Hey, Catholic parents with children in CCD. . .a ? and Input, please. (VERY LONG)

[Tess]

Our two children were parochial students from K-6 at which time they transferred to the local public school system. Neither our parish, nor any other parish within our area, offers a middle/high school parochial setting and so we really had little choice in this matter. Since our children were enrolled outside of parochial school, they were required to attend CCD classes each week. Originally, we did not have a problem with this--that is, until we actually started having our children attend the classes.

Our parish doesn't confirm until 9/10th grade. If your child is lucky--he/she will be confirmed as a 9th grader--both of my children are on the 10th grade confirmation end. The Bishop will only come to our parish every other year--hence the reason our children attend CCD longer than others. This has become an issue because our children--and every other kid their age HATES with a passion going to CCD! I know that is a very strong statement, but it accurately reflects the way these young people feel.

These same kids don't have a problem with attending Mass, just the CCD class. From what I can gather after speaking with many of them, the class is boring and consists of lecture, workbook, and homework. The kids are burned out on schoolwork and really resent the "homework" aspect of the classes. Frankly, as a parent, I do too! It's hard enough to keep on top of a child's regular school work, activities, and work schedule without adding an additional class that fails to grab their interest. Our priest called not long ago and wanted to get parents to sit in on the classes to help make the kids behave! He admitted it wasn't our kids contributing to the bad behavior, but most kids weren't paying attention, creating distractions, and generally misbehaving. In effect, he was seeking babysitters. This is middle/high school age mind you. Communication between CCD/Church/Family is terrible. Kids are required to have absences "excused" by the teacher or risk not being confirmed or able to make first communion.

In our prior parish there was a Youth Group for middle/high school students. While there was a learning period attached to the group, it was minimal and more focus was placed upon hands on volunteering, church stewardship, and service. The classes may not meet every week, but when they did it was for an extended period--perhaps 3-4 hours at a time. The meetings involved an activity of some sort as well as religious training. Our nieces were involved in the Youth Group and thought it was great.

Our present parish also has a Youth Group. It has no relationship to CCD AND the only activity I've ever seen it involved with is a yearly trip to a local amusement park IF a child has fulfilled the 20 hour community service requirement. Our kids have always fulfilled their CCD community service requirements but have only gone to the amusement park once since the group goes while we are at WDW. Further, our priest has pretty much ruled this out as a possibility due to the recent problems with abuse in the church. It would cost the church way too much money to hire a youth director and volunteering would require that anyone involved go through extensive abuse training in order to work with the kids.

Our oldest is being confirmed this weekend and my husband wants me to agree that our kids are done with CCD despite there being two more classes this year. Our daughter won't be confirmed for another two years--she will be a 9th grader next year. He also wants me to agree that she need not go back to CCD until she begins 10th grade. Our son would be done.

The kids have told us that they have learned nothing from these classes that they didn't learn in the first six years of parochial school--which they loved. On the downside, if they don't stay in CCD through high school, they are not eligible to participate in the senior graduation ceremonies at church.

The conundrum for me is that I want them to be able to do the graduation things, but I also see that they are miserable in these classes week after week. I also feel that we, as a family, are being held hostage by the CCD program--if they miss a class I have to write a note just like a school absence. I feel I have to get permission from the CCD program to do family things--like go away for a weekend. The homework thing is just ridiculous! I guess I also am a bit miffed that the CCD program seems to think it should take precedence over me and my family. Lack of communication and finger pointing by the CCD director and teachers over that is very frustrating for me.

On the other hand I am also of the opinion that once a child is confirmed they are a full member of the church. It is at that point the parents' responsibility to keep them involved with the church and take over any religious explanations the child may have. Our parish, by the priest's admission, confirms late and denies access to graduation activities in hopes of holding our youth hostage until they are out of high school. I think that if children are not engaged in the practice of their religion they will leave it. I also think this manipulation by our parish could have the same effect. Ideally, I'd love to see a terrific youth program enacted in our parish. That, however, seems extremely unlikely. So we are left with the decision--to continue CCD or not.

What does your parish do--give me some ideas that I can use to make CCD a more attractive option. Do you think I should disagree with my husband and continue to force CCD down the throats of my children and risk alienating them from our religion? Should I go along with the majority and let the CCD program slide and to heck with our kids' involvement in the parish graduation program. (Frankly, I think the parish will not want to exclude these kids because both are 4.0 students and have a good chance at Valedictorian/Salutatorian, but it's a risk nonetheless.)

I'm so confused and torn on this issue--advice please--she asks, trying not to whine like a spoiled brat who wants it all her own way.

 

[Belle1962]

I made confirmation (many many years ago in 8th grade). My DS made it in 8th grade also (1997).

 

[TEENEE]

I don't have any advice but I do feel your pain. My daughter (8) loves CCD, my son (12) can't stand it. I didn't like it when I was a kid but I know I learned a lot. I don't think they should have to go to CCD after they have been confirmed.

 

[pumba]

sophmore in high school.......but they lost alot of the kids in high school level....to many school activities to confine a high school kid to every monday night three hours and then all the things they had to attend besides......so our area changed it over to second and third graders....then they still go to ccd until high school and then they have a youth group if they have time in their schedules to attend.......my kids hated ......just absoulutely hated ccd in high school......but my husband who was a Baptist said........they had to go.......which I am always truly happy about.......so my son is 34 and he and his wife are expecting first child in June........lets see his son (a boy) skip out on ccd too......

 

[ChibiJones]

On the other hand I am also of the opinion that once a child is confirmed they are a full member of the church.

That's my understanding of the sacrament too. I never got around to getting Confirmed because they stopped doing it through the school (I went to parochial school), and quite frankly I thought it was a waste of time since I was in religion classes 5 days a week. However, a good friend of mine went to public school and she only went to CCD classes until her Confirmation.

 

[Lewski709]

I would let them out of it. IMO, I went to Catholic school k-8 and did not mind it. Was confirmed in 8th grade and still attended church, but never any additional religious teaching (CCD). It wasn't required. While they may believe they learned all of it in k-8, it probably ISN'T true, but they don't want to/aren't interested in being there anymore, therefor not learning. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be either. I'm with you, once confirmed.....there is no need for further teaching and they are fully a church memeber. Like me, later in their life, they may find religion interesting again and get into it more. I think between 16-21, religious affiliations can get lost as you are really trying to find yourself. Some get closer and some back away. Be glad they are still attending mass without a fuss.

IMO .......... sounds like you care more about the graduation thing than they do. Don't toture them by making them attend anymore. As far as I see it, I am no less of a better Catholic because I went to a Public High School and was confirmed in 8th grade. By pushing the CCD, you may be pushing them away from the religion. I got back into the church after college.

Good Luck!

 

[LynnM]

Our parish confirms in 8th grade. I have heard of others that confirm in high school and lose a lot of children because they have too many other high school activities. The students must pass a confirmation test, attend mass regularly and do 30 hrs community service. They also must attend 7th and 8th grade CCD, so I don't know if your parish would allow you to keep your daughter out for a year and then expect her to make her confirmation the next. As a 1st grade CCD teacher, I often have a few 2nd graders whose parents started them out a year late. These students couldn't just jump right in and make their communion that year. You may want to check on that before you make your decision. If you are intent on them participating in the graduation ceremony, I guess you have no choice but to keep them in CCD. If they are not confirmed now, they will have to still take classes as an adult(RCIA) in order to be confirmed. As far as the homework, maybe you could talk to the CCD director with your concerns. My 7th and 8th grade sons rarely have CCD homework, usually just one report. My other suggestion would be to become more involved in the program, possibly teach or work with the youth group. I know you may have to go through background checks and abuse prevention classes, but it may not be as much as you think.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Doug123]

Let me start by saying I am not Catholic.

Are you still there?

In case you are, I'll continue. Is there another Catholic Church in the are you can attend? Remember, you CHOOSE the religion you want, while also CHOOSING the specific church you want to attend. If you don't like it, then leave. Would your God want you to stay in a bad situation for your children, in a program run by unreasonable people? I thnk not.

 

[Jeafl]

I'm going through pretty much the same thing as you.

My 9th grader goes to what we call "youth ministry". It's every Sunday night Sept. thru May from 6:30-9:00. It is mandatory that you do two years of youth ministry before you make your confirmation at the end of 10th grade. You MUST do 100 hours of community service also. This can include Habitat for Humanity, cleaning garbage on the side of the road, volunteering at a senior center, etc. My daughter is very involved with school activities and is on the track, basketball and volleyball teams. This leaves her virtually no free time for volunteer work during the school year. She is going to be a candy striper this summer, so hopefully that will take care of the 100 hours.

In a nutshell, she strongly dislikes going to class every Sunday because frankly, it is boring. She has no problem going to mass on Sunday morning however. We have decided that once she makes her confirmation, we won't make her go to youth ministry anymore, even though you are supposed to go through 12th grade.

My 5th grade son, however, despises CCD with every fiber of his being. It is pretty much as you described, reading, workbooks, and homework. He is completely turned off from religion because of it. He even hates going to mass on Sunday because of it. He goes, but he sure doesn't like it. He wants to stop going to CCD until 9th grade when it is necessary to start up agin for confirmation. I am tempted to do this because I worry that it will turn him off of religion forever, but on the other hand, I hate to give in to him. To be honest with you, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

 

[HLFDZN]

I too am the parent of 6 kids who have loathed CCD. I am a bit put out by the church right now and can understand why so many people are running from the catholic religion and going to nondenominational churches.

I was baptised catholic, but not raised in the faith. My husband went all 12 yrs to catholic school and came out of it with a terrible education. He was pushed through in my opinion. He can't spell or hardly read..it is a tragedy.

My kids have faithfully gone to CCD EVERY year, not just the years of the sacraments. Our parish requires that they go the year before and the year of...they do not look kindly on people who skip years.

3 weeks ago, my 8th grader, who has been volunteering at the CCD classes for the younger kids as an aide, was told most of her service hours were not going to be counted. It seems they brought her in to babysit for staff, but nobody ever brought there kids, so they just did odd jobs. They were sent home early and told not to come back, also told likely that they last 6 mos would not be counted!!!!!

I was LIVID!!! THEY were the ones who offered her service time and if they had nothing for her to do they should have told her so MONTHS Ago, so she could make other arrangements.

The head lady who is not very nice most of the time...stressed and crabby..told her also that she had no business going away to Christian camp or participating in another christian youth group that My daughter happens to find more interesting and fun. My daughter had told her that she was active in faith, just not as active in the catholic faith as they wanted her to be.

At this point I really do not care if she gets confirmed or not.
I will not be sending my other children there anymore.
I have a feeling we will be among the millions of families our age who are running from the catholic faith, since they won't get with the times.

My daughter tells me that the lady asked her for forgivness last week during reconciliation....she said she only said yes since they were in church. Truth be told, this lady really hurt her and I think she is more turned off than ever by the catholic church.

Funny, when they make comedy movies about mean nuns and brothers and how strict the catholic church is.....I wonder why we agreed to raise these kids in this faith. I would much rather go somewhere a little less judgemental and open. God does not care where you worship him.

Just my 2 cents.....hope you can work it out. Melissa

 

[KiminChicago]

In your post you talk about your children being able to do the graduation things? I agree that it sounds as if the graduation may be more important to you than it is to them. If they feel that the CCD program really isn't benefitting them, I'd say do only as much as you have to for confirmation and then let your children decide from there what they want to do.

 

[WendyZ]

Our rule in our home is...once your confirmed you have the option whether to continue or not. Of course DD will not. She also says the classes are boring. Our church confirms in 8th grade, which I think is alittle late. Why not 5th or 6th grade? It has been a VERY hard schedule ever since she hit middle school. DD is very active in sports. So that gets thrown in also. I'm not saying one is more important than the other, but they haven't been very understanding with the scheduling either.
For instant, they had one weekend where they changed class because of the super bowl. But when I called about DD's winter ball league. They were like well she needs to be here, but MAYBE we could work with her. But you can change for the super bowl??? That one upset me just a little!!!
It's so hard...we still have DS to go. He's in 4th grade. My friends chruch confirms in 2nd grade. That would be great!! Then they could finish up through elementary school and be done.

PS...
Dont' know if this will help, but DD says everyone else thinks class is boring too! They all have been chatty from time to time.

Good Luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know what you mean. Our program is called PSR (Parish School of Religion). My girls go once a week and come home and say they learn nothing and it is a waste of time. However confirmation is in 8th grade and then they are done.

Right now I have a 7th grader and a 1st grader. I have wrestled with should they go or not as well. Sounds like your program is intensive. Ours is not. I don't know if that is worse? Intense VS Apathy. Interesting isn't it?

In my situation I have decided to continue the PSR classes period. I looked into my future and decided that when I look back that is what I wanted to see.

Good Luck with your struggle. Maybe you can find the solution for your family.

 

[LynnM]

Quoting:

"My 5th grade son, however, despises CCD with every fiber of his being. It is pretty much as you described, reading, workbooks, and homework. He is completely turned off from religion because of it."

Just out of curiosity, what other methods would you use to teach CCD? I do agree that there should be minimal homework, such as studying for a test or learning prayers. But I don't understand what parents are expecting the CCD teachers to do.

 

[Tess]

I fully and completely admit the graduation exercises are my hang-up, not theirs or my husbands. The three of them could care less AND, in point of fact, think it would be the church loss for not inviting them to participate. It's all me! I want to see them standing up there with their classmates on graduation Sunday. I want them to take their usual places as altar servers, lector, or EM. I don't want them to miss OR regret later a decision they made when they were young.

Doug123, all faith viewpoints are welcomed. We are a rural area here and the next nearest parish is nearly 20 miles one way. It wouldn't work for us to attend church each week that distance away and I am not willing to give up our Catholic faith. That's also the reason our kids are in CCD, no high school parochial school within a 40 mile radius of us. It's not our church, per se, it's the religious ed program.

Lynn--Ours too must meet community service requirements, 20 hours per year through confirmation. That's a whopping 200 hours for 10th graders while only 180 for 9th graders. It would be hard for the CCD program that only confirms every other year to discriminate against our daughter who would be in CCD for the same number of years that a 9th grader will have been at confirmation. The current 7th graders (daughter is 8th) will be confirmed in two years and still only have 9 years of CCD or religious training. Our daughter will, likewise, have had an equal number if she skips next year. It's really not a fair and equitable practice letting some kids be confirmed with less years of training while forcing others to bide their time for an extra year.

The CCD teachers aren't interested in discussing the homework or class content--the woman that teaches this group is the type that has little control in life and exercises it all in this venue. That said, no one wants to volunteer to teach CCD. It's a totally thankless job with long hours and even more of a time commitment when you figure in the training and abuse training. I am an EM and have yearly training as well--I do not want to devote more time to working with the CCD program either--I know that is a poor excuse, but we can only do so much. Our family is very busy with church related activities--we cook meals for 200+ several times a year, work our annual festivals, and devote other time to service in our church. One family cannot do everything. Background checks are no big yank--already have a state clearance, it's a time issue for us. Another issue is the frustration involved in trying to work within a framework that isn't working. Further, working with a priest and older parish council that doesn't agree that the Youth Group idea is feasible. It's like pounding your head against the wall. I've been talking about Youth Group ideas since 1996! So far, nothing has changed here.

WendyZ--Our old parish did the 2nd grade confirmation/first communion. According to the Bishop there, this is the way it was done in the original church. His explanation was: "How can you receive communion if you aren't a full member of the body?" Makes great sense to me and when I've raised it here--I just get blank stares and the "we've always done it this way". Not! This parish used to confirm in 6th grade--it stopped to hold the kids hostage in CCD after graduating from parochial school, thus facilitating the size of the program. Most of our Catholic children in K-6 attend our small parochial school. There are only 2 first communicants that aren't attending the school this year! Without our 7th-12th graders, the CCD program is nonexistent--or nearly so.

I'm really going to have to speak with the other 39 families to see if they will be continuing in CCD. Since there are only 5 kids that are current juniors/seniors in CCD, my guess is they won't be. I guess most families refuse to be held hostage for graduation.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Wow! I'm really surprised to hear that someone did NOT get a good education in a catholic school. I did, my sisters did, and my son is. On his standardized testing, nothing was below his grade level and several were at 7th through 9th grade levels! He's in 5th grade!!

CCD is a tough one, especially in high school. I remember when I hit high school I quit going. Didn't like it also. But I seem to remember having made our confirmation around 5th grade or so. In my book, high school is way too late. They're losing the kids by then. Maybe that's their point...try and keep them, but it doesn't appear to be working. And mass? I guess I went sometimes. I was even younger when I would miss most of the time. Used to go with my sister, and we would pick up a bulletin in the back of the church, then go somewhere and kill an hour until we could go home. Then gave mom the bulletin...yup...we were at church. Confirmation is important to me, but having them attend CCD in high school is difficult!

 

[Rajah]

Another non-Catholic who wonders if you can just change churches? Surely there's another Catholic church nearby you could go to instead that may have a better approach?

Personally, I wouldn't force them -- they're at that stage in life where if you force them, you're more likely to turn them away than if you let *them* decide whether to attend or not.

Have you asked them how they feel about the graduation aspect? If they don't care about participating in the church graduation program, then don't force them.

 

[Lewski709]

Finding a church you are comfortable in isn't so easy. It took me 5yrs to find mine and I switched parishes 3 or 4 times. So, it may not be the easiest solution to switch, but if the priest is making the rules for the classes, it may be your alternate option.

 

[WilmaBud]

Well, I guess I'll be the voice in the wilderness here. My kids like CCD. They have nice teachers, and very little homework. The only rotten thing is that CCD is at 9:00am on Sat. mornings.

Our parish confirms in 8th grade. I don't even think they offer CCD after that grade level.

If you don't like the way your parish handles things, why not join another parish and let your children receive their sacraments there? That's what I would do. It really bugs me when people are displeased with their parish and use it as a reason to bash the whole Catholic church and faith (and no, that isn't directed at anyone who posted on this thread).

Our CCD requires service hours of it's confirmation students, too. I think that's a good thing. Every person can benefit from serving others. I think it's something you have to make time for if your schedule is busy.

For what it's worth, my kids hate going to Mass. So we're not as constant with that as we should be. I think the sacraments are very important, though (not that Mass isn't, LOL!). We do the best we can bringing them up in the faith, but we're far from perfect. And I know our church doesn't expect us to be perfect. It's a good fit. I think maybe you should try to find another parish that's a better fit for you and your family.

 

[OhMari]

Wow, you can tell this is a passionate post with how long everyone's responses are.

I work for the Archdiocese of Milwaukee and I can relate to all the long posts. I have 4 children, 2 are confirmed one is in 10th grade and the last one is in 8th grade at our Catholic school.

Anyway,our DRE director is as fustrated with the system as we all are. Some where down the road our Bishops decided to confirm students when they are 16-17. So Highschool DRE's got hired and of course they have to find volunteers to help teach these highschool kids.

We actually loose at least 5-6 students a year, that decide they don't want to be confirmed. If they would of confirmed these kids in 8th grade, we wouldn't have lost these kids and my opinion is that at least they would have had the holy spirit in them.

I struggled with my 3 oldest about attending classes constantly. As a family we all strayed away also from attending Mass on Sundays. It was too dishearteningl for all of us to attend when priest we knew, where being let go because of accusations against them.

Why is the Catholic Religion so hard to understand. Our bishop tells us if we don't understand it, have faith, we aren't meant to understand. (This is an answer?)

I've seen where children have not attended classes, but showed up the last year of class to be confirmed. As a right, no sacrament can be denied as long as most requirements are fulfilled for that year such as the retreat, community service and most of the classes for that confirmation year.

Good luck with everyone's decisions. It wrecks my stomache each week having to deal with this.