How do I politely say no?

[tileman]

I mean seriously...the dad did creep me out.

Go with your gut on that one if he creeps you out then stay away I would.

And as far as the fire go's that's a big no here to all it takes is to trip and fall in the fire and get hurt.

Ron.

 

[Goofycampers]

Sorry, I hit the reply button before I was finished. My oldest child is 18yrs old and I learned a long time ago to be nice but direct in these situations. If you're not comfortable with her going over there, then don't let her- period. I'm a firm believer in a mother's instinct. You could tell the Mom you're just not comfortable yet and suggest her DD come over to your house and if it doesn't happen so be it. Your DD may get upset, but she'll be safe. When my DD was that age I let her go to a friends house she knew through school and I sort of knew the parents but after talking to my DD when she came home I was uncomfortable with the lack of supervision the kids received while she was there and I didn't let her go back.

 

[stashbin]

Why does the dad creep you out??

It's just a feeling I get. He almost acts like he has suffered from a head injury or is on meds that make him loopy. See...I just don't know them that well. It's just a feeling. I know they are not from my town...they were forced to move here after the hurricane. I really don't know that much about them to allow my child to go over there without me. I really shouldn't have the last time but I kind of got bulldogged into it.

 

[sbell111]

She had smut on her nose!

If she had smut on her nose, you have a bigger problem than a burn pile.

Anyway, I don't see a problem as long as they were supervised.

 

[happygirl]

It's just a feeling I get. He almost acts like he has suffered from a head injury or is on meds that make him loopy. See...I just don't know them that well. It's just a feeling. I know they are not from my town...they were forced to move here after the hurricane. I really don't know that much about them to allow my child to go over there without me. I really shouldn't have the last time but I kind of got bulldogged into it.

I would be honest and tell her you like to get to know them better That wouldn't offend me in the least.

 

[krcit]

As far as a sleepover, no way no how at 5. I would be honest and just say "Susie's a bit too young for sleepovers, but thank you." If you are uncomfortable with her being there at all, just keep making excuses and eventually they will stop asking. As for the bonfire, I would be uncomfortable with that also at that age.

 

[stashbin]

If your main concern is the father creeping you out, I would think you'd not want your daughter over there at all. So ask yourself honestly...is this family really a threat to your daughter or are you looking for an excuse because you aren't ready for her to want to be somewhere other than home? Remember, if you trust them in the day time or in small doses, why not at night? Something does not compute for me.

To be honest it may be a little of both. Yes the dad creeps me out and yes I was not pleased they allowed my dd to play around a fire...but there is a part of me that thinks she is too young and I am not ready to let her go like that yet. So you are right...I do need to think about what is really going on inside my head. But I still need a suggestion as to what to say to turn them down without being ugly...or hurting feelings.

 

[MiniGirl]

OP, as far as an overnight goes, just say that you feel your dd is too young for that and ya'll have decided not to allow that for a couple more years.

If you are really uncomfortable about a playdate, then just make it your fault. Say that you know it is silly but YOU are just not ready to let her play over yet. Tell her how much your dd likes her dd though and that you would just feel more comfortable if the girls played at your house.

 

[happygirl]

To be honest it may be a little of both. Yes the dad creeps me out and yes I was not pleased they allowed my dd to play around a fire...but there is a part of me that thinks she is too young and I am not ready to let her go like that yet. So you are right...I do need to think about what is really going on inside my head. But I still need a suggestion as to what to say to turn them down without being ugly...or hurting feelings.

Here is your answer out of your own mouth

 

[stashbin]

If she had smut on her nose, you have a bigger problem than a burn pile.

Anyway, I don't see a problem as long as they were supervised.

Sorry...I should have typed soot....

 

[Art 1]

To be honest it may be a little of both. Yes the dad creeps me out and yes I was not pleased they allowed my dd to play around a fire...but there is a part of me that thinks she is too young and I am not ready to let her go like that yet. So you are right...I do need to think about what is really going on inside my head. But I still need a suggestion as to what to say to turn them down without being ugly...or hurting feelings.

All you need to say is that you do not want your daughter to play at another's home unless you are present. Five is too young. If the lady is upset just move along. You don't need to say that your daughter is afraid as another suggested. Just say firmly that you don't want her to go without you.

 

[stashbin]

Here is your answer out of your own mouth

Thanks!

See... I just needed to sort some things out and I have the disboards to thank!

 

[NotUrsula]

Why don't you just tell part of the truth? Just tell her that after thinking about it, you've decided that you really just don't feel comfortable dropping her off at another family's home at her age. If you want to be self-depreciating and label yourself overprotective, that's OK, too. Just make it plain that for now, you stay or she doesn't come over.

Now, of course, this will mean that you can't ask the other parents to drop of the friend at your home as an alternative, because that's a direct implication that your home is safe while hers is not. If the other mom suggests it, then you can welcome the child, but you cannot be the one to suggest it after refusing to drop your DD at their house.

If the situation does not resolve itself after you get to know the family better, then you will just have to resign yourself to neutral-territory play only; at school, at the park, etc.

 

[happygirl]

Thanks!

See... I just needed to sort some things out and I have the disboards to thank!

It so hard sometimes to know the right thing to do as parents

 

[disykat]

I agree with the others - just make it about YOU, not THEM. Tell them you're just not ready for dd to be doing the whole playdate/sleepover thing.

I think it's fine to invite others over to your place even if you won't go to theirs. Unless you mispeak and make it about them, not you, it doesn't imply anything about their place.

 

[NikitaZee]

Be as overprotective as you want, OP. Your daughter is only 5.

I have the same issues with friend of my 5 year old daughter. The girl's parents don't supervise their kids the way I supervise mine - playing in the driveway near the street and playing unsupervised in the front yard are the two things that worry me the most. When they call to invite my DD over, I say that she's very energetic and mischevious (both true) and still needs quite a bit of supervision - so I prefer to have her friends over our house to play.

As far as a bonfire - no how no way - not without me present!

 

[michellev]

I would not be comfortable with my 5 year old at a sleepover where I didn't know the family incredibly well.

If you are not comfortable with your child at their house, then you need to limit the playdates to your house. I always go with my gut and if your gut says no, then don't do it.

 

[OceanAnnie]

If I ever get that feeling of not knowing the family, or feeling like the kids are too young to do something, I recommend another activity. Like going to a playground or park, indoor play areas, (some malls have indoor play areas). The kids still have time together to play, you still supervise, you can leave when it's best for you, and there is no obligation attached. I love the ease of neutral ground.

I don't think I'd explain how I felt. Just my .02.

 

[dislaney]

When mine were five, if they had a play date I stayed and socialized with the mother. If one of her friends came to my house -same thing. Just explain that you think she is too young. There is nothing wrong with that.

 

[JessicaR]

Be as overprotective as you want, OP. Your daughter is only 5.

Thats what I was going to say.

Gut instincts should be trusted. At 5 they totally rely on us to make the choices they can't.