Help with discipline.......

[lukenick1]

Ive considered hot sauce.....I've got a good one...
He hates music, especially LOUD music. I could put him in my car and crank up the music as punishment....I would really enjoy that
Would that be considered abuse?????

"Next time you say a potty word youre gonna have to listen to Britney Spears full blast!" LOLOLOLOLOLOL

 

[Bluestars]

Ive considered hot sauce.....I've got a good one...
He hates music, especially LOUD music. I could put him in my car and crank up the music as punishment....I would really enjoy that
Would that be considered abuse?????

Not in my book.

A parent has got to do what a parent has got to do. Maybe you can force him to watch some very boring TV show for hours on end. If he is a liberal, I hear Fox news would be torture. When he starts to fall asleep, use a little Chinese water torture.

ETA - The Brittney Spears music would be torture for all age groups.

 

[minkydog]

Personally, I think it is best when the other child gets to continue having fun and the one with the bad behavior can't participate. That will make it all the better!

Let the older child play and make sure the younger one is aware of the fact that brother is off doing electronics and that he can't participate due to his behavior. I am not suggesting that you rub it in his face but a simple, "you will need to stay out of the living room while Johnny plays on the Wii since that is your punishment" will suffice.

You need to get tough with the punishments and hit him where it hurts. If electronics is his thing, he only gets it if he earns it.

I agree with this. Let your other son play, he has earned teh right. Mr Potty Mouth has not earned the right and therefore does not get to participate. Take all his toys out of his room. ALLLL of them. While your other son is playing Wii or Legoes, Mr Potty Mouth gets to go to his room and read. Or write. Or fold washclothes. And if he acts out(and he will, trust me) he has to clean everything up and go straight to bed. And if he gets out? Trust me on this, he will. He gets the same treatment the next night. But as he starts to improve you need to recognize that. Let him check out a toy from you. He has to return it at the end of the evening, or before if he slings his Smart Mouth around.

My oldest went through a bout of Potty Mouth, too, so I feel your pain. I had to make it most unpleasant for him and it took a couple weeks for him to understand that I meant business. YOu have to be very very consistent, and you have to eliminate the negative attention. Be very calm and quiet when you deal with him. No fussing or shaming. Just "You did this, now this will happen." Done. If he resists and gives you grief, you tell him what your just told him "You did this, now this will happen" as you walk him to his room. Tell him he has to stay there quietly for 6 minutes. Every outburst earns him an additional minute. After his prison time is up, go up to his room to release him. Give him a hug and invite him to rejoin the family. Do not give praise for this! You don't want him to get the idea that he can act out, spend a little alone time, and then you're going to jump over the moon for him. Just let him rejoin whatever you're doing, minus the Wii and legos and other toys. Reading every night won't kill him.

 

[Pigeon]

Pick up a copy of 1-2-3 Magic from your public library. You can get a book or a video. It's a wonderful discipline system that cuts out all the yelling and arguing. I still use it with my 12 year old! Oh, and don't confuse it with the "I'm going to count to three" thing. It's different and it's beautiful.

 

[lukenick1]

Thank you all for the wonderful ideas...
I will try my best to be consistent. Thats the hardest part!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would help him find cool substitute words. I don't know off hand. Make up something silly and say it when you are frustrated. Schnitzel always sounded funny to me or dachshund. As a parent, I would say something like that instead of a curse word for his benefit. Maybe he will pick it up. I'd tell him curse words are really out of date and not cool. It takes a really cool kid to make up his own word. (Make sure he tells you what it means so the meaning is acceptable to repeat. )

Give him an assignment, if he continues to say the curse words, make him look up 10 or 20 other words that aren't curse words that he thinks are cool. Or he could make some words up. Then have him write them 10 x each. Maybe that will help them "stick".

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

What does he LOVE to do after school? Watch TV? Play outside? Figure out what it is, and make THAT the currency.

Good Day (No bad words)= He earns TV, outside time, etc.
Bad Day= No TV, no outside time, etc.

As for TV and video games...do you only have 1 TV? If it's in a main area, give your older kid a time when he gets to watch, and have your younger stay in his room or another area of the house. He may get really mad...but one night of that, and he may think twice the next day.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Watch out putting soap in his mouth. I don't know what state you live in, but in Maryland they are arresting people for child abuse when they do this.

I think it might be time to bring in your pediatrician or a counselor.

For a kid with a fresh mouth? Really? What is the ped going to do? Mom will figure out what really means something to the kid and take it away. I will bet that is more effective than a counselor or the ped.

 

[IDoDis]

Where is he hearing the swear words? I'm not saying that you and your DH are using them at home, but the school probably does think that. If he hears them from the TV and movies, you need to be very diligent about what you watch when he's around. I've always been shocked at what kind of movies parents allow their young kids to see/hear.

As he gets older, the cuss words will become more common in middle school but you want him to be the one NOT using the words for effect and attention. He's old enough now to know better. If he's getting all kinds of attention for this, be it negative or positive, chances are he may just be looking for attention period and doesn't care if it's good or bad.

Praise him when he uses other words to describe and give him options. Instead of the "B" word, teach him an alternate word to use. When he uses that word, lavish praise on him. Eventually he'll stop, but he'll still want attention, so find ways to give it to him to reinforce the good things.

 

[Nancyg56]

My DH used to remove the paddles from my son's Nintendo and leave the unit there for him to see. It was a constant reminder of what he was missing.

I admit that I am challenged by the games that kids have today but I do know that they come with "stuff". I would not tolerate that kind of language. to this day my adult children do not use any profanity in front of me. I would sit your son down and tell him he has had his last last chance. Tell him that there are new rules and that if he uses profanity he will be punished. Tell him what the consequence is and then stick to it. I can tell you that you will feel punished as well

I think that the punishments he has had in the past are over too quickly. My son recently told me he used to wish that I would have just "beat me and gotten it over with. Oh nooooooo, You had to talk to me. And talk to me and talk to me....."He also told e that he hated seeing his Nintendo sitting in front of him while he had no way of using it. His brother had his own game thing and he was having a great time. It made him think twice about repeating the behavior.

 

[lukenick1]

It really doesnt matter where he is hearing them. He should know better not to use those words. I have told him that they are "adult" words. Its not so much the swearing he doesnt do that much its just the other stuff like telling a little girl in school that he was going to come to her house in the night and kill her dog..... He doesn't realize how that sounds. He is not a mean kid, he thought he was funny to say that. He ended up scaring the little girl and she told her parents who then called the school. I have no idea why he would say such a thing. He is really such a sweet affectionate loving little boy. Ugh!

 

[crashbb]

If he thinks it is funny to tell a girl that he is going to kill her dog or to tell his class that their classmate is dead, you have a bigger problem than a potty mouth.

 

[hereyago]

Funny story: When I was 5. My parents and I went to my grandparents house-DGM was seriously religous. Like she would tell me my parents were going to go to the bad place because they went to bars and my dad played other music then gospel, nice ,right?

Ok, so my aunt is there washing her car. She turns to me, says my name and sprays me with the hose. I called her the b word-which I learned from DF. My grandmother somehow got to me, I think she just flew over the car and dragged me into the bathroom with everyone saying for her to stop. She washed my mouth out with some brown soap. I am 41 now and I still remember if vividly.

Lock me up, because my DD when she was little said a bad word taht she learned from her father and out came the soap. Today, we are too worried about abuse, but we have kids running around in schools like banshees. Oh, Dd hasn't said anymore bad words around me.

 

[hereyago]

If he thinks it is funny to tell a girl that he is going to kill her dog or to tell his class that their classmate is dead, you have a bigger problem than a potty mouth.

Dang, I didn't even read that part of the OP thread. OP, potty mouth is least of your worries if your 5 year old said this.

 

[minkydog]

It really doesnt matter where he is hearing them. He should know better not to use those words. I have told him that they are "adult" words. Its not so much the swearing he doesnt do that much its just the other stuff like telling a little girl in school that he was going to come to her house in the night and kill her dog..... He doesn't realize how that sounds. He is not a mean kid, he thought he was funny to say that. He ended up scaring the little girl and she told her parents who then called the school. I have no idea why he would say such a thing. He is really such a sweet affectionate loving little boy. Ugh!

Red flags going up everywhere! These are not the kinds of statements I would expect to come from a 6 year old.

 

[RNMOM]

All of these types of behaviors are just for getting attention. It works quite well too.

At home I would just get up and leave the room. Turn your backs on him and walk away. Go into your bedroom or the bathroom and close and lock the door. If you can get everyone to do this for a while, I bet it would work.

School is another matter. It probably won't change if they keep doing what they are now. Wouldn't it be nice if you could get the teacher/classmates and other adults in the school to do the same? Just turn their backs on him when he acts this way? It might only take a few times for it to work.

My youngest son was good for acting out and got a lot of negative rewards for this. It took us changing schools for him to settle down. The attitude of the principal and teachers was very different at the new school. They had all been trained in behavior modification as they were the primary school for these kids before inclusion. No one reacted to bad behavior but instead just reminded him what he should be doing. He had 3 wonderful and productive years at that school.

I am not a fan of rewards because it keeps the misdeeds front and center. He really shouldn't need rewarding for doing the right thing but certainly a hug and reminder that he is so much nicer to be around is all it takes.

Good luck. There are a lot of us out there with similar situations.

 

[lukenick1]

Dang, I didn't even read that part of the OP thread. OP, potty mouth is least of your worries if your 5 year old said this.

C'mon he's not a serial killer in the making.....he is a little boy who lives in a very loving fulfilling home. He just doesn't realize what that means. Oh and he said he would shoot her dog not kill it....i was wrong.

FYI...he does show remorse for it after he is disciplined. He's not crazy.

 

[hereyago]

C'mon he's not a serial killer in the making.....he is a little boy who lives in a very loving fulfilling home. He just doesn't realize what that means. Oh and he said he would shoot her dog not kill it....i was wrong.

FYI...he does show remorse for it after he is disciplined. He's not crazy.

Hun, I was not the only one who wrote this. But, you need to nip it in the bud, whether he becomes a serial killer or just a kid who thinks he doesn't have any reprecussions for his actions. Don't come on a board and write about your son threatening to kill a dog and not expect people to say something about it.

 

[lukenick1]

All of these types of behaviors are just for getting attention. It works quite well too.

At home I would just get up and leave the room. Turn your backs on him and walk away. Go into your bedroom or the bathroom and close and lock the door. If you can get everyone to do this for a while, I bet it would work.

School is another matter. It probably won't change if they keep doing what they are now. Wouldn't it be nice if you could get the teacher/classmates and other adults in the school to do the same? Just turn their backs on him when he acts this way? It might only take a few times for it to work.

My youngest son was good for acting out and got a lot of negative rewards for this. It took us changing schools for him to settle down. The attitude of the principal and teachers was very different at the new school. They had all been trained in behavior modification as they were the primary school for these kids before inclusion. No one reacted to bad behavior but instead just reminded him what he should be doing. He had 3 wonderful and productive years at that school.

I am not a fan of rewards because it keeps the misdeeds front and center. He really shouldn't need rewarding for doing the right thing but certainly a hug and reminder that he is so much nicer to be around is all it takes.

Good luck. There are a lot of us out there with similar situations.

Thanks for your postive words.....looks like a lot of people here think my Son might need the funny farm now. I guess thats what you can expect from someone who has never met him. It does sound worse than it is. I would react the same way. If I was that girls mother I would think that my son was a psycho. It's easier for me to not freak out aboutit knowing what a sweet loving boy he really is. He just wants the attention and wants to be funny. I just wish i could get thru to him whats funny and whats not. FWIW...I ended up asking the principle for her number to call that girls Mom and have my son apologize to her, she understood that kids say inappropriate things all the time, she is a teacher. I think she just wanted me to know about it, hence the reason she called the school.

 

[phorsenuf]

C'mon he's not a serial killer in the making.....he is a little boy who lives in a very loving fulfilling home. He just doesn't realize what that means. Oh and he said he would shoot her dog not kill it....i was wrong.

FYI...he does show remorse for it after he is disciplined. He's not crazy.

I don't think anyone is accusing him of being a future serial killer nor that he comes from a bad home. But you have to admit those are some eyebrow raising comments. Shooting the dog, killing the dog, just semantics.
Truthfully I think he very much knows what he is saying. A young kid just does not randomly tell a little girl he's going to come to her home and shoot her dog for no reason. What led up to that comment?