How do you handle misbehaving kids at b-day parties?

[kelsco99]

I am having a birthday party for my DS 6 next weekend and am expecting about 12 kids. I want it to be really fun and I have lots of army bootcamp theme activities planned. I know I can count on at least 2 of the kids to misbehave enough to ruin the party. The thing is, I can't not invite them. They are DH's sisters children and very good friends with my DS. They are a couple years older than my DS.
Due to a long history I can't go into here, I can't ask my SIL/MIL to keep them under control (not even in a nice way).

The behaviours I can expect from them are (and I know that some are normal for kids but these boys take them beyond the limits)...
Overall disrespect for rules (DS idolizes these kids and it's an ongoing battle to keep him from picking up their habits ), saying things like "these games are soooo stupid. We don't want to play." getting the other kids not to play, swearing, interrupting other kids turns, running around and distracting when you tell them they can sit out while others do the activity, trying to split up the boys and girls and getting the girls picked on by stealing their toys, etc., whispering in my sons ear to do something inappropriate, etc.
The other thing is these guys can be really good, really funny and really helpful - I just haven't figured out what triggers this side of them.

My MIL (who practically raises these 2 kids) will be here during the party and thinks the kids can do no wrong, will do nothing when they start acting up. If I try to enforce some discipline and rules into them for the sake of the party, she will just chalk it up to another example of me thinking I am too good for them.

So, what would you do?

Thanks,
Kelly

 

[VSL]

I wouldn't have invited them in the first place.

Other than that, I really have no advice I'm afraid

 

[Pam]

Since this is an Army Bootcamp themed party - can you find one of your friends, who does not know these children and have him/her dress in camo and be the "Drill Sgt." ??

Every time one of the kids begins to misbehave, have the Sgt. be in character and address the bad behavior. The Mom and your MIL won't know what to do as you can just say, "Oh that's part of the party......" when they complain that the "mean Drill Sgt. is upsetting my little Johnny and Susie!"

 

[swea_pea1]

Since this is an Army Bootcamp themed party - can you find one of your friends, who does not know these children and have him/her dress in camo and be the "Drill Sgt." ??

Every time one of the kids begins to misbehave, have the Sgt. be in character and address the bad behavior. The Mom and your MIL won't know what to do as you can just say, "Oh that's part of the party......" when they complain that the "mean Drill Sgt. is upsetting my little Johnny and Susie!"

Ooooooooooooooo, I like that idea!

 

[kelsco99]

Pam, that IS a very good idea! It will go well with another part of the theme that I am developing - as the kids go through the "bootcamp training" they will be moving up in rank based not only on participation in the activities but also for their encouragement and cheering for the other kids to make it through - so my drill sgt can call the misbehaving kids on their behaviour as a way to not move up in rank.

hmmm, now let me think - who can I get?

I knew i could count on the DIS crew! Keep the ideas comin!

Kelly

 

[disykat]

Since they are a few years older, can you enlist them to be helpers? If they agree to be helpers, list specific behaviors you are worried about that might ruin the party and how they can help you turn it around.

 

[mommaU4]

When your SIL and MIL are not looking tie them up and put them in a closet?

Seriously, I don't have alot of answers just good thoughts that everything goes smoothly and a fun time is had by all. AND that you are still sane when it's all over.

 

[MrsPete]

1. You say you can't fail to invite them -- I think I'd find a way. You need to protect your son from their influence. That matters more than what others think. Even if they're angry, they'll know -- at least on some level -- that you're right.

2. Failing that, since they're a little older than your son, how about having them act as "helpers" or "hosts" instead of party guests. Sometimes a position of authority can help behavior. It might help them not feel that they're playing baby-ish games with the little kids.

 

[FreshTressa]

Sounds like you have bigger problems than just getting through the birthday party!

Good luck

 

[FullStride]

I have 2 ideas.

1. Play pin the tail on the brat

2. put the brat inside the pinata instead of candy and let everybody take a few whacks.

Don't ya just wish you could do that sometimes????

 

[kelsco99]

I have 2 ideas.

1. Play pin the tail on the brat

2. put the brat inside the pinata instead of candy and let everybody take a few whacks.

Don't ya just wish you could do that sometimes????

I would be the first in line

All kidding aside though. I have gotten some good ideas. I'll see if I can enlist their help before the party - maybe have them come over and help setup the obstacle course and have them run through it and be the "teachers". They are 8.5 and most of the party goers will be around 6-7.

I totally get the part about getting out of inviting them but that really is not an option. They are family and my DH and my DS would be devastated not to mention the ripple effects that would come from it.

Thanks everyone!
Kelly

 

[daisyduck123]

The "teacher in me" would never allow that type of behavior. At the first sign of trouble...relatives or not....any misbehaving kid would be in time-out. I don't understand how you can not have limits with those 2 kids. Your house..your rules.

My DS8 had 24 kids at his b-day party last month...pool party. The minute someone got too rowdy...they got a discussion with me! (Only happened once).

I do wish you luck & hope your DS has a great time!

 

[MsLeFever]

Putting them "in charge" of something should help! My son (7 at the time) was in a play and would NOT stop touching other people's props. The stage manager put him in charge of making sure that nobody touched the props - brilliant!

 

[kelsco99]

The "teacher in me" would never allow that type of behavior. At the first sign of trouble...relatives or not....any misbehaving kid would be in time-out. I don't understand how you can not have limits with those 2 kids. Your house..your rules.QUOTE]

Works for me with all of my kids friends, when necessary, but not with these 2. It's not that simple in this case as it involves my whole "hanging by a thread" relationship with my in-laws. For the sake of my DH, I am doing my best to pick my battles or limit my involvement in their lives.

Here's the play by play if I try...
Crazy cousin:
Me: That might be acceptable behaviour at your house but here, we try to respect and listen to whomever is talking.
Crazy cousin:
Me: This will be your last warning. If you can't respect so and so, you will need to sit out this activity.
Crazy cousin:
Me: Okay, I've warned you twice and when you hit 3 strikes, you're out. I want you to sit upstairs while we finish this.
Crazy Cousin: I don't care - I didn't want to play this stupid game anyway. C'mon (other kids) (stalks off only to return a few minutes later kicking at somebody to stir the pot)
MIL: He's just excited cause he's at a birthday party - or - so and so gets on his nerves, makes him mad so he- or - He's not used to following such strict rules so he...
Me: That might be so but I really can't have him hitting the other kids at the party. It is not right or fair to the other kids.
and so on and so on.... until it turns into a full blown not speaking to the in-laws and a "Why can't you stick up for me when you know I am right?" fight with my DH... don't want to go there. I just want to have a fun birthday party for my DS.

KWIM?

Yes, FreshTressa, you are right when you say I have bigger problems!


Kelly

 

[daisyduck123]

Any chance these people will move faarrrrr away soon?

 

[Grendalynn]

The "teacher in me" would never allow that type of behavior. At the first sign of trouble...relatives or not....any misbehaving kid would be in time-out. I don't understand how you can not have limits with those 2 kids. Your house..your rules.

I very much agree with daisey as I have an educational background myself.

Also please know OP that I can sympathize with you... DH has relatives with children like this. To keep Family Politics good we have to invite them. Its just easier than dealing with the backlash from the fam... We went through a point where I did not invite them to things and made up excuses but they saw right through it. It made for bad family vibes and was no fun. We just chose/learned to avoid them at all costs. Afterall i feel as its not the kids fault,as the parents are the ones responcipal for raising the kids, teaching them wrong from right and instilling good manners.

Actualy DS3 just had his birthday party last week with a few friends and all the cousins. DH was out of town for work and left me to deal with the whole party by myself. I was ready for war! My plan of attack was to "nip it in the bud" before it even began or escalate further. If there were any confrontations I was prepared to call that child out and make them sit or give a consequence! I didnt care about what SIL would think as it was my house, my kids and my party! I would be horrified if my children were at a party and acted how I anticipated them to act. And you know they wouldnt think twice about repremnading your/my child... I was planned to treat them as I would my own children, although my children know better (or so I hope??!!)

And suprisingly - those kids did very well... I was actually impressed, but I was ready for a battle and rowdieness... As GI Joe said, "knowing is half the battle." How appropriate!! Honestly, I think they are beginning to know what I expect when at my house and around my kids - I can be a real hardarse - they seem to be doing better every time. Knock on wood...

As a last note - Please know I sympathize and know exactly what you are going through, OP. Been there done that. It can either get better with time or that part of the family will start to be ostrasized (sp?) and may smarten up. DH's certainly did!

 

[lw49033]

Any family backlash is better, from my point of view, than allowing rotten kids to rule your house even for a single day.

 

[kristen821]

I would make them helpers. Ask them to line up the kids, Explain the games. pass out prizes, get the drinks ready while you are doing the game, etc.