Help with Christmas Dinner problems - my mom & DH

[momto3kids]

This is part vent and part plea for ideas - I love my mom, I love my DH, nobody is horrible and they are all driving me insane.

For background - we've always gone to my mother's on Christmas Day - it used to be my parents but then they divorced a few years ago and now it's my mom's and her DH's. DM's DH is a vegatarian and no dairy for health reasons (ie. he thinks it's healthier not the doctor told him not too eat meat) and my mother who's eaten meat all her life has just this year become a strict vegatarian because of some documentary her step-DD watched but she eats dairy and they both eat fish. Whatever - I don't care and I make sure they have food they will enjoy when they come to my house. I go to a great deal of effort - make potatoes with soy milk, stuffing with veggie brith, etc.

Then there's my DH - he's a picky eater. No veggies except onions and peppers, no rice, no potatoes, no beans and the only kind of fish he eats is salmon and only if it's grilled / baked to firm. He's essentially the anti-vegatarian.

So you can see the coming of the problems - When we've visited my mom over the past year, she's ordered from a local restaurant and so the issue has been avoided. But now Christmas is coming and all hell is about to break loose.

My mom won't cook meat and she won't allow beef in the house because her DH is afraid of madcow contaminating the house. She doesn't want to order a meal as she loves to cook and doesn't think Christmas dinner should be ordered in. She wants to make salmon but I know from past experience she destroys fish - it's nushy even too me and I am not as picky as my DH.

My kids (DD 9, DS7 and DS5) eat whatever and love salmon (although probably not my mom's since they won't eat any kind but their dad's so who knows).

My DH is not happy, my mom is not happy and I'm going insane. My DH shouldn't have to eat food he hates on Christmas and my mom means well.

I offered to just have it my house but that went over like a lead balloon - my mom wants her holiday.

So......I'm trying to find a way to make peace and not go completely insane.

Oh what a wonderful time of the year!

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Why don't you offer to make it and bring it over? That's what I'm doing this year. We have Christmas Eve dinner at the in-laws every year and I'm cooking it this year. We're having it at their house though. I'm cooking at my house, packing it up, and bringing it over to theirs. Of course, that depends on how far they live and how well salmon would hold up (I've never cooked it myself, so I don't know).

Or you could tell them that you got sick from mad cow disease and have to stay home this year.

 

[minniecarousel]

Why not go for brunch? Surely there are foods for everyone on a brunch menu.

or maybe not include a meal. Go after lunch and leave before dinner. Sounds like it's time to make some new traditions.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Oy. Sounds like maybe instead of going over for dinner, you should go over for coffee and dessert?

 

[Seewhatimesdone]

I don't really see what the problem is. I'm vegan and the rest of my family eats tons of meat. I just get my own food and they get there's. No fuss involved

 

[lovetoscrap]

Can you bring a turkey, some chicken or maybe one of those Honey Hams? That way no madcow risk and there will be something for everyone.


Unless both sides can compromise, I would stick to doing breakfast or desserts only.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This reminds me of the thread about the vacation with the vegetarian family and the family who wants to fully observe passover!!!!

But, seriously, this is just one meal... right...

The important thing is to spend some time on Christmas together.

I don't know all the details, but in our situation, I would have a nice Christmas Breakfast at home... Go visit at your mothers, trying to be gracious about what is served... And then come home and you can fix up your DH a big steak (or whatever he likes!)

You could also consider having your own special Christmas Dinner for you and your DH and your family on Christmas eve.

If your mother expects everyone to spend more than one meal with her, while following her dietary restrictions/choices... Then she is expecting too much.

Like the other poster mentioned, would your mother and her DH mind of you brought some things, such as a small ham?

I hope you can work it all out!!!

PS: We have to go to my MIL's for EVERY holiday meal... I KNOW what it is like to not have good food that fits your own preferences... It kinda sucks!

One year, DH's aunt BOILED a Virginia baked ham!!! One year, MIL and the aunt were on a fat free, salt free, taste free, therefore natural food ingredient free kick.... Not to mention the fact that I simply do not enjoy MIL's type of cooking, at all.

 

[agnes!]

I don't think any of the main principals (Mom, Mom's DH, OP's DH) sound like they're willing to compromise. Ugh, OP, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Is it too late to run away for Christmas to WDW ?

agnes!

 

[MushyMushy]

It does sound like you're between a rock and a hard place. Your mother's being difficult, and your husband's too picky. But he deserves to enjoy his Christmas day too.

I'd say if they can't work out a compromise that you drastically change the day. You don't go over for the whole shebang -- you just go for an hour or two, and have your own delicious meal at home. I'd definitely do that for my husband. He comes first.

 

[npmommie]

I think you should offer to cook something that will make hubby happy, and bring it then everyone can eat what they want.

and not to be a nit picker...........but they are NOT vegetarians if they eat fish
they are pescatarians

 

[HunnyPots]

Just a little FYI, fish is not a vegetable! Therefore, if they eat fish, they are not vegetarians! Not that this info helps you at all, it just irritates me when people claim to be vegetarian and yet they are eating fish. Fish is meat! OK, I'm done.

Honestly, I would not let a battle over food spoil Christmas with your family. Just go and eat whatever your mom makes or at least make an attempt. If you're still hungry, stop at Mcd's on the way home!

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Hmm, show up with RUM and hardtack (claim you are Pirates and only eat Pirate food!)!!!

I'll bet you it would be a Christmas NO ONE would forget!!!

I must agree with a PP on this one, maybe a Coffee and dessert type of Christmas?

(No beef in the house because of Madcow?? I think he has a lot more "hidden" problems that you may not know about, than claiming to be vegetarian! Maybe he NEEDS some RUM!)

either way...good luck to you.

 

[Sayla1221]

Soy-cheese Lasagna.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OK, easy solution!!!!!

You eat your Christmas dinner at home and then go over there for dessert or something to that effect.

But you can be nice about it and say something to the effect, "since we have dietary issues we are going to change tradition to desserts at your place."

You put your foot down.

Frankly your mom is lucky because we stay home on Christmas. If you want to see us, then you have to visit us.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Just a little FYI, fish is not a vegetable! Therefore, if they eat fish, they are not vegetarians! Not that this info helps you at all, it just irritates me when people claim to be vegetarian and yet they are eating fish. Fish is meat! OK, I'm done.

Honestly, I would not let a battle over food spoil Christmas with your family. Just go and eat whatever your mom makes or at least make an attempt. If you're still hungry, stop at Mcd's on the way home!

I've heard the fish and poultry eating vegetarians are called semi-vegetarians. Or maybe I made that up.

 

[MAKmom]

Since your mom like fish ask her to do the 7 fishes on Christmas Eve & you cook Christmas dinner at your house.

You can also feed your family before you go over there.

The best plan is to start going to WDW for Christmas

 

[happygirl]

I have no words of wisdom just a hug. Doesn't sound like a fun problem to have

 

[momto3kids]

I'm sitting here laughing so hard there's tears straming down my face

Especcially at DisneyAddict's suggestion to claim we are suffering from Mad Cow and can't come for dinner.

Thank you all for understanding - I don't care about the food although i do care that I can bend over backwards to make them happy when they visit here but they can't do the same.

and Grumpy Pirate, you're absolutely right - my mom's DH is insane if you ask me - I don't care about what he eats but this new no beef in the house for fear of mad cow is just over the edge. he also doesn't eat dairy except in pie or cake He's not lactose intolerant and he says dairy isn't healthy - which is fine if you beleive that but then eat none of it not just my yummy desserts. And I completely agree - if you eat fish you're not a vegatarian but you can't reason with my mom or her DH about food stuff so no matter. I did point out a year or so ago, that last time I checked spinach was killing people and not meat but they weren't as amused.

You all make great suggestions but here's my problems:

1. We do Christmas Eve at my inlaws and have for 15 years
2. My DH & I really want Christmas morning with just the 5 of us so breakfast is out, plus they don't eat eggs, bacon, pancakes, etc so it wouldn't solve anything
3. WE hav ethe only grandchildren - on both sides
4. My mom is easily offended and loves to entertain. She wants to do dinner & dessert & the whole works and she be mortally wounded if I take it away from her
5. We did at my house for a few years because my brother lived at home and smoked in the house and my DS was a preemie and couldn't be around it - my parents didn't come over on Christmas at all and came the next day instead. She's still miffed at those years when I held my ground
6. undefined

The thing is there's no good compromise. My mom will be hurt if I bring food since it means her food isn't good enough, my DH will be ticked if he's forced to eat food he doesn't like / not eat much on Christmas (and I can't blame him) and I want to go to Disney instead.

I think I'm just going to tell my mom that we're bringing our own main course - maybe a small ham and sausage lasagna and we'll see where that goes.

 

[happygirl]

It sounds like to me she is going need to meet you half way

 

[castleview]

I'd say if they can't work out a compromise that you drastically change the day. You don't go over for the whole shebang -- you just go for an hour or two, and have your own delicious meal at home. I'd definitely do that for my husband. He comes first.

I agree. There's no point to you being miserable for the day. Your mom might be mad at first, but just tell her the truth and she'll eventually come around - maybe not this year, though.

Your post makes me thankful that my diabetic MIL doesn't insist on banning sugar and white flour from the house.