How do I handle this comment? Wedding related..

[pigletgirl]

That is a bit over the top. The majority of folks are now living together before marriage, and that status has NOTHING to do with the color wedding dress.

Heck, I went to a wedding a few years ago and the gal wore black. It worked for them!

Your big day is coming up so soon!

 

[Boxley]

That's a load of (blank). Tell your frenemies to knock it off with their jealousy and wear white if you want. The old fashioned mindset that you don't get to wear white if you are not "pure" is over.

 

[dislaney]

I wouldn't listen to a word they said. I'm sure you will look beautiful in your white dress. I'd make sure and smile extra big when you see them.

 

[dawn1620]

Tell them you are balancing it out by not wearing any underwear.

I'm a pretty vocal person but would never make such a comment to someone. Wear a dress so white it will burn your corneas out from looking at it...it's your day so just ignore the comments.

 

[Sneezie]

I am getting married on April 10th and am so very excited!
The other day I was talking with a few "friends" who thought it was ridiculous that I was choosing to wear a white wedding dress. They basically told me that since I've been dating and living with DFiance for so many years, it was entirely inappropriate to wear white. They also said that they had spoke to other friends and even family members of mine who thought it was silly that I was going to wear white!

I'm very upset. I KNOW I shouldn't let this bother me but for some reason it really really does. Of course I'm not going to run out and buy a new wedding dress- I love mine!- to appease these people. I was speechless when they said this to me... I have no idea how to respond and for some reason they keep bringing it up (great friends, huh?). So how can I tactfully tell them to shut the heck up and mind their own beeswax without offending the most offendable people on the planet? Thanks for helping out an emotional bride...

I'd simply smile at them and say "Well, I already bought my dress so there's no changing that, but...how about this....I'll wear red underwear!"

Turn around
Walk away.
Don't forget to sashay!

Edited to add: Dawn 1620, looks like great minds think alike. I was typing up my response when you made yours.

 

[dawn1620]

I'd simply smile at them and say "Well, I already bought my dress so there's no changing that, but...how about this....I'll wear red underwear!"

Turn around
Walk away.
Don't forget to sashay!

Edited to add: Dawn 1620, looks like great minds think alike. I was typing up my response when you made yours.

 

[Nancy F]

Wear whatever you want. And Much Joy and Happiness to you and your soon to be hubby.
Nancy

 

[Imzadi]

So how can I tactfully tell them to shut the heck up and mind their own beeswax without offending the most offendable people on the planet? Thanks for helping out an emotional bride...

Why are YOU needing to be tactful to people who obviously didn't give a squat about being tactful to YOU? They don't deserve it.

Frankly, I'd tell them, "If you really feel this way, you don't have to come."

You need to set a boundary around you and your marriage with DF, and it might as well start NOW.

I remember back when you first posted you & DF got engaged and were excitedly starting to make plans. I am so happy for you both. PLEASE do not let these people spoil it for you. You have to be strong and not let them push you over. If you let them tell you how to plan your wedding, you will be allowing them to tell you how to have your marriage.

 

[bumbershoot]

In my very long two years of being engaged (I did not want a long engagement), I had ample opportunity to research this. I was also researching Korean weddings (white is for funerals, by the way, in many Asian traditions), so why not the Caucasian stuff?

The tradition of white symbolizing "purity" is fairly recent, while white wedding dresses have been popular longer than that. Some people chose white to show that they could afford to buy an impractical dress that would only be worn once.

White wedding dress became in vogue after Queen Victoria decided to wear a white dress when she wed Albert. Before then brides wore dark colors and heavey brocade gowns. It had nothing to do with purity.

And these two posters have it absolutely right.

Before Victoria's "because I can" white wedding gown (with orange blossoms), people married in their "Sunday best" for lack of a better word. Most people didn't own white dresses, b/c of the inability to keep them clean and white. So you wore your fanciest clothes...if you were wealthy, maybe you bought new clothes, but you still weren't buying a dress to wear just one time. You would wear that dress more than the one time.

Victoria changed it when she married, and people wanted to copy her.

At some point in there, people decided to pretend that it meant purity, but that was not the original idea behind the white gown.



So next time these friends bring it up, start talking about other cultures, Queen Victoria, etc...they will very likely never bring it up again, because you have just bored them to tears. They get info AND they shush. Win win!

 

[Evil Genius]

Sounds like jealousy plain and simple. I'd find some new friends.

 

[ktlm]

You said tactful, so while I could think of a bunch of fun sarcastic things to say, just tell them it is your wedding, you've always dreamed of wearing the white dress and you want the fairy tale. There is absolutely no legitimate reason why white isn't perfectly acceptable. They have the problem, not you. I recently went to a wedding which was the 2nd for the bride (1st for the groom), where she wore a beautiful white dress and her 2 children walked her down the aisle. It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. I didn't hear one person make a comment that her dress was in any way inappropriate. In fact, everyone said how gorgeous and happy she looked. Congratulations on your wedding!! Don't let what someone else says get you down or put a damper on your happy event!

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

I apologize ahead of time for any sarcastic or rude comments to the friends in question but seriously? It's not their day. It's yours! You can wear black, purple, yellow, a rainbow of colors or nothing at all and honestly they would have no say so because it's your day. DH and I lived together for 5 years before we got married. I wore white and I was proud to do it. This is not the old days where the thinking was white was the sign of "purity." Yes, now a days wedding dresses are made with more color and are designed more un-traditional I guess you can say, however, tradition is what you make of it. This is after all the start of your new life together as husband and wife... So I would honestly tell them: "When you get married, you wear whatever you want, since your paying for it. Right now, your opinion on this matters none, as this is my day, my dress and my life. When you get married, you can wear whatever you want. Me...I'm wearing white!"

Good luck and Congratulations!

 

[Thumper_Man]

First and foremost. Congratulations on your big day.

Are your friends as pure as they're making themselves out to be? If not, turn it around on them. When they mention it again, ask them, "well what color are you planning on your wedding day? Because I know you're not that innocent either."

And if they continue, simply tell them "well I'm sorry that you don't like that I'm wearing white. If it bothers you that much, then you don't have to come. Either way, I'm getting married with or without you there. End of discussion."

Best wishes and I hope you have a long and happy marriage.

 

[pyrxtc]

you can shut them up by telling them that white is not a "virgin" bride color.

White did not become a popular option until 1840, after the marriage of Queen Victoria to Albert of Saxe-Coburg. Victoria had worn a white gown for the event so as to incorporate some lace she owned. The official wedding portrait photograph was widely published, and many other brides opted for a similar dress in honor of the Queen's choice.

Brides wore the nicest dress in their closet or had something made if they could afford it with lots of bright colors.

 

[Anna114]

Speaking as a woman who wore white on her wedding day and WAS a virgin, at the time, (my husband could have worn white too) it is a totally out dated tradition and it truly was unkind for your "friends" to speak so. It was very mean spirited of them. Also to speak to other friends and family about you completely out of line. With friends like that who needs enemies.

 

[EMom]

Although you'd never guess it from these posts, there are quite a few people out there who think that having a big traditional wedding (complete with white dress) after having lived together for years is a bit much.

That being said, those usually are the folks whose feelings you would have guessed long before you announced the wedding date. If your friends have never said a negative word about you living with your DFiance and didn't seem to have an issue with that, then I'm a little surprised they said what they did about your dress. The wedding is just around the corner and it's not as if speaking their minds would cause you to run out and purchase another dress, so why even mention it? It was pointless.

A few years ago, a relative got married. Between her and her fiance, they had 5-6 weddings behind them already. Each had 2 or 3 marriages. We'd met the guy a few times and he seemed very nice and we hoped he'd be a keeper. I'll be honest.....When she pulled out all the stops and had a big*** off-white formal gown in her 40s and it was her 3rd wedding and probably his 3rd or 4th, I thought, "You've got to be kidding me...." But we went and supported them because we really wanted this one to work and as I said, he seemed so sweet.

Not long after the wedding, she was diagnosed with a terminal illness that will result in a slow and gruesome death. Many new husbands would have cut and run when faced with what they were told to expect. But her DH has been one in a million. He has devoted himself to her care and has made sacrifices beyond belief. He is still crazy for her, despite the agony they face every day. Now I'm glad they had the big wedding and she had her fancy, flowing gown. The way she looked that day is a far cry from how she looks now, and they have those lovely photos and memories of that day to cherish. After she's gone, he'll have them to remember her by.

When it's all said and done, it was just a dress.....But it made her happy.

 

[Took]

I'd simply smile at them and say "Well, I already bought my dress so there's no changing that, but...how about this....I'll wear red underwear!"

Turn around
Walk away.
Don't forget to sashay!

Edited to add: Dawn 1620, looks like great minds think alike. I was typing up my response when you made yours.

LOL, I like this one.

Personally, I think I'd drop these "friends." They're unworthy to be called such.

 

[klacey1]

I didn't think ANYONE concerned themselves with the "white is for virgins" nonsense anymore! My cousin who remarried at age 35 who already had one child and was pregnant with her second when she got married wore a white gown! DBF and I live together and you can BET I'll be wearing the fullest, whitest, most elaborate gown!
Congratulations on your marriage! I bet your dress is beautiful and you'll look gorgeous in it!
I agree with a PP-- you are too sweet, wanting to be tactful to people who were nothing but rude to you. However, since you asked, the next time someone says something to you about it, just say "I only plan on being a bride once, and this dress was the one of my dreams." Period.

 

[DisneyCrazy915]

I wouldn't let it bother you, they're just jealous. It's your day, wear what you want. If my friends said this to me I'd, jokingly, ask them what color they suggest I wear and whether or not I should sew a giant letter A onto my dress.
Congrats on the wedding by the way

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I don't know what other color you would wear if it wasn't white! Congrats on your special day. It is just around the corner!