Here's a chuckle: Those wonderful church bulletins!

[crazyforgoofy]

Church Bulletins!

These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release).

----------------------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
-------------------- ------ --------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing:
'Break Forth Into Joy.'
---------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.
---------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you
want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
-------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
------------------------------------------------ ---------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------- ------ -- ---------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
----------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'

 

[Tuffcookie]

TC

 

[Scornelius]

Church Bulletins!

These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release).

----------------------------------------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
-------------------- ------ --------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

---------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

---------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------- ------ -- ---------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'

Oh my God
I snorked water all over myself.
Maybe it's the sleep deprivation talking, but that was one of the funniest things I've ever read.
Thank you for sharing!

 

[OhMari]

I'm a church secretary who does our bulletin - the choir in our church wasn't to happy with me, when I reported, that they will all be sinning in the choir this weekend instead of singing.

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[happygirl]

those are to funny

 

[AllyandJack]

Those are great!

When I went to Catholic school, we had recitals every spring and every X-Mas.

One year, the bulletin announced the date for our "Spring Rectal".

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Those are great!

When I went to Catholic school, we had recitals every spring and every X-Mas.

One year, the bulletin announced the date for our "Spring Rectal".

Wow. Sounds, um... festive.

 

[KelNottAt]

I haven't seen those in a while. I love them every time they show up.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

 

[BrerMom]

Thanks for the chuckle today!

 

[parrothead365]

 

[Axel]

Oh. TOO FUNNY!

 

[JR6ooo4]

Funny stuff.

"Include the deceases in the envelope"!

Mikeeee

 

[nhrenee]

My son and I were laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes!

My favorite is the last one, "...., up yours."

 

[Cantw8]

Oh, those are great Thanks for sharing

 

[lovetoscrap]

I have read a lot of these before but they make me everytime I see them!

I'm a church secretary who does our bulletin - the choir in our church wasn't to happy with me, when I reported, that they will all be sinning in the choir this weekend instead of singing.

But did you happen to have an increase in members interested in joining the choir?

 

[disney[xo]sweetie]

haha me and dd13 just laughed ourselves out of our chairs!!! thanks for posting!

 

[babytrees]

I'm a church secretary who does our bulletin - the choir in our church wasn't to happy with me, when I reported, that they will all be sinning in the choir this weekend instead of singing.

one time I had the men going to Hell instead of Templed Hills...one of the retreat centers....nobody caught it until after I did

Most of my spelling errors are no fun...but sending the men to hell still gives me giggles.