Homecoming proposal idea

[disneychrista]

If you read the message boards on various wedding sites, there are a lot of women in their 20s who are crying, devastated, etc because their proposal wasn't "good enough". Me thinks they might have been part of this prom/homecoming proposal trend in high school and just expect things to get bigger and better.

I think I will pass.

I am sure there are people who expect the biggest bestest of everything. At V-Day when the guys are all stressing over what to get their GF's. I always joke about how I would make a great GF because I don't like flowers, jewelry, etc. Just give me your time. But alas I am single.

 

[MermaidMommy]

It's all well and good to say that kids should just ask and not make a big deal out of it. But, where I live, it's become expected for any type of dance -- Homecoming, prom, and Sadie-Hawkins dances where the girls ask the boys.
It's so expected that, unfortunately, not to have a "proposal" would be a huge insult and result in very hurt feelings. In this social media era, kids all post their proposals, so it's quite obvious if someone is slighted.

For kids in our area, they always find out first if someone will go with them (generally by text) BEFORE the proposal, so it's not typical for anyone to get turned down at the proposal.

And, I'm not sure why it's unusual for a boy to ask his mom for suggestions. DD asked all her friends for help, plus asking me for my suggestions. And, as she doesn't have a DIS account, she wouldn't ask here. But, I might.

Also, it's definitely NOT a trend that's driven by parents. It's not a somethjng that I like, but I also don't like the crazy homecoming mums we have here either. Unfortunately, it's the norm in some areas.

 

[mjkacmom]

No, of course not. (There was actually suppose to be a space between the two sentences.)

We didn't follow the crowd with all of the new fads. Sounds like you didn't either.

This is a fad. A fad, that in this instance is being fully supported by the parents.

Sorry but this is a dance. Just a dance. Ask her or don't.

Imagine, if you need to come up with some elaborate way to ask her to a dance, what will you have to come up with if you want to ask her to get married? I really see this as the beginning of destination birthday parties for teens and later, baby-moons.

Well, I guess I fully supported my kids when they did it, because it was such a small thing (ds had his artistic friend make a poster, the last one dd had involved a Chipotle bowl being hand delivered with a silly quote on it, and I don't even remember the previous ones). There are so many things I don't want my teens to jump on the bandwagon of (drugs, smoking, tattoos...) that promposal aren't even on my radar.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

It's all well and good to say that kids should just ask and not make a big deal out of it. But, where I live, it's become expected for any type of dance -- Homecoming, prom, and Sadie-Hawkins dances where the girls ask the boys.
It's so expected that, unfortunately, not to have a "proposal" would be a huge insult and result in very hurt feelings. In this social media era, kids all post their proposals, so it's quite obvious if someone is slighted.

For kids in our area, they always find out first if someone will go with them (generally by text) BEFORE the proposal, so it's not typical for anyone to get turned down at the proposal.

And, I'm not sure why it's unusual for a boy to ask his mom for suggestions. DD asked all her friends for help, plus asking me for my suggestions. And, as she doesn't have a DIS account, she wouldn't ask here. But, I might.

Also, it's definitely NOT a trend that's driven by parents. It's not a somethjng that I like, but I also don't like the crazy homecoming mums we have here either. Unfortunately, it's the norm in some areas.

So all of this time and energy, and hurt feelings if someone doesn't do it, and it is all for show? Wow.

 

[smadath]

It's all well and good to say that kids should just ask and not make a big deal out of it. But, where I live, it's become expected for any type of dance -- Homecoming, prom, and Sadie-Hawkins dances where the girls ask the boys.
It's so expected that, unfortunately, not to have a "proposal" would be a huge insult and result in very hurt feelings. In this social media era, kids all post their proposals, so it's quite obvious if someone is slighted.

For kids in our area, they always find out first if someone will go with them (generally by text) BEFORE the proposal, so it's not typical for anyone to get turned down at the proposal.

And, I'm not sure why it's unusual for a boy to ask his mom for suggestions. DD asked all her friends for help, plus asking me for my suggestions. And, as she doesn't have a DIS account, she wouldn't ask here. But, I might.

Also, it's definitely NOT a trend that's driven by parents. It's not a somethjng that I like, but I also don't like the crazy homecoming mums we have here either. Unfortunately, it's the norm in some areas.

So, the boy (or girl) already asked the girl (or boy), they already said Yes, and then they put on some elaborate proposal?

That makes sense.

Thank goodness I grew up in the 80's before this 'custom' (at least not in my neck of the woods) and not today! Just asking or being asked was stressful enough without all the hoopla.

 

[Marionnette]

I've seen this trend among engaged couples and then when they marry and have children. Everything has to be over-the-top. You cannot just ask your friends to be in your wedding party - you have to stage it with elaborate gifts and a theme. You can't just spread the word about your date - you have to send out elaborate (and themed) "save-the-date" reminders. You do a wedding countdown website that chronicles your relationship story. You have wedding events for the bridal party to bring them closer together - golf outings, painting parties, etc. And then forget about going to work during "wedding week". The entire wedding party is expected to be available to do the bride's bidding. This is what happens when snowflakes grow up expecting the spotlight to be focused on them, and a celebration planned, for every mundane event like "graduating" kindergarten or obtaining their driver's license.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I've seen this trend among engaged couples and then when they marry and have children. Everything has to be over-the-top. You cannot just ask your friends to be in your wedding party - you have to stage it with elaborate gifts and a theme. You can't just spread the word about your date - you have to send out elaborate (and themed) "save-the-date" reminders. You do a wedding countdown website that chronicles your relationship story. You have wedding events for the bridal party to bring them closer together - golf outings, painting parties, etc. And then forget about going to work during "wedding week". The entire wedding party is expected to be available to do the bride's bidding. This is what happens when snowflakes grow up expecting the spotlight to be focused on them, and a celebration planned, for every mundane event like "graduating" kindergarten or obtaining their driver's license.

All of it has to be chronicled on social media. Extensively.

 

[Dakota731]

It's just another sign of the times that things keep getting more and more over the top. If homecoming gets an elaborate "proposal" then how much bigger does a real engagement have to be? My daughter recently got married and instead of a simple bachelorette party like we had, her maid of honor wanted everyone to fly to Vegas for a Hangover type weekend. Luckily my sensible daughter nixed that idea. Everything has to be bigger and better and celebrity-like nowadays. Homecoming turns into Oscar-type events which means weddings have to be even more grand. No wonder young people are in debt!
And I find it interesting how some parents are so involved in their kids' dating lives! I would have been mortified if my mom was so interested in my love life!

 

[MermaidMommy]

So, the boy (or girl) already asked the girl (or boy), they already said Yes, and then they put on some elaborate proposal?

That makes sense.

Thank goodness I grew up in the 80's before this 'custom' (at least not in my neck of the woods) and not today! Just asking or being asked was stressful enough without all the hoopla.

Yep, they don't want to put themselves out there to formally "ask" without being sure that they'll get a yea answer. It seems crazy, but that's how they do it, at least around here.

I'm an 80's girl, too, so I understand where you're coming from. I will say, though, that the thing that keeps me from hating this completely is that the "asking" doesn't actually have to be elaborate. DD was asked last year by the boy coming to our house to set up some note cards for a scavenger hunt, which directed her to where he was waiting, and he had a bouquet of flowers and a sign. Cupcakes or balloons plus a sign are also common, and often are sweet and tailored to the person they're asking. At least in our area, a "good" proposal just needs to be cute or creative or thoughtful, and expense doesn't factor in at all.

 

[AlohaNow]

And I find it interesting how some parents are so involved in their kids' dating lives! I would have been mortified if my mom was so interested in my love life!

Exactly. Boy has either got game or he doesn't.

(Is anyone else thinking of Chad Danforth and Taylor McKessie after reading this thread?)

 

[Lavitz]

So all of this time and energy, and hurt feelings if someone doesn't do it, and it is all for show? Wow.

Marriage is a piece of paper, but the multi-billion dollar wedding industry is still a thing.

 

[Lavitz]

Was going to delete this, but ahh well.

*steps onto soapbox*
Coming from someone who works daily with teens, it's great that a teen is comfortable enough to ask embarrassing questions like this to their parents. It means they: a) are comfortable enough to ask dumb questions to parents and b)respect their parent's advice. If a teen can't bring themselves to ask small stupid questions like this to their parents it is very unlikely they will ask parent's advice on more serious problems they have in life. Like the questions most parents would really, really want them to ask. I've had teens tell me about all sorts of messed up issues they have (abuse, sexting, crime, drugs etc.) and ask for advice. When I ask what advice their parents had for them they almost always answer they haven't told them. Yes you really don't want to have kids that make it a habit of asking their parents on every single aspect of dating, but the occasional "I can't think of a way to impress my girlfriend/boyfriend, any ideas?" from them is perfectly healthy and better than the alternative.
*steps off soapbox*

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Marriage is a piece of paper, but the multi-billion dollar wedding industry is still a thing.

Well, we are coming from two very different places. Marriage is much more than a piece of paper. (Still not a reason to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, in my opinion.)

This, "proposing" to your girlfriend for a date, is simply that: asking your girlfriend for a date. Sounds like date proposals will soon be a multi-billion dollar industry.

 

[Hikergirl]

LOL, I thought the thread was going to be a man asking a woman to marry him on their way home from WDW. I was thinking its the first I heard of that, usually they ask while at WDW.

Not sure about the blanket, to me it screams "I want to be all over you at Homecoming"

I think he should set it up, have a picnic on it and just ask her. She's his girlfriend, if she's expecting something more elaborate and her answer depends on what he does, then at least he can dump her before its time for a real proposal.

Okay, I'm just kidding, kind of.

 

[leebee]

It only "is what it is" because people accept it. Or even encourage it. If parents would say, "you are already boyfriend and girlfriend. Just ask her," instead of helping the boy think up some grand plan for the "proposal," then this craziness might end.

Yeah. We let "boys will be boys" cover a lot of crap for a lot of years, too.

So all of this time and energy, and hurt feelings if someone doesn't do it, and it is all for show? Wow.

Absolutely WOW. You've already asked and received an answer, but now you have to ASK with a SHOW? Hmmm… It seems like "Look at me, look at me," and also kind of superficial. I'll do a "big deal" for you, but only if I know you'll say yes? Hmmm...

Yep, they don't want to put themselves out there to formally "ask" without being sure that they'll get a yes answer. It seems crazy, but that's how they do it, at least around here.

I'm an 80's girl, too, so I understand where you're coming from. I will say, though, that the thing that keeps me from hating this completely is that the "asking" doesn't actually have to be elaborate. DD was asked last year by the boy coming to our house to set up some note cards for a scavenger hunt, which directed her to where he was waiting, and he had a bouquet of flowers and a sign. Cupcakes or balloons plus a sign are also common, and often are sweet and tailored to the person they're asking. At least in our area, a "good" proposal just needs to be cute or creative or thoughtful, and expense doesn't factor in at all.

How is this NOT elaborate? That's more elaborate than my marriage proposal was, and I've been married to the guy for 30 years so it's not like a "lame" proposal means a "lame" relationship!

 

[mjkacmom]

Yeah. We let "boys will be boys" cover a lot of crap for a lot of years, too.



Absolutely WOW. You've already asked and received an answer, but now you have to ASK with a SHOW? Hmmm… It seems like "Look at me, look at me," and also kind of superficial. I'll do a "big deal" for you, but only if I know you'll say yes? Hmmm...



How is this NOT elaborate? That's more elaborate than my marriage proposal was, and I've been married to the guy for 30 years so it's not like a "lame" proposal means a "lame" relationship!

DH proposed to me, even though he knew I'd say yes (we were living together, ordered the rings, booked the church and reception...). It was still romantic.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

How is this NOT elaborate? That's more elaborate than my marriage proposal was, and I've been married to the guy for 30 years so it's not like a "lame" proposal means a "lame" relationship!

"Not elaborate" for a date is calling and asking. Or walking up to her and asking.

My husband simply asked me to marry him. No jumbotron, no 6 weeks of planning, no 100 people involved.

DH proposed to me, even though he knew I'd say yes (we were living together, ordered the rings, booked the church and reception...). It was still romantic.

Of course he needed to ask you at some point. My husband proposed to me as well. We had talked about it, but it was always "when we get married" or "after we are married."

What is sad is that people are comparing a teen asking his girlfriend for a date to a man asking his girlfriend for her hand in marriage. It should be at least a little different.

 

[luvsJack]

It was "too stressful" when you thought he didn't know if the girl was going to say yes and then it was worse when you found out they were bf/gf. Geeze people, lighten up a little. Kids do it because its fun.

Besides, being his gf means he gets to take her for granted and assume that she is going to the dance with him? Wow, thought we had come up in the world from that.

Anyway, sounds like he wants to do something nice. I like the idea of a picnic.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

It was "too stressful" when you thought he didn't know if the girl was going to say yes and then it was worse when you found out they were bf/gf. Geeze people, lighten up a little. Kids do it because its fun.

Besides, being his gf means he gets to take her for granted and assume that she is going to the dance with him? Wow, thought we had come up in the world from that.

Anyway, sounds like he wants to do something nice. I like the idea of a picnic.

I don't know that anyone said that he shouldn't ask her. But an elaborate affair to ask her to a dance he already asked her to attend? Sorry, that seems a tad overboard.

And to call it a proposal? We are talking about a high school dance, right?

 

[Hikergirl]

It was "too stressful" when you thought he didn't know if the girl was going to say yes and then it was worse when you found out they were bf/gf. Geeze people, lighten up a little. Kids do it because its fun.

Kids do it because its fun? I don't think so, its a source of stress around here around prom time. Boys worried about whether or not their proposal is good enough, and even some worried that they may get a proposal from someone they don't want one from. Happened to one of dd's friends last year, she said it was beyond awkward for the girl and for the crowd of witnesses.
Anyway its okay that some think its fun and its okay that parents think its pretty stupid. That is how it works, I'm sure our parents thought a bunch of stuff we did as teens was stupid too. Someday these teens will have their own teens doing stupid things LOL.