Help:)

[Cinderella<3]

Hello!
Background: My boyfriend and I have been talking about going on a Disney vacation together July 2012 for almost a year now. We both have been saving and saving our money. He has never been and I am a Disney FREEK!...So I started thinking about how nice it would be to have my step mom, step sister, and dad come along with us! My dad was in an accident about 4 years ago on our last vacation to the world and was paralyzed due to Cocoa beach waves We usually go on a Vkay together every summer, but had other house expenses this last year and were unable to go. Getting to the point, I have been planning and planning and now my step mom just started looking at prices and what not. I have had my heart set on staying on property, using the dinning plan to eat lots of food and going to tons and tons of parks and activities. She started talking about how she found a condo 4 miles away from Disney and that we should stay there.. The only problem is I know the dinning plan would work best for my boyfriend and I money wise. We would not be able to purchase if we don't stay on the property, I told her that, she offered to pay for our part of the share and spend that money we would have spent on our room for our food. I feel bad because the whole point was that I do not want them to have to pay for any of my expenses. She told me she was stressed because she felt like I would be upset knowing she was going to pay for some of my step sister who is 16 trip and not mine(19). I told her I just wanted them to be able to come and that I understood when I told them they should come that this I'm would be what was happening. My main problem is what do I do? I feel like losing my vacation and am going to have to settle for things I don't really feel like doing ( staying off property, paying for food.) because I don't want to upset her...any advice?

 

[kmer]

I would go with your original plans for your vacation. If they want to come too that is fine and they can stay where they like. For me money wise it works so much better staying on property and having the dining plan. We are planning a trip for October 2012 and my family may come as well. If they decide to do something different that what I have planned, it's fine and we can still spend lots of time together. Do what makes you happy!

 

[mking624]

I agree with the PP...go with your original plans. If you guys have been saving and planning for it, then you get to make the decisions on where you two will be staying. Thank your stepmom for offering to pay for your share but that you and your bf decided to stick with the original plan. Then tell her you'd love to do activities planning with her so that you all can still do your vacation together, even if people are staying at different places.

 

[LadyZolt]

Hello!
Background: My boyfriend and I have been talking about going on a Disney vacation together July 2012 for almost a year now. We both have been saving and saving our money. He has never been and I am a Disney FREEK!...So I started thinking about how nice it would be to have my step mom, step sister, and dad come along with us! My dad was in an accident about 4 years ago on our last vacation to the world and was paralyzed due to Cocoa beach waves We usually go on a Vkay together every summer, but had other house expenses this last year and were unable to go. Getting to the point, I have been planning and planning and now my step mom just started looking at prices and what not. I have had my heart set on staying on property, using the dinning plan to eat lots of food and going to tons and tons of parks and activities. She started talking about how she found a condo 4 miles away from Disney and that we should stay there.. The only problem is I know the dinning plan would work best for my boyfriend and I money wise. We would not be able to purchase if we don't stay on the property, I told her that, she offered to pay for our part of the share and spend that money we would have spent on our room for our food. I feel bad because the whole point was that I do not want them to have to pay for any of my expenses. She told me she was stressed because she felt like I would be upset knowing she was going to pay for some of my step sister who is 16 trip and not mine(19). I told her I just wanted them to be able to come and that I understood when I told them they should come that this I'm would be what was happening. My main problem is what do I do? I feel like losing my vacation and am going to have to settle for things I don't really feel like doing ( staying off property, paying for food.) because I don't want to upset her...any advice?

I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." If this were me, I would be very matter-of-fact about it. I would simply state, "My boyfriend and are are staying at <resort> and we're going to use a Disney Dining Plan. There are many perks to staying on property, and we want to take advantage of that. You are welcome to stay wherever you want. I'm sure we'll be able to schedule times when we meet and do things together."

Question, though -- your post said "So I started thinking about how nice it would be to have my step mom, step sister, and dad come along with us," and that to me would mean that you're inviting them to come with you -- as in, you are paying for their trip. I think what you might really mean is that you're telling them when you're going and letting them know that they can also go during the same time and make their own arrangements. Did I understand this right?

I also think you're saying that you don't want to have your dad and step-mom help you pay for your hotel. I think that makes sense as you indicate you're an adult, while you're step-sister is still a 16 year old minor. I would assure your step-mom that you're not offended at her paying for your step-sister since your step-sister is not yet an adult. Maybe you can let her buy you a nice souvenir or PhotoPass or something like that if she wants to spend money on you.

There is no reason she should be upset if you don't stay with her. If she's looking at a place that accommodates five, she can just start looking for places that accommodate three instead. This is, after all, your vacation. If she really wants all of you to stay together somewhere, tell her that you and she can plan a different trip for another date as you will have to save up for that. Maybe in 2013 or 2014.

I think that if you are honest, polite, but firm, you can make your step-mom see what you are saying and that you can have the vacation you'd like in the accommodations that you feel are what you want. Have a great time!

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[drysdaleo]

You are a young adult and I applaud the way you have saved and planned for your vacation!
I have to agree with the others - stick with your original plans - don't settle for less. Think of how hard you have worked to save up that money.
I'm only speaking for myself here, but I have found over the years that involving extended family in a vacation is not always easy. Been there, done that too many times.
Nicely tell your family that your heart is set on staying on property, and that is what you are going to do. Don't let guilt get to you - eyes on the prize.

 

[LuLuO]

They stay at the condo and you guys stay on property. Meet up in the parks and/or for meals if you want to.

 

[Cafeen]

They stay at the condo and you guys stay on property. Meet up in the parks and/or for meals if you want to.

^^ This.

Just let her know that you are planning your trip in such a way, thank her for the offer, but explain that it's your trip specifically how you want to do it.

Offer the planning advice and offer to plan and dine together and all that stuff. For the most part, you'd simply be spending sleepy time apart.

You could also go the you and your BF want privacy route .

 

[Mysteria]

You are a young adult and I applaud the way you have saved and planned for your vacation!
I have to agree with the others - stick with your original plans - don't settle for less. Think of how hard you have worked to save up that money.
I'm only speaking for myself here, but I have found over the years that involving extended family in a vacation is not always easy. Been there, done that too many times.
Nicely tell your family that your heart is set on staying on property, and that is what you are going to do. Don't let guilt get to you - eyes on the prize.

I agree with this entirely but wanted to expand on the bolded part. I have invited extended family to join dh and I on our trips often. It requires a high level of patience and a strong backbone. Not to say that that you can't compromise at all. Just don't do it on what is most important to you. It will cause too much tension during the trip.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

If their touring styles will not be similar to yours, I hope you are capable of herding cats. I definitely agree with saying these are our plans, we can set up some times and locations where we can meet up and do things together.

 

[torinsmom]

Let them stay offsite if they want. Not everyone likes staying in a hotel room with one bathroom for several adults and no kitchen facilities or room to spread out. With your dad in a wheelchair(I am assuming if he is paralyzed), I would think a condo would be more comfortable for him. You and your DF could stay onsite if that is what you want. Staying offsite doesn't keep anyone from doing lots of parks and park activities. We stay offsite and do all that. We tend to get there quicker in a car from offsite than we do on a bus onsite.

I would sit down with StepMom and talk about your(hers and yours) expectations. Better to do that now than be disappointed when you get there. I am assuming they will have a car if they are planning on offsite? Just let her know what things are not flexible for you, and have her do the same.

BTW, if they want to stay at a condo/house, be sure to post on the Orlando board and ask for recommendations. We stayed at a 3 bedroom condo at Emerald Island for only $69/night. I don't think it would work for your dad, though, because all the bedrooms are upstairs.

 

[disEAR]

A few months ago I was in almost the exact same situation as you are now.

My DW and I recently did a trip to Disney that involved my family for the first time. Upon planning for the trip my mom and Uncle both insisted on staying off-site in a condo-style suite that we could all share the cost of. Which of course as hotels go, was cheaper. At first I found it difficult to approach my them about not wanting to stay off-site and I did some research into the off-site properties with them. All the while, however, I knew in the back of my mind staying on Disney property was the better alternative for obvious reasons.

My DW and I are HUGE Disney fans and we visit the parks yearly. To say we had to alter our day-to-day time in the parks was a understatement. But I knew going in this wouldn't be a trip for just us, and if it involved family, we would have to accommodate. Their tastes in food and Dining were different, their pace and where they wanted to go was all different..

After looking into the off-site properties with them I decided it wouldn't benefit the trip to have to rent a car, drive, and spend time outside of Disney. It would all end up in more stress and less time actually at Disney. I kindly explained to my mom that since my DW had been to Disney multiple times we understood the parks and resorts situation a little better then they did and I explained some of the benefits of staying on-site. I told my mom that I still believed we should stay on-site, and rather then telling her what we were doing, I was able to talk her into it. Also, I got her and the rest of the family to write down or tell me what THEY expected from this trip and what they hoped to get out of it. Rides they wanted to do, shows they wanted to see, restaurants and food they wanted to try. etc... In the end DW and I did the planning for the trip with everyones thoughts in mind, and we were able to make it a really great vacation.

I would agree with most others here that this is first and foremost YOUR trip to Disney. And while it's a great thought to want to include your family. Remember you'll have to alter you and your boyfriends day-to-day. You should explain to your step mom that you've had your heart set on staying on disney property, and explain some of the benefits. Give her the option of staying on site too or if she'd prefer to stay off site that's fine too. You can always meet up in the parks or different places. Go from there and hopefully it'll work out for the best.

I hope it works out for you, and I hope you have a magical time in Disney.

sorry that was so long to write.. =/

 

[TDC Nala]

That's the problem with inviting other people along once you have made your plans - sometimes their plans end up being different from yours.

You have a couple of choices - you can keep your onsite reservation and let them stay offsite and meet up with you. If that bothers your stepmom (after all, you did suggest they come along) she can either decide to move onsite, or she will continue to pressure you to stay offsite with them. How well can you hold your own against her pressure? Because she may want your contribution to the offsite condo in order to bring the price down. Either way you'll have to tell her that all your plans involved staying onsite, and stick to that.

If you can talk them into staying onsite, have them stay in a separate room. That way, if they don't want the dining plan and you do, you can get it while they don't. Realize that if you get the plan and they don't, you will be eating without them at times because they probably won't want to pay for all the meals that you will be booking to use your credits. Link the room reservations and arrange to have them near each other if you want. Sounds as if your dad will also need an accessible room.

 

[Brian Noble]

What, exactly, are you trying to do here? Have a nice romantic trip with your BF? A family trip with your family? "Introduce" your BF to your family? Or introduce your BF to Disney?

It sounds like you are trying to do all of these things. No wonder you're stressed!

It is true that this is your vacation. However, now that all of these other people are coming, it is their vacation as well. So, you might find that you have to compromise on some things. One possible "compromise" is for you to do what you want, and the rest of your family to do what they want, but then you aren't really vacationing "together". You can make that situation better if you schedule a few meals for the whole group during the trip---we've done that before when traveling with extended family, and it works well. For the most part, everyone can go their own way, but still catch up on a few evenings over dinner to talk about things.

As for the cost: I've done this both ways, and paying for a share of a condo plus paying for food as you go is probably not going to be any more expensive than staying onsite and paying for the dining plan. You might pay a little more for food, but you'll pay a lot less for your room.

And, finally, I can't be the only person who is struck by the fact that Cinderella is having troubles with her step-mother...

 

[kaligal]

Hello!
Background: My boyfriend and I have been talking about going on a Disney vacation together July 2012 for almost a year now. We both have been saving and saving our money. He has never been and I am a Disney FREEK!...

So I started thinking about how nice it would be to have my step mom, step sister, and dad come along with us! My dad was in an accident about 4 years ago on our last vacation to the world and was paralyzed due to Cocoa beach waves We usually go on a Vkay together every summer, but had other house expenses this last year and were unable to go.

Getting to the point, I have been planning and planning and now my step mom just started looking at prices and what not. I have had my heart set on staying on property, using the dinning plan to eat lots of food and going to tons and tons of parks and activities. She started talking about how she found a condo 4 miles away from Disney and that we should stay there..

The only problem is I know the dinning plan would work best for my boyfriend and I money wise. We would not be able to purchase if we don't stay on the property, I told her that, she offered to pay for our part of the share and spend that money we would have spent on our room for our food.

I feel bad because the whole point was that I do not want them to have to pay for any of my expenses. She told me she was stressed because she felt like I would be upset knowing she was going to pay for some of my step sister who is 16 trip and not mine(19). I told her I just wanted them to be able to come and that I understood when I told them they should come that this I'm would be what was happening.

My main problem is what do I do? I feel like losing my vacation and am going to have to settle for things I don't really feel like doing ( staying off property, paying for food.) because I don't want to upset her...any advice?

Stay off property. Once you invited your family, it became a group thing. Groups are better off in condos offsite.

Family is important and this is not worth arguing over...especially since you invited them along!

Condos off property are way nicer than Disney hotels, anyway. So much more space. So much more relaxing.

And next time, don't invite your family.

 

[KatieCollette]

Don't do it! Don't stay off property! It's just not the same. I agree with everyone else, just stay in different places then them if they insist on staying off site.

 

[Brian Noble]

I agree with everyone else

Actually, if it were me, I'd stay with my family in the condo. But, it doesn't sound like that's the answer the OP wants to hear.

 

[TandLMommy28]

I'm in the camp of "the more the merrier" when it comes to vacations. I have learned to do it something like this:

"Hey Extended Family! We are going to _____________ on the following dates: ________. We are staying at ________________ Resort. You are all welcome to come the entire time or part of the time we are there. We'd love to share our vacation with you. If you like a different resort in the area, please don't think we will be insulted if you stay somewhere else. If you come, it's your vacation, too, so stay where you feel comfortable and we'll work out times and locations to meet up. Hope you come along!"

We did this for our trip to New Hampshire this summer and it worked marvelously. We got a hotel room and my aunt, uncle and cousins decided to join us and they brought their camper and stayed at a campground. We got up and met for breakfast, spent the days together and then separated at night. It was perfect.

We did this for our 2010 Disney trip, and my mom and another aunt came along. They decided staying at the same resort as us would be easiest for them, and so they did.

NOw, on my recent trip to NYC with my mom, all my aunts and some cousins, I planned the whole thing but it was one of those disastrous trips where EVERY SINGLE PERSON thinks they are in charge of the itinerary. One person had our theater tickets so we were stuck together. It wasn't pretty. I learned from that I should have said, "This is what *I* am doing on this trip. If you want to come but you want to do something else when we get there, that is fine. We will meet at 1:30 in front of Gershwin Theater to see Wicked. Everyone can carry their own ticket and that way if anyone's running late, we won't all miss the beginning of the show." Lesson learned.

I think the key is letting people know that they are welcome to join you but joining you does NOT mean you have to be stuck together like glue 24/7.

 

[stargazertechie]

I think I have a solution:

Rent DVC points and stay at Bay Lake Tower or Beach Club in a 2 bedroom villa. If you stay offsite, you guys will have the added expense of renting a WC-accessible vehicle to get to the parks. Those are $$$$!

With BC, you can walk to Epcot and DHS, avoiding having to maneuver a WC on the bus. With BLT, you can walk to MK and monorail to Epcot- still easier than relying on the bus!

Either option would run around 350 points for an 8 day/7 night stay, or around $4200.
That time of year you also have the super late PM EMH, so you could take a nice long swim/rest/food break mid day, avoid the heat of the day, and still put in 10+ hours at the parks daily.

 

[Planogirl]

I suggest that you tell your step-mother that the original plan was for you to stay onsite and you'd like to stick to that. If they choose to stay elsewhere then you can meet up whenever and wherever and still have a fun vacation.

 

[ancestry]

I think part of the problem is that you are still so young that you haven't fully crossed the line where you step away from your core family unit and move into your adult life. Step mom probably still sees you as a child not as an independent adult. It is easier to say sorry I'm going to stay somewhere different than you when you are older and have been living on your own for years.

OP, do you happen to live with dad and step-mom?