High School Basketball- Opinion

[azdizzymom]

Think I know the answer but thought I'd ask. Situation is our HS has a varsity, jv and 9th grade team. The 9th grade team has 5- 9th grades and 3sophmores. My son is one of the 9th graders. Team has one bigger 9th grader who is played because of size- a non starter but sees fair amount of play time. Had game tonight and it went like past 3 where my son plays 4-5 minutes max. He is a decent player but there are better players on team but also others who play similar to him who are in the game all the time. Players who make 7+ turnovers, miss shots, miss blocks, etc. I can see the passion and frustration in my sons eyes as to him not understanding why he is sitting out. Realizing this is high school what should he do---from what he talks about which isn't much he can't understand what he needs to do. Dad suggested asking coach what areas he needs to work on to get more time but he probably won't do that. The JV assistant coach is a former teacher of my youngest. He is a friend ...now the sticky part. Do I talk to him without oldest knowing and just ask what he has seen that could be improved or if he sees reason for him sitting out. He is NOT the coach but has been at one of the games on bench with other coaches (but not as the coach). I know this is HS and not rec. Just don't want to see a child lose a passion for a sport by not be agressive and asking why.

Do I stay out and let him learn or tell him to ask and learn?

 

[shortbun]

At this age, it's a tossup as to who does the communication but it sure would be better for your son if HE could approach the coach and say - 'what do I need to do to get more game time?' There is no equal play in HS sports. Around here, there's none in middle school sports either, it's competitive. The coaches have a vision regarding who works together best and it's the player's responsibility to convince him/her otherwise by playing really well in games and practice. The other thing is positions, you son might be really good at playing a position the coach doesn't use or rarely needs. Some kid got lucky this year when my starting son broke his leg in the first game of the season - sad but true. They won their game last night at the buzzer and my kid is sitting the bench in his dress shirt and pants with a big boot on his leg with crutches just dying to get out there.

My friend's son didn't 'start' until his senior year. That year he became a 'star', ending up with a scholarship to college. He's glad he stuck with it. He also told me he'd been happy for just being part of the team and not starting because it's a team sport.

 

[jrmasm]

Do I stay out and let him learn or tell him to ask and learn?

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

Did I say yes? Stay out of it. You can give your son suggestions about what to ask and how to start the conversation but that's it.

 

[erincon23]

At that age they're often reluctant to do anything. I agree, it should be his responsibility to talk to the coach if that's what he wants to do, but you could make it easier by offering to join the meeting but not do any of the talking. I've found that my presence has helped my kids be more assertive, just because they know I'm backing them up, but if I don't participate, and I'm just there for moral support, that often goes a long way to giving them the confidence they need to not only handle this but other things on their own as well.

Erin

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

Did I say yes? Stay out of it. You can give your son suggestions about what to ask and how to start the conversation but that's it.

Agree - my DH coaches a U12 travel soccer team, and I can't even tell you how crazy the parents are (one dad couldn't understand why some kids had more play time than his, even though his kid had more than most - maybe ask your ds what his response is when my DH asks him to play defense....).

 

[golfgal]

Most high school coaches will not talk to parents about playing time, nor should they. Stay out of it. Tell your son to give 200% in every practice and that will pay off in the end. Having 25+ years of basketball coaching experience tells me that these coaches see something in these other kids that you and your son don't. You can't rely on statistics only because sometimes kids just gel better together then others. Also, it is VERY early in the season and some kids do better in practice then they do in games and the coaches need a few games under their belts to figure all this out.

What surprises me the most is that they allow sophomores on the 9th grade team--that is against our state high school league rules.

 

[debster812]

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

Did I say yes? Stay out of it. You can give your son suggestions about what to ask and how to start the conversation but that's it.

I completely agree with this. DS is only 12, and is playing club soccer. He's a good player, but not a standout on his team. DS took it upon himself to talk to his coach directly about what he needed to do to up his playing time, and possibly win the starter's job for his position. DH and I did suggest to him how to approach his coach, but the rest was all on him. I think it's so important for kids to take ownership of their own stuff.

Yes, of course, as parents we should be there to support and help them, but we can't do it all for them.

Another example with DS, he also reffed this fall for the little little kids. Our ref coordinator told me that out of 25+ referees, DS and one other girl were the only ones who dealt with all their stuff on their own. DS sent an email with his availability for the season, and followed up when his assignments were not in his email on the Thursday before the weekend.

 

[azdizzymom]

Talked this morning and said it is up to him to talk to coach if he wants. Explained if he doesn't he needs to go to practice and give it his all--play agressive and do that when he is in the game.

To the person who asked about sophmores on the freshman team--it was supposed to be freshman only but they combined and made a C team which is mainly freshman. Other teams in the area are playing sophmores also.

To the one who asked about what he would do if husband asked him to play defense on soccer---he is a soccer player so know that situation well. Younger he flourished as forward and on offense. Now coaches prefer him in back--he went to that position and plays without saying a word. He prefers forward but he does a great job at defending--was even asked to play goalie in one of the varsity games and he did it.

Thanks to everyone...knew in my gut what to do and went with it. Hard to see kids get frustrated but know things are not always what we as parents want. Yes we do see faults in his game but also see faults in other kids games. Guess you feel like everyone should be given a fair chance but life isn't always fair and he needs to learn as do I!