Home schooling question

[douglisa]

My son is 7 and is very social, to the point that it is affecting his learning. The school wants to have him tested because they feel he can not help it. At home he is wonderful and I was suprised when I took him to a Scout meeting and he was like a different kid. Very disruptive and a bit disrespectful. My husband usually takes him but he had been talking about pulling him out because of his behavior. (I went to see what he was talking about) In my sons defence though, it was VERY boring. Mostly the adults just talking for the benefits of the other adults w/ little activity for the kids. (But then that's another story) I am afraid that the school will suggest meds and I would rather he not be on them. Because of this I have considered home schooling. My worry is that I will not be good at it. My husband has to help him w/ his math homework because I have problems w/ math.I am excellent in most other areas of study though. I am suprised at some of the stuff they have him do and how much homework he has. Seems a bit much for a seven yr old sometimes. I also worry about the cost of home schooling.
My question is should I do it? Can I do it? Has anyone else doubted their ability to home school?

 

[mericletwins]

I can't really help you with homeschooling because I have never done it, but I am a teacher. What grade is your son in? Are scouts and school the first group social settings your son has been in? Is he an only child? Did he got to a pre-k, nursery school or daycare before going to school? It could be he is having difficulty adjusting to the structure of these settings, having to sit, follow multi-step directions that may conflict with what he wants to do, waiting his turn, etc. If he has no prior experience with this type of setting that could be why he is acting the way he is. I also have a seven year old and we have some adjustment to school issues in kindergarten which I didn't see coming due to the fact that he went to a nursery school and our public school's half day pre-k program. The curriculum in the early grades is much more demanding than it used to be.

As far as the school testing him, I never saw the harm in a child being tested. It just gives the parent and the school more info to help in whatever situation he may find himself. Also, meds are prescribed by a Dr. not the school. The school can't make you give your child meds. Has the school said that they are going to test him? I would suggest you consult your pediatrician to see if you can find out what is going on. You have said that you and DH have seen a definite difference in attitude and behavior from home to these kinds of group settings. Talk to your Dr. about it and be proactive to the situation instead of reactive to whatever the school says.

I would be a little leery of pulling him out of school if his difficulty lies in adjusting to this kind of group setting. Your son can't avoid this type of setting forever and delaying his exposure to them may make the adjustment more difficult as he gets older.

I am not trying to say don't homeschool, I am just trying to say that you should get to the bottom of whatever is causing the behavior that you are seeing before you make a decision, so you can make sure that you are making the best decision for your son, which is what I am sure you want to do. It could be a simple problem or one that is more complex, but whatever it is, I think you will feel better knowing what is causing the problem and how to deal with it either in a traditional school setting or a homeschool setting.


I hope I helped a little and didn't come off as being harsh, because I don't mean it that way at all. I know how stressful this can be on a parent because I have experienced it myself.

 

[TheRatPack]

You might want to post this on the Homeschooling thread Lots of homeschoolers over there that could help you. Funny enough, there are quite a few programs that are video or Internet driven that have 'teacher' help when you need it, so the parent doesn't have to know everything. He would still need socialization though....even homeschoolers socialize

 

[Minnie_me]

I think that you're looking at homeschooling as a way to avoid finding out what your DS's issues may be. I've been teaching for over 20 years, and I would advise you to go ahead with the school's testing. No matter what they find, it can only help you help your son in the long run. A school cannot prescribe medication, only a doctor can. They also can't force any such thing upon you, even if they recommend it, so there's really nothing to worry about!

Your concerns about your ability to homeschool may be valid. If you have difficulty with 1st or 2nd grade math, how do you expect to teach it to your son? In order to teach something, you really need to have a solid understanding of it yourself.

My advice is to view the school as your partner in your child's education, and know that they have his best interest at heart. Go ahead with the testing and see what it reveals. Good luck!!

 

[badblackpug]

I think that you're looking at homeschooling as a way to avoid finding out what your DS's issues may be. I've been teaching for over 20 years, and I would advise you to go ahead with the school's testing. No matter what they find, it can only help you help your son in the long run. A school cannot prescribe medication, only a doctor can. They also can't force any such thing upon you, even if they recommend it, so there's really nothing to worry about!

Your concerns about your ability to homeschool may be valid. If you have difficulty with 1st or 2nd grade math, how do you expect to teach it to your son? In order to teach something, you really need to have a solid understanding of it yourself.

My advice is to view the school as your partner in your child's education, and know that they have his best interest at heart. Go ahead with the testing and see what it reveals. Good luck!!

I have to agree with this. At home the quietest of my kids is my 10 year old daughter, my 7 year old son NEVER shuts up. Guess who gets in trouble in school for talking? Yep...the 10 year old! Meet with the teacher. Maybe there is some behavior modifications such as "time out" or "losing recess" that will help to curb his behavior. Maybe some consequences at school followed up with consequences at home will do the trick. Last year we told my daughter that if we had one more complaint from the teacher about talking she wasn't going to WDW. It stopped!

PS: I know I can't homeschool. Aside from the job thing, I don't have the patience, or the knowledge to do so.

 

[hildarumpole]

If your son is a different person at school or in large group settings than he is at home, he may be acting up just to get attention, not suffering from any sort of learning or behavior disorder. Did his kindergarten teacher ever express concerns about his behavior? I'm wondering if the teacher has some classroom management issues that are conflicting with your son's naturally social behavior. When my DS13 was in 1st grade, his teacher insisted he had ADD or ADHD and wanted him tested. I didn't think it was the case, because he never exhibited those traits at home. I talked to our family dr. about it and he recommended we have him tested on our own at the University hospital, because of the way schools are funded for special ed. in my state. There's an economic incentive for the school district to get as many kids labeled special needs as they can, so more often than not, the district's team of therapists and recommended dr. finds some sort of problem. My son was tested at the University and was found to be a tactile learner, so the lecturing style of the teacher was conflicting with his learning style. No ADD or ADHD traits at all. The teacher didn't like the report and didn't want to make any of the recommended accomodations, so it was a long year. Unfortunately, this cloud of suspicion hung over my son through 5th grade with various teachers and negatively effected his attitude about school. Looking back, I wish I had homeschooled him. You know your son best. Do what your gut tells you. If you think testing him would be helpful, go ahead, but don't feel like you have to do it just because the school is asking for it. Would your son's teacher be willing to allow you to sit in the classroom a couple days to observe what's going on? This might help both sides understand the situation better and come up with a plan of action.

If you decide to homeschool, many states offer virtual public schooling through Connections Academy and K12. It's free online schooling. Check if it's available in your state. Otherwise, you can buy the programs. I've heard good things about both of them. Calvert also offers an excellent online curriculum. If you're not great in a subject area, the virtual schools have teachers to provide support. Good luck to you and your son.

 

[adoptionmomma4]

I am a home schooling mom to 4 children. We decided to home school for many reasons. One of them is because the schools wanted to label my child instead of help her. She was not having behavior issues, but was falling behind in reading. I had conference after conference with the teachers and they all said her reading was not bad enough to receive services. We had her in reading tutoring at the local university, reading therapy and eye therapy. It was not until the results from the achievement test came back that they decided they wanted me to get her an IEP. I thought that was a huge step to go from no services to and IEP. We finished up that year and they are all now home with me.

Was it difficult and scary deciding to home school? Absolutely! Am I glad we made this decision? Absolutely! I will say it is hard and a doubt my ability every day. Most home school moms I know do this. I know home school moms who are certified teachers and they doubt their ability as well. You will not know everything about every subject. However neither do teachers. You will pick a curriculum that works for you and your child. You will have teacher books, the internet and the library to help you gain a solid understanding of any subject you teach. If you have a problem with something it is likely that your husband would be able to help or possibly grandparents, other family members or friends. We belong to a home school group and many of the parents are great at certain subjects and would be glad to help your child. We also have a college math professor at our church that is more than willing to help our children (luckily my husband is a math wiz). I also struggled with explaining the math curriculum my children had in public school. It was just being taught a different way than I was. We use a great math curriculum and I understand it as well as my children. With home schooling you just have to find something that works and go with it. It may be different every year. Home schooling is not easy. It is not an easy answer for fixing a school problem. However, it is something that can be done and done well.

I will agree with the other posters to go ahead with the testing. It can not hurt and I am sure you want to be as informed as possible about your child. You do not have to do anything the school suggests, but they may have some very good suggestions. I was sure they were going to suggest medication for my spirited son. It was never even mentioned.

Good luck with whatever you decided. If you have any questions on home schooling please feel free to PM me and check out the home school thread. I mainly read over there, but they do have a lot of helpful information.

ETA: I have found home school to be somewhat expensive. I also have 3 children to purchase curriculum for. There are affordable options including buying used teacher and student text, virtual schools and going to curriculum swaps. If you stick to purchasing only what you need I think it can be done affordably. I tend to over buy and I love to collect school things so I spend way more than is actually necessary.

We chose to piece or own curriculum because we wanted more control over what our children were learning. I wanted to be able to move them up or back in any subject as I thought was necessary. I am looking into Calvert for my older DD for next year. She is going to in 5th grade and like all home school moms I know I feel I am not giving her enough. My neighbor who is a 4th grade teacher however disagrees and says she is doing more than enough. We will find out when we have our assessment in a few months

 

[disneybell]

If you do decide to home school and are concerned about teaching math look into Saxon Math. I use it and love it. My daughter hated math because it was so easy she would act up and be silly. I had such a hard time getting her to concentrate. So I bumped her up a grade and switched to Saxon and she's doing great. The thing I love about Saxon is it is all about repetition and the teachers manual has basically a script that I can follow it tells you word for word what to do and what you should review that day. It is very time consuming but I feel like she is really learning and understanding it. Now that it is challenging she isn't acting up.

She is going to go to a private school next year but I do not regret keeping her home these last few years. Every year my husband and I have had the debate - home school vs private school. It is such a hard and personal decision. I will home school our son next year but we'll start debating again when he goes into first grade!

There are a lot of resources out there for home school moms. Find them and also research the laws in your state. My state requires we log our hours. My sister's state requires yearly testing and she has to send them her curriculum and her childrens grade's. For me lots of research and knowing other home school moms gave me the confidence to do it.

 

[danx2plus3more]

yes have the testing done...the school can not diagnose though... you can have private testing if it makes you feel better..they can not force you to put him on meds..you are the parent..thats all for now

 

[douglisa]

mericletwins:
Thank you for answering! He was in a daycare that was also like a preschool from the time he was born till he was 4. Then he was in Headstart and would go to the preschool type daycare the few extra hours till I could pick him up from work. He has been in group swimming lessons and has had frequent play dates. He has an older brother that is 17. He has been well socialized from birth. He is so good at home but in large groups he acts like he thinks he is a super star!

 

[douglisa]

My DH can help him w/ the math. I always got high marks in all the other subjects. He was fine till he started public school. Never had any complaints from daycare or headstart other than he talks a bunch. LOL I wonder if he just wants to entertain. Anyone know how to move this over to the homeschool thread?

 

[bumbershoot]

My DH can help him w/ the math. I always got high marks in all the other subjects. He was fine till he started public school. Never had any complaints from daycare or headstart other than he talks a bunch. LOL I wonder if he just wants to entertain. Anyone know how to move this over to the homeschool thread?

I don't think anything would prohibit your husband from teaching him math and you teaching him other subjects. That's what we plan on doing, if I can't explain things to DS (sometimes I think differently from others, and don't "get" things in the same way).

As for the behaviour, this might be way off, but does he eat things at school and boy scouts that he doesn't normally eat, and didn't used to eat? In July, a light finally went off with us, and we realized that DS has major, dramatic, HUGE behaviour changes when he eats things with high fructose corn syrup. Since then we've realized it goes further, and so corn syrup and corn syrup solids are off the menu. It's possible ALL corn is off his menu, but since he hates the changes in his behaviour just as much as we do (possibly more so...he almost goes bonkers and you can see in his eyes that he's bewildered), it's hard to experiment.

So, for instance, if you pack him an Uncrustables for lunch every day, and if they have M&Ms for snack at boy scouts, that might be something to look into (uncrustables are loaded with junk, by the way). If he's one way at home and one way elsewhere...start looking at the food differences.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Let me start by saying that I have nothing against homeschooling and I truly think that some kids do benefit greatly from it. However, if your son is having social problems I don't think homeschooling is the answer. It seems to me that you need to find out why he is having these problems. Even homeschoolers have their children in group activities. So your son will have to learn to cope with those situations even if he is homeschooled unless you don't plan on him socializing at all. Why not have him tested and find out if there really is a problem that you are unaware of? They can't force you to medicate him and like a previous poster stated sometimes it is dietary. I would try to get to the bottom of the problem before looking for a fix. JMHO. Good luck.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

mericletwins:
Thank you for answering! He was in a daycare that was also like a preschool from the time he was born till he was 4. Then he was in Headstart and would go to the preschool type daycare the few extra hours till I could pick him up from work. He has been in group swimming lessons and has had frequent play dates. He has an older brother that is 17. He has been well socialized from birth. He is so good at home but in large groups he acts like he thinks he is a super star!:cool1:

Then taking him out of a group setting is nto going to help him. JMHO.

 

[douglisa]

I am planning having him tested no matter what. Along w/ the school we have tried behavior modification which only works for a little while making us change the incentive over and over to keep him interested in achieving the desired behaviors. At first we started w/ stars, then we moved onto the pool being his reward @ the end of the week. Now it is money so he can save for exotic taxidermied (sp?) bugs from around the world. By the way.... off topic, you should check them out on Ebay if you have a kid that is as crazy about bugs as mine is. LOL Now the bugs have lost their luster for him and I am not so sure I like sending him the message that he gets things for behavior he is capable of w/ out the reward system. The reason I considered homeschooling is because his distraction is causing him to do poorly when I know he is capable of so much more.

Let me start by saying that I have nothing against homeschooling and I truly think that some kids do benefit greatly from it. However, if your son is having social problems I don't think homeschooling is the answer. It seems to me that you need to find out why he is having these problems. Even homeschoolers have their children in group activities. So your son will have to learn to cope with those situations even if he is homeschooled unless you don't plan on him socializing at all. Why not have him tested and find out if there really is a problem that you are unaware of? They can't force you to medicate him and like a previous poster stated sometimes it is dietary. I would try to get to the bottom of the problem before looking for a fix. JMHO. Good luck.

 

[mickeyjen]

I don't think homeschooling would be an unreasonable answer... As long as he continues to have interactions outside the home (though you might want to look for a different scout troop!), it may be better for him to be doing his learning in an environment that is conducive to learning. It is unlikely that spending 7.5 hours a day in a setting where he is being called a behavior issue will help him in the socialization department. KWIM?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think homeschooling would be an unreasonable answer... As long as he continues to have interactions outside the home (though you might want to look for a different scout troop!), it may be better for him to be doing his learning in an environment that is conducive to learning. It is unlikely that spending 7.5 hours a day in a setting where he is being called a behavior issue will help him in the socialization department. KWIM?

Yes, but the OP states that the child does not have this problem at home. Of course he doesn't because he does not have to wait his turn or listen to directions or sit quietly until called on etc. I am not saying the OP's kid is a bad kid but all of those things need to be learned and taking a child out of school just because they can't follow rules is not going to help that child in the long run. Like I said- I think Homeschooling can be great for some kids, but in the situation that the OP described I think (based on what was posted) that the child in question needs to learn some social skills which he is not going to learn if the parents isolate him. A better solution is to rule out any problems (ADD etc.) and then figure out a way for him to have better impulse control. Pulling the kid because the school suggests testing is a knee jerk reaction and I understand that because hey, that's her baby- but not acknowledging that there might actually be a problem is not helping the child. The OP admitted that the child acts like this in any social situation with other kids. That will not change if she homeschools. They need to figure out how to change that behavior be it with a reward chart etc.

 

[mickeyjen]

Yes, but the OP states that the child does not have this problem at home. Of course he doesn't because he does not have to wait his turn or listen to directions or sit quietly until called on etc. I am not saying the OP's kid is a bad kid but all of those things need to be learned and taking a child out of school just because they can't follow rules is not going to help that child in the long run. Like I said- I think Homeschooling can be great for some kids, but in the situation that the OP described I think (based on what was posted) that the child in question needs to learn some social skills which he is not going to learn if the parents isolate him. A better solution is to rule out any problems (ADD etc.) and then figure out a way for him to have better impulse control. Pulling the kid because the school suggests testing is a knee jerk reaction and I understand that because hey, that's her baby- but not acknowledging that there might actually be a problem is not helping the child. The OP admitted that the child acts like this in any social situation with other kids. That will not change if she homeschools. They need to figure out how to change that behavior be it with a reward chart etc.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this... I understood what the OP was saying, and I maintain that learning how to behave in a social setting does not necessarily have to be done in a situation where the child spends 7.5 hours a day in an environment where he is viewed as a behavior problem. I'm not saying that homeschooling would be the only option. But she was specifically asking about homeschooling... Further, I worry that his academics, which he is currently doing well in, will suffer for his need to be "trained" how to behave in a school setting. I think a viable option is to homeschool the academics and have plenty of time left over for other social situations (activities, classes, sunday school, etc) in which the child will certainly learn to wait his turn, raise his hand, etc.

 

[douglisa]

One aspect that seems to be missed is that he never had problems w/ group interaction untill after 1st grade. If you read the whole thread you will see that he has been well socialized. I am feeling a bit beat on what w/ so many implying that it is just because I do not like the school implying he has a disorder. My other son outgrew ADHD and my little one just does not seem to have ADD or ADHD. W/ my older son having ADHD I had seen him labled and treated differently. I know I never would have been able to handle homeschooling him. My youngest on the other hand is a very good learner but lately his teacher has admitted she worries that he is affecting not only his learning but also the class as a whole w/ his behavior.

 

[npmommie]

We'll have to agree to disagree on this... I understood what the OP was saying, and I maintain that learning how to behave in a social setting does not necessarily have to be done in a situation where the child spends 7.5 hours a day in an environment where he is viewed as a behavior problem. I'm not saying that homeschooling would be the only option. But she was specifically asking about homeschooling... Further, I worry that his academics, which he is currently doing well in, will suffer for his need to be "trained" how to behave in a school setting. I think a viable option is to homeschool the academics and have plenty of time left over for other social situations (activities, classes, sunday school, etc) in which the child will certainly learn to wait his turn, raise his hand, etc.

I agree with this. His learning is going to be affected. Homeschooling does not equal isolation as someone else referred to it. There are plenty of opportunities for socialization where he can learn how to behave appropriately in those settings. the op can still do the testing be it with the school or privately to know for sure if there are other factors at play here.
there could be various reasons for his behaviour. and i don't think homeschooling is a bad idea. he may thrive in a homeschooling environment. and if it doesn't work out you can always send him back to school. but its worth a try, he is your child and you know him best and know what would work for him, trust your gut.