Auntie Smartie Pants- She has her PhD. Did I mention she has her PhD? She is smarter than everyone on the planet, and she will use really big words to tell you that 10 different times and maybe even in Russian. No time for a husband, and she is far too smart for that nonsense.
OMG!!!!!!! I may have just found the perfect woman for my obnoxious BIL!!!!
Did I mention he has a PhD? Well, I don't have to, because he'll let you know in a hundred different ways. I've told DH that BIL will never get a woman because he would only accept a brilliant woman, and any woman
that smart wouldn't give BIL the time of day.
Heavens above, he too has been to Russia and thinks he's an expert. Newsflash: We've been there as well. We know lots about it and you don't have to "educate" us.
He knocks himself out making certain everyone knows at every minute that he is a genius. At this point, I myself have to get obnoxious in order to make a point.
Most of the people in the family fall into the category of "genius." Yet BIL treats them as if they're a group of lobotomized village idiots.
He smirks a lot too. So does he sound like a match for Auntie yet?
He will argue about ANYTHING. You can't just have a harmless chat about some "safe" topic because NOTHING is safe. He will beat you over the head with his supposed superior knowledge, no matter the topic. If some DISer who had been to WDW 50 times made a casual remark about WDW, I promise you he would pipe up with, "Well, actually...." and then proceed to tell that person how very wrong, misinformed and ignorant they were.
Here is a sample from last Christmas. I'll condense.
A relative made a pie using the "blind bake" method for the crust, since it was a creme pie. We were sitting around talking and she said she had never done that before and that she'd had to look it up. Predictably, BIL chimes in that blind baking a crust means putting dry beans in it to weigh down the crust so it will bake without puffing up, and the filling can be added after baking. The relative said that's what she'd read and that they'd bought way too many beans and they had a good laugh out of it.
He had gained this knowledge from watching Paula Deen, not from ever having BAKED a pie.
The relative knows I bake and that I come from a long line of Southern women who also bake and she asked me if that's how I made pies. I said I'd never done it that way, nor had any of my family. I explained that we just poke holes in the crust with a fork, bake it, and then pour in the pie filling. BIL announces that this method won't work and will fail and you
must use beans.
EXCUSE ME? I have eaten (should be ashamed to admit this) hundreds of pies made my the women of many generations of my family and they were all fork hole pokers. If someone had said, "You must use beans to weigh that crust down!" they would have retorted, "That's a waste of perfectly good beans." And you know, every single freaking pie was a success and delicious. BIL has never ONCE baked a pie in his scholastic Paula Deen watching life. Not one sorry pie. I was about to explain to him that I'd put my family's decades of yummy pies up against his Paula Deen watching, virgin pie making self, but I bit my tongue because we were visiting the terminally ill relative and in order to make this point, I would have had to beat BIL with a verbal stick for a lengthy period of time. He does not concede that his THEORY might actually be trumped by REALITY without a fight.
I didn't want to make a scene, since this might have been the last time we saw said relative and my mama raised me better than that.
So I let the matter drop. And it killed me.
Pompous *******.
I say let's set a wedding date for those two PhDs.
They could spend a lifetime together, each trying to convince they other THEY are the smarter one.
Can't seem to wait another 10 days. 
