Honest answers wanted....

[meeskamouska]

Here is a brief synopsis of the last few weeks events:

I am seperated from my DH...have been for a year, no chance of reconciliation. Put off the divorce for medical issues. He met a woman. Just found out she is married. He has moved her in and her husband has just returned from Iraq mere days ago.

I am not sending my daughter there because I have a baaaaddd feeling about this. He and his gf are not happy about it and tell me I am in the wrong for keeping her away from him.

What do you think? Honesty please....

 

[bearynice]

Here is a brief synopsis of the last few weeks events:

I am seperated from my DH...have been for a year, no chance of reconciliation. Put off the divorce for medical issues. He met a woman. Just found out she is married. He has moved her in and her husband has just returned from Iraq mere days ago.

I am not sending my daughter there because I have a baaaaddd feeling about this. He and his gf are not happy about it and tell me I am in the wrong for keeping her away from him.

What do you think? Honesty please....

Can you explain that you don't want your child caught in the cross fire between the GF and her husband? Maybe he can see her at your house until this all settles down? Ordinarily I'd say you just have to put up with the new GF, but my concern is that he's just out of combat, and likely to be....easily upset?

 

[lisadr]

I don't think it is a bad idea to have their visits not at her home. Who knows what might happen if the husband shows up there. Just tell your ex you how you feel and trust your gut. Ask him to please not bring her there.

 

[rabx5]

I don't blame you-however, he does have the right to see his daughter. Can you suggest that they spend their time with her in a public place? Zoo or museum, any place?

I would contact a lawyer and get the ball rolling- especially with custody and visitation rules.

I'm sorry you are going through this

 

[krcit]

I think I would do the same thing. Your dd's safety come first, not to mention the whole morality issue.

 

[meeskamouska]

I have explained my reasons and I get "you should trust me not to put her in harms way."

I just can't win.


We live in seperate places...not being at his home is not an option.

 

[Cool-Beans]

The divorce during which people are always comfortable having their kids with the ex is rare.

Whether you approve or not, you need to let the kids see their dad. If for no other reason than it looks bad for you in court when you refuse.

I know a couple who married each other after finding their spouses cheating. The two who cheated got married and the two who were cheated on got married. Strange, but true. This guy who was in Iraq may turn out to be your future husband!

Best of luck with whatever you choose.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I'm in agreement that it doesn't sound like a great idea to send your daughter to their house in that situation. Who knows what the other hubby might do

I hope I'm not the only one that feels bad for the guy that was just in Iraq, serve your country only to come home to find your wife left you, thats just not cool.

 

[kellyg403]

I also had a wondering husband, and you want an honest opinion? Yes. you are wrong. Your dd loves her dad, her dad loves her and the adult stuff like adultery are between the two of you, not the children.

Yes, it is morally wrong to be married to one and living with another, but you said you have been separated for a year. Your dd, depending on her age, as an idea that people get girlfriends, boyfriends or get remarried. I am sure there are others in her school.

Honestly if the situation was reversed would you want your soon to be ex to keep your child away from you? Would your personal relationships have anything to do with why type of mom you were?

I know it is hard and the only way I would keep the kids from there dad is if I knew without a shred of doubt and with proof that it was dangerous in some way for them to be at his house. Even then, I probably would figure out a way for them to meet him in public or have him come to my house. They love their dad and that is all that matters.

Kelly

 

[mvazul]

Honestly? As a mom who has experience with custody issues, go with your gut. And contact an attorney as soon as you possibly can.

Good luck!

Michelle

Feel free to PM if you ever want to chat.

 

[Master Mason]

If your looking for a fight over it, I think it is one you will surely lose, he has every right to see his daughter.

If your on speaking terms, then I would discuss your fears with him, one on one away from his new girl friend. Until you have the discussion, you don't have the facts you need.

 

[tinatark]

You need to get a legal separation with a visitation clause that states no visits to a home where either parent cohabitates with a person of the opposite sex.

 

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

You didn't mention the age of your daughter, but perhaps a community meeting place: Theater, bowling alley, mall, etc. There are many things to do and little chance of an incident.
You mention that the new GF is not happy about the situation...well, she created it! She knew she was married and she knew her husband was away in Iraq. (showing her true colors isn't she?) This is not about her feelings or what she needs...
Your daughter should see her father, but safety comes first, GF should step aside and let your ex have some quality time alone with DD.

 

[mickeyboat]

Try as hard as you can to reason with your husband. Suggest places where they could have visitation. Suggest leaving your house so he can visit with her there.

But the truth of the matter is that as her father, your h has the right to see his child wherever he wants as long as there is no proven danger to your daughter there. A mother's gut will not fly in a court of law.

Sounds heartbreaking for you.

Denae

 

[brockash]

Here is a brief synopsis of the last few weeks events:

I am seperated from my DH...have been for a year, no chance of reconciliation. Put off the divorce for medical issues. He met a woman. Just found out she is married. He has moved her in and her husband has just returned from Iraq mere days ago.

I am not sending my daughter there because I have a baaaaddd feeling about this. He and his gf are not happy about it and tell me I am in the wrong for keeping her away from him.

What do you think? Honesty please....

Well you're probably correct. Does the husband that just got back from Iraq even know what's going on yet? I would not send your daughter to your ex's until you know for sure the other husband knows, and has had time for it to all blow over and see what it's like then. If the other husband ends up accepting what's happened and they get seperated/divorced ect. then I think that would be the time that I'd feel comfortable sending my DD back over there. In the mean time I'd just explain to your ex, that you don't know how the other person is going to react (he has to be able to recognize that) and explain that he's more than welcome to come to your house to visit or maybe even take DD out to dinner or movie ect. (somewhere public) but that you want to give it a little time to see what the other guy is like, and what his reaction to everything is going to be.

 

[ilovejack02]

I have several friends that have it in court papers that unless parents are married there can be no overnights with opposite sex while child is in the home.
I am the stepmother of a 19 yr old boy who we have had since he was 4. I am 100% for this. Was it a pain in our first yr of dating YES.. was it best for DSS YES. His bio mom while a nice person and a decent mom, but had a steady stream of boyfriends and not all were trustworthy. One even convicted of molesting his stepdaughter a yr after the bio mom and him had broken up.

Now visiting with the new gf ... that is something you will have to get over. BUT until you know how the hubby that is coming home from Iraq is going to behave, I would keep DD as far away as possible. Even if the man isnt going to be violent, DD still doesnt need to witness a fight of any kind, even just verbal.

 

[brockash]

I also had a wondering husband, and you want an honest opinion? Yes. you are wrong. Your dd loves her dad, her dad loves her and the adult stuff like adultery are between the two of you, not the children.

Yes, it is morally wrong to be married to one and living with another, but you said you have been separated for a year. Your dd, depending on her age, as an idea that people get girlfriends, boyfriends or get remarried. I am sure there are others in her school.

Honestly if the situation was reversed would you want your soon to be ex to keep your child away from you? Would your personal relationships have anything to do with why type of mom you were?

I know it is hard and the only way I would keep the kids from there dad is if I knew without a shred of doubt and with proof that it was dangerous in some way for them to be at his house. Even then, I probably would figure out a way for them to meet him in public or have him come to my house. They love their dad and that is all that matters.

Kelly

I don't think the OP is not wanting her DD to see the ex because the OP is mad/hurt ect. I think the OP is talking about she thinks sending her over there could put her in physical danger -as in the husband that just came home from Iraq, may not like the new situation. I'm thinking the OP is talking about possible domestic violence happening, in which I think she's probably correct that the chances are pretty good in this situation, and her DD could end up being the innocent bystander, who was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't think she's doing it out of revenge or becuase she doesn't agree with the situation. I think she's only concerned about her DD's safety.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Talk to your lawyer and they'll back me up here.

You need to let your ex see his kids. And more important, you need to let the kids see their dad.

The courts don't care that you *think* that *maybe* there *could be* some kind of problem, the exact nature of which you aren't even sure.

The court wants PROOF that the kids ARE in danger. If you want to keep the kids from their dad, you need to file for that sort of custody immediately.

And it won't look good for you if you refuse to allow them to see their dad.

 

[ilovejack02]

I agree with Cool Beans.. talk to attorney asap.
If your ex lives in another town, I would want to file in my own area before he takes you to court in his town.

Oh and i see that the gf's hubby is already back. Do you know him, is there anyway to find out how he is feeling. Heck he might have already known and doesnt care one bit.

 

[kellyg403]

I don't think the OP is not wanting her DD to see the ex because the OP is mad/hurt ect. I think the OP is talking about she thinks sending her over there could put her in physical danger -as in the husband that just came home from Iraq, may not like the new situation. I'm thinking the OP is talking about possible domestic violence happening, in which I think she's probably correct that the chances are pretty good in this situation, and her DD could end up being the innocent bystander, who was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't think she's doing it out of revenge or becuase she doesn't agree with the situation. I think she's only concerned about her DD's safety.

Which is why I added the last part. I will reiterate it for you, if she fears her dd's safety the best thing she can do is initiate contact in a public place or her own home. She has to have proof for the courts and attorneys that something bad is happening at her dad's house. It sounds like situation could become dangerous, those are her options. Legally she can not keep her dd away on maybe's or I think this or that. She really should speak to an attorney before she withdraws visitation, it can backfire in a big way.

That would be my understanding of the situation as she posted it.

Kelly