Honest answers wanted....

[meeskamouska]

Thank you so much for your responses.

I have no issue with my DD, who is 5, seeing her father. I have no real problem (besides morally) of his gf and her kiddos, they have been good to my dd.

This however isn't the first woman he has moved into his house. And the husband from what they have told me is not a nice guy...this coming rom them though doesn't really sway me.

I just don't want my dd put in an already pur in a violatle environment....

Keep em coming.....

 

[meeskamouska]

just bumping to see what others think.....

 

[DawnCt1]

I think you are absolutely correct on many levels.

 

[gate_pourri]

I am confused on this... Are you concerned about the husband coming back from Iraq??? You do know soldiers aren't any more violent than any other profession? I find it very sad that this man comes home from fighting for our country and finds out his wife is leaving him and now people are afraid that he is going to shot up his wife and her new "family".

If you don't want your daughter seeing her father because of he father, that is one thing. Using this solder as your excuse is horrible.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Why don't you call your lawyer?

It's all good and well for the DISers to say you should keep the kid and not let them go. But the DISers didn't spend years in law school and don't specialize in Family Law (or whatever it is called). The DISers also won't be there in court defending you when the crap hits the fan.

You pay your lawyer for his/her expert opinion. It's time to take advantage of that.

 

[chrisw127]

Talk to your lawyer and they'll back me up here.

You need to let your ex see his kids. And more important, you need to let the kids see their dad.

The courts don't care that you *think* that *maybe* there *could be* some kind of problem, the exact nature of which you aren't even sure.

The court wants PROOF that the kids ARE in danger. If you want to keep the kids from their dad, you need to file for that sort of custody immediately.

And it won't look good for you if you refuse to allow them to see their dad.

You're absolutely right. If you can't prove that there is any danger, the court won't keep your child out of the situation.

Is there a temporary custody agreement? If there isn't, your rights aren't spelled out and you have even less control over the situation. While it is possible to have an agreement that the parents will have no overnight visitors of the opposite sex while the child is present, those agreements are frequently not enforced by the courts unless there is a danger to the child. The reasoning behind this is that courts don't want someone's ex controlling the activies of his or her former spouse.

 

[chrisw127]

Why don't you call your lawyer?

It's all good and well for the DISers to say you should keep the kid and not let them go. But the DISers didn't spend years in law school and don't specialize in Family Law (or whatever it is called). The DISers also won't be there in court defending you when the crap hits the fan.

You pay your lawyer for his/her expert opinion. It's time to take advantage of that.

Wait, that's me. But don't take my advice. I don't even know where you live and probably know nothing of the law in your state and my opinion on the matter means nothing.

Seriously, see your lawyer.

 

[meeskamouska]

I understand what legally I should do....I am just curious how people would react to the situation if they were in it???

I am doing what I have been advised to do at this point.

And to the poster about the soldiers....I am not putting him in a box. I could careless if he came back from Iraq or a remote tour in Guam....he is coming home to find his wife and children have moved in with another man all the while he had no idea. I am putting him in a stereoptypical man box..yes...that he might just have a few issues with that.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[barkley]

Thank you so much for your responses.

I have no issue with my DD, who is 5, seeing her father. I have no real problem (besides morally) of his gf and her kiddos, they have been good to my dd.

This however isn't the first woman he has moved into his house. And the husband from what they have told me is not a nice guy...this coming rom them though doesn't really sway me.

I just don't want my dd put in an already pur in a violatle environment....

Keep em coming.....

i agree with others that you should seek legal advice but in the meantime if it were me, i would likely support my position by telling your (soon to be) ex that since you have no personal knowledge of his gf's husband, the only way you've been able to form an opinion is based on their statements pertaining to the man. they've told you "he's not nice", "he's_____________", "he's___________________"...which have led you to believe that there is a potential for x, y, or z to happen (give examples-her husband showing up and potential verbal/physical altercations, inappropriate/hostile messages your dd may overhear on an answering machine...whatever concerns you).

tell him that he/his gf have provided the negative/worrysome information to you-and you are concerned for your dd's wellbeing and safety just as you would hope that if you shared similar information with him he would be worried and want to take protective action. then play nice and tell him you want to work with him to arrange for visitation but in a manner you both feel safe and comfortable with because the truth is if your dd perceives you are scared to send her there it's going to cause issues. issues where she becomes resistent to visiting, or if nothing truly is dangerous about the situation-issue where she becomes confused/internaly questions weather your fears/cautions are realistic.

 

[wall*e2008]

Is there a custody order? If so you must follow it.

 

[Cool-Beans]

You know the law. You know you don't want to follow it.

Only you can decide whether or not breaking the law is worth it at this point. Do remember that your actions will be frowned upon by the court. And if you routinely decide to break the law based on the fact that you *think* it *might be* wrong, the judges will grow weary of you and begin to side against you. They frown on that sort of thing.

I'd send the kids and prepare myself for the fact that they might see people fighting and figure out how to deal with the kids if it upsets them.

Sooner or later, you're going to have to deal with the fact that you don't get to make all the decisions for the kids any longer...and that you may have to pick up the pieces when poor decisions are made. If you don't do it now, the judges will do it for you later. May as well do it now and save yourself the legal aggravation.

 

[barkley]

unless there's a court order on custody/visitation there might not be any violation of the law. in some jurisdictions without a custody order between married/not yet divorced parents of a child, it's not a violation of any law to refuse to permit a parent who has left the child living with the other parent in the family home from taking that child for visiting/spending nights elsewhere.

in the county i worked in if a father in this situation called the police to enforce visitation the first thing they would be asked for is to provide legal proof of custody (esp. if the dad lived at an address other than the one provided for the child)-absent of that the father would be told to high-tail it down to the courthouse to do a quick filing for custodial rights. then the police could intervene and the mother would have to pusue blocking it through the courts.

i'de want everything squared legaly in this kind of situation-if there is a potential for violence i would'nt want my kid near it, and if there's any chance that the gf's husband is going to involve social services in for her taking the kids away without him knowing i would'nt want my kid drug into that mess either.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I'm in agreement that it doesn't sound like a great idea to send your daughter to their house in that situation. Who knows what the other hubby might do

I hope I'm not the only one that feels bad for the guy that was just in Iraq, serve your country only to come home to find your wife left you, thats just not cool.

I know. It's one thing if they are legally seperated, it's another if they are still married. If they are still married and she's been cheating, what kind of sick woman is your soon to be ex dealing with??

Do you know if they are seperated? Or is this guy just in for a shock?

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

OK...let's play out the scenario.

YOU: Judge, I didn't want child to be at her dad's home because his GF has told me that her soon to be ex husband isn't a nice man.

JUDGE: (to dad) is this correct sir?

DAD: No sir, I never said that. She's making it all up.

What do you think the judge will do then?

----------

Granted, this is only one way that it could play out. I understand that you are concerned that the GF's husband won't be happy that is wife left him and that you want to protect your child. The fact is that preventing your child from seeing her dad may hurt you (and child) in a custody battle.

So, talk with an attorney right away. Get visitation rights spelled out. Protect your child that way!

Just my $.02.

K

 

[meeskamouska]

I know. It's one thing if they are legally seperated, it's another if they are still married. If they are still married and she's been cheating, what kind of sick woman is your soon to be ex dealing with??

Do you know if they are seperated? Or is this guy just in for a shock?

The gf personally told me...in some sort of effort to win me over....that she hap not told her husband because she was trying to get back at him for all the horrible things he did to her in their marriage. So, the plan was to find a bf....then suprise him when he arrived home. Then they "fell in love"....blech....

Needless to say I could not get over this woman and told her what I really thought of her....he was apparently told two weeks ago and arrived home a few days ago....

This is really a sick mess.....

 

[freckles and boo]

Do you have a legal separation with the paperwork to back it up or did he just move out?

 

[Janet Hill]

This all sounds like one of those Lifetime Channel crisis movies that don't have a happy ending.

 

[meeskamouska]

This all sounds like one of those Lifetime Channel crisis movies that don't have a happy ending.

I refer to as being dragged into a white trash soap opera.....we were such an ordinary couple too....seems so ridiculous.....

 

[meeskamouska]

Do you have a legal separation with the paperwork to back it up or did he just move out?

We have no legal anything...but, that should be changing soon...

He didn't just move out....it was a very easy transition and then my DD and I moved to another state a few months after. He still has the house....