Help with discipline.......

[lukenick1]

Hi all,
I'm at my wits end with my fresh 6 year old. He has a "potty" mouth and Im tired of it. His mouth gets him sent to the principle's office. He does say some curse words like ***** and most of his potty mouth is stupid, poopie, butt, etc. I'm embarassed for him to go to a play date for the fear of him talking like that. He says these things to get a rise out of the kids, he loves to entertain. I've tried putting soap in his mouth and taking things away but it's not working. Whats your advice??? He also has an older brother who would not dare talk that like. Its definitely his clown personality.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Oh man, I feel so sorry for you. That's tough.

I know what happened to me, the very few times I used not so nice language. Of course, it is not considered so kosher in today's world, so I dunno.

I can tell you this much. I don't swear, even as an adult, so it must have worked pretty darn well.

 

[Minnie_me]

He's obviously doing it for attention. And he sure is getting what he's after!

You need to find a way to remove the attention, and give him attention for something POSITIVE instead. If he goes through the day without using any inappropriate words, he'll earn a small reward. Keep it VERY small, and even non-material: like an extra half hour of TV, an extra story at bedtime, a walk to the park with mom or dad, a movie rental, etc.

Good luck!

 

[lukenick1]

How do I keep him from doing it at school and on the bus....he's obviously learning it from the older kids. The kids are tattling on him at school so he's getting i trouble for it. Last week one child asked the teacher why another child was absent during circle time....trying to be funny my freshy blurts out that the kid is dead. It scared the other kids. I know he is just saying that to get attention but how do I get thru to him that it is very serious sometimes what he says. Not to mention not funny... Ugh! Parenting is the most difficult job in the world!

 

[daisy2]

Like the above poster said ignore the negative but I would take things away from that mean something to him. And he can earn them back after so many positive days at school. Like his bike, gameboy, Wii something that he enjoys and can't live without. And also work with the teacher maybe a communication log or via email of how your child's day was at school. This way he knows that you mean business another idea is maybe a cuss jar does he get allowance? These are just some ideas that may work.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm all for positive reinforcement, but in a case like this I think I'd go for the punishment -- I love the cuss jar idea. Maybe have two jars. What he starts out with and will get at the end of the week and then the other jar would be where the coins will go each time he cusses or says something inappropriate.

Very hard habit to break. Good luck with that!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Your punishment hasn't been severe enough. I am not saying to beat the kid but you have not taken away enough that it is effecting him. Take away everything. Not one lego left for him to play with. Make him write a letter of apology each and every time he does something wrong. Give him chores every day that he will not like. Whatever you need to do to get his attention. Positive reinforcement is great but somewhere he knows he is getting away with this behavior because you haven't found the one thing to make him stop. When he does something good of course praise him but do not let the bad stuff slip by. He may be learning it on the bus but he should know at 6 that it is not appropriate. He should know that you will have consequences for that behavior.
Good luck and I hope it gets better for you.

 

[lukenick1]

Hi all,
Thanks for the great feedback. My other issue is that if I take the wii. legos. tv. etc away my older son suffers too. How can I do that and keep him from playing with it while his brother does. Man this is gonna be hard. He doesn't get an allowance so the cuss jar wont work. I think we'll just have to beat him By no means do I think this whole situation is funny. I really would like to beat him but we all know thats not accepted today. My mom would have back handed me across the mouth.

 

[happygirl]

Threat to wash him mouth out with soap

 

[SnowWhite607]

Threat to wash him mouth out with soap

she said in the original post that she did that already.

What would SUperNanny do?

I am tending to agree with Mouse House Mama.

 

[quentina]

Hi all,
Thanks for the great feedback. My other issue is that if I take the wii. legos. tv. etc away my older son suffers too. How can I do that and keep him from playing with it while his brother does. Man this is gonna be hard. He doesn't get an allowance so the cuss jar wont work. I think we'll just have to beat him By no means do I think this whole situation is funny. I really would like to beat him but we all know thats not accepted today. My mom would have back handed me across the mouth.

I have allowed my other kids to be active in things (wii, pumpkin patch whatever) while the bad kid of the day watches. Yep, it is sad to go on a family event and have one not allowed to participate however; after many, many warnings and threats.....I concede and say no more, your out of luck.

My little one right now is missing TV for a week due to talking back...it goes like this...one more time and you lose tv, him (insert disrespect here)...OK, no tv...he says more disrespect...Ok lost tomorrow also....and it continues, by the 6th night he stopped and that was because I said I was going upstairs and removing the TV from his room.

My 2 little ones came from foster care and are quite behavior challenged. With constant supervision, some counseling to help with their past trauma's they experienced and learning that we mean business....it does get better. Consistency is the key (for us, we were not consistent in the beginning because we knew their background and felt sorry for them, that did them zero good).

Stand firm, it will get better!

 

[disney1990]

Watch out putting soap in his mouth. I don't know what state you live in, but in Maryland they are arresting people for child abuse when they do this.

I think it might be time to bring in your pediatrician or a counselor.

 

[LisaR]

Hi all,
Thanks for the great feedback. My other issue is that if I take the wii. legos. tv. etc away my older son suffers too. How can I do that and keep him from playing with it while his brother does. Man this is gonna be hard. He doesn't get an allowance so the cuss jar wont work. I think we'll just have to beat him By no means do I think this whole situation is funny. I really would like to beat him but we all know thats not accepted today. My mom would have back handed me across the mouth.

Personally, I think it is best when the other child gets to continue having fun and the one with the bad behavior can't participate. That will make it all the better!

Let the older child play and make sure the younger one is aware of the fact that brother is off doing electronics and that he can't participate due to his behavior. I am not suggesting that you rub it in his face but a simple, "you will need to stay out of the living room while Johnny plays on the Wii since that is your punishment" will suffice.

You need to get tough with the punishments and hit him where it hurts. If electronics is his thing, he only gets it if he earns it.

 

[tasha99]

That's a hard one, and I know personality plays a huge role. DD17 has ALWAYS said things intended to shock--and let me tell you, things that are shocking progress as kids get older. DS11, her younger brother hears it all, and you'd think he would parrot her, but nope--he has a personality that "gets along" and doesn't get into trouble.

I tried the mouth washing out with soap when DD was younger, but it didn't help. It was a big event that appealed to her sense of drama. To some extent, not letting her visit with friends helped (she's a clown type and very social. Having to play alone is horrible for her). Now, I have to admit I have very little control in that regard, and I focus my attention on her younger brother, who doesn't repeat all the things he hears from big sister.

 

[vettechick99]

I teach this age group and can tell you that they push every button, everyday without fail. They try to get away with as much as they can, and oftentimes will if you let them.

I also don't think you are being strict enough. As the others said, you need to find his "currency" and take it away. If that means you have to take it all away and let him watch while his brother has a good time, then please do so. As his behavior improves, he may get one item back. I would get the teacher in on it. We give smilie (straight or frownie) faces everyday. If she doesn't have that system, maybe she will do it for you.

I think the Supernanny would have you sit down with him and explain that this behavior is unasseptable and here are the rules. And tell him whatever you decide and the consequences. He can't say he didn't know. Then mean what you say...don't chicken out or you have to start all over.

I know you want to get this behavior under control. And believe me, if you don't you'll have a very rebelious teenager before long!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I teach this age group and can tell you that they push every button, everyday without fail. They try to get away with as much as they can, and oftentimes will if you let them.

I also don't think you are being strict enough. As the others said, you need to find his "currency" and take it away. If that means you have to take it all away and let him watch while his brother has a good time, then please do so. As his behavior improves, he may get one item back. I would get the teacher in on it. We give smilie (straight or frownie) faces everyday. If she doesn't have that system, maybe she will do it for you.

I think the Supernanny would have you sit down with him and explain that this behavior is unasseptable and here are the rules. And tell him whatever you decide and the consequences. He can't say he didn't know. Then mean what you say...don't chicken out or you have to start all over.

I know you want to get this behavior under control. And believe me, if you don't you'll have a very rebelious teenager before long!

Well said. I had to laugh when I read unasseptable!
You need to find his currency. I drive a school bus and for one little boy on the bus, his currency is riding the bus. He loves my bus. So his mom punishes him by driving him to school.

 

[mmackeymouse]

I really would like to beat him but we all know thats not accepted today. My mom would have back handed me across the mouth.

I hear ya girl. Two words: the belt. But, let me tell you, that thing put the fear of God in me, and it did not take me very long to learn to hold my tongue.

Listen, if it comes to it, and you have to use physical force, many people, myself included, won't think any less of you. As with my parents, the belt was always a last resort.

You can physically reprimand your child without "beating" them. Now, I am not saying you have to do it anytime he does something wrong. But, if there is something that is repetitive that is not being solved, I would pull out all the stops.

 

[lukenick1]

love the Nanny comment.....I've even tried the naughty chair!

 

[Bluestars]

I guess a little dab of tabasco sauce on the tongue would be out of the question and considered child abuse, right?

I guess I would make him do something unpleasant every time he said something unacceptable. Like making him write a phrase 50 times or standing in time out. Maybe even making him listen to a recording of the It's a Small World Dolls over and over. Oh wait, that would my own worst punishment. Kids might like it.

 

[aristocatz]

He's obviously doing it for attention. And he sure is getting what he's after!

You need to find a way to remove the attention, and give him attention for something POSITIVE instead. If he goes through the day without using any inappropriate words, he'll earn a small reward. Keep it VERY small, and even non-material: like an extra half hour of TV, an extra story at bedtime, a walk to the park with mom or dad, a movie rental, etc.

Good luck!

I would also add that you keep his teacher at school in the loop with your incentive plan, so the teacher can be consistent and fluid with your plan.