How do I handle this comment? Wedding related..

[Cinderellabride]

I haven't read the replies, but I just wanted to tell you I was pregnant when I got married and I wore stark white, veil and all. EVERYONE at my wedding knew I was pregnant because we had the wedding planned for the following year, and had to call everyone and say we're having a baby and the wedding is in 3 weeks now.

There is no way I would not have worn white. I had my fairy tale Cinderella dress and my Disney themed wedding (albiet on about 1/2 the original budget). No one commented on it that I can remember. I may have joked around about it some with the people close to me, but no one ever said anything nasty to me.

I don't know what I would say to them other than shut up and if don't like it don't come. Honestly if no one who was unpure before their wedding wore white then bridal shops would be full of a lot less white dresses and a lot more whatever color people think they should wear.

My advice from me to your friends is to get over it (your friends not you).

ETA: I did not wear the part of the veil that goes over your face. My mom did tell me that usually symbolizes purity and what not, but she was just letting me know. I was going to wear it anyway. Then I decided not to, not because of any symbol, but I just decided it would drive me nuts in front of my face and it was super hot in August and I was very very sick with morning sickness. So it would have been a bad idea. Good thing I didn't wear it too, I was lucky I didn't pass out or throw up during the ceremony as it was (the bridal party and I actually had a code word if I was about to pass out, so someone would catch me, even the minister said afterward he thought I was going to drop; I surely would have with that in my face.

 

[NotUrsula]

I will admit some confusion when some brides insist on wearing white when it symbolizes virginity. There IS a tradition in our country of a white wedding gown reflecting innocence and purity. If you don't adhere to traditional standards and thinking, then why not choose another color? Why do you prefer white?

Actually, it really doesn't symbolize virginity; the "blusher" veil does that. What the white really symbolizes is prosperity. Up until VERY recently formal clothes could not easily be washed, and a formal white dress was by definition a dress that you only meant to wear once, because once it got dirty it was done for. Only someone with means could afford to do that, and so it became fashionable for a bride's family who could afford to do it to show off their wealth by splurging on a single-use dress for the occasion.

 

[JoShan1719]

shut the heck up and mind their own beeswax

I'd say that's a perfect response. There aren't really rules for weddings anymore. Anyone can wear white. Black isn't a taboo color anymore, either. You could also remind them that they may wear whatever they want on their wedding day, but that this is your time and you've made your decision, and that you will not talk about this anymore. And stick to that, whenever they bring it up change the subject. I can't believe how incredibly rude they're being, not to mention how old fashioned.

PS I lived with my husband for four years before we got married and I wore white and no one said anything.

 

[JoShan1719]

i was thisclose to actually wearing a red wedding dress, unfortunatly i knew family members wouldn't like it so i decided against it.

sometimes i wish i would have done it, but i still liked my pretty white dress anyway!

This is the dress I wore for my wedding (sorry it's so big) I loved it and it now sits in my closet:

 

[allison443]

Rora, I wish you all the best in your marriage.

I will admit some confusion when some brides insist on wearing white when it symbolizes virginity. There IS a tradition in our country of a white wedding gown reflecting innocence and purity. If you don't adhere to traditional standards and thinking, then why not choose another color? Why do you prefer white?

If you accept that traditionally wearing white indicates virginity, then a nontraditional person would wear white even if she is not virginal. Because she is not following the tradition. Right?

I cannot think of something that would concern me less than whether a bride whose wedding I was attending was a virgin or not, and whether she was "entitled" to wear white. Because that's what all this "purity" talk is, isn't it. Talk about not being anybody's business!

Isn't it interesting that there is no defining wardrobe item for the man to wear to reflect his "innocence and purity"?

 

[OceanAnnie]

In general I think weddings are over-rated, but this is what I would do.... Once "they" start talking about how "they" are of the same opinion, quickly say, "I forgive you!" When they ask why, say you thought they were apologizing for gossiping about you! Smile sweetly!

That is too funny! I love it! That would probably stop anybody in their tracks.

 

[Kelrykengab]

I am sure this has been said, but there would be hardly any white wedding dresses if this was the case....so silly! Congrats!!

 

[jodifla]

Actually, it really doesn't symbolize virginity; the "blusher" veil does that. What the white really symbolizes is prosperity. Up until VERY recently formal clothes could not easily be washed, and a formal white dress was by definition a dress that you only meant to wear once, because once it got dirty it was done for. Only someone with means could afford to do that, and so it became fashionable for a bride's family who could afford to do it to show off their wealth by splurging on a single-use dress for the occasion.

I remember my grandmother showing me her wedding dress from the 1920s. I was shocked to see it was this blue velvety dress, and not white. She said nobody wore white back then.

And you can see why. She couldn't afford to have a dress she could wear only once....too lavish an extravagance for a farmer's wife.

OP, your friends' -- and I use the term loosely -- are a real piece of work. Enjoy your white dress, and your wedding day!

 

[Rora]

OP here..

Thanks for ALL the responses. I really really appreciate it. As far as those who have asked about my choice to do nontraditional things prior to my wedding (like live with my DFiance) and then be upset when people comment on my desire to have a traditionally white dress: I've been "dating" DFiance since I was 11 years old. We chose to live together because it was like we were already married. I do understand what you're saying but as this thread shows a white dress can have many different meanings (joy, purity, fashionable- thanks Victoria!) and heck, a girl only gets married once (I hope!).

Again, big thanks to everyone. You've made me feel a lot better!!! And, if my "friends" decide to make another comment, I will direct them to this thread.

 

[Imzadi]

OP here..
As far as those who have asked about my choice to do nontraditional things prior to my wedding (like live with my DFiance) and then be upset when people comment on my desire to have a traditionally white dress: I've been "dating" DFiance since I was 11 years old. We chose to live together because it was like we were already married.

WHY are you continually explaining yourself? No offense, but THIS is your issue. If you can get past this need, you will be much happier throughout your whole life, in every aspect of your life. You won't be constantly yanked by an emotional chain.

 

[Rora]

WHY are you continually explaining yourself? No offense, but THIS is your issue. If you can get past this need, you will be much happier throughout your whole life, in every aspect of your life. You won't be constantly yanked by an emotional chain.

I just want people to know where I stand on certain things.

I definitely don't explain all of my actions. I don't feel a need to, I do it if I want to. But, I do appreciate your advice.

 

[bumbershoot]

i was thisclose to actually wearing a red wedding dress...

Me too. There was this HUGE Ian Stuart red gown that I was drooling over. But even if I robbed a bank to get the money, I was having an outdoors wedding...the gown I chose was borderline "why is she wear THAT outdoors" anyway, the Ian Stuart would have made me change the whole venue and I didn't want to do that.

There IS a tradition in our country of a white wedding gown reflecting innocence and purity.

IF there is, it's a very very NEW "tradition". Which means it's not really a tradition, it's just a fashion. I think we could probably put it back to the mythical 50s, which everyone remembers as being fabulous, but my mom and her sister and all their friends remember the 50s VERY differently! TV 50s vs reality...yikes. Traditions taken from that time were likely taking from TV and movies...not real life. (just like the actual story behind the Unity Candle is that it was created for a soap opera wedding....)

This is the dress I wore for my wedding ...

Drooled over that gown, too, I believe! Or something similar.

 

[sbell111]

I am getting married on April 10th and am so very excited!
The other day I was talking with a few "friends" who thought it was ridiculous that I was choosing to wear a white wedding dress. They basically told me that since I've been dating and living with DFiance for so many years, it was entirely inappropriate to wear white. They also said that they had spoke to other friends and even family members of mine who thought it was silly that I was going to wear white!

I'm very upset. I KNOW I shouldn't let this bother me but for some reason it really really does. Of course I'm not going to run out and buy a new wedding dress- I love mine!- to appease these people. I was speechless when they said this to me... I have no idea how to respond and for some reason they keep bringing it up (great friends, huh?). So how can I tactfully tell them to shut the heck up and mind their own beeswax without offending the most offendable people on the planet? Thanks for helping out an emotional bride...

They're idiots. If they kept bringing it up, I would simply inform them that it is my wedding and that I will wear whatever I choose and that they can stay away if they can't support me on my day.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I would gather your "friends" one morning for an informal coffee.

Very seriously and with a straight face, tell them thank you soooo much for their advice. You have thought it over and they were absolutely right.

So, you went ahead and ordered new wedding attire for yourself, your fiance and they will be getting matching bridesmaid dresses.

Then show them the picture of your new choices:

I am guessing that white wedding gown will start looking real sweet when the friends see your new choice.

 

[Rora]

I would gather your "friends" one morning for an informal coffee.

Very seriously and with a straight face, tell them thank you soooo much for their advice. You have thought it over and they were absolutely right.

So, you went ahead and ordered new wedding attire for yourself, your fiance and they will be getting matching bridesmaid dresses.

Then show them the picture of your new choices:

I am guessing that white wedding gown will start looking real sweet when the friends see your new choice.

I think everyone would have a HEART ATTACK! But, hey! Kudos to this couple for doing their thing!!

 

[ShuisFan584]

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 99%+ of women aren't "pure and innocent" on their wedding day. Therefore, they might as well stop making white wedding dresses since most women won't be able to wear them, according to your friends.

 

[Cat0727]

Wow, I can't believe people sometimes. It's definitely because they're jealous and they sound like plain haters to me. Don't lose your temper, just ignore em. Hope they aren't in your wedding party.

 

[SunnyP4Disney]

I wore a white wedding dress and I was not a chaste virgin, lol! My mom suggested an off white but I got married in the winter and all the long sleeved off white gowns looked antique. I just didn't like the "looks like a dog peed all over it 20 years ago" color. I think you're being extra sensitive since it's your big day. Don't let the harpies get you down!

 

[Art 1]

White symbolizes joy. It's entirely appropriate for you to wear white. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!!!

For a wedding dress white symbolizes purity.

 

[Scurvy]

For a wedding dress white symbolizes purity.

. . . to some people. To others it symbolizes other things (like joy or affluence) and to some people it is simply a wedding dress with no meaning at all beyond that.