Holding myself back

[alizesmom]

There is a thread on the community board where a poster is tired of being sick. She's had a UTI on and off for 4 weeks. I understand this is big for her but have had to stop myself from posting there and blowing things up. I feel bad because this woman justs needs a little understanding but I just don't have it. As you may note, the post bugs me and my reaction bugs me even more. Sick for 4 weeks! Part of me wants to smack her and show her the lives of my kids. Am I making sense? Does it ever get to you, hearing someone complain about something mild? Thanks for letting me vent. I feel so wrong for being angry at the poor lady. Karen

 

[Matt'sMom]

Does it ever get to you, hearing someone complain about something mild?

Yep, I understand. I remember seeing a post that started out with something like "Please, please help me to help my dear, poor husband..." Kinda floored me when I opened the post and found out that the 'major concern' she was all worried over was... where her 'poor husband' could purchase mass quantities of cheap beer to drink while staying on property!

I guess having a family member with severe, life threatening disabilities definitely changes your perspective regading what is truly important in life. But to be honest, I'd rather have my DF with all of his disabilities ... as oppossed to having a DH for whom guzzling beer while on a family vacation is a priority.

 

[mechurchlady]

It get to me when I hear kids whining in a chat room about their latest boo boo. I have not heard from my friend who is in and out of hospitals and I have health issues. I just want to scream when people complain about a sore toe when it hurts to get into bed or out of bed, hurts to cook dinner and hurts to think. However I have know two women online with UTI and it was utter pain so maybe they were really tired of the screaming horrible pain every time they go to the bathroom. One woman had me and other women talking in chat with her and convincing her to drink lots of water to ease the pain until she could get to a doctor. She is not very good with pain but she did suffer and is better thanks to medicine, lots of water and cranberry juice which in yuck when it is straight now sugar, and no booze, lol. I see both sides of you issue and send you hugs.

 

[LuvsTinker]

Yes, I do understand what you mean.

Of course I've been complaining myself for being sick the last two weeks with sinus trouble and coughing coughing coughing - I've had enough of it. But I would cough the rest of my of life if it meant my son not having the difficulties he has with autism. So I do know exactly what you mean and why you feel bad for feeling that way.

**Side note: many of my friends, family and co-workers had their houses flooded during Katrina (we were fortunate and did not have any water in our house - and more fortunate not to have lost a dear one) - I can remember the constant complaining by one co-worker/friend (who I did truly feel bad for), but was going through a rough time with my son at that time and I said to him "I would trade my house being flooded for my son not to have any problems" and he looked at me like I was crazy! I said "you are almost finish your house, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel right now with my son" and I meant every word of what I said.

 

[SandrainNC]

I didn't read the thread, but if I had a UTI for 4 weeks I would be a total wreck!!!!!! Those things are horrible! One day of a UTI made me cry.

I don't think I would post it on the DIS board though. I often have thoughts when people are complaining about something, like "you have no idea!!!". But then I have to remember, just because they are not dealing with children with special needs or who are sick, they still have their own stresses to deal with. Know what I mean?



Sandra

 

[minkydog]

I do understand your feelings, but I disagree. I can remember rolling my eyes a few times because somebody was going on about their child's ear infections--puhleeze. But I finally realized that their distress was equal to my own and it wasn't up to me to judge whose situation deserved more respect. I don't think it makes me feel better to know that my own situation is so bad that none of my friends would EVER want to trade places with me. And I don't need to make them feel bad for complaining about normal things. My mentally handicapped child with seizures does not trump someone else's child with rotovirus. Everybody has their cross to bear, whether it's a disabled child, personal health problems, sick parents, a cheating spouse, whatever. Who am I to decide that they can't complain because their problems aren't as bad as mine? Nobody needs a spitting contest.

 

[KPeveler]

I agree that it is very frustrating to listen to, but I try to remember that everything is relative - that probly is the worst illness ever to happen to her... which is nothing compared to lifelong illness, but i still try to be kind... and hope she never knows what it is like to live like i do

 

[merryweather20]

I definitely know the feeling the other posters are describing. My Dad and I were discussing setting up my new apartment (ramps, low shelves etc.) and a family friend kept cutting in saying she had a lot of problems too because she was short. It was just well weird, how can you respond to something like that?

 

[LuvsTinker]

There is a fine line with complaining. Which is why I keep most of my dreary thoughts to myself because I will not burden my friends and co-workers with all my troubles everyday and all the time.

We're all human - we can only take so much on certain days. But some people are just chronic complainers.

 

[alizesmom]

As OP, I don't want to see any disagreement. I was trying to convey how upset I was with myself for my reaction to the post. I agree that everyone has their own stresses, I just fear that I am losing the ability to empathize with others due to my own stress. I am not in a "I have it worse than you do" competition. That does no one any good. Karen

 

[LuvsTinker]

Karen,

I understood what you were saying

BTW: My son has those same pj's

 

[Cheshire Figment]

Hi folks

Just letting you know I did some editing to take out a comment based on a misunderstanding and some follow-ups related to that comment. Please just keep this in relation to the original post.

So if you think something you wrote in this thread has disappeared, it has.

Thanks

 

[ireland_nicole]

Karen, from what I've read of your posts, I think you're pretty grounded. But I think its good to admit that we have moments when we feel maybe a little jealous or annoyed. I'd give anything for my kids to only have to worry about an ear infection... but that's not our life and usually I'm o.k. with that. If it makes you feel any better, what makes me bite my tongue every time is when some mommy to be glowing in her 9 months pregnant pose smiles and says, we don't care what it is so long as its healthy or some other version of same. We fought so hard to get pregnant and stay pregnant, never did get a third trimester, and missed all the cool birth experience and bonding stuff...Usually I appreciate that this is our reality, this is part of who my kids are supposed to be, but for some reason, that stuff, that smug assumption of entitlement, that naivete... just really gets to me. I just write that to let you know that you're not the only one who Sometimes feels that way. It wouldn't be good to wallow in it all the time, and I don't think you do, but you're not alone-and there are other moms who understand the feeling. Nicole. ps: It's either that or we're both selfish crazy women-one of the two

 

[onesadduck]

Ooo boy, do I know that feeling. And I'm a chronic complainer (though I try to limit it to my journal and therapist). I realized how bad it got when my (now ex) friend told me she had the precursor to lupus, and she went on and on for weeks about how she would have to change her life to avoid it/delay onset. I just wanted to tell her how what she was talking about was nothing compared to how my sister lived (and she was only moderately disabled- though she did spend about 20% of her life in the hospital). I felt horrible for thinking all that, though. I didn't have lupus, and had no clue what she was going through. I did lose sympathy, though, when she didn't take care of herself. I bought her a hat and always offered her my sunblock for an outdoor PE class; she always refused them (and the hat looked cute on her), among other things.

Just after my sister died, I was even worse! A neighbor had broken up with her boyfriend and spent a lot of time crying and beeing needy. I thought "pff, she broke up with a guy after a year, I lost my sister of seventeen". But I remembered the last time I had broken up, and how hurt I was. Just because I was going through something worse, didn't mean it didn't hurt her.

But yeah, I definitely know the feeling. Sometimes I feel bad about it. Other times I'm greatful that I don't take these things for granted. And if I ever did lose them, I might be more prepared because I'm always thinking about how people who don't have x ability get along. It's like seeing miracles that others can't. I know to find joy in abilities to communicate and walk, etc. My therapist told me never to feel guilty for a thought. If you didn't act on it and hurt someone's feelings, and you recognized that it wasn't right so that you would not act on similar thoughts in the future, don't beat yourself up. Plenty of people would not be so kinds as to keep their mouths shut.