How do other parents of an Autistic child explain their behavior in public settings?

[3DisneyNUTS]

Our son Chris had a stroke in utero which damaged alot of his brain. Anyway I am so completely in tuned with correcting the negative behavior that people never say anything. It gets tiresome but I have picked him up and left a store because of his behavior. I also do it at families homes and restaurants. My plan is and hopefully it will work that once he realizes that it is inappropiate he will stop. Hopefully by doing this it will almost teach him what appropriate behavior allows him to stay in the situation.

Now there are times that I cannot do that like on vacation but then I try to take him away and sit with him till it passes.

Like most of you the problem comes in when people try to talk to him or he tries to make converstation with them. He is talking so much now if only we could understand him LOL. The good thing is I can mostly and I help him with strangers. They seem to "get it" when they hear me help him speak.

Being a New Yorker gives me an advantage. First I could care less what rude people say or do and Secondly it takes ALOT for people to be nasty believe it or not. Even though our area has a bad rep we also have seen alot and are much more tolerant of diversity than when I go out of state.

 

[wide awake]

I don't try to explain. It is really no one's business. When people intervene I just ignore them...a checker at Target yesterday tried telling me DS "just wanted attention, she had an autistic child and she understood " ...well, she didn't...DS is terrified of the Target parking lot, no amount of telling him grandma was getting the car so he wouldn't have to walk in the parking lot was going to calm him. I don't advise other parents, and I make it very clear that their advice is unwanted and usually lousy. I am thick skinned, I'm an excellent parent, and I am quite ready to tell off anyone that wants to give me helpful hints...my carriage and demeanor usually stop any of the garbage. I don't know how many of you have dealt w/ regional centers, but I sense we've all done the IEP game...not that I give a rap what they think, but someone has to sign checks...and they of course are happy to say "you are so wonderful, your child has had advantages no one else has"..."your child has the best ABA program because you're so involved"...blah, blah, blah...their comments aren't any more valuable than Ms. Target checker...I've busted my butt so that DS has every advantage and treatment known to man...I have to answer to myself and DS, no one else is even in the equation.

 

[karynnix]

I have one of those nifty rubber Autism Awareness bracelets. i've found it makes quite the conversation starter!Sara

Could you tell me where you got your bracelets? We have just moved to a new state and that would REALLY help me out!!

 

[nliedel]

I don't explain Stevie's issues to people unless someone says something (he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome but some Autistic Behavior as well, he was adopted). Then I just say he has "issues". I don't owe the world an explanation and honestly I can pick out autism like that (snapping fingers) because of Steven and some of the kids I have been exposed to. I just don't even think about it anymore, you get used to some interesting things in life. Most people would not comment at all and if they do then keep it simple. If they act like dorks then, as my husband says, there are some people you cannot educate.

 

[thumpersfriend]

I almost asked the question if it is right to ask someone if their child is autistic. We just found out 6 months ago that my only granddaughter is autistic, she is 2 . I went to WDW in April and on the bus from Poly to MGM there was a mom and dad and I am pretty sure both of their boys, looking about 8-l4 years old. The mom and dad impressed me so much and they were doing things to keep them calm. I think at that time it occured to me that there really is a chance to take my granddaughter to my favorite place! I didn't ask them and now I guess I am glad I didn't. But I still think of them and wish in a way I got some information on how they did so well. Hope this makes some sense.

 

[JenJen]

I have never asked anyone if there child is autistic because I can spot a autistic child out of a room full of people. I may have problems identifying those that are on the really high end of the spectrum but for me you can tell by the way they move, talk, and look at the world around them. Both my kids are very high functioning but even then they have a lot of behaviors that are easy to point out like making noises at inappropriate times, covering their ears when it is loud ,and hand flapping when they get vry excited. My daughter seems to have a lot of her behaviors under control but tends to "let it all out" at home. My son who is the oldest is taking longer to learn coping skills when it comes to Socializing (although he does have a lot of friends he has a hard time interpreting slang and takes every literally) He also tends to obsess about certain things to the point he life revolves around that obsession for periods of time. Most people have no idea there is anything wrong with ether of them except my daughters hyper activity. You know how some people have good gaydars? I have a good autisticdars LOL.
The only time we get stared at is when ether one of them have a total meltdown. This has happened a few times at theme parks but i have learn that people are staring not to be mean but they are noisy and curious about what is gong on. IF someone is flat out mean which happens very rarely, I can become very angry and I know this is not the best way to handle things in front of the kids but I would do the same thing if it was someone else's child that was getting picked on because of a condition they have no control of. I think people that are mean to other people just to be mean are the ones that are insecure about themselves so they have to pick on someone else that can't defend themselves to make themselves feel better.
Maybe next time we get a stare I will ask the person who is staring "can I help you." Maybe that will throw them off guard enough so they think before the speak next time!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs to you and your very unique kids)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
JenJen

 

[Brightsy]

Could you tell me where you got your bracelets? We have just moved to a new state and that would REALLY help me out!!

I got mine from ASAs website.
(Autism Society of America)
Sara

 

[tiggerfied]

I've enjoyed reading this thread so much - it's nice to stop sometimes and realize that YES we are really human. I especially liked the post above who mentioned their child who licks the condensation off the doors in the frozen food section of the grocery - I was sure that my son was the only one who did that! My DS is 8 and I try not to explain that his behaviors are from his being autistic. Not because I wouldn't want everyone to understand/give us a break sometime, but because I don't want my son to hear the word autism all the time in that context. I don't want him to think that it's associated with my being embarrassed of him or that it excuses him from trying to behave appropriately in public. I guess, thinking about it, I sometimes will whisper or mumble to gawkers something about special needs.
Once I was on an airplane (with DS) and a woman and her son boarded and passed out little business cards to everyone. The cards explained that her son was autistic (he was approx. 6 yr) and please excuse any behaviors such as... I don't know, I guess that made it better for her somehow.
The one who needs the biggest behavior modification is me! I keep agreeing to most of my son's ridiculous requests that create very embarrassing public situations - like running around a supermarket trying to find every color paper plate or sneaking onto a public golf course to take a picture of my DS on a hill so that he could have a photo of him on a Teletubbie hill. I'm the one who should have a sign around my neck saying - please excuse my behavior, I haven't learned to say no to my child!

 

[magic kingdom park]

I have to agree with tiggerfied, although I am trying harder and harder to say no more often, if not I will go broke. If I had to go to Walmart or somewhere like that I would always end up buying something just to keep him from freaking out and throwing a tantrum. If I had all the money that I have used to buy out tantrums I would be rich. My son is now 8, he is high functioning autism, that is what I say doctors still won't say he is autistic, but what else could it be, they say he has some behaviors but not enough to call him autistic, I know he has adhd for a fact, and I think that causes alot of uncontrollabe behavior, but it is no different, I know my son is different and he has issues and we have to deal with each situation and you do get looks, but I thank god that he is in our life, for he has made us look at life a little differently. As for the world, my son loves anything disney and loves going to disney world he first went when he was 5 and what a difference I seen when we got back, so many new words came from his mouth, maybe a little pixie dust got sprinkled, anyway, sorry for going on and on. But we look forward to our trip each year just to see him light up. For the grandmother that wants to take her 2 year old grandaughter, wait til she is about 5 and take her, she will have the time of her life. These are still kids, who just want to be kids

 

[Katerbug]

To Tiggerfied,
I love the fact that you sneaked onto a golf course so your son could have his picture taken on a TellieTubby Hill. That is great and sounds like something I would do for my son. It sounds like we are all willing to do whatever it takes to help our children. How can you resist their sweet faces. As many others have said, I love my 9 yr old autistic son with all my heart and our lives are richer for having him.

 

[RayJay]

My autistic son is a high functioning, wonderful, loving, caring, child and big brother. He can appear to not have a disability, however, there are times in public settings where you can tell that he has an issue. Do you explain it to on lookers? If so, do you have a catchy phase or remark? What do others do? My Dh and I just smile and keep going on with our daily lives--we are blessed that he is as well as he is. What do others do?

M&M,

Hi, simple answer, you don't do anything or do what your doing , just smile, it's nobody's business. I have learned that people will be quick to judge but this is such a trap, I've done it myself, but I ask myself now, "Do I really know what really is going on here when I see something strange" something that might not meet my value system or my criteria for how people should act in life? Then it hits me, "It ain't none of my business"

I only offer this because my recent trip to WDW with my 2 1/2 yr old son was very challenging, he is T 2's full blown, we got looks from everyone, every day, every hour practically and he is not autistic. We got it in the parks when he would just lay in the middle of main street and not get up. On the buses, on the plane, at the pool, the restaurants you name it. I can't even list the things he did that drew attention to us and this misbahaved 2 1/2 year old. The screaming/crying fits were Oscar winning.

But that's the whole key, he's 2, people that have kids and have had kids like I'm describing "GET IT" people who don't just "Don't get it" and my wife and I just try and go with the flow and "SMILE".

So your doing great, Smile
RayJay