Help w/ 8 yo!!

[aunt lissa]

My DD-8 is mostly a well behaved child. She does almost everything I ask her to do w/ out fussing. She has her moments but for the most part is an excellent child. My problem is that if she asks for something and I say no, she goes into these crying fits. It is not a little whimper but very loud crying. I thought it was just a phase and she would get over it but she has been doing this for over a year now. I don't know what to do. I obviously can't give in and give her everything she wants just so she won't cry, but how do I teach her that you can't cry just because you don't get your own way. This isn't something she does w/ just me, but w/ everyone! Somebody please if you know a way to correct this behavior I'd appreciate any advice that you may have!! Thank-you in advance!

 

[CEDmom]

I'd either walk away from her or put her some place by herself. Without an audience most kids give up pretty quickly. When DD (4) starts pitching a fit I pick her up w/o saying a word and put her in her room. After a minute or so she quiets down and we go about our day. Good luck.

 

[JetMom]

I was going to say the same thing! I tell my 9 year old DS to go to his room and come back when he is ready to have a reasonable conversation.

If the tantrum takes place in public, it is harder. You have to leave wherever you are and either go home or wait it out in the parking lot. I always have a book with me, so I can pretend to read and not give any attention to the crying.

Of course, you know that the key is consistancy. if you give in once, she will keep up the behavior in the hopes that it will work again.

Good Luck-- It's hard, but hang in there!

 

[clutter]

A couple suggestions: One I found in the book "How to talk so your kids will listen". They tell you to make it into a fantasy. Let's say your dd says "I want a horse". "If we got a horse, what color? where would we keep it, what would we name it??" Talk about how fun it would be, even though the answer's still no. Another suggestion, if you're talking about a toy or clothes or some such, is to not say no, but to say, not today. Maybe for your birthday, or for christmas. My dd usually doesn't even ask for anything directly anymore; if she sees something she'll ask if she can have it for christmas or her birthday. Or she knows she can save her allowance for it. (or that sometimes mom buys something for no real reason.... but only rarely when asked.)

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

My brother always used to take his son into the restroom when he pitched a fit. Come to think of it, I can only actually remember one time that it happened. I don't know if there was a meeting of the minds in there, or a spanking, or what.... but when they came back out all was right with the world.

 

[aunt lissa]

Thanks for the suggestions! I usually try to ignore it or send her to her room. I'm lucky enough that most of the time she doesn't do this in public. However on rare occassions she does. I usually walk away from her then and she'll shut right up but that doesn't seem to work at home. Dd has been thru alot in her short life, and I spoiled the heck out of her when she was younger. I was the only parent (still am) so I didn't want to be the one to always say no. A few years ago I realized I could no longer be like that so I've started buckling down on her. Like I said she's usually a very well behaved child, it's just these little fits that she throws when she is told no. It can be something so simple as "can I have a cookie?" and when I say no, all he** breaks loose! I don't give in when she cries and I remind her every time that crying does not get us our own way. But when she acts like this I just sometimes feel like I am doing something wrong.