because once you get past the first few layers, there's usually something pretty interesting (to me, but I'm warped like that, LOL) under the surface. By the end of the day, I often have a new "best friend".

As a Boston nurse myself, I know what I do, and I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I also know that I had an undetected placenta accreta and lost over half the blood in my body in less than 30 minutes during the birth of my twins, and was never so glad to be in my own hospital as I was that day, as my gut sense was that my life was in jeopardy. Explaining that feeling with words simply is not possible, especially to someone who thinks they know better. Whatever.

The best advice is probably just to ignore her. Refuse to engage.