Holding a child back in school

[need2cruise]

Would you hold your elementary child back a grade based soley on one teachers view? If you have held back your child, what was the criteria that helped you make that decision?

My child is an average reader at home, pretty on par with others her age. However, at school, he just doens't want to read with the teacher and will just blurt out words without trying or just seeing the first few letters and randomly saying a similar word that sounds like it. At home, if I say, you know this, he will smile and then say the word. However, because of this the teacher is pushing for retaining him based on him needed to learn to read better. I have friends who are teachers who have read numerous times to count with him and said he's fine and on average with his peers.

I'm so confused on what is the best option so looking for advise, things to look at in making the determination and so on!

 

[lustergirl]

Maybe it has something to do with the teacher- I would investigate further.

 

[dakcp2001]

Does the teacher make him nervous? Is there another teacher at school that can evaluate?

 

[abdmom]

A teacher can only go on a student's performance in the classroom, not what happens at home.

If a student is blurting out random words rather than trying to figure them out, that sounds like more of a maturity issue than anything. Maturity issues and refusing to work with a teacher are more likely to get a student held back than just struggling with the work. If your child is refusing to work with the teacher, how can the teacher recommend that they are ready for a more mature, more challenging environment?

 

[need2cruise]

Maybe it has something to do with the teacher- I would investigate further.

I've wondered too. He is shy but also if he feels that he can't do something 100% perfect, he doesn't want to do it and be made to feel silly. He hates being embarrassed as well. So it's easier to just clown then take a chance on doing it wrong. The teacher has always taught the next grade up and this year has had to teach the next grade down. So not sure if she is used to the maturity that comes with the next grade level or what. I do know they are retaining about 10% of the entire grade for that level.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Would you hold your elementary child back a grade based soley on one teachers view? If you have held back your child, what was the criteria that helped you make that decision?

My child is an average reader at home, pretty on par with others her age. However, at school, he just doens't want to read with the teacher and will just blurt out words without trying or just seeing the first few letters and randomly saying a similar word that sounds like it. At home, if I say, you know this, he will smile and then say the word. However, because of this the teacher is pushing for retaining him based on him needed to learn to read better. I have friends who are teachers who have read numerous times to count with him and said he's fine and on average with his peers.

I'm so confused on what is the best option so looking for advise, things to look at in making the determination and so on!

Based solely on reading? No.

What about his tests, homework, etc?

 

[need2cruise]

His grades have varied between A's through C's the entire school year. According to the principal yesterday, they feel that they should all be A's in this grade and anything lower is indicative of an issue. The grade is 1st grade and it is based soley on reading, or at least that is all that has been mentioned to us.

He is shy and that can hold him up some. He is also the youngest in the class. Out of 50 students, they are looking to retain about 7 of them.

I have friends who are teachers who come into the class 2x's a week and say he's just fine with his reading and is right there with everyone else in the class. Definately not the strongest and not the weakest.

 

[dakcp2001]

I do not think teachers hold students back without good reason. They probably have a good sense of who will succeed from their experience. In some parts of our lives we need to defer to the experts in their area.

 

[kellyg403]

OP, I think this decision should be about you, the teacher and a 3rd party who is neutral. Honestly, if you are seeing something different, teacher friends are telling you something different and the teacher herself is the odd man out I would definitely investigate further.

I did hold one of my dd's back in kindegarten. Not because of academics though. She was an early kindegartener. Back in those days, she took a test because her bday was after the enrolling cutoff. She passed the test, was admitted for k. She was a smart cookie, but she was socially out of their league. Her fine motor skills were ok, but she had trouble jumping, kicking balls. Her body was more immature than her brain. I just wanted her to mature a little more before heading out to the next level. It was the best decision I made for her. She excelled the next years and maturity was not an issue. I had a really hard time doing it. I felt compelled almost to follow her teachers advise because she WAS the teacher. While it turned out to be excellent advise, I occasionaly wonder what a third party, a neutral observer, could have said. Maybe I worried about the maturity level tooo much.


Kelly

 

[ols386]

If his main issue is reading, what about getting a tutor for him. Maybe he just needs some extra help in that area? Reading is so important. And if one doesn't have at least decent reading skills, it will make so many other things difficult.

 

[golfgal]

If you trust the teacher, yes. I don't see this as an academic issue as much as a maturity issue. Hindsight for us, I which we would have started DS18 a year later. Academically he was ahead of the game in kindergarten, socially/maturity-wise, he was not. We even asked his preschool teacher if she felt he was ready and she said that she never makes recommendations because no one listens to her. Had she said she though he should wait, we would have held him without question.

Put it this way, I have never talked to a parent that held their child back that regretted it but have talked to many, many, many parents that regret NOT holding their child back.

 

[sweetdana]

I do not think teachers hold students back without good reason. They probably have a good sense of who will succeed from their experience. In some parts of our lives we need to defer to the experts in their area.

I cannot imagine a teacher not understanding what norms of students are, and being aware of what they think will suceed and struggle. If it a 1st yr of teaching maybe.. otherwise teachers know best without being bias. I bet he is not the only one to do better at home, but maybe that is part of the learning process?

I would personally take the teachers advice, and have him switch teachers next yr.

If you decide against it, consider putting him in an intense summer program. noting, he might still need to stay back next yr instead.

 

[Christine]

In retrospect, I wish I had held back my DD (no one even recommended it though).

She was the youngest in the class, always more immature, and throughout her school life, always did better with kids in the grade behind her.

It's a confidence thing and when some of your peers are up to 18 months older than you (you see some of THEM went to school late), there is a huge difference in maturity and being able to keep up. The minute a child does "just average" while 90% of the class is whizzing ahead of them, their confidence fails and it's very hard to recover that.

I would definitely hold my child back knowing what I know now, IF, it were a maturity issue. If maturity is not a factor, then I would just press on.

 

[need2cruise]

Actually for maturity, he is very mature in a lot of areas. Very compassionate of others feelings, very independent at home (at school he does follow his crowd of friends), more of a thinker outside the box. The school counselor and family dr both said that they would go ahead and advance him on to the next grade and then see how things progress, that some kids just take off in school a little later.

I will say, there are new testing regulations coming out and that is some of their worry. I guess if a child does not pass 3rd grade reading testing, they can be retained automatically. If it wasn't for that, there wouldn't be a concern-another reason they are holding back about 7 of the 50 kids.

 

[kellyg403]

Actually for maturity, he is very mature in a lot of areas. Very compassionate of others feelings, very independent at home (at school he does follow his crowd of friends), more of a thinker outside the box. The school counselor and family dr both said that they would go ahead and advance him on to the next grade and then see how things progress, that some kids just take off in school a little later.

I will say, there are new testing regulations coming out and that is some of their worry. I guess if a child does not pass 3rd grade reading testing, they can be retained automatically. If it wasn't for that, there wouldn't be a concern-another reason they are holding back about 7 of the 50 kids.

The only issue would be at this point, for me personally, is the progressing and seeing how things go. I feel the better time to hold a child back is as early as possible if the warning signs are there. Do they have an idea exactly what will the moment they know he has caught up or will need to be held back?

Will he be involved in extra reading classes next year or a tutor to help him get to where he 'needs' to be in their thinking?

Kelly

 

[3boymthr]

We held youngest DS back and really don't regret it, but and this is a big but, you also have to go with your gut on what to do. If you feel your son is ready for second grade then have him moved up. As the school told us when looking at this decision for youngest DS "You are the parent you have final say."

As my aunt, the long time teacher, told me when we were debating holding DS back and feeling really pressured to make a decision, that while kids mature a ton over summer and can learn a ton over summer but it's also a great time to sit back and evaluate on your own where you think he is. She went on to say if you get to the end of summer and feel, you know what, he really should move up or conversely, he really should stay back, don't be afraid to call the school and have the change made. After talking with her I asked the school and they let me know that the decision was reversible up to one week before school started which was when they needed to finalize the class lists.

So I'd recommend that you make the decision based on where he is but don't feel bound by it and let the school know that you'll be working with him over the summer to get him to where he needs to be and would like him re-evaluated at the end of the summer.

 

[rie'smom]

If his teacher is recommending it, then I would. When my son was in second grade, his teacher suggested it. He had excellent grades and lots of friends. She was in the classroom every day and saw a part of him that I did not see. I was torn but then realized it was not about me but about him. He did so well after that and he has thanked us for the decision. My son is 35 now and has a successful law practice.

 

[golfgal]

Actually for maturity, he is very mature in a lot of areas. Very compassionate of others feelings, very independent at home (at school he does follow his crowd of friends), more of a thinker outside the box. The school counselor and family dr both said that they would go ahead and advance him on to the next grade and then see how things progress, that some kids just take off in school a little later.

I will say, there are new testing regulations coming out and that is some of their worry. I guess if a child does not pass 3rd grade reading testing, they can be retained automatically. If it wasn't for that, there wouldn't be a concern-another reason they are holding back about 7 of the 50 kids.

Ok, given that information, I would delve into the issue more. I would still, however, be concerned that he doesn't listen to the teacher and doesn't read for her this late in the school year. It isn't uncommon at the beginning of the school year but by now the kids should be comfortable in class and know the ropes, thus why I think it is more maturity. Maturity can come in different stages for different things and while being compassionate and independent at HOME are GREAT, he isn't doing this at school and that is the problem. Just another though, have you told him he needs to read for the the teacher when she asks him? Kids get crazy ideas in their heads and sometimes just telling them something that simple can make a difference.

As far as reading at home--are you POSITIVE he is actually reading and not just going by memorized words? Take out a dictionary or one of your books something he has never read or had read to him and point to random words on pages that he should know and see if he can really read them. Sometimes kids seem like they are reading when they have really only memorized passages from books.

 

[jrmasm]

I cannot imagine a teacher not understanding what norms of students are, and being aware of what they think will suceed and struggle. If it a 1st yr of teaching maybe.. otherwise teachers know best without being bias. I bet he is not the only one to do better at home, but maybe that is part of the learning process?

I would personally take the teachers advice, and have him switch teachers next yr.

If you decide against it, consider putting him in an intense summer program. noting, he might still need to stay back next yr instead.

You would think but that is not always the case. I told my 1st grader's teacher in November what my kid's reading level was. The teacher had no clue. I'm not sure if she's a crappy teacher or if my kid was simply more interested in coloring. But the teacher was shocked when she pushed the issue with my angel and discovered I was right.

OP, if you're not certain what's best for your child, I'd have him tested by a third party.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Both of my siblings were held back. One for a learning disability issue and the other for an academic readiness issue. For the latter, the teacher gave my mom the choice and offered her opinion that if promoted he would struggle to be an average student. If he were given another year, he would safely be an average student if not a B-student. Holding him back helped him a great deal.

I would not promote the child without having an third party evaluate the child if you are unsure if the suggestion has merit.