How do I politely say no?

[OceanAnnie]

Be as overprotective as you want, OP. Your daughter is only 5.

I have the same issues with friend of my 5 year old daughter. The girl's parents don't supervise their kids the way I supervise mine - playing in the driveway near the street and playing unsupervised in the front yard are the two things that worry me the most. When they call to invite my DD over, I say that she's very energetic and mischevious (both true) and still needs quite a bit of supervision - so I prefer to have her friends over our house to play.

As far as a bonfire - no how no way - not without me present!

I agree with this too.

 

[Imzadi]

To be honest it may be a little of both. Yes the dad creeps me out and yes I was not pleased they allowed my dd to play around a fire...but there is a part of me that thinks she is too young and I am not ready to let her go like that yet.

It's just a feeling I get. He almost acts like he has suffered from a head injury or is on meds that make him loopy.

Yes, I also think you gave your own answer. You do know what you want. The very fact that the dad is loopy and out of it means he's not capable of properly supervising your DD for a bonfire. What if he's loopy & out of it while the children are running in circles, too close around the bonfire & DD trips & falls in?

She had soot on her nose. She obviously was down wind of the smoke.

Basically, you don't need people helping you decide whether to let her go or not. You stated in your OP, you want people to help you tell HOW to turn them down, not IF you should.

Be polite & up front. Say, "Sorry, I just don't feel good about DD being around fire without me and she is too young to do sleepovers." Make your statements about you our DD, not about them.

You have to be a bulldog for your DD now.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

If the situation does not resolve itself after you get to know the family better, then you will just have to resign yourself to neutral-territory play only; at school, at the park, etc.

That's what I would suggest, meet at a playground or fast food with a play area and get to know the family better.