How do you deal with temper tantrums?

[Aidensmom]

Just kinda curious, I read a lot of gripes about how people should remove their kids from the situation.

I know that when my son was younger he would have them sometimes because he didn't want to be somewhere, say the grocery store. Well, we need to eat, he's got to go sometime. When he had one, yes, I was an awful parent that ignored it and continued to shop while he screamed, kicked, and attempted to throw things (I'm quick, he never actually got the chance. If I had left the store, I would be giving into his demands.)

He knows better now.

Seriously, am I the only parent who has done this?

 

[ChuckB]

I always told mine to get in the floor, kick your feet and bang your head, that would make them stop because I would then make them do it, in the middle of the store

 

[Michie]

Well I always try to plan my errands when they were/are not with me! I think it is a good idea to schedule errands when both child/parent are not overly tired, which is not always possible. I always carry books, word find and such to fight meltdowns. I always let them help too, a busy child is a happy child.

 

[Cool-Beans]

At home, I totally ignored it and went about my business or played with the other kids.

In public, I'd haul them out of wherever we were and let them have their fit. IMHO, it would be wrong to let the kid scream and annoy others. I didn't do it because that what "good moms" do, that was just what I did.

It was rarely a problem for me, though. I almost never took the kids anyplace adults were likely to go for fun/relaxation. And for errands, I'd take them first thing in the morning or after nap, so they weren't tired. It was just easier for me that way.

But I only had two that screamed and kicked and they only threw fits for maybe a month each. I think I was probably very lucky.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

I don't have kids, but when I took out my *sisters* (by choice) and they would have a tantrum I'd first do what ChuckB did then I'd threaten to get down on the floor with them. If that didn't stop I'd start whining back at them. Usually that turned the fit to giggles.

 

[MosMom]

I threaten to put them in the Lobster tank as their fits usually happen whilst grocery shopping.

 

[megan4777]

My DD#1 has had a few but I usually let her scream it out. Usually I'm at the store b/c I need to get a prescription, diapers, food, etc.
I've found that snacks/toys/books tend to entertain her long enough for me to get what I need to get done.

The one time she melted down at a restaurant was at Spoodles. She woke up from a nap not knowing where she was, who we were with (we met up with some of my dad's family members that live in FL). We immediately took her out of the resturant and walked with her on the boardwalk for 2+ hrs. while everyone ate.

She's definately getting better with age. Now I get to see how DD#2 is going to be.

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

I threaten to put them in the Lobster tank as their fits usually happen whilst grocery shopping.

If I see any kids floating around in a lobster tank, I'll know who they belong to!

 

[MosMom]

Yeah, and I tell them I'll take the rubber bands off their pincers too!

 

[ChuckB]

Yeah, and I tell them I'll take the rubber bands off their pincers too!

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

When my sister was little she used to throw tantrums over any little thing. She was a real brat basically Well one of the things she used to throw a fit about was going in the frozen foods section at the grocery store because it was too cold and it made her "nipply." Where she got that word from at 4, I'll never know. But anyway, if she wasn't behaving, no matter where we were my mom would threaten to take her to the frozen foods section at the grocery store. That threat almost always worked. She really hated that "nipply" feeling

 

[MushyMushy]

Mine didn't have tantrums or meltdowns in public. DD just didn't have the temperament for it, ever. DS did, Oh did he! He didn't have tantrums or meltdowns, he had full-blown rages, which is so much worse. I don't know if I was just lucky he never did it in public, or if it was because I was so good at getting him out of the situation before it happened.

I was pretty hardcore with my kids about not letting them be disruptive. I've said this a million times, but I don't believe that you're reinforcing the bad behavior by removing them, and even if that is the case, it's not everyone else's problem to deal with. The trick is to not let the removal be pleasant. Sit them in a car seat and let them scream their fool heads off until they're ready to calm down and behave like a human in the store. Or if they're older, like in the case when my son was 13 (I talked about this in my thread about tantrums), make them sit there no matter how long it takes. We sat in the car for an hour and a half ONE time, and he never made the mistake of threatening me with a fit again.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

DS really isn't prone to throwing tantrums in public, luckily for us.

That doesn't mean he's an angel and NEVER throws tantrums. He just waits till we are in the car or at home to do it.

But if he did throw a tantrum in public, we would haul him out of there. So, far, we've only had to do it once. When we were on vacation recently, we went for a late dinner *8:30ish* at a resteraunt called Fazoli's. We got DS pizza, but he only wanted to eat breadsticks, which we refused to allow. After five or ten minutes of whining and growling, DH took him outside and came back like 20 min later. I don't know what DH did, but he sure got him to behave the rest of the dinner.

TOV

 

[lindakmonty]

well flame away....but when my ds5 would act this way in public, I would give him a chance to stop and warn him that is behavior was not acceptable. If he continued, I parked my cart wherever we were, grabbed him and my purse, took him to the restroom and spanked his little butt! Or would punish him w/whatever he didn't like the most. Like...Ok, keep it up and I'm taking your tv for 1 day...if he kept on...ok 2 days...and so on... he didn't do this very many times at all when you stick to your guns and they see they won't win! he is the best behaved child I've seen now...and now when he sees his cousins misbehave he looks at them like they're crazy kids

 

[Buckalew11]

well flame away....but when my ds5 would act this way in public, I would give him a chance to stop and warn him that is behavior was not acceptable. If he continued, I parked my cart wherever we were, grabbed him and my purse, took him to the restroom and spanked his little butt! Or would punish him w/whatever he didn't like the most. Like...Ok, keep it up and I'm taking your tv for 1 day...if he kept on...ok 2 days...and so on... he didn't do this very many times at all when you stick to your guns and they see they won't win! he is the best behaved child I've seen now...and now when he sees his cousins misbehave he looks at them like they're crazy kids

What?! Sounds like you actually followed through on what a lot of people just threaten. I hate that threatening, "Billy, if you do that one more time, I'm gonna ___." And it is said over and over again. Ugh! Your DS sounds like he knew the line to cross, crossed it a few times, you made a believer out of him and now he behaves because he doesn't want the negative outcome (whether it be a spanking or punishment).

DD never pitched a tamtrum either but I would have removed her from the situation also and she wouldn't have thought she *won* or got her way, that's for sure.
I was with my nephew when he had a kadoozie of a tantrum. That was what we did--left the store and he wasn't thinking he won after the leave either!

 

[Chilehead Too]

Well when my husband starts acting up I just leave


Now the kids, are another story altogther. I beat the living daylights out of myself for even thinking I was parent material.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We leave after a warning and 1-2-3 count. It has really never happened. The two times I had to do it, we were on our way into the store.

My girls love the shopping experience be it for need or want and so their currency is the privilege to continue to shop. If they act up..there is very very very little we need at that very moment that couldn't wait until later in the day when daddy gets home.

So for us--leaving works.

I can understand for other families the child would see leaving as the reward, but for my kids..leaving is the worst punishment. ACtually I really don't understand it--but i have heard that. So not true for my kids. Their reward is getting to be out and about in public.

For restaurants they are taken outside. We have had to do this a couple of times for each child.

I just cannot tolerate a temper tantrum.

 

[Southern4sure]

I have a saying for my kids that I still use today. If you embarrass me in public I will embarrass you in public. They know I will follow through....

DS #1 only had 3 tantrums and they were wonderful tantrums that didn't bother a soul. His tantrums were to lay flat on this face and not make a sound. MIL always said we have not "earned" our parenting badge because DS #1 is such a great kid.

DS #2 - Lets just say we earned those badges and wear them proudly. BUT he never had a tantrum of any kind and is a great kid too!

 

[DiznEeyore]

I'm also a firm believer in follow-through. My ds (now 13) never threw tantrums in public because that he knew that behavior would NOT be tolerated (in public or at home). Mom and Dad were in charge; that was that. Proper control over your kids' behavior takes work; a lot of parents sadly aren't willing to put in that effort.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I'm not going to flame you because I have been known to give DS a whack across the hand from time to time when his behavior gets totally out of control at home.