how do you cope seeing video footage of someone who has passed on?

[poet123]

Today we were running through video film ready for our trip, transferring to cassette. Suddenly without warning a load of footage of my mum, who died 18 months ago came on. My DH didnt know what to do, I couldnt watch it was so upsetting. Will I ever be able to revisit these films and not be sad?
We leave on wednsday and instead of being happy I have spent this afternoon in tears

 

[chell]

There will come a time when you can watch it and be happy with the memories.

 

[helenabear]

I've been through similar things like that before... there will come a time when you will be able to look at those and not hurt so much and eventually it will even make you smile... sadly, it just takes time to get there...

I hope your trip is a wonderful one!!!

 

[Randi]

I know how you feel. My son passed away 10 yrs ago and while I was able to look at pictures without any problem, videos were another thing entirely. I have only watched the one video we have about 2x in the 10 yrs and it always makes me cry. Maybe because he seems so alive, walking & talking. Hugs to you.

 

[Deafmedic]

 

[Straycat]

Been 3+ years since I lost my husband, havent been able to watch one yet... Give it time.

 

[WDWLVR]

It will take time. When our wedding video was done our parents and wedding party were taken into a separate room to leave us private messages. After my mom passed I found it very hard to go back and watch her message - it brought me to tears every time. Now 7 years later I'm glad I have that piece of video. Being able to hear her voice brings me joy. Give it time and hopefully you too will be able to watch you mum.

 

[Planogirl]

I have a tape showing my Grandmother's last birthday party and I still have trouble watching it even though she died 5 years ago. Maybe it's because it was so focused on her.

 

[4greatboys]

My mom passes away 4.5 years ago. I can see pictures and footage of my mom and when its something funny I do sometimes laugh and smile but under that I cant still feel the hurt and sadness. I dont really that ever goes away but there was a time I wasnt sure if I would ever be able to think about my mom or look at her picture without just crying.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Its still too hard for me. I just showed the ds two pictures of my sister , their aunt. but I cant watch the videos hearing her voice and seeing her and my parents and grandma who have all passed away is more than I can emotionally take. Maybe there will come a time, but its not now. Maybe when I am really down in the dumps. Tomm. will be my sisters b day. I am helping with bible school at my church, then taking ds 16 to work, then taking the 2 younger ds for physicals. That will help me cope with a very hard day. Maybe I will show them a picture and tell them.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm so sorry about your mom. I think in time you will be able to view pictures and video of her and remember the happy times much more than her passing.

My dad died when I was 8 and I'd be lying if I told you there weren't times that I miss me dearly and can still get upset about his not being here. He would so love his grandchildren.

However, my brothers, mom and I just watched home movies when we were together in June and it was wonderful seeing him and reminising about the wonderful times together.

Don't push yourself to do what you're not yet ready to but it will come in time. Take care.

 

[Robinrs]

I just found a video labeled "Mom's Home".... I put it away quickly.

My aunt hosted a dinner where she showed a video of my Mom, Dad and Aunt, all of which have departed in the past three years. I couldn't watch it but my sisters and aunt could.... I guess everyone is different.

It still hurts too much.

I still can't look at pictures of my son who died 18 years ago this month. I don't think I ever will.

God bless, take your time and realize we all grieve differently and there is no time limit on any of it.

Robinrs

 

[Squem]

 

[momm2four]

My dad died April 1997. A few months later, I was back in NC to see my mom and we were watching videos of my sons. My dad's voice came on and it was like a knife in the chest. So much pain that it was almost stifling. We just couldn't watch. It took me almost 5 years to be able to watch that video.


Lori P.

 

[Microcell]

After fifteen years, I wish there was a video of my mo0m out there to watch, so I could even try, but I think it would hurt alot still. All of you who have lost your children, I cannot imagine the pain. I truy do not believe I could go on.

 

[SpecialK]

My mom died 27 years ago. Most days, I can talk about her to my sons, look at pictures, even visit the cemetery without a tear. Yet, even after all this time, there are still days when the sense of loss is so overwhelming and the pain so raw that it seems like it was yesterday that she passed on. I think grief is like that. It diminishes but it never truly leaves you.

Edited to add: What I mean to say here is: As time passes, there will be times when you'll be able to watch those tapes and cherish the memories they evoke. And there will be times that they will make you sad. Go with the ebb and flow of your emotions. It does get better. Best to you.

 

[poet123]

Thank you all for your thoughts, it does help to know others have been there.

 

[princessariel]

My Dear Dad passed away 3 weeks ago.

He had taken all the old 8mm film from my childhood and transfered it to vhs. While he was transfering it he talked to his dog, sang, and joked. All of that is on the tape. A whole bunch of family that have passed on are on it. I haven't looked at it yet and probably won't for a long time. But I think it's comforting to know it's in the cupboard and when I'm ready or at least think I am, it will be there. If I cry while I watch it, that's ok. I hope one day I will be ready to watch and I hope you will be able to watch yours too. God bless.