How come? MIL again. ...and then there was facebook rotfl

[LuvOrlando]

So the inlaws have been sick, starting with FIL, moving to SIL & BIL and niece. MIL gets sick and thinks she is having a stroke, turns out she didn't. I left her alone because I'm pretty much just sick of her and her antics, DH has been checking on her so I knew she was ok. Last year DH's family didn't tell us my niece was sick and let her breathe Swine Flu all over my kids and sent my DD to the hospital so really not feeling the trust here. Also MIL didn't even bother to come see her for 3 days because she 'thought' it was all a mistake because she kept insisting Swine Flu was make believe TV nonsense. So I have 2 kids, the last thing I'm going to do is risk them and their health for a woman who could care less about me & mine. So last night DH called to wish his parents Happy New Year and FIL tells him she's sleeping, total BS because all the woman does is drink coffee then whine she can't sleep.

Anyway I just called her to wish her Happy New Year and see how she is doing. I get a full of venom, "As fine as I could be being alone for 2 days." I said, "But you were sick." She said, "Well I'll remember that the next time someone there is sick." I had to stifle a laugh during a wind-up pause on her part and said, "Well OK then I have to go." She said, "Yeah, OK by."

The reason I got off so quickly was because my husband just so happened to be calling at that exact time. That was some good timing. Poor guy, I feel bad for him. He just said, "You did the best thing you can. She was baiting you and there is no fighting with crazy. You sent the clearest message you could with what you did, and that is that you just don't care. Good for you."

Sigh.... why does crazy keep finding me I try and try to avoid it yet its always at my doorstep.... sigh.... guess it's just my niche in life. At least DH and I have each other and God gave us 2 really nice kids.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So the inlaws have been sick, starting with FIL, moving to SIL & BIL and niece. MIL gets sick and thinks she is having a stroke, turns out she didn't. I left her alone because I'm pretty much just sick of her and her antics, DH has been checking on her so I knew she was ok. Last year DH's family didn't tell us my niece was sick and let her breathe Swine Flu all over my kids and sent my DD to the hospital so really not feeling the trust here. Also MIL didn't even bother to come see her for 3 days because she 'thought' it was all a mistake because she kept insisting Swine Flu was make believe TV nonsense. So I have 2 kids, the last thing I'm going to do is risk them and their health for a woman who could care less about me & mine. So last night DH called to wish his parents Happy New Year and FIL tells him she's sleeping, total BS because all the woman does is drink coffee then whine she can't sleep.

Anyway I just called her to wish her Happy New Year and see how she is doing. I get a full of venom, "As fine as I could be being alone for 2 days." I said, "But you were sick." She said, "Well I'll remember that the next time someone there is sick." I had to stifle a laugh during a wind-up pause on her part and said, "Well OK then I have to go." She said, "Yeah, OK by."

The reason I got off so quickly was because my husband just so happened to be calling at that exact time. That was some good timing. Poor guy, I feel bad for him. He just said, "You did the best thing you can. She was baiting you and there is no fighting with crazy. You sent the clearest message you could with what you did, and that is that you just don't care. Good for you."

Sigh.... why does crazy keep finding me I try and try to avoid it yet its always at my doorstep.... sigh.... guess it's just my niche in life. At least DH and I have each other and God gave us 2 really nice kids.

Addressing bolded.

Most people deal with "crazy" in their life. For some reason you have this notion that you should be able to live "crazy-free". You are not unique or different than most people.

The reason I am saying this to you is that is because you are using this to define you. You need to get yourself out of that rut and change you attitude. I call it accepting your reality.

Example......

The reality is that "I have crazy _____". You take this is as your reality and that are not going to change.

This means that when crazy _______ calls and says or does crazy _______ you are no longer shocked, outraged, mad, sad, hurt, etc....

Instead you say things like, typical, par for the course, shrug shoulders and not dwell on it 1 more second.

You have to retrain yourself and it sounds like you are off to a good start with being able to get off the phone quickly. The emotionlessness will follow later as you practice control.

Now you will slip up sometimes of course because afterall "crazy" sometimes pushes you just too far and you have to give them the smackdown.

But all in all, learn how to accept that they are crazy, never going to change and move on with your life.

 

[Skatermom23]

I have learned that "older" people are like teenagers. They say things they don't really mean, especially when they feel alone, hurt or left out. The bad part is that while teenagers grow out of the phase, older people are in it for the long run.

Try to be a little tolerant of MIL. It kind of sounds like you expected her to visit your kids when they were sick, but she didn't....and you turned around and did the same thing.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i can relate to your pain. be glad your MIL isn't there with you. my mom is in the midst of a nervous breakdown and is staying with us. yay. happy new year to me. all of her doctors, at least, the ones who can help us, are out of town until monday.

 

[LuvOrlando]

MIL lives next door. I know I know, why did I do it. I'm just a part of a culture that is very big on family so I did what my people do, we stay near each other. At this point I won't leave my friends and disrupt my kids over her. You'd be surprised how thick my skin is, she can't hurt me and DH is mostly immune too, as for my kids, they just write the in-laws off as wacky and that's that. MIL might get under my skin like a splinter every now and again but that's about it, all in all I'm grateful she isn't dangerous... MY family was dangerous. She's imagining things if she thinks we'd notice her absence Also, this isn't about spite, I have just reached a point where I simply don't care. She now has to reap what she has sown and just doesn't seem to like the taste...

 

[momof1princess]

MIL lives next door. I know I know, why did I do it. I'm just a part of a culture that is very big on family so I did what my people do, we stay near each other. At this point I won't leave my friends and disrupt my kids over her. You'd be surprised how thick my skin is, she can't hurt me and DH is mostly immune too, as for my kids, they just write the in-laws off as wacky and that's that. MIL might get under my skin like a splinter every now and again but that's about it, all in all I'm grateful she isn't dangerous... MY family was dangerous. She's imagining things if she thinks we'd notice her absence Also, this isn't about spite, I have just reached a point where I simply don't care. She now has to reap what she has sown and just doesn't seem to like the taste...

good for you! my in-laws live next door as well, but they're very sweet, unobtrusive people. never bother a soul. i'm lucky to have them, because my entire family is NUTS! lol

my mother is sitting on the couch, doing a continuous, babbling, mostly incoherent commentary on the alabama vs. michigan state game. she keeps calling michigan state "the green guys" LOL. DH is a rabid alabama fan, and it's driving him crazy, lol.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

You want to avoid crazy? Stop calling the woman! Why do you subject yourself and your family to bitter people? Let your husband deal with his parents. You need to be in touch only a few times a year, other than that, it is an invitation for crazy to slither into your life.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I hear you, but who expects "Happy New Year" to turn into a sucker punch

 

[dumboiu]

I have learned that "older" people are like teenagers. They say things they don't really mean, especially when they feel alone, hurt or left out.

 

[LuvOrlando]

She's only 62... not exactly 'old people' and she has ALWAYS been this way. I came into the family when she was 42 and trust me, the 42 year old version is the same as the 62 year old version.

How my husband came from that is as much a mystery as how I came from my family, we're both black sheep but in the opposite way as it's usually meant.

I'm still irritated but trying not to say anything in front of DH, he can't change things and I don't want him to feel worse than he already does. I wonder if she'll try to catch him alone so she can unload on him now that I shut her down , that would make me sad.

 

[Kika]

Crazy keeps finding you because you live next door to it. Expect it to keep finding you.

I feel for you, OP, because yours sounds like an Everybody Loves Raymond situation. (((hugs)))

 

[Kika]

Addressing bolded.

Most people deal with "crazy" in their life. For some reason you have this notion that you should be able to live "crazy-free". You are not unique or different than most people.

The reason I am saying this to you is that is because you are using this to define you. You need to get yourself out of that rut and change you attitude. I call it accepting your reality.

Example......

The reality is that "I have crazy _____". You take this is as your reality and that are not going to change.

This means that when crazy _______ calls and says or does crazy _______ you are no longer shocked, outraged, mad, sad, hurt, etc....

Instead you say things like, typical, par for the course, shrug shoulders and not dwell on it 1 more second.

You have to retrain yourself and it sounds like you are off to a good start with being able to get off the phone quickly. The emotionlessness will follow later as you practice control.

Now you will slip up sometimes of course because afterall "crazy" sometimes pushes you just too far and you have to give them the smackdown.

But all in all, learn how to accept that they are crazy, never going to change and move on with your life.

I think this is good advice for all of us with "crazy" family members. Most families have (at least!) one!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I was messing around with putting up scarf valance curtains and just realized my husband went over there. He didn't say anything, just went... I wonder what is going on over there.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Uggh, now I feel bad for her and DH is very upset. Turns out she was upset with FIL for not taking care of her while she was sick and I got stung. Also, it wasn't a panic attack as FIL said, her dehydration from severe fluid loss over getting sick cause a problem with her potassium levels which locked her hands up and considering her high blood pressure this was very dangerous. This happened because FIL refused to get her Gatorade or take care of her when she was sick. The reason she called here late that night was because FIL was being cruel and wouldn't get her help so her only choice was to call and ambulance. Uh-oh... DH told her we can't help if she doesn't let us know what's up.

My Grandma always used to say, "You don't know someone unless you live with them." and it seems even being 50 feet away we have no idea.

Now I wonder if the whole cheesecake thing last week might have been something else bothering her. YIKES. I guess I will have to grit my teeth and try to get her out of the house more often.

DH is going out to get her Gatorade, she still doesn't have any. WTH?????

Good thing DH is very cool headed and went over there willing to listen, it's also a good thing I kept my mouth shut. What a mess

 

[Magic Mom]

I think this is good advice for all of us with "crazy" family members. Most families have (at least!) one!

Some of us might even be one!

 

[hereyago]

I remember your cheesecake thread. I think you said that everyone around MIL enables her to behave the way she does and just gives in to her whims because they don't want to hear about if it they don't.

Did your DH ask his Df if the above was truly the case? and you know, when people have enough "BS", they do say to the other person I don't care or I don't want to help you. So it could be possible your FIL was essentially saying to her that she can do it herself because he has had enough.

 

[Skatermom23]

She's only 62... not exactly 'old people' and she has ALWAYS been this way. I came into the family when she was 42 and trust me, the 42 year old version is the same as the 62 year old version.

How my husband came from that is as much a mystery as how I came from my family, we're both black sheep but in the opposite way as it's usually meant.

I'm still irritated but trying not to say anything in front of DH, he can't change things and I don't want him to feel worse than he already does. I wonder if she'll try to catch him alone so she can unload on him now that I shut her down , that would make me sad.

All I can say is that I am 47 and I feel myself being this irrational "old person" sometimes. I have a 21 year old ds and pray that he marries a wonderful young girl who will forgive a few odd things I may say or do. It is so difficult to watch our boys grow up and get involved with a young women. I think you would see a big change in your MIL if you just embraced her instead of fighting her. Think of how much easier that would make things for your dh too.

 

[marlynnp]

I think this is good advice for all of us with "crazy" family members. Most families have (at least!) one!

Some of us might even be one!

Does that then fall under "like attracts like"?

 

[LuvOrlando]

Does that then fall under "like attracts like"?

True, I tend to see female dogs congregate in groups... wonder why that is?

 

[LuvOrlando]

I remember your cheesecake thread. I think you said that everyone around MIL enables her to behave the way she does and just gives in to her whims because they don't want to hear about if it they don't.

Did your DH ask his Df if the above was truly the case? and you know, when people have enough "BS", they do say to the other person I don't care or I don't want to help you. So it could be possible your FIL was essentially saying to her that she can do it herself because he has had enough.

I know, your points are equally likely. My almost 12 year old daughter heard the basics from before and told me she doesn't want to see MIL for a while. Apparently she likes to complain about DH and I in front of my kid.... what a sweet soul. I asked her what grandma says and she told me she'll complain anytime shedisagrees with us. DD said she tells Grandma flat out to stop talking about us. I asked my son if they talk about us in front of him and he said, "I really don't know, I never listen to them."

When I told DD grandma's explanation that she was just mad at grandpa she rolled her eyes and said, "Like that's believable." I think she nailed it when she said she thinks my MIL just said that because she wasn't expecting me to tell DH and had no idea what else to say when he went over there and said, "What's your problem." DH said she burst into tears. It is hard to stand under his magnifying glass, which is why I never BS him... the guy is a human lie detector and it can be very un-nerving.

The more I think about it the less sense her story makes. After all why would she lead off with the whole, "Wait until you get sick" nonsense if she wasn't aiming her stinger at me? Also FIL isn't typically mean like that, I wonder what else we don't know or how true any of this really is???

I don't know what to think but I have had enough. I won't cut her off but she is on very thin ice with me, a step away from being banished from being called Mom to her first name.