How do we keep neighborhood annoying kid from ruining our summer???

[Bob NC]

I don't wanna sound rude but you are a HS teacher and do not wanna deal with confrontation. How do you survive a day in school?

Why would you ever think that might make you sound rude?

 

[carrie1626]

Background: we have two daughters, 6 and 8. DH and I are both high school teachers, so summer is a time for us to spend lots of family time and relax.

New neighbors down the street have a 6 year old daughter who is NOT a nice girl. While at our house, she tried to push my daughter down the stairs twice. She comes over at meal times because she has been left alone and is hungry. Her teenage siblings have her come over, and then call to say that they are going shopping/golfing/movies/whatever and will be home in a few hours.

I am extremely nonconfrontational and don't know what to do. Whenever my kids have other friends over this other girl comes over and ruins their playdates with her behavior. DH and I really don't want to deal with this all summer. As a working mom, I have some sympathy for my neighbor because she needs her child to be watched, but my summer is not her free daycare.

Suggestions??? I'm sure lots of you have had similar experiences.

You know what to do. And it mostly involves what to NOT do.
Best of luck.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It doesn't matter how or why the girl is out in the neighborhood with NO adult or teen at home.

The minute this seems to be the case... I would be calling the proper authorities. (they would have to arrive quickly enough to verify the situation... because your hear-say would not be enough to warrant any complaint or action.

I would be very worried about any 6 year old in that situation. And, wouldn't be shy about reporting it.
This is a SIX year old. Even if it is the teens trying to pull one over.... The mom should be checking and calling... Why is she not aware?
I can not, ever, under any circumstances, imagine not being aware of my 6 year old's whereabouts and well being.

And, if those responsible are actually calling, and saying, hey, we're gone... see ya' later...
Why are you not having them to come pick up the girl immediately...
Or finding a way to contact the girls mother/parents.

This is not just about a girl who is annoying or not-well-behaved.
This sounds like a child at risk.

I agree with those who are saying that a teacher should know all about how to handle such a situation.

Unfortunately, the moment the girl is in your house, that is implied consent.

Do not be hesitant to say "Sorry, my girls can not play right now...". Followed by checking a short while later to see if any adults or teens are at her home.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I don't think the 6-year-old is being left at home alone. I think the older siblings are there, but while she's playing with the OP's children, they are calling saying they have somewhere to go and hoping the OP will say, "Oh, she's playing with my girls, go ahead and run your errand, and I'll watch her."

I would not jump straight to calling the authorities without first talking to mom about what's happening. She may think the older sibs are acting responsibly, and will absolutely fix the situation as soon as she learns of it. I can't see putting the little one through the fear of being taken away from her family over bad manners.


As to the original question, we have a very child-rich neighborhood, which we usually love! But there have been summers where I've put a flip sign on the door in order to ensure a little family time. The green side would say "____ can play," and the red side "_____ can't play." Even pre-readers can understand by the colors after you explain it once.

 

[Colleen27]

Talk to the mom about what the teens are doing. She may not know... A friend of my youngest (4yo) was often home with her older brother (16) when her mom had on-campus classes. Older brother would bring little sister over here and then call to say he was going out and would pick her up when he got back (always before his mom got home). I didn't mind - I like this little girl, she's my youngest's best friend, and honestly it is easier having an extra around for DD4 because she can be pretty high-maintenance when bored. But older brother eventually got in big trouble when his mom and I got to talking and she realized what he was doing... She was paying him to watch his little sister and did not appreciate that he was collecting that pay for doing nothing!

 

[NoSoup4U]

Call the mother and tell her the teens aren't watching or feeding the kid. And stop answering your door when that kid comes over.

Lol. Great advice! I agree. You really need to talk with the mom.

 

[clh2]

To the OP - you will need to nip this in the bud NOW. Otherwise - this will be a problem all summer long.

Just tell the girl - I'm sorry, this is not a good time for us.

"lather, rinse repeat"

 

[surfergirl602]

Just tell her to go home! I really do not understand why people will not do this to other people's children. I think it comes from the whole snowflake/can't say no thing. Kids show up at my door all the time. I tell them no! They're not scarred for life by it.

 

[NaLisa]

I agree with not letting her in the door. If Susie shows up, tell her "I'm sorry, but this isn't a good time. We'll call you when we don't have other plans." Repeat every time she comes over. If it doesn't stop quickly, let her siblings and parents know that Susie continues to come over uninvited and that request that she not come over unless she's been specifically invited.

I would let the mother know what's going on with the siblings before calling CPS.

 

[beaucoup]

You & DH are both teachers & don't know how to deal with a child doing something that you do not approve of? Don't know what to say to child? Don't know how to talk to the parents? What do you do with kids in your class? This is your house. Your rules.

Let's start with the words NO & don't do that. No, you can not come in. You need to go back home now.

 

[disykat]

I would also want to talk to mom and head it off at the pass. I was always pretty firm about sending kids away, but it always made me feel bad knowing the kid probably needed some attention.

I'd tell mom that summer is coming and that you wanted to let her know that since your kids have difficulty getting along your summer rule would be no play dates. Let her handle telling her dd your house if off limits. If she wants to tell herself that it's about "your" kids, let her, but make it clear your house is not an option.

The hope would be that she'll do the right thing and get her dd appropriate care and activities arranged for the summer!

 

[ksjayhawks]

When she rings the doorbell at mealtime or any other time, you have two choices: do not answer the door or answer it with "DD can't play right now, you need to go home."

If she shows up while your dds are outside playing with friends--or even by themselves, send her home. Do this every single time. It may mean that dds/friends have to go inside for awhile or play in the back yard. If you have a fence, lock the gate and ignore her yelling or pleading.

When the teens call, cut them off and tell them their sister isn't at your house and they need to go and find her. Then hang up.

I agree with others that you need to visit with the mom sometime, either in person or call her. "Neighbor mom, I'm not sure if you know this, but your daughter frequently shows up at our house at mealtime. Often the teens will call and tell us that they are leaving and expect me to watch her. This is something that I don't want to do, so please talk with the teens about this. If daughter shows up at our house, she will not be let into hour house but will be sent home. I'm sure you don't want her home alone, so I thought you should know about the situation with daughter and the teens."

Be firm, act the same way every time, don't worry about being mean. This girl does not get along with your dds; she is not your responsibility.

 

[mrsklamc]

It doesn't matter if the teens are doing it or mom is, 6 year old habitually left alone and not fed = call to CPS. As a teacher, are you not a mandatory reporter?

 

[WDW in Pearls]

Whoa there, folks! Before we tear OP apart for her dislike of confrontation, lets remember that confrontation with 6 year olds is much different than that with teens. Plus, OP's confrontations with her students don't result in them not being fed. I don't recall her asking for our critique on her job related skill set anyway

OP, I'm going to assume you're a good parent because of your concern for this child. I know that having your own child the same age makes you a bit more sympathetic, and makes it harder to say no. However, to put it bluntly: you worked hard not to raise a brat so you shouldn't have to spend your summer stressing out over someone else's brat!

I wouldn't call CPS just yet, but keep it in your back pocket. Before anything else, have a conversation with the mom (who I assume is a single mom because there was no mention of a father?).

The conversation will go three ways: ideally, mom will have no idea this was going on, be very apologetic, and work to fix it right away. The second option is you will get read the "poor single mom" act. Don't buy it!! Her situation sucks but unless you're the child's dad, it's not your problem. Tell her you sympathize but you are far too busy to give her child the attention he or she needs.

There is also the possibility that she plain doesn't care. Again, it seems that you are a good and attentive parent but keep in mind that there are a lot of parents that aren't. In this case, continue the "just say no" method others have mentioned, and contact CPS if you suspect the child is being left alone or not getting fed.

That's my two cents, for what it's worth. Good luck.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It doesn't matter if the teens are doing it or mom is, 6 year old habitually left alone and not fed = call to CPS. As a teacher, are you not a mandatory reporter?

Yes... THIS.

And, again, as you consider whether to let her in, send her home, whatever.....
the moment the girl is in your house, that would be 'implied consent'.

 

[Bren's Mom]

It doesn't matter if the teens are doing it or mom is, 6 year old habitually left alone and not fed = call to CPS. As a teacher, are you not a mandatory reporter?

Teachers are mandated to report in the course of their jobs, not when they are at home.

But besides that, I think it's a terrible thing to consider calling CPS if you haven't even talked to the mom yet. She may think her teens are doing a fine job. At least give her the chance to fix it.

 

[FigmentChick]

We had the same problem with a girl and a boy down the road. I am nonconfrontational as well. My stomach was in knots the whole walk down. BUT...I had a conversation with the parents. I told them their children were not welcome at home home (or in my yard). When they asked why, I responded by saying I was raising my children a certain way and that they're children were in direct conflict with that.

The parents didn't have a clue what I meant, but did keep their kids away for the most part. And then my son came home three months ago and says the boy ripped his iPod from his hands while they were getting off the bus (BTW - my iPod, not my son's). I marched down, the parent admitted the kid had it, but it was already broke. In a matter of 1/2 an hour it broke. I told him I expected it be paid for (no I haven't nor will I ever see that money) and *this* was the reason I didn't want his kids around mine. Kinda left him speechless.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Prior to a conversation with the parents, do not let the little girl in your house. If she knocks on the door for dinner, just tell her that the kids aren't allowed to play right now. And I would also have a conversation with your kids....ours were old enough at that age to understand why they weren't allowed to play with the kids down the street.

 

[FigmentChick]

When she rings the doorbell at mealtime or any other time, you have two choices: do not answer the door or answer it with "DD can't play right now, you need to go home."

If she shows up while your dds are outside playing with friends--or even by themselves, send her home. Do this every single time. It may mean that dds/friends have to go inside for awhile or play in the back yard. If you have a fence, lock the gate and ignore her yelling or pleading.

When the teens call, cut them off and tell them their sister isn't at your house and they need to go and find her. Then hang up.

I agree with others that you need to visit with the mom sometime, either in person or call her. "Neighbor mom, I'm not sure if you know this, but your daughter frequently shows up at our house at mealtime. Often the teens will call and tell us that they are leaving and expect me to watch her. This is something that I don't want to do, so please talk with the teens about this. If daughter shows up at our house, she will not be let into hour house but will be sent home. I'm sure you don't want her home alone, so I thought you should know about the situation with daughter and the teens."

Be firm, act the same way every time, don't worry about being mean. This girl does not get along with your dds; she is not your responsibility.

I think this is great advice!!!

 

[Colleen27]

Teachers are mandated to report in the course of their jobs, not when they are at home.

But besides that, I think it's a terrible thing to consider calling CPS if you haven't even talked to the mom yet. She may think her teens are doing a fine job. At least give her the chance to fix it.

It is absolutely ridiculous how quickly people on this board leap to "call CPS" (or animal control, or the police, or whatever authority is relevant to the specific situation). Whatever happened to civility and neighborly friendliness?

We don't know if the 6yo's mom is aware that her teens are shirking their responsibility, and we don't know if the teens have any clue that the neighbor isn't happy to have the 6yo over to play. To me, CPS is a last resort to be contacted when a child isn't being cared for or is being abused, not something to invoke at the first sign of a bad babysitter.

 

[Aliceacc]

Teachers are mandated to report in the course of their jobs, not when they are at home.

But besides that, I think it's a terrible thing to consider calling CPS if you haven't even talked to the mom yet. She may think her teens are doing a fine job. At least give her the chance to fix it.

I agree, absolutely.

And we are mandated reporters of the kids at school, not every kid who happens to come into our lives for various reasons or timespans. We're not Big Brother, we're the ones who see a particular set of kids on a regular basis and are mandated to report any real suspicions of abuse or neglect. And, as a teacher, the OP is well aware of her legal responsibilities in this area.

OP, speak to mom, and let her know what's going on. As far as she knows, she's leaving her daughter in good hands each day.

But don't subject her family to a CPS investigation, and don't add an unnecessary case to an already overburdened system. Unless and until you have reason to believe that the adults in charge are knowingly putting the child into harm's way.