How do you gently tell your SIL ...

[1stluvispooh]

Ok gang I would like some opinions. How do you gently tell your SIL she might want to rethink some of her parenting? A little background. This is DH's brothers wife. They were married for 16 years before they had their one and only child. Anyway they were here last weekend when my nephew who is 3 threw the WII remote and SIL goes over and spanks him. No warning nothing just SWAT. I have seen her do this before for something that I think is a minor offense. I agree that I don't particularly want children to throw our Wii remotes around DS gets in trouble for that but I don't think it constitutes a spanking. Ok I don't believe in spanking it just teaches kids to be violent to get there way. The last 2 times we have seen them SIL and BIL have complained that he was "being bad" and driving them up a wall. Yes I know this happens I have 2 kids of my own but DN just seems to be acting like a normal 3 year old. Lately he does seem to want to be on his own a lot. Which is fine and well he is an only child and when you get all the cousins together it's a little much even for the adults! Is there something I can say to her?

 

[RainbowBrite]

I wouldn't say anything. A 3 year old should know better than to throw a WII remote. I'm sure he has been warned before that if he does something against the rules he'll get spanked.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Are you joking!? You have to keep your mouth shut and your opinion to yourself.

That is one area where you dare not go. MYOB

 

[1PrincessMomma1]

Myob!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

Um, you don't I wouldn't think twice about a mom giving a 3 year old a swat for that. I know I am usually stricter, and discipline harsher, if we're at someone else's home, and my child is doing something to their property.

 

[KristinBelle]

You don't.

 

[DVCLiz]

Honestly, being spanked as a kid didn't teach me to use violence to get my way - it taught me to stop doing whatever it was I got the spanking for.

I didn't spank mine very much but they got the occasional swat on the bottom and so far no serial killers...

You can speak up if your SIL tries to spank YOUR kids. Otherwise, MYOB.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think it is any of your business. Maybe they think that your kids aren't behaved enough and that you do nothing to teach them? Just because you don't agree with their parenting doesn't menat that they agree with yours. MYOB.

 

[Christine]

This is a case of you needing to stay OUT of it.

While you don't agree with spanking or swatting, many people do and find it to be an effective form of discipline for their child. You cannot push your views on people. As long as the child is not being beaten, it is not your business how she parents.

Also, this is a woman who did not have children for 16 years. Her tolerance to what you call "normal" behavior may be much lower than yours. Who knows? Maybe you tolerate too much and she's not out of line at all? Just playing the devil's advocate here.

You really want to stay out of this one.

 

[C.Ann]

I agree with the others here - definitely a case of "mind your own business"..

Now if she were beating the child (and no - I don't consider a swat on the butt a "beating") that would be a different matter.. However, I still would not approach her - unless it were happening right in front of you and you had to step in to rescue the child.. If it was clearly child abuse, I would contact the 1-800 hotline and let the appropriate authorities investigate the situation..

 

[brockash]

Are you joking!? You have to keep your mouth shut and your opinion to yourself.

That is one area where you dare not go. MYOB

I have to say I agree. While, I personally don't spank, and would rather never see a kid get spanked; it doesn't sound like anything was any form of abuse, and since they're the parents they get to decide how they parent. If you thought a child was being abused/neglected, then it would be time to step in, but just because you don't agree with their parenting style doesn't give you a right to butt in. There's nothing saying that your way (or mine) is the only and right way.

 

[Jennasis]

MYOB for sure.

and FWIW, my mom spanked me (and only me, out of my two sisters), and I did not grow up to be a violent loon.

 

[Evil Genius]

None of your business how she wants to raise her child. Maybe she thinks you're doing it wrong.

 

[aprilgail2]

I am totally anti- spanking, to me it just teaches kids to be violent and shows them that its ok for a bigger person to hit someone that is littler than they are---BUT....I would NOT say anything to her at all. If thats what they want to teach their kids then that is up to them, I would just not say a word. Some people may not think counting is effective but to us that was the way to go- my daughter is 9 and i have yet to have to get past- "1, 2"...never hit three before she corrected whatever it was she was doing that I did not like.

 

[Jenvenza]

I am also on the no-spanking bandwagon, but I don't think I would say anything to her. I do not agree with that kind of parenting, there are otehr ways to get your point across to children when they act up - but unless she was beating him, I don't think it is your place to step in and say anything.

 

[61292cna]

I don't think it is any of your business. Maybe they think that your kids aren't behaved enough and that you do nothing to teach them? Just because you don't agree with their parenting doesn't menat that they agree with yours. MYOB.

Exactly! you can only go there if you can then stand there politely & listen to her critique of your prarenting style & say Thank You for telling me this when she is done. Do you think you can do this??? To each their own!

 

[minkydog]

Unless you want to start World War III in your husband's family(with YOU being the discipline Nazi, in their eyes) stay out of it. You don't have to agree on parenting styles. It doesn't sound as if they are beating him. If they threw him against a wall, sure I'd say something--"Hello? Is this the 911 operator?" People are allowed to swat their children even if you don't like it. There are plenty of things in life that we don't like, but we just let it go unless there is a threat to life & limb.

 

[RadioNate]

I agree with everyone else. There is NO WAY in you know where I'd saw anything to her. NOTHING good can come of it. NOTHING. It will only drive a wedge between your families and cause unnecessary family drama.

Unless the child's safety is clearing being threatened. Like she is beating the crap out of the kid. Mind your own business.

 

[ckay87]

Wow, really? No, you don't criticize people's parenting. Would you like it?

 

[MelanieC]

I agree with the others - as much as I despise spanking, it's not your place to say anything. Now if she is beating her child, that is another matter.