How do you feel about the gay f word?

[glenpreece]

At work the other one of the other managers (Brent) used the gay F word in front of me when talking about one of the sales reps. I was offended as I really hate that word. To me it's right up there with the N word. When the store owner (you know the one I supposedly had the affair with lol) and I were talking about me not getting along with Brent and how I don't respect him etc but he respects me. I said no obvisouly he doesn't cause he used the F word in front of me in a derrogatory way. We ended up talking later on and Brent of course managed to talk his way out of it. I said well I am sure he would never use the N word in front of a black person.

Anyways I know he wasn't using it at/towards me but shouldn't it just be one of the words that NOBODY should use anymore?

It's bad enough I can't even go for a walk without having it yelled at me from cars going by. This town is so white trash!!

 

[f86sabjf]

As a straight male i akkin it to the n word and it shows a total lack of class or manners. From my opinion the f word was always meant as a derrogatory hateful word and never in anyway a compliment. I might forgive him the first time for pure ignorance perhaps. The second time i wouldn't be as nice.

 

[Will20]

It is right up there with the N word, and , as such, is offensive (IMO).

It boils down to this, for a str8 male/female to use the "F" word, no it is not okay, but when used within the gay culture, by other gay men & women, it doesnt really bother me. Same can be said for the N word, in the black community, it is acceptable for the N word to be used freely(among most). But it is offensive if another person of another race uses it.

My reasoning? words like the N word and F word, where/are used as harmful tools in a degrading way, so when someone who belongs to said minority uses it , it's almost like taking that negative power back, and using it in a way to where it doesnt have a negative power.

 

[jharrowell]

As the PP said, I think it comes down to the same rules as jokes.

It's ok to make a joke about a minority, if you are a part of that minority.

Of course, here in the UK people have an excuse as it's also the name of a popular meatball based food sold in most Chip Shops... (Assuming I'm not going mad and thinking of totally the wrong word!)

 

[jharrowell]

Extra,

Though one thing I will say that sometimes you can just "screw up" without thinking (not in this case I imagine, but hey).

Case in point, I was with a couple of friends at work a few years ago having a laugh and one was called Jim and one Sam.

For a few minutes I kept calling Jim "Jimbo", then with a total slip of the brain I called Sam... Well, you get it, and yes he is black...

Luckily he realised it wasn't meant in the context it could have been taken in and forgave me.

 

[Mathfailure]

In my opinion words have such power, that using obviously hurtful words is never acceptable.

I think you have every reason to be upset.

Now, I also know that as we go through our days we can be hurt by others, but if we can find ways to strenghen our personal dignity, we can keep some of the negative affects from sticking. I know you know this, but as a young person, certainly compared to me, a reminder to be secure in yourself and not letting others to put you down. Next time, if you are able in context of the situation, call the person on it right then and there. "I am uncomfortable with that word..." or "That word is offensive to me..."

I am sorry this happened, and seems to happen often, and wish it all could be different.

Kathleen

 

[glenpreece]

Thanks everybody!!! I didn't think I was being unreasonable. Thanks for agreeing about it being up there with the n word.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Chiming in late, but I too agree, on both aspects. It is an extremely offensive word when used by outsiders as a derogatory reference. Yes, it is totally equal to the "N" word...

When used by men of the gay community in that particularly loving way they have with each other, that's another thing all together. It's kind of like taking the word and refusing to let it be painful, turning it around as the Hebrews once did with the epithet, Jew. We are a long way from that.

I would definitely call someone using it in the inappropriate context. "Using that word in this setting is completely inappropriate and offensive. I am going to assume that you were not aware of that. Now you are." But I'm that way, eh?

The "D" word (the one that rhymes with bike ) is another such word. If used to wound, wrong. If women use it to show strength, totally acceptable.

Queer was once an offensive word, and still can be when some people try to make it so, but Queer Nation turned that around and from my perspective it seems to have stayed turned around. I revel in being a Queer D***! LOL!

Take care now and don't let the ignorant ones get you down.

 

[glenpreece]

He talked to me today about it, and yes he claims he didn't know it was offensive to me etc. I told him it is and I don't want it said to/at or around me, end of story. He went on to say well others don't mind when he uses the slang word for italians etc. I said well I DO mind and I don't want it used. He was kinda sheepish and apologetic after that, I think he got his butt handed to him yesterday on the phone when Brian talked to him.

 

[Mitchthecustodian]

I am the worst person, because I am a gay male, who hates the "f" word. Yet I use it in conversation with my closest friends and my boyfriend, because to me is can be used correctly in a descriptive manner. Same as the "N" word.
I do not use them in the general public, but in select cases it is okay.
For example I used the N word while writing a paper to describe a white character, who was illiterate, dirty, foul minded, etc. Thus I feel that by using the term not racially, or towards a specific group, is perfectly okay, providing I am sure of my audience.

 

[RAPstar]

I don't really mind it. I use it to describe those who are so flaming that they would burn down an entire forest (and only you can prevent forest fires). I've had it used offensively towards me and just shrug it off. Mainly cause I know that person is ignorant.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

He talked to me today about it, and yes he claims he didn't know it was offensive to me etc. I told him it is and I don't want it said to/at or around me, end of story. He went on to say well others don't mind when he uses the slang word for italians etc. I said well I DO mind and I don't want it used. He was kinda sheepish and apologetic after that, I think he got his butt handed to him yesterday on the phone when Brian talked to him.

Sounds like this person needs to stop with all types of slang names for any group. Maybe he needs a diversity class, eh? That's punishment so severe anyone should learn from it! LOL.

Seriously, he does sound like a jerk.

 

[jeanigor]

I don't care for the use of the word either, especially the longer version (sounds like maggot).

 

[PeterPan09]

Late to the party as usual...but I agree with those who view the "f" word in the same way as the "n" word. I would also add the "d" word to that list.

 

[mikelan6]

It depends on the situation, and in the way he used it, it was offensive.

 

[glenpreece]

Sounds like this person needs to stop with all types of slang names for any group. Maybe he needs a diversity class, eh? That's punishment so severe anyone should learn from it! LOL.

Seriously, he does sound like a jerk.

Yes that would be the best punishment i think !!!! (insert evil cackle here)

 

[glenpreece]

Yes that would be the best punishment i think !!!! (insert evil cackle here)

oh just wanted to say thanks again to everyone it's so great to have some other gay people to ask these questions!!! they are few and far between around here

 

[f86sabjf]

well move on down here to Florida . Plenty of family here

 

[PHILCT]

I hate the "F" word, it has been used at me and others with total hatred.

I don't like hearing it ever, and even at Disney one can hear the whispers of its use occassionally.

Even if another gay person uses it towards another gay person, it still offends me to hear it.

Ironically the 3 letter version of the "F" word is a cigarette in the UK.

Even crazier is that the full 6 letter version of the "F" word in the UK, is a British delicacy of various organ meats, cooked like a large meatball. I think I would burst out laughing if I ever heard someone asking for a "F#####" at a UK Butcher Shop or from a Pub Menu. Thankfully EPCOT's Rose and Crown does not have it on their menu.

Phil

 

[glenpreece]

I hate the "F" word, it has been used at me and others with total hatred.

I don't like hearing it ever, and even at Disney one can hear the whispers of its use occassionally.

Even if another gay person uses it towards another gay person, it still offends me to hear it.

Ironically the 3 letter version of the "F" word is a cigarette in the UK.

Even crazier is that the full 6 letter version of the "F" word in the UK, is a British delicacy of various organ meats, cooked like a large meatball. I think I would burst out laughing if I ever heard someone asking for a "F#####" at a UK Butcher Shop or from a Pub Menu. Thankfully EPCOT's Rose and Crown does not have it on their menu.

Phil

LOL I wish I could move down to florida but the humidity would kill me!!! not to mention no job and no citizenship either