Help with asperger's co-worker

[Evil Queen]

I know many people with Apserger's have sensory issues. Just wondering if the hair washing is related to a heightened sense of touch on the scalp.
Just a thought!

That could be. Plus my DS10 had skull surgery at 18 months.

As for the other poster referring to Data, my son is a young Jim Carrey.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I know many people with Apserger's have sensory issues. Just wondering if the hair washing is related to a heightened sense of touch on the scalp.
Just a thought!

DS has NLD, and has a very sensitive scalp along with some other sensory issues. I have a friend who has a son who is autistic and he is hyposensitive except for his head which he can't stand having touched. From a purely unscientific observation, it seems to me that a lot of kids with NLD and on the spectrum have head sensitivity issues.

 

[LukenDC]

It is very important that you let your HR department handle the issue. With any disability, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) could come into play and you do not want to be accused of discrimination. It is also important that the person who does the counseling is the same gender as the employee with the problem. If you do not have access to an HR professional, then a few minutes consulting with an attorney would be a wise investment.

Good luck!

 

[SandiH]

Yes - a lot of kids on the Autism spectrum have sensory issues and avoid touch. Both my boys are not fond of hair washings or hair cuts for that matter.

 

[Caradana]

HR ... definitely HR ... don't touch this one. Let HR handle it so that you can disassociate yourself from the entire issue, because your employee will probably be somewhat embarrassed.

 

[LisaB]

My daughter's best friend's sister has as. It was thier Catholic school that actually picked up on it. She doesn't understand quirky things. At their father daughter dance she and her sister had on the same dress. My DH said to her you must shop at the same store and she didn't get it

 

[JustHolly]

Please don't use sarcasm or innuendo, people with Aspergers and Nonverbal Learning Disorder don't often understand those forms of communication. They are often unaware of how others perceive them, and have trouble processing the nonverbal portions of communication(they take things very literally). They do, however respond well to rules. I would talk to her about professional grooming being different from school. That she has to take a shower, use deoderant, brush her teeth, and wear clean clothes every day. If you put it in the context of a change in rules during this time in her life and let her clearly know what those rules are, you should be okay.

You're right! People with Asperger's will NEVER "get the hint!" You have to be very direct, as uncomfortable as that seems! She'll appreciate you in the end for bringing it up. She is an intern, learning how to survive/work in your environment. Dressing, bathing, smelling appropriately for the job is part of her learning.

 

[SeaSpray]

If you don't mind, can you describe a little what your son with mild Asperger's is like (if you mind, then just tell me ). My 6yo has a friend with an older brother. The mother has mentioned that the drs have suspected that the older brother has mild AS, but I don't know if it's really a diagnosis or not, but if it is, it would certainly explain a lot. I do know that the other kids his age (the older brother is going into 5th grade) get frustrated with this boy. I think he's a nice kid probably dealing with a lot and it's only going to get tougher as he enters the teen years (I have a 15yo son with Tourette Syndrome, so I know about how tough the teen years can be when there is a challenge).

Well, when I say "mild", I mean that most people can not see anything different at all about my DS. However, a good friend of a relative works with kids with autism, including AS, and when I asked her about it, she confirmed my suspicions. All of DS's "quirks" add up to AS, although in a mild form. Again, I say mild because they haven't impacted his life in a negative way.

(Years ago when I mentioned my suspicion of AS to our pediatrician, he said that DS may very well have AS, but if it wasn't a problem in his life, then it would be up to us to go for a formal diagnosis, but there has never been a need (no problems in school, for example) to really warrant it. Many years later now, we feel we made the right decision because nothing would've been changed had we made him go through with testing. This is his personal case, I know others with more severe symptoms might benefit from a formal diagnosis).

We moved from NJ to MA when he was starting 1st grade. He has the same group of friends today (plus a few more!) that he had back then, and they just finished up their freshman year of high school DS has no problems whatsoever in school; teachers love him; He's a high honors student, and wouldn't dream of not doing homework! I know it's because he fears any kind of negative recognition in school that makes him get that homework done each night. LOL He has a *very* monotone voice; and his speech was somewhat slurred for many years. Funny thing is, all those years his teachers never had any trouble understanding him, but *I* did!? I used to have to ask my older DS(now 18) what DS15 said. lol He has some sensory issues too; when he was younger (actually only up until a couple of years ago), he'd have this strange need to run... in the backyard, in the livingroom.. I guess I shouldn't say "run"; he was never disruptive when he'd do this, but he described it as not being able to stop. However, like I said, in school he was perfectly behaved and did none of this there. He's always been very well liked by his teachers. He did/does have a handwriting issue that was diagnosed back in elementary school. But once he got to middle school it became a non-issue because they no longer graded him on handwriting, and they actually preferred that he used a computer to do his homework on, and print out.

He's also not afraid of hard work. He'll be starting his very first real job this summer, working at a breakfast place at the NJ shore. I know he'll do a good job, and he's really looking forward to it

I know he has had a few "blips" with friendships over the years, but mainly it's when he makes a new friend, there seems to be a period of time where Robby and his friend need to get used to each other. lol But once he has a friend, he has a friend.

DS will often stand *too* close to me. I notice this at various times, but especially when he's in a new situation. I don't think he does this with friends though, at least not that I've ever noticed (and he has friends over all the time). I'm his mom and I don't care how close is he to me But when I say *too* close, it's just closer than what you'd expect another person to be to you. When DS was younger, kindergarten age, he'd get very upset at new situations. He cried the first week of kindergarten, but the next week he came home and very matter of factly told me "Mom, I didn't cry in school today. I am fine now". heheh He is very matter of fact about things, and usually not overly emotional. I think he'd make a great emergency/medical person because he can keep cool in situations that might fluster someone else.

DS has a lot of good things going for him: great circle of close friends; he's an excellent song-writer (lyrics and music!), he's a great bass guitar player, he basically taught himself to play, then took lessons so he could learn to read the music, he just taught himself to play the harmonica (lol!), he's been writing stories and illustrating them since before he could read (he'd dictate, I'd write, he'd illustrate), he's extremely smart, and for someone with AS, he has quite a lot of common sense.

In fact, almost an abundance of common sense, which is not like most typical AS people. When I asked him before if he knew what "a rolling stone gathers no moss" and "the early bird gets the worm" meant, he knew exactly what they meant and gave a better illustration and definition than I would've given. LOL He thought I was a little nuts, and was slightly insulted, for even asking him if he knew what they meant. lol SO in many ways, DS does not have many of the typical AS symptoms, which is another reason why I say he has a mild form of it. DS "gets" the jokes and innuendos that so many with AS don't get. He seems to actually "get" them at a very deep level. lol DS often reminds me of a very wise old man, but in a kid's body.

One thing where he does exhibit classic AS behaviour is when he doesn't pick up how aggravated I get sometimes, he just can't reel himself back in when I tell him to "cut it out" if he's being fresh (typical teen). Whereas my DS18 immediately knows when I'm getting really annoyed and will stop whatever he is doing, DS15 with AS will continue to try and debate with me about it! LOL I think he'd make a good lawyer or something because he can just go on and on about something. lol

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this so long, but I put my thoughts down as they came to me. lol

 

[Tigger&Belle]

SeaSpray, interesting, because some of your descriptions sound more like my son with the Tourette's/ADD (minus the actual tics, of course) than the boy who I think might have the mild AS. Sometimes it's hard to separate a personality and with my son, who is also 15yo (will be 16 in Sept) I don't know how much is his personality and how much is the neurological stuff that he has going on.

He does have a hard time reading people, including me when I'm getting irritated. Now I do say that my son has no common sense, but that's only partially true. He does in some ways and will argue any point and I also say that he would make a great lawyer since he will argue any point and will not let let it die.

He likes also likes to write music, but he's into the techno music. He also likes computer graphics and is doing an unpaid internship this summer and will hopefully learn a lot, along with a graphics camp.

I have a feeling our boys would get along very well and have a lot in common!

I have to bring my 6yo to swim team, but will later write about the brother of my 6yo's friend.

 

[Cindy B]

Seaspray, Thank you for your very descriptive synopsis on AS!

I see quite a few students with AS and while younger, they present a bit differently. Sometimes its hard to tell if it is personality or the AS .

In the elementary setting, I see male students (interestingly only AS students I have seen are males) that have to have extremely clear directions, modification for intrepretive answers on tests--has to be a right or wrong answer, and they tend to have tons of toys on the desk, backpack and such.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

The older brother of my son's friend who might have mild AS is an interesting kid. Again, as far as I know, he has never been diagnosed with AS, but the dr suspected mild AS when he was younger. He's going into 5th grade and is a very "in your face" kind of kid. He's very rule oriented and is irritated if kids are not doing what they should be doing. As far as what I know he's good in school, is a good speller, etc. From what I can tell, though, he doesn't get some of the social cues from other kids, which annoy them. And you know how kids can be--they get annoyed easily. At least that seems to be my son who has Tourette's experience. There are kids who can see past these things, though, thankfully.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

In the elementary setting, I see male students (interestingly only AS students I have seen are males)

There were 4 students with aspergers at DD's elementary school and they were all males too. They all had the same facial expression. Something about their eye expressions are lack of was very similar. I am not sure if this is true of all, but I do notice physical similarities.

When I used to substitute some I worked with these boys and they are very interesting and all very smart. They really do fascinate me and I try to read up on Aspergers from time to time. I did not have anything in my college early childhood education classes that dealt with it.

 

[Jpgirl]

I'm not sure how to respond as I'm in this battle with my ds, 19 who hasn't been officially dxed with Aspergers but the docs and I agree it probably is. Anyway my ds definitely has personal hygeine issues. We fight constantly about it. Everyday I have to nag him to shower, shave put on deodorant and brush his teeth. He doesn't think it's important. He's had classes in shcool and his teachers have talked to him. He works at a fast food joint and I would think that they would say something but they're thrilled that he comes to work on time and is willing to work on his off days. I'm not sure how he would respond to his boss saying something-he may respond positively b/c he likes to work. I agree with the other posters saying these people are about rules, but for some of them it's rules of THEIR choosing and they don't always follow society's rules. I always try to find what ds' "currency" (Dr Philism) is and use that to get positive results out of him-it's an uphill battle-good luck. I'll redouble my effort so he doesn't offend anybody.