how do I stop thinking about Babe??

[Lisa L from MI]

I know I have Mabel now...but I miss Babe (my Bullmastiff) so much it is getting stupid..I have her ashes and periodically bring them out...just because. DH gets mad cause I make sure (last year) I took them with us every camping trip. For those that don't remember Babe..she died "totally suddenly" on Sept 3, 2004....it was the worst day of my life!!!!!...And it is so stupid cause I constantly think of her!! Even having Mabel (and she can be a good dog...when she is not eating everything in sight!!)...I feel bad cause I think...well...mabel doesn't live up to my expectations of Babe...I sometimes feel I should have stuck with the same breed but I couldn't bring my self to that at the time...I wonder if it would have been worse??

Just wanted to say this....hope some of you remember my Babe....it SUCKS!!....and that is what I have been saying since that stupid day in Sept!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[poohandwendy]

I understand. I really do. I have no answers, though. Just a {{{HUG}}}

The thing is, Mabel will never be Babe and neither would another bullmastiff. I suspect you still would feel the same way. And you would have mixed feelings for feeling that way even with another bullmastiff puppy. The grieving process is a long one and nothing makes it better but time.

 

[Lisa L from MI]

I understand. I really do. I have no answers, though. Just a {{{HUG}}}

The thing is, Mabel will never be Babe and neither would another bullmastiff. I suspect you still would feel the same way. And you would have mixed feelings for feeling that way even with another bullmastiff puppy. The grieving process is a long one and nothing makes it better but time.

thanks for responding so quick...it is just so stupid..most days I am fine and tonight...it is like I am crying like a baby.....I mean, it is going to be 2 years this Sept...and I am stll not over it?? DH thinks I am nuts....but I can't help it. I do love Mabel...but I guess, not the same. It is weird.

Thanks for the hug...I could call DH at work (he works nights) but he will probably yell at me...Thats why I posted....

 

[poohandwendy]

We lost our golden Grover, right around the same time...(in july). I don't think I will ever stop missing him. His death was not as sudden though and we saw it coming...so there was some time to say goodbye, kwim?

It's never easy and there is nothing wrong with your still having a hard time with it. If we didn't feel loss so deeply, then we wouldn't know love.

 

[iggbees]

i understand how hard it is to lose a dog that is so special to you. we decided that when we had to put our puppy down 2 years ago that we wanted to keep her ashes. my sister keeps the box in a stuffed eeyore doll (that has a pouch in the center, i think it is for pajamas). she brings her everywhere we go. we cried so much that day it was horrible. it was also my half birthday, i'll never forget it. i was lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend who comforted me the whole time before we knew we had to put our puppy to sleep (since i was away at college and wasn't able to see her for basically 4 years). i still get sad (and cry occasionally) thinking about how much i miss her.

 

[Lisa L from MI]

It's never easy and there is nothing wrong with your still having a hard time with it. If we didn't feel loss so deeply, then we wouldn't know love.

Thanks....cause I feel like crap..and that does make alot of sense and so nice!! I just feel like I shouldn't be still upset.....I get so mad at myself about it sometimes!!....I play back that day at the vet constantly!!!

 

[cassie]

I agree with poohandwendy, Mabel should not be a subsitute for Babe. I had a wonderful, smart, and beautiful German Shepard. When she passed I was a wreck. Being single she was my protector. My next dog was a Shepard mix...I knew I couldn't duplicate my GSD, and I happily accepted my mix who was 7 months when I rescued her, and she is now 12 years old. I will always have a dog in my life, but I know each one is unique. Love Mabel for what she is, and fondly remember Babe for what she was. Don't try to expect Mabel to live up to Babe...They are two different dogs. Cherish your memories of Babe, and start downloading your memories of Mabel. I also Have my GSD's ashes, but they stay on a shelf in my living room.

 

[Lisa L from MI]

i understand how hard it is to lose a dog that is so special to you. we decided that when we had to put our puppy down 2 years ago that we wanted to keep her ashes. my sister keeps the box in a stuffed eeyore doll (that has a pouch in the center, i think it is for pajamas). she brings her everywhere we go. we cried so much that day it was horrible. it was also my half birthday, i'll never forget it. i was lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend who comforted me the whole time before we knew we had to put our puppy to sleep (since i was away at college and wasn't able to see her for basically 4 years). i still get sad (and cry occasionally) thinking about how much i miss her.

Babe is in my bedside table...but every once in a while this happens..

Thanks..

 

[minkydog]

Thanks....cause I feel like crap..and that does make alot of sense and so nice!! I just feel like I shouldn't be still upset.....I get so mad at myself about it sometimes!!....I play back that day at the vet constantly!!!

A lot of people grieve over a pet in the same way they would grieve over a child. None of us would never forget a child who died, and we don't forget our beloved pets either. I don't think your reaction is off-base, but it does seem to be impacting your life negatively. Perhaps it's time to talk to a counselor, not to "get over it" but to figure out productive ways of dealing with your grief so you can move forward.

 

[poohandwendy]

Thanks....cause I feel like crap..and that does make alot of sense and so nice!! I just feel like I shouldn't be still upset.....I get so mad at myself about it sometimes!!....I play back that day at the vet constantly!!!

Aww, don't beat yourself up...what you are feeling is perfectly natural. I have those days too, thinking about Grover. And especially Tucker, the cat we lost last month suddenly. I have a hard time even seeing picture's of him, it's too fresh.

I even get that way thinking about our other dog who is still alive...but he's 12 and i know that day is not far off. It scares me because I am not ready to lose another one.

know you are not alone, if that brings any comfort.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I miss my dogs a lot, too. They were a brother/sister pair who were the best dogs you could ever want. We had to put them to sleep within months of eachother, the first one unexpectedly on the same day I lost all my hair from chemotherapy, also in '04. I'd venture to say that was one of the worst days of my life, too, so I understand how you feel.

We had them and another one of our Shepherds cremated, so last year we created a memorial garden in our yard where we buried the three sets of ashes. The garden is a nice tribute to them with three statues of angels holding animals which I can see from my kitchen. It doesn't make me miss them less, but I think it gave me closure. It's too bad our pets have such a short lifespan in comparison to ours.

It's funny you mention that about the new dog. I was glad to have my new dog when I lost the second of the elderly pair. But it wasn't until recently that I noticed I started to have that "deep love" that you get when you spend long periods of time with a dog (and they're out of the puppy stage ). She turns two in April and has definitely grown on me.

Good luck. Remember, Babe will always be in your heart, and nothing can take away the love you shared. Give Mabel time, she'll worm her way in there, too.

 

[Lisa L from MI]

A lot of people grieve over a pet in the same way they would grieve over a child. None of us would never forget a child who died, and we don't forget our beloved pets either. I don't think your reaction is off-base, but it does seem to be impacting your life negatively. Perhaps it's time to talk to a counselor, not to "get over it" but to figure out productive ways of dealing with your grief so you can move forward.

Some type of conselor would really deal with "pet greiving"?? For the first 6 months...DH said I was nuts....I guess that could be my "problem"?? It just keeps coming back to me...

 

[poohandwendy]

I miss my dogs a lot, too. They were a brother/sister pair who were the best dogs you could ever want. We had to put them to sleep within months of eachother, the first one unexpectedly on the same day I lost all my hair from chemotherapy, also in '04. I'd venture to say that was one of the worst days of my life, too, so I understand how you feel.

We had them and another one of our Shepherds cremated, so last year we created a memorial garden in our yard where we buried the three sets of ashes. The garden is a nice tribute to them with three statues of angels holding animals which I can see from my kitchen. It doesn't make me miss them less, but I think it gave me closure. It's too bad our pets have such a short lifespan in comparison to ours.

It's funny you mention that about the new dog. I was glad to have my new dog when I lost the second of the elderly pair. But it wasn't until recently that I noticed I started to have that "deep love" that you get when you spend long periods of time with a dog (and they're out of the puppy stage ). She turns two in April and has definitely grown on me.

Good luck. Remember, Babe will always be in your heart, and nothing can take away the love you shared. Give Mabel time, she'll worm her way in there, too.

Wow, that must have been so hard. Ok, I think I may need to walk away from this thread, y'all are making me want to cry!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I play back that day at the vet constantly!!!

I suggest when those images come to mind, replace them with happier times that you shared. Begin to remember lots of the good times and try not to focus on those last moments. I'm sure Babe wouldn't want you to remember her with such sadness. Her life is worthy of better memories.

 

[poohandwendy]

Some type of conselor would really deal with "pet greiving"?? For the first 6 months...DH said I was nuts....I guess that could be my "problem"?? It just keeps coming back to me...

yes, they actually do exist and your vet would know how to find one. If that is something you are interested in.

 

[poohandwendy]

I need to get some sleep, but I am keeping you in my thoughts. I hope tommorow is a better day for you Lisa.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Here is an article on Greiving the Loss of Your Pet from www.petloss.com

 

[Lisa L from MI]

I need to get some sleep, but I am keeping you in my thoughts. I hope tommorow is a better day for you Lisa.

THANK YOU!!

 

[Aimeedyan]

***hugs*** to you.

It doesn't seem fair that our pets can't live as long as us, does it? My two boys are just that - my boys. They're both young still but that doesn't mean something tragic won't happen to them and the thought of it (as embarrassing as it sounds) actually makes me cry! I just can't bear to think about it. They are our "babies" and bring us so much joy.

I know without a doubt that when their time is up, I will struggle.

It's not a bad thing to find someone to talk to, just so someone can give you tips on how to find closure. Your hubby telling you that you're crazy isn't going to help that closure come I have a hubby like that, I know he doesn't mean harm, it just won't help things heal any faster. I encourage you to do that if you feel you need it...

And Mabel sure is a cutie!

 

[IwasatWDWforamonth]

Hugs, I know exactly how that feels, my samson died in his sleep.
I think when someone dies like that it makes it so much harder to deal with .