Homeschooled kids: Do they go away for college?

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I'm faculty at a university. I encounter lots of students who've been homeschooled. Some have problems adjusting and some take to it like a duck to water, just like their traditionally-schooled peers.

I agree.

 

[aristocatz]

Thank you for your responses! I have never met a typically developing home-schooled child (meaning non-special needs), so I had nothing to go on.

I guess my thoughts were there are so many social experiences you go through in high school that really prepares you for the social college experience-cliques, dating in school, teen fights, peer pressure, and teen drama which seems awful at the time but really does prepare you for the social experiences of college. Especially dorm life where you are learning to live with other teens.

Glad to hear that it seems to be a non-issue for many home schooled students!

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I didn't find college anything like high school. I don't know where you went to school but at schools I went to, it was blessedly easy to find a like minded group of people regardless of your interests. Not nearly the sheeple behavior of high school. I don't remember cliques being an issue since high school, either.

As far as dating goes, that isn't a school function.

 

[aristocatz]

I didn't find college anything like high school. I don't know where you went to school but at schools I went to, it was blessedly easy to find a like minded group of people regardless of your interests. Not nearly the sheeple behavior of high school. I don't remember cliques being an issue since high school, either.

As far as dating goes, that isn't a school function.

Well, of course dating is not a school function, but it is a large part of your school experience!

Cliques were definitely an issue in my jr. & high school growing up. I see these issues in the school district I work in as well.

I absolutely found college to be drastically different than high school, but my social experiences in high school (good & bad) had definitely prepared me for social aspects of college.

 

[laurie31]

Well, of course dating is not a school function, but it is a large part of your school experience!

Cliques were definitely an issue in my jr. & high school growing up. I see these issues in the school district I work in as well.

I absolutely found college to be drastically different than high school, but my social experiences in high school (good & bad) had definitely prepared me for social aspects of college.

I totally disagree.

When I was a child, there was no other option but public school. There were no private schools, and I while I know now that homeschooling was going on "back then," I'd never heard of it, much less knew anyone who was homeschooled. So I was a "typical" public schooled child.

I never had a date, went to a dance, or anything remotely like that in high school. None of the girls on A honor roll dated that I know of, and back then, no one went to a dance without being asked by a boy. I know that now, girls go together as friends if they aren't asked, or they ask a boy themselves, but it wasn't done that way when I was in school.

My homeschooled DD has already been to more "school" dances than I ever attended in my life! Boys weren't really a part of MY high school experience at all. I guess cliques were, but in college none of that really mattered; there it was socially acceptable to be friends with people who were different from you. I thought by college, kids had outgrown the clique/drama stuff. Maybe I just wasn't looking for that, so I didn't find it.

Back to boys, even in college, I barely dated. I was in nursing school, which has a way of consuming every waking moment (not to mention many moments when you wish you were sleeping! ) so it was during grad school that I met DH. Don't worry, I had good friends in college, and had a lot of fun, in between care plans and drug cards. But dating was barely on the radar. I never went to a dance in college either.

 

[freepixie]

My mom's cousin homeschooled and still homeschools the little ones, and in their homeschool community, a lot of them send their kids to the same college, and its just like a "thing" but its nice cause they already know a lot of their peers thru the homeschool community. Its a college that really appeals to the homeschool community - when they were talking about it, we started to look things up about it and it seems like they really reach out to the homeschool community which is awesome!!

They have 3 graduated from college (1 married living in TX, 1 single living in DC, and 1 about to become a nun in CO), 2 still in college in CA, and 3 little ones at home in WA!! I really don't know how she does it!! All these kids and they are all over the country!! Whew!!

 

[sl_underwood]

mine will... she is planning to go to school in NY and we live in OK. She is a social butterfly, has many friends, both public schooled and homeschooled. She dates, attends parties and proms. She relates well with people of all ages and has no trouble in social situations. She holds a job, loves her uggs and her ipod, is a pretty exceptional teenager. I know many homeschooled kids who have went to college, joined the military, and even a few who run thriving businesses. I think some homeschooled children may have trouble adjusting to college but then so will some public schooled children. It is not about public school vs homeschool, not really.

 

[bumbershoot]

I know alot of you on here homeschool your kids & I wondered for the ones that homeschooled through high school: did your kids go away for college? Take on the full college experience with living in dorms and such?

If so, how did they adjust, since they didn't have the same social experience in high school as other kids?

I first heard of homeschooling while in college, working in the Admissions office one summer. We were on some project filing admissions packets, and came across some homeschool student applications.

If you ever wander through college websites, you can notice how many have pages dedicated to homeschool applicants. Duke is particularly lovely about it, as is Harvard.

Case in point...I was in public school my whole life and was terribly shy. Seriously, in grade school if someone looked at me wrong I would cry! It had more to do with my personality (shy, timid) than whether or not I was socializing properly. My girls are the complete opposite of me and talk to anyone and everyone that will listen to them!

A homeschooled child probably does do more independant study which is very similiar to college work.

Me too! Through HS I went home with blotches on my face, neck and chest (probably hives, but I just thought of them as embarrassing and hideous blotches then) from the social pressures. Not b/c the work was too hard, but because I just needed to get home and decompress from all the students. Oh and I started school Every Single Day with a sick stomach from fear of dealing with my peers.

My son is a social butterfly! He loves talking to other kids and adults, can't get enough of it.

I agree with the work comment, too.

NOW-this sounds odd, but my kids attend school WITH some homeschoolers. one of the ways you can legaly homeschool in our state is to affiliate with an existing private school so there are some homeschool families that affiliate with ours. the homeschooler's use the same curriculum, and when the curriculum calls for certain things that are better suited to a brick and morter school (like science fairs) the homeschooler's join in.

That isn't how I understood it in WA. That it's not an affiliation thing, but just that it's a "hey if you want to come to a class, go for it" thing. So if DS wants to do more than extracurricular sports, he can join a team at a local school, or if he wants to learn a language I can't help him with, he could join in.

Same result as what you are describing, of course, so it's NOT a big deal, though.


And yay, WA allows homeschoolers to join in on their Head Start program with colleges! It's a program where juniors can start taking comm college courses concurrently, and it's awesome! I really hope that, if we are still in WA at the time, DS will qualify. Get that basic English and Math, etc, done with!

My DFi's sister is a senior in High School this year. She's been home schooled for 2 years and has developed a really intense bond with her mother- they are NEVER apart. BUT, she was just accepted to a school on the East Coast (they live in the West) and she is going.

It will be interesting to see how she adjusts. I can only imagine that it's a very tough transition.

I had a very deep bond with my mom, too. I moved to WA just as my mom moved from CA to FL! It was really weird. She eventually paid for an 800 number for her house so I could call her whenever I wanted to, only taking her sleep into account. That was lovely of her. I did really well with college; didn't even get homesick until my sophomore year (but that was mainly for CA, and my cure for it was a trip back to CA)! I totally surprised my mom with how well I did going away for college.

However, he's against homechooling his own kids. He feels that it did not emotionally prepare him for the world. Oh sure, he made friends right off the bat, then he went through his pre-teen phase and gave up all his old friends for new "cooler" friends, then he went through his high school phase where he realized that being cool was not the be all end all and went back to his old friends. He states that by missing out on these traditional times of social interaction in his life he is now at the same social/emotional level as his wife...who is about 12 years his junior.

I must be missing something. Because it sounds, to me, like he went through the EXACT process that school-schooled kids go through. I certainly wanted to do it! But when you are IN school with kids...it's really really HARD to do that! Because they are all right there, in your face, wondering why you're ignoring them now. So really, he lived the dream, man....

I guess my thoughts were there are so many social experiences you go through in high school that really prepares you for the social college experience-cliques, dating in school, teen fights, peer pressure, and teen drama which seems awful at the time but really does prepare you for the social experiences of college. Especially dorm life where you are learning to live with other teens.

But those things aren't part of college. Well, peer pressure, maybe, but are we really thinking that HS helps kids deny peer pressure????

I dated outside of school, not during schooltime. OK sure, my first date was after my friends lured me and my crush into the proproom in Theater, then turned off the lights, left the room, and closed the door so I could just ask him to the dance...so that was a date made at school. But everything else was phone calls. And all of my dates weren't in my actual grade, so I could have met them elsewhere, and NEVER had to deal with the one proper boyfriend I had sitting next to me in class, etc.

Teen fights...didn't have that in college, except for the girl who blackballed me from her sorority b/c I dated the guy she thought she was dating. I will tell you, I NEVER had that experience in HS so HS didn't help with it.

Anyway, those things aren't really *school* related. And can easily be figured out!




Wanted to say....in "school" you're mainly dealing with your own grade, unless you happen to be on a team of some sort. In college, other than the very basic classes, you could be in with kids who skipped grades and are therefore 15 or so, up to adult transfer students. You are dealing with different ages every day. So in that respect, school-school really doesn't help. IMO and in my experience.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

Well, of course dating is not a school function, but it is a large part of your school experience!

Cliques were definitely an issue in my jr. & high school growing up. I see these issues in the school district I work in as well.

I absolutely found college to be drastically different than high school, but my social experiences in high school (good & bad) had definitely prepared me for social aspects of college.

Everyone's experiences as teens whether home or school prepare a student. You may think that your dealings with cliques made you a better person for getting through them, but that is assuming that the homeschooled student exists in a vaccume. My kids, all the kids I know who are teens at home are involved with people too. It may not be concentrated, and it may not be as brutal as high school can be for someone who is different, but I suspect that is a good thing.

Right now I have one butterfly and one nerd in college. They were both exposed to teen groups, co ops, jobs, and early college courses at the community college. They learned to deal with other people, including teens, with respect, friendliness, etc. It has worked well thus far in our lives.

High School is one of the most mucked up situations around for a large percentage of students. It is the only time in life that for four years people who will mean nothing to you have far too much power over you. And for most it ends with the handing of the diploma.

While this may seem a defensive post, picture it with wry friendliness. I gave up a long time ago trying to convince people that homeschoolers aren't the freaks you see on wife swap, but merely people exercising a different choice to do what works for them personally.

 

[aristocatz]

Everyone's experiences as teens whether home or school prepare a student. You may think that your dealings with cliques made you a better person for getting through them, but that is assuming that the homeschooled student exists in a vaccume. My kids, all the kids I know who are teens at home are involved with people too. It may not be concentrated, and it may not be as brutal as high school can be for someone who is different, but I suspect that is a good thing.

Right now I have one butterfly and one nerd in college. They were both exposed to teen groups, co ops, jobs, and early college courses at the community college. They learned to deal with other people, including teens, with respect, friendliness, etc. It has worked well thus far in our lives.

High School is one of the most mucked up situations around for a large percentage of students. It is the only time in life that for four years people who will mean nothing to you have far too much power over you. And for most it ends with the handing of the diploma.

While this may seem a defensive post, picture it with wry friendliness. I gave up a long time ago trying to convince people that homeschoolers aren't the freaks you see on wife swap, but merely people exercising a different choice to do what works for them personally.

I do read your post as a little unnecessarily defensive, but I thank you for sharing your thoughts. I certainly was not suggesting that kids who are homeschooled are freaks & I don't watch wifeswap, so I'm not sure what you mean. I was just interested in how they adapt to college, since there are social experiences & exposures you receive in a high school setting (good and bad and happen to people who are both loners and the prom queen) that do definitely help with the social experiences and exposures that many experience in non-commuter school college.