How do you deal with disappointment?

[1GoldenSun]

I'm usually good at "looking on the bright side" and moving past small disappointments. But I'm currently experiencing a huge one that is just sitting on my chest and crushing the breath out of me.

I am middle-aged and went back to school to get a PhD in psychology. I've been working hard for over five years, but now it looks like I will need to leave the program at the masters' level. My memory is just not good enough anymore for me to be able to pass the comprehensive exams required before I can conduct a dissertation.

I keep telling myself that a Master's is better than nothing, but my goal was the PhD and that's not what I'm getting.

How have you dealt with major disappointments in your life? How do you move beyond failure?

 

[Klayfish]

Sorry to hear about not getting your PhD.

For me, it's pretty simple. Disappointment is part of life. So is failure, and success and happiness and everything in between. Not meeting your goal sucks, failure sucks, all those "negative" things suck. But they come with the territory of being a human. I take my failures and setbacks, accept them for what they are and move on. Same with successes. I enjoy them, am proud of them, but then I put them behind me and move on. I don't believe they happen for "a reason" or are part of "a plan" (I'm very strongly atheist), to me they're just part of life. Don't let it get you down. It's OK to be disappointed and sad. If this is how it's going to end (you not getting a PhD) then take a little time to process it and then continue with your life day by day.

And yes, a Masters' is something to be darn proud of.

 

[Southernmiss]

I'm usually good at "looking on the bright side" and moving past small disappointments. But I'm currently experiencing a huge one that is just sitting on my chest and crushing the breath out of me.

I am middle-aged and went back to school to get a PhD in psychology. I've been working hard for over five years, but now it looks like I will need to leave the program at the masters' level. My memory is just not good enough anymore for me to be able to pass the comprehensive exams required before I can conduct a dissertation.

I keep telling myself that a Master's is better than nothing, but my goal was the PhD and that's not what I'm getting.

How have you dealt with major disappointments in your life? How do you move beyond failure?

This is a big one. But I think getting over it will take some time for wounds and disappointments to heal.

This is what I do with stress..

Eat things not so good for me for a few days.

Allow myself time to mourn, grieve the hopes and ideas I had for so long. Give it time to just be and accept.

Eventually find something else to put my heart and soul in.

There's always a plan, a path and new opportunities.

You have to discern when and what those might be.

 

[Lori74]

I'm usually good at "looking on the bright side" and moving past small disappointments. But I'm currently experiencing a huge one that is just sitting on my chest and crushing the breath out of me.

I am middle-aged and went back to school to get a PhD in psychology. I've been working hard for over five years, but now it looks like I will need to leave the program at the masters' level. My memory is just not good enough anymore for me to be able to pass the comprehensive exams required before I can conduct a dissertation.

I keep telling myself that a Master's is better than nothing, but my goal was the PhD and that's not what I'm getting.

How have you dealt with major disappointments in your life? How do you move beyond failure?

i throw a fit, behave badly, feel sorry for myself, overeat, cry... then i realize i'm being an a** and i straighten up, figure out what i can learn from it, and correct my course. i believe everything has a purpose, whether i know what it is or not, and clearly what didn't go as planned, i figure it was meant to be. sorry about your setback, but wow what an achievement you've attained!

 

[superme80]

I cry...a lot. I usually throw a gigantic 3 year old tantrum in the privacy of my home. I will allow myself usually $100 and just shop. I do not tell myself it has to be practical. It usually cheers me up. You went through a huge disappointment. Mourn it. When life doesn't work out how we want, it does hurt. A masters is amazing. Be proud of that. Allow yourself to mourn what you can't have, and then enjoy what you DO have. Also planning a pretend or a REAL Disney trip cheers me up a lot!

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I'm usually good at "looking on the bright side" and moving past small disappointments. But I'm currently experiencing a huge one that is just sitting on my chest and crushing the breath out of me.

I am middle-aged and went back to school to get a PhD in psychology. I've been working hard for over five years, but now it looks like I will need to leave the program at the masters' level. My memory is just not good enough anymore for me to be able to pass the comprehensive exams required before I can conduct a dissertation.

I keep telling myself that a Master's is better than nothing, but my goal was the PhD and that's not what I'm getting.

How have you dealt with major disappointments in your life? How do you move beyond failure?

Some turn out to be blessings I worked my but off to be a teacher but due to my disability it's not going to happen but I dont have to deal with parents or politics but I get to work with the kids

 

[dish rag]

Some turn out to be blessings I worked my but off to be a teacher but due to my disability it's not going to happen but I dont have to deal with parents or politics but I get to work with the kids

That's having a very good attitude, it really is!

 

[bellebud]

Some turn out to be blessings I worked my but off to be a teacher but due to my disability it's not going to happen but I dont have to deal with parents or politics but I get to work with the kids

Tink has the right idea!! Thank you for sharing that with us Tink.

What were you going to do with your PhD? Can you still do related work, like Tink does?

 

[lovin'fl]

I cry...a lot. I usually throw a gigantic 3 year old tantrum in the privacy of my home. I will allow myself usually $100 and just shop. I do not tell myself it has to be practical. It usually cheers me up. You went through a huge disappointment. Mourn it. When life doesn't work out how we want, it does hurt. A masters is amazing. Be proud of that. Allow yourself to mourn what you can't have, and then enjoy what you DO have. Also planning a pretend or a REAL Disney trip cheers me up a lot!

This is me except instead of the $100 shopping spree, after the cry and fit, I drink wine and eat ice cream in bed.

 

[Planogirl]

My way is to pout briefly and then move on. Nothing is ever perfect and I keep that fact in my mind. That makes it a little easier and helps me to decide what to do next.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Sometimes, I drown my disappointment with dessert (or a glass of wine) and binge-watching whatever show I'm into at the time.

Sometimes, I think about how the bad thing could be a blessing in disguise...like how being stuck in traffic might actually be preventing me from being in the wrong place at the wrong time and getting in an accident.

Or, as someone mentioned above, I occasionally subscribe to the healing powers of recreational shopping.

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.

 

[Disney Doll]

Forgive me for asking but when you say “middle age” what age do you mean? I’m 56, which I think is still considered the middle age years , and I have a good enough memory to still be able to go to school if I chose to.

Do you have some sort of known health issue affecting your memory? If you don’t, I’d be concerned that I couldn’t complete education due to my memory. I think I’d almost be looking into why?

As far as how I deal with disappointment...probably cry a little, say a few prayers and move on.