how do you deal with bitter family members

[fortheluvofpooh]

my sister has a major problem with us going to Disney every year. She said they can't afford to and her dh makes 3x as much as my dh. I explain to her we go in value season so we can afford it, we bargain shop and eat in our suite instead of restaurants and buy our tickets with no exp dates so we end up getting 3 trips out of one ticket purchase. When they go they go prime season, eat at sit down restaurants, and buy tickets for the length of stay. It costs us 1/3 of what they spend. She still doesn't understand it. Then they also go on 2 regular vacations each year. UGH. some people.

 

[peytonsmomie]

The next time she complains that "they can't afford it." Simply and calmly state, "That's too bad. It's good that you are able to create a budget and stick with it, even if it means you can't go as frequently as you'd like. Maybe we'll all get lucky one day and win the lottery. We'll see you when we get back!"

Don't give her the opportunity to gripe about how unfair it is, or about how you guys go to often. If you sympathize with her, but shut the line of conversation down, you'll find yourself much better off. It's all about taking control of the conversation when you're dealing with people like that.

 

[design_mom]

My SIL has made similar comments (we don't go every year, but she hasn't taken her kids yet and doesn't know if they'll ever be able to "afford it.") They make every bit as much money as we do, but they spend every dollar that comes into the door...and, like your sister sounds, they don't know how to enjoy something unless they've got the most expensive whatever. (They would have to book the "best" resort, the "best" restaurants, etc... do *all* the extras, etc.)

At some point you have to just say (probably not out loud) that everyone chooses to spend their money how they wish... and apparently going to Disney isn't *really* a priority for her or she'd make it work. It sounds like she *can* afford it... she's just choosing to spend her money somewhere else. Which is fine... but she has no right to begrudge you.

 

[Krissy Marissy]

sisters are like that! My family is giving us crap for going on 4 disney vacations in a year. They are going on 2 of them with us. But we planned ahead and found some amazing deals so it all worked out. She just brought a brand new car and just moved to a bigger place so she has bigger bills...that was her choice. Just do like the PP said and say "oh that's too bad. I hope you guys really do get to go someday. We can send you a postcard."

 

[ScrapperBelle]

I don't have anyone in my family like that. They all know and understand that our Disney trips are a priority with us. They all have different things that they like to do and that's their priority.

I have a problem with other people around town. We live in a small town and everybody knows everybody else (and all their businesss, too! ) and I have had several people ask me how we afford to go so much (the most we have ever been is once a year). I have found that many of them just go to the Disney site and plug in all their information and then get "sticker shock" at the quote they get back. A few have asked me for help and when they listened to my advice they found out they could afford it. Not that I'm some planning guru...it's just that our family truly LOVES our trips to WDW and I'm good at budgeting and figuring out how we can go back.

Maybe that's your solution. Instead of being snide or petty like her...offer to help them plan a trip. If she turns you down flat then just ignore her comments from now on. If she accepts your help then you'll just be closer and have something in common to share.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

I have found that many of them just go to the Disney site and plug in all their information and then get "sticker shock" at the quote they get back.

I have heard many people comment on the price. I think sticker shock is a good term for it. Because nearly everything can be included and you have to pay before the trip it may scare ppl. BUT if they were to price a "regular" vacation (say the beach or the city) with all the OOP expenses so many months before, they would actually be surprised at how much it would cost/costs.
Just because it is offered doesn't mean it HAS to be done. After doing the Delux DDP we found that the regular would be more than enough. Instead of BBB our little princess had her makeover in the room. We used Disney transportation rather than having a rental car. The ASSP was perfectly fine for us (even if we would have liked to be at CR for sentimental reasons). The biggest thing that raised our cost was going at prime time Christmas/NY.
Vacations take a little planning and budgeting. For some families it is worth it for some it is not.

 

[Sillyminny40]

Oh I know just how you feel. STOP justifying it. One SIL is so negative about it it is painful.
Now we do not say anything and she finds out from others what we are doing.

Please join the "Stop justifying the Trip to Disneyworld" club.
You will feel strangely liberated.

Oh, you can change the subject politely and walk away or do something not to talk about it. It does work.

 

[RMAMom]

I agree with everyone here. We probably all have that one person that whines about not being able to afford it while they waste money daily. For me it is also my sister, she orders pizza once a week, lives on convienience foods and shops for clothes for herself and the kids monthly. Every time we are together I see her do things and think to myself, there is $30.00 I would have put towards Disney!

We all have choices and I choose Disney and I won't apologize for it. If she wines about me taking another trip to Disney I smile and say nothing. If she whines that she can't afford a trip to Disney, I smile and say I hope things are easier for you soon. I am just not taking the bait and I'm not letting her ruin the excitement of my upcoming trip!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

My husbands sister is like that. Comments like, " Must be nice to go on vacation 2x a year, must be nice to live in a new house (we built one last year)". Along with my MIL and FIL adding, "You two must make a ton of money, must be nice".

SIL and her husband work full-time and have 2 kids just like DH and I. I work casual, sometimes alot, sometimes not at all. DH figured it out once that his sister and her husband probably make as much if not close to what DH and I do. We have a bigger mortgage, and 1 car payment. They have 2 car payments and a motorcycle payment.

Not like they can't afford to go, if we do. I think my husbands whole family likes to play the martyrs. Instead of being happy for us , they constantly put down what we do.

My husbands sis ter doesn't save her money. She spends, spends and buys a new car every 2-3 years. Until last year our cars were 12 years old a piece, we just bought a new used car last year , but still have 1 , 12 year old vehicle.

DH keeps asking his sister when are you taking those kids to WDW. She gets nasty and says we can't afford it, we don't make a million dollars a year like you. DH finally told her that yea she does make as much as us and if she would budget better she could do what we do, but she didn't want to hear that.

Always the martyr.

 

[ilovejack02]

My husbands sister is like that. Comments like, " Must be nice to go on vacation 2x a year, must be nice to live in a new house (we built one last year)". Along with my MIL and FIL adding, "You two must make a ton of money, must be nice".


:

I get the must be nice comments alot! I just smile pretty and say.. "Sure is.. hubby works very hard for our vacations and extras" Folks usually dont continue to comment much after that lol.

 

[RMulieri]

I get that crap from family and neighbors.My mom said to me she thinks it is awful that I get to go on family vacations and my brother can't even pay his bills, and that it is so unfair blah blah blah.Both my brothers are grown adults with kids and are military, they spend far more than they earn and eat out all the time, go to movies, buy expensive electronics, cars etc.Dh and I spent the first 3 yrs of our marriage( we have been married 9) simply working as much as possible to pay off all debt and save a sizable savings acct.We eat at home( I make big meals once a week and freeze or eat leftovers) we never go to movies or buy expensive stuff. I also get crap from my neighbors.I am one of the only working moms in my area.I clean my own house and don't belong to the local gym.My neighbors wives don't work ( great for them) and have housekeepers and spend their days shopping and going to the gym.I constantly get the " how can you afford it?" and "you really have no life so that is how you can afford to go"..I just smile and go about my buisness.

 

[buffettgirl]

in the middle of getting crap here too. My whole extended family - minus one brother - is going on our trip. Brother's wife keeps saying "stop talking about your trip!!!!!" The rest of us are excited, we want to talk about it and they're just bringing us down. I wish they were coming with us. their son will be just over 3 which IMO is such a fun age at disney. My kids are sad that their cousin won't be there. We want them to go. But they're dragging us all down.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

My brother wants to come with us on our trip in May. My Mom's coming too. But... my brother's girlfriend has him convinced that they cannot "afford" it. So they are not coming and we feel weird being all excited and bringing it up around them.

 

[lulugirl]

I just wouldn't discuss it w/ her.

 

[Karlzmom]

...hence why money used to be considered an impolite topic of conversation. Little good comes from discussing it. Just smile and pointedly change the subject.....

 

[NY Disney fan]

If someone is bitter/jealous of you going to Disney (or living in a new house or whatever) then they have waaay bigger problems in their life than not gonig to Disney. Ignore them.

 

[bankgirl05]

I too, have a SIL who is spend hardy, and not very pennywise. When she found out recently about our upcoming trip,she had the usual "poor us for being poor" response. I simply told her (which is the truth) that we have been saving and planning for our trip for a very long time... We actually made a 5 gallon water jug into our Disney Jar and decorated it with mickey heads and disney stickers and all sorts of Disney things, not only have we been dropping all of our loose change, but my DH drops in ones, I drop any money "found" in the laundry, and when I save money on coupons, I have been putting that equal amount in the "jar" too. Now that DH is quitting smoking, he is putting $5 a day to represent the cost of a pack a day, by the time we go to cash it all in it is going to be a nice bit for our souveniers etc.

I say:" Where there is a will there is a way, and if you can't find a way, stay out of mine!!!"

 

[LisaNJ25]

I too, have a SIL who is spend hardy, and not very pennywise. When she found out recently about our upcoming trip,she had the usual "poor us for being poor" response. I simply told her (which is the truth) that we have been saving and planning for our trip for a very long time... We actually made a 5 gallon water jug into our Disney Jar and decorated it with mickey heads and disney stickers and all sorts of Disney things, not only have we been dropping all of our loose change, but my DH drops in ones, I drop any money "found" in the laundry, and when I save money on coupons, I have been putting that equal amount in the "jar" too. Now that DH is quitting smoking, he is putting $5 a day to represent the cost of a pack a day, by the time we go to cash it all in it is going to be a nice bit for our souveniers etc.

I say:" Where there is a will there is a way, and if you can't find a way, stay out of mine!!!"

I have my water jug in the basement and anything I find goes in. I also have smaller jars round the house. That reminds me I need to gather them and dd them to the big one in the basement. Kids wont go to the basement for change for the corner store lol.

I like your dh's idea with the cigarette money. Mine just quite this week and I am going to suggest that to him.

 

[kellyg403]

I also have a brother who always seems to think its some big deal that we choose to spend our vacation dollars at Disney. He lamants the fact that he and his family went to WDW once and it was so expensive all they did was MK and Universal Studios. He complained about the tram in the parking lot, the parking lot itself, the "alcohol free" MK, the kids, the expense of the food. Before he left I told him to make sure that they did a meal with the princess characters, like at Grand Floridian since they only were there one day. My dn loves the Princesses at 3 almost 4. I told him it was July, the lines were going to be long and the heat terrible. They didn't and complained the whole time he was talking about MK about the crowds, heat, the lines. If only he could have had a drink

We never pay full price, we always hope for a code. We, well I, make sure that we have a certain amount put in the Disney fund every month to pay it off. I just get so aggravated because we aren't rich, we just try to remember what is important to us!

Yeah, they bring me down. But I also remember that I get 7 whole days without listening to any of it!

Kelly

 

[C&G'sMama]

We haven't had this with family members but have with some friends. It's all in how you choose to spend your money. We live in a modest house, buy our cars used. When I worked on a bus route we had 1 car. Most of our furniture is hand me downs and we shop at VOA and sales at Target etc. (Once you take the tags off the clothes my kid's $2 GAP sweatshirt is the same as your kid's $25 GAP sweatshirt). And we go to Disney at least once a year and in the summer we go to the mountains with extended family. We choose to spend our money on vacation. DP is a SAHM but makes extra money during tax season working for a smalll CPA.

When our friend told us, they were jealous we can't afford it. I said something to the effect of this is how we choose to spend our money we didn't just buy 2 brand new cars and spend lots of money on home improvements.

So enjoy your vacations, people are just well, people sometimes.