Help with 13 Year Old DS

[nana2tots]

Hey, It's a 13 yr. old thing, even though my DGD has been through a lot, she is acting the same way, she makes me cry all the time, and i know she dosen't mean it, because she is a Fabulous Kid, I sometimes think she Hates me because i'm here and her Dear Mom passed away. Trust me, I am feeling at loss also.
If anyone out there has any ideas for me, God knows i could use them.

 

[Bearvet]

Nana - I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Yours is a very different situation and must be so hard for you. I'm assuming your DGD is in counseling, but if not I think that's where I would start.

to you - I cannot even imagine what you're going through.

 

[deelam]

I have a 12 year old and it's the same thing.
We went on a school trip last week (all the Moms went) and while my son said he did want me to go, he acted like he wanted me to just vanish once we got there. He made angry faces at me every time I pulled my camera out. He hated my sunglasses and was mortifed when I put them on. He seemed pretty miserable the whole time. But when we got home he told his Dad that we had a good time.

 

[ozarkmom]

He's not a little boy anymore and I hate to tell you but it will probably get worse before it gets better. A friend of mine and I used to joke when our boys were 13 that they acted like they were the only boys with parents. They were in the 7th grade and their first hour was football. When we would drop them off they started about a block before the field house saying let me out here let me out here! They seemed to be mortified by the thought of being seen with their mom or dad. It does get better though. At least boys don't go through the crying and drama that girls do!

 

[Sandy V.]

Hi Sandy
Thanks for letting me know that they do come back. You made my day.
I am not ready to give him up yet.
So I guess I will just wait this stage out and continue to show and tell him I love him. (Boy, Girls are easier)

Thanks
Dot

You are very welcome. I missed your reply the other day and just saw this thread again today.

I've got a daughter too, and I don't necessarily think they are easier - just different. She's two years older than her brother, and the nice thing is that now that they don't see each other as often, when they DO, they HUG EACH OTHER as well as their parents. It's very gratifying. So very different when they were young teenagers and were so nasty to each other.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

I am at my wits end with my 13 year old DS. He doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore and if I want to hug him he pulls away. I know he is not into anything bad and I know his friends I have even met the one ones that he made this year when he started middle school.
Does anyone have or gone thru this same problem.? Is is really killing me and I want my little boy back..

Dot

Oh Dot

You will have your little boy back, but not in the same way. He will peek through periodically, then pull away. Middle school, stinks! It just plain stinks. It is hard on everyone, no matter what it may look like. Hormones are bouncing off the wall, everyone is moody, and so dramatic. Kids talk down about their parents, and its the cool thing to hate them and tell everyone how stupid they are. Peer pressure is darned near at it's height at this age. 13 y/os have enough intelligence to understand that Mom and Dad aren't the superheros of their past, but they do not possess enough to understand that they truly need their parents and they can not live on their own.

I would suggest not pushing too hard. Gentle reminders that you are there, and you care will help him get through this. He misses it nearly as much as you do.

Welcome to the bumpiest ride of parenthood.

 

[shortbun]

Mom of a 13yo boy here too. Take him for car rides. Let him talk when he doesn't have to look you in the eye. Leave him notes with compliments. Never show affection in public, lol. Make up some code that lets only him know you are proud of him. I shake my finger at my son, 3 small shakes and he knows I'm NOT telling him to mind his manners. Talk to him about current events, politics, the environment, science, sports, video games. Allow him to let his hair down at home; make it a safe place. Good luck. It's tough watching them walk away. I take my son to lunch at a sports tv bar once in a while. He loves that and starts talking. You have to get up to speed with whatever they are interested in-even if it's heavy metal.

 

[DMickey28]

All these posts are making me cry. My baby is only a year old. I have another 12 to grow up myself so I can handle the teenage years.

 

[Sandy V.]

All these posts are making me cry. My baby is only a year old. I have another 12 to grow up myself so I can handle the teenage years.

Aww, don't cry. Your son is adorable, by the way. If they're raised with love and affection, they learn to give it back and usually the "don't hug me" phrase is short. Unfortunately we parents have to learn to live with it as we start slowly letting go and watching them grow up. . .

 

[IHeartTink04]

My sister is 13 and boy are ever going through hell with her.

She is such a snot and she is so secretive!

Needless to say, you are not alone.

 

[DarDar]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I am trying to let him be and not smother him and it seems to help his attitude a bit and that makes it easier on me. He rec'd an 89 on a math test and that is a subjuect he was struggling with lately and he came right home and told me right away what he got and we did high fives over it and he even SMILED.
I know I will get thru this but I can't believe how different he is from his 2 older sisters.
Thanks again and it really feels good to know that I am not alone in this and that there is really nothing wrong.

Dot

 

[MerryPoppins]

DS 21 gives me lots of hugs, but seldom a kiss. I get one of those on the cheek once in a blue moom. I have to content myself with his frequent phone calls. At least I know he likes to stay in touch.

DD 17 gives more than her share of hugs and kisses. I don't think she'll ever go through that phase. She's very affectionate. All her friends say she gives the best hugs.

OP, give him time. He'll probably adjust to the teen thing and come back to a new form of showing his love for you. It might never be just the same, but still nice.

 

[zurgswife]

I have to disagree. I have 3 teens 17, 16, 15. 17 is a girl the other 2 are boys. I think it has to do with personality and family dynamics. Not just they are growing up and leaving you . My 17 year old girl is still very affectionate and we have complete lines of open communication about drugs, alcohol and sex. My 16 is a little closer to the vest Doesn't like open affection. Not quite as open in the communication but is so black and white with wrong and right...i don't think he'll ever be involved in drugs and alcohol and definately will wait about sex. My 15 year old son is totally affectionate. Doesn't care if he is around friends or not. We are completely open with regards to drug, alcohol and sex. So, I don't think everyone needs to write off teens as being totally not wanting to be close. It does happen.

 

[Planogirl]

Kids all have to go through a pulling away phase. Some do it later (my brother was about 18) and they all have different ways of doing it. Our son (15) is still about as affectionate as ever but he keeps his thoughts more to himself and he likes to be in his room a lot. That's fine, whatever works for him is OK, as long as he does what he's supposed to and we communicate.

 

[Cinders]

OP Kids go through stages. You'll just have to find another way of saying I love you that works for both of you.

*Huge snip*During the last 4 yrs he has come to me with things that most kids do not because he knew he could tell me anything. Issues like drugs and sex. Make sure he knows the lines of communication are open and you will not freak out for the things he tell you. If you do not have that then you might have rebellion in your future. I am blessed that because of our open communication he is still a virgin and chose not to do drugs.
Good luck!

How would you know if he is a virgin and 100% drug free? Are you with him 24/7/365? Haven't you mentioned him having a GF? All it takes for a teenager is 10 minutes of alone time.

 

[noodleknitter]

I have to disagree. I have 3 teens 17, 16, 15. 17 is a girl the other 2 are boys. I think it has to do with personality and family dynamics. Not just they are growing up and leaving you . My 17 year old girl is still very affectionate and we have complete lines of open communication about drugs, alcohol and sex. My 16 is a little closer to the vest Doesn't like open affection. Not quite as open in the communication but is so black and white with wrong and right...i don't think he'll ever be involved in drugs and alcohol and definately will wait about sex. My 15 year old son is totally affectionate. Doesn't care if he is around friends or not. We are completely open with regards to drug, alcohol and sex. So, I don't think everyone needs to write off teens as being totally not wanting to be close. It does happen.

I agree that teens do want to be close. But as they mature, they figure out their own way.

 

[Magic Mom]

I agree with the other posters...its probably just a phase. My son is about to turn 17. Yesterday, we were talking about something he did when he was 13and his face turned red. He said " I'm so embarrassed to talk about how I acted in middle school. I was SUCH a jerk." We had a good laugh about it.
He is very affectionate now and even initiates the hugs once in a while. He even hugs me and tells me he loves me INFRONT of his friends!!!
I think its important to keep trying to hug him now though. Kids want to break away, but they also want to know you are still there with open arms.
Also, the poster that suggested talking in the car so he doesn't have to look at you when he talks is right on.

 

[MoniqueU]

Well I guess I am lucky. I have a 15 year old and he never went through that. He has always been affectionate and other then me having to get on him about his homework I have had no problems with him shutting me out. We are very close and he is close to his dad as well. We have alot of the same interests so there is lots to talk about. He doesn't like shopping, doesnt IM, isnt too into texting or talking on his cell. He just loves football and watching sports on tv, going to six flags and doing stuff like paintballing and go karts and the movies with his friends. But he always talks to me and I wouldn't know what to do if that was not the case. He cracks me up all the time too.
And to whoever said girls are easier, not at my house. My oldest is 11 but thinks she is 18. She is not into hannah montana or anything like that. She goes to concerts, reqds adult books and lives to shop. Her attitude about "things" and her sister leave alot to be desired.

My youngest is very easy. She is 10 and super sweet and affectionate. All my kids are and I don't expect that to change.