How did you survive your kids' teenage drama?

[Goofycampers]

AAAAAHHHHHGGGGG. My beautiful 18yr old DD's ex boyfriend just left for basic training for a stint in the air force. They broke up a couple of weeks ago and she has already moved on and is seeing a nice boy. Well the ex texted her (yes texted) and wanted her to break up with the latest and marry him. She is a senior in high school for crying out loud. She told him no -thank goodness. We have a great relationship and she confides in me a lot but the drama! For those of you that have been thru it any advise? I really try to just listen and be there for her but sometimes it's reallly hard. KWIM?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would be jumping for joy in your shoes. Kudos to your dd for moving on.

My 18yodd is holding on to a long distance BF in TX. We moved back to MO about a yr and a half ago.

 

[Goofycampers]

Yeah I hear ya. But the ex willl be coming home at Christmas for a short break (I didn't know they did that in basic training), anyway I know he'll start the pressure again. He got upset when she said no, told her how much he loved her, etc. and she was upset for a while after. This kid will really just drag her down, I'm not crazy about him but so far I have kept my mouth shut about that but boy is it hard!

 

[golfgal]

I guess this to me isn't "Drama", especially the way your DD handled it. Drama to me is the "everything is so bad all the time and I have to whine about it all the time" or the "I don't like you today, oh today you are my best friend, oops today I don't like you" stuff or the 'you don't have the right shirt on today, you can't sit by us at lunch" stuff. Oh, and girls and the eye rolls always qualifies as Drama .

Unfortunately I see your DD's situation as "growing up"--which is even worse since you are all that much closer to having them out of the nest.

Sounds like you raised a level headed kid who can make good choices.

 

[golfgal]

Yeah I hear ya. But the ex willl be coming home at Christmas for a short break (I didn't know they did that in basic training), anyway I know he'll start the pressure again. He got upset when she said no, told her how much he loved her, etc. and she was upset for a while after. This kid will really just drag her down, I'm not crazy about him but so far I have kept my mouth shut about that but boy is it hard!

Sounds like it is time to plan a lot of "family parties" while the ex is home-boy your DD is REALLY busy over Christmas vacation this year.

 

[Goofycampers]

Sounds like it is time to plan a lot of "family parties" while the ex is home-boy your DD is REALLY busy over Christmas vacation this year.

Good idea. She is level headed but she has gone back to him in the past, this time I don't think she will though. But his pressure upset her and I am glad he is away right now.

 

[golfgal]

Good idea. She is level headed but she has gone back to him in the past, this time I don't think she will though. But his pressure upset her and I am glad he is away right now.

Has she had another boyfriend in the past when she went back to him? Have you told her how proud you are of her decision not to marry this guy? Do you like the new guy? If so, did you tell her that? Sometimes the positive reinforcement goes a LONG way in a situation like this?

I have been telling my kids for a long time that if they date someone and their siblings don't like them, it is a good clue that there is something wrong with that person. We have one really good family example to point to so they have seen the situation unfold in real life and they get that. I make sure I tell my kids they have done a good job picking their friends so it reinforces their good choices. I have never said anything to the kids about friends I didn't like-but it didn't take long for those friendships to dissolve. I would ask them why they don't hang out with whomever so they THINK about the qualities that they didn't like in that person so they don't do it again. Our kids don't have a single friend we don't like-with the exception of one of DS17's friends who they don't really like but he has a CRAPPY home situation and the kids let him hang out with him because they feel bad for him and we are ok with that thinking that their positive behavior will rub off on him.

 

[Goofycampers]

Has she had another boyfriend in the past when she went back to him? Have you told her how proud you are of her decision not to marry this guy? Do you like the new guy? If so, did you tell her that? Sometimes the positive reinforcement goes a LONG way in a situation like this?

I have been telling my kids for a long time that if they date someone and their siblings don't like them, it is a good clue that there is something wrong with that person. We have one really good family example to point to so they have seen the situation unfold in real life and they get that. I make sure I tell my kids they have done a good job picking their friends so it reinforces their good choices. I have never said anything to the kids about friends I didn't like-but it didn't take long for those friendships to dissolve. I would ask them why they don't hang out with whomever so they THINK about the qualities that they didn't like in that person so they don't do it again. Our kids don't have a single friend we don't like-with the exception of one of DS17's friends who they don't really like but he has a CRAPPY home situation and the kids let him hang out with him because they feel bad for him and we are ok with that thinking that their positive behavior will rub off on him.

I told her she was smart not to get caught up in HIS drama. We've talked about how she will be starting college in the fall and is about to begin some of the best times of her life. So far so good. I have always tried to have a really open relationship with her and her girlfriends and they are always telling me about their relationships. But boy have things changed since I was that age! lol

 

[golfgal]

I told her she was smart not to get caught up in HIS drama. We've talked about how she will be starting college in the fall and is about to begin some of the best times of her life. So far so good. I have always tried to have a really open relationship with her and her girlfriends and they are always telling me about their relationships. But boy have things changed since I was that age! lol

How have things changed since you were that age? We must be of similar age and I don't see how things have really changed--other than fashion . Senior is a boy so I need to get prepared for my 14 year old DD-what's new that I have to worry about???

 

[Goofycampers]

It probably hasn't really changed that much but they have constant contact with each other. They are never without their cell phones. When I was a teen a boy called on the phone and I was lucky if my Dad didn't answer first! lol .Any conversations were only but so private. Now they can text each other night and day. l Kids have alot more sexual innuendo in their conversations than we had. IDK it's hard to explain. I also have a 14yr old DS so I guess I'll be broke in when he starts to bring home girls. My kids are good in school and involved in sports so I think that helps but there seem to be so many more teen pregnancies at their high school- no stigma involved like back when I was in school .

 

[trip]

AAAAAHHHHHGGGGG. My beautiful 18yr old DD's ex boyfriend just left for basic training for a stint in the air force. They broke up a couple of weeks ago and she has already moved on and is seeing a nice boy. Well the ex texted her (yes texted) and wanted her to break up with the latest and marry him. She is a senior in high school for crying out loud. She told him no -thank goodness. We have a great relationship and she confides in me a lot but the drama! For those of you that have been thru it any advise? I really try to just listen and be there for her but sometimes it's reallly hard. KWIM?

I don't see it so much as drama but that the ex is probably scared and lonely at basic.

Sounds like your DD has her head on straight. Her senior year should be fun and she should be looking forward to college not getting married.

 

[golfgal]

It probably hasn't really changed that much but they have constant contact with each other. They are never without their cell phones. When I was a teen a boy called on the phone and I was lucky if my Dad didn't answer first! lol .Any conversations were only but so private. Now they can text each other night and day. l Kids have alot more sexual innuendo in their conversations than we had. IDK it's hard to explain. I also have a 14yr old DS so I guess I'll be broke in when he starts to bring home girls. My kids are good in school and involved in sports so I think that helps but there seem to be so many more teen pregnancies at their high school- no stigma involved like back when I was in school .

Ok, but back when we wrote notes, etc. and our parents actually let us out of the house unsupervised unlike today. We just had our private conversations at school or when we went out. I remember plenty of sexual innuendos in notes back and forth between my steady boyfriend in high school--keeping in mind we dated for 10 months before he even kissed me-not that that was normal but and we never progressed past that in all the time we dated. Around here we don't see teen pregnancies much-thankfully but I do know it is more prevalent around the country, but back when there were plenty of places where teens having babies didn't have a stigma either.

Most of my friends had phones in their bedrooms by the time they were in high school, I didn't but there was one in the basement that was as private as any cell phone. I had a couple friends that were not allowed to talk on the phone to boys at all-but today those parents probably wouldn't allow cell phones so same deal.

I look at my kids and their friends and they are much more into groups of kids hanging out together vs "dating" and the whole boy/girl thing then things were when I was in high school-which was is a very good thing I think.

I think what has changed is that you are looking at it as a mom and not a kid .

 

[java]

I'm barely surviving the first one and I have 3 more coming up.

Today was drama filled- girlfriend/ grades/ breaking up- not breaking up = Finally I said "I am done with this all today. I am having surgery on Tuesday and honestly I don't care if she is mad at you because I won't let you go to the movies because of your grades." So now I am hiding on the computer.

 

[ginna74]

Bootcamp can mature you and make you appreciate what you have... or don't have. While she is still young and in school and probably doesn't need to marry so young he is off becoming a man. hopefully he will focus on himself now and move on. It is hard for people who are single or with no family as getting letters from loved ones is just about the best thing that can happen when you are there and everyone around you gets some kind of letters from home. It is kind of a pick me up. I wish your daughter the best and the young man that is away as well. And as for surviving all the drama, I think I am surviving it now but wishing it will stop one day lol

 

[Goofycampers]

Ok, but back when we wrote notes, etc. and our parents actually let us out of the house unsupervised unlike today. We just had our private conversations at school or when we went out. I remember plenty of sexual innuendos in notes back and forth between my steady boyfriend in high school--keeping in mind we dated for 10 months before he even kissed me-not that that was normal but and we never progressed past that in all the time we dated. Around here we don't see teen pregnancies much-thankfully but I do know it is more prevalent around the country, but back when there were plenty of places where teens having babies didn't have a stigma either.

Most of my friends had phones in their bedrooms by the time they were in high school, I didn't but there was one in the basement that was as private as any cell phone. I had a couple friends that were not allowed to talk on the phone to boys at all-but today those parents probably wouldn't allow cell phones so same deal.

I look at my kids and their friends and they are much more into groups of kids hanging out together vs "dating" and the whole boy/girl thing then things were when I was in high school-which was is a very good thing I think.

I think what has changed is that you are looking at it as a mom and not a kid .

I think you hit the nail on the head. It's much scarier as a Mom.

 

[C.Ann]

Just hung on for dear life! LOL..

 

[yoopermom]

I dated two boys my senior year, my current DH and my current friend. When the friend decided to join the military, we sat down and talked it out and decided to just "be friends". (I would have made a TERRIBLE army wife, and was honest enough to know that about myself!)

What was different about then from now is that we had to write actual letters to each other (no texts or emails), so communication took awhile.
I still have all those letters, and treasure them, but we both were, and are, stable individuals. He and DH are good friends, and I'm learning to like his second wife .

So the moral of this long story is that my parents trusted me, and it all worked out ok, so I'm sure that you've done well with your daughter and that she'll get past this trauma, as well.

Terri

 

[surfergirl602]

cell phones are contraband in basic.

 

[PatsGirl]

I don't see it so much as drama but that the ex is probably scared and lonely at basic.

I agree. This boy is probably having a tough go at it and is looking for some support from your daughter. I know my son could hardly wait to go into basic to get away from his steady gf but when he came home at Xmas they "hooked up" for a few days here and there. His best friend went into the Navy and same deal, unfortunately his ex-gf got pregnant over Xmas Exodus and he is now the father of a bouncy baby boy. I warned both of them that these girls might try to get pregnant and to be careful

Your daughter seems to know what she wants. While the situation is a bit different, I'd do my best to show him kindness while he is home while at the same time talking to her about keeping her bright future as her priority.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Between my 13yod being sick and my college dd not doing well right now, she wants to come home....I quit motherhood.