Help! (Vow renewal/recommittal ceremony)

[ChocoKat]

Where to start?

OK... DH and I have been married for nearly 10 years.
As our 10th anniversary loomed we started to think of re-doing our wedding ceremony. The very main reason: Our first "wedding" (if you could call it that), was a terrible experience that ended up with me saying no vows, not really exchanging rings, and with every single detail of the whole thing being taken away from my hands and planned by third parties that I didn't even know!

DH and I got married when I had just turned 20, we were very poor, didn't have a car of our own, and barely made it to the end of the month. But we loved each other, so we decided to have a civil ceremony, a couple of witnesses at the courthouse, extremely low key. We promised our families we would make it up for them not being there and have a wonderful wedding re-do at a later date when we had finished school and had better jobs and money to pay our own way for a beautiful ceremony.

After so many years we finally can afford the wedding of our dreams, it will still be a very small affair, 40 to 50 people tops, and we will have it at Walt Disney World in Feb 2011 so all our friends and family can make it and have a wonderful time in one of our favorite places.

We had played with the idea of doing an on board ceremony with DCL, but then some of our friends and family wouldn't be able to make it or afford the cruise.

Now, here is the tricky part I need help and clarification with.
I have been doing some research on etiquette, etc to make sure I am not doing anything wrong, and found some sites proclaiming that a vow renewal should have NOTHING to do with an actual ceremony, no wedding dress (unless you are wearing your old one, which BTW I didn't even get to pick... long story), no cake no bouquet, no pump and circumstance that would normally be present during a wedding. In short "Your wedding ship has sailed, you don't get a second chance".

We are not planning some of the traditional wedding things, but we would like to have:

• Rehearsal type party to thank everybody for coming from out of town and even out of country and to introduce families to one another since most of my family has never met his and vice-versa (my folks lived either in Europe or across country, so they never got a chance to meet, only my FIL and my dad have met).
  
• Ceremony with most of the trimmings, I will not have a procession, no wedding party, I probably will walk up the aisle on my own or come from the side walking towards my DH. I do want to get a wedding dress, but I am in for the simple elegant not too princessy styles... still I won't say I won't change my mind later. We will exchange vows and new rings, note I never got to do that on my first go-around, the justice of the peace doing our ceremony was very elderly and jumped me over, so now it is a running joke that my DH is married to me, but since I made no promises I am not married to him.
  
• We will have a reception for everybody to have a wonderful meal and dance dance dance!
  
• We will not be asking nor expecting any gifts, we have all we need, and really the best gift our guests could get us is them being there with us since we didn't get to share this very important moment with them to begin with.

Is any of this a serious no-no, will I get scolded by my wedding coordinator?

We decided to go for a Fairytale Wedding to be able to customize as much as possible but without the stress of trying to coordinate what some of our guests would qualify as a destination wedding.

Any input?

 

[acomasdiaz]

ChocoKat,

I think the most important thing to remember is that this event is for you and your husband. So, I say go for what you want. Make this the event that you have dreamt about. Don't worry about what someone else might think. Do it exactly as you wish!

Can't wait to hear more about it!

Aymee

 

[CDNTech]

You're me! Pretty close to the same story, except we did get married in a church with all our family/friends present. Didn't really have a wedding dress though and many other things make that day a not so good memory.

There's a link to my planning journal in my signature, but dh and I are doing a vow renewal (escape style) with just us, our boys and our best friends and their two kids. I did get to buy my dream dress this time (not a huge princess dress, but definitely screams wedding) and I don't care if people think I should or should not get to wear one.

We got new rings just before/after Christmas (custom made... it was a process, lol) and have been wearing them, but we will officially exchange them with token words at our vow renewal this coming January. We are not having an officiant... as dh says we are already married and our vows don't expire, but there will be special token words and our new rings exchanged. My best friend will be singing for us and dh's best friend will hopefully say a prayer for us... he's fairly shy, but I'm pretty sure he'll do this since it's just us there.

20 is a very difficult age to get married... you are still so into pleasing everyone around you that your wedding becomes about everyone else and not about you. 20 was the right age to get married for me, but it was not the right age to have a wedding... if that makes any sense at all.

I turned 30 in January and I know what I want out of a wedding now, well I knew back then, but I just was too into pleasing everyone else that dh and I got lost in the shuffle. This time it's all about us and we're not telling anyone (other than our best friends who will be attending with us) until after the fact... sort of an elopement.

I think everything you have planned sounds beautiful!

 

[ChocoKat]

ChocoKat,

I think the most important thing to remember is that this event is for you and your husband. So, I say go for what you want. Make this the event that you have dreamt about. Don't worry about what someone else might think. Do it exactly as you wish!

Can't wait to hear more about it!

Aymee

Thanks Aymee!
It's a relief!
I am just a worry wort sometimes and I want to make sure this time we get it right. It is funny, but most people think of DH and I as an ideal marriage, we get along perfectly, we laugh a lot together and we have been through a lot and still love being with one another just as much as the first day we met.

We have worked very hard to get as far as we have, and now that our determination and years of sacrifices and work are paying off we want to celebrate how far we have made it and put things right.

You're me! Pretty close to the same story, except we did get married in a church with all our family/friends present. Didn't really have a wedding dress though and many other things make that day a not so good memory.

There's a link to my planning journal in my signature, but dh and I are doing a vow renewal (escape style) with just us, our boys and our best friends and their two kids. I did get to buy my dream dress this time (not a huge princess dress, but definitely screams wedding) and I don't care if people think I should or should not get to wear one.

We got new rings just before/after Christmas (custom made... it was a process, lol) and have been wearing them, but we will officially exchange them with token words at our vow renewal this coming January. We are not having an officiant... as dh says we are already married and our vows don't expire, but there will be special token words and our new rings exchanged. My best friend will be singing for us and dh's best friend will hopefully say a prayer for us... he's fairly shy, but I'm pretty sure he'll do this since it's just us there.

20 is a very difficult age to get married... you are still so into pleasing everyone around you that your wedding becomes about everyone else and not about you. 20 was the right age to get married for me, but it was not the right age to have a wedding... if that makes any sense at all.

I turned 30 in January and I know what I want out of a wedding now, well I knew back then, but I just was too into pleasing everyone else that dh and I got lost in the shuffle. This time it's all about us and we're not telling anyone (other than our best friends who will be attending with us) until after the fact... sort of an elopement.

I think everything you have planned sounds beautiful!

lovestruc yes! That's it! I was very young, and I had left all my friends and family behind half a world away in one epic romantic leap of faith to come live with my DH.

It sounds crazy, it was crazy, and I got swept away by well-meaning acquaintances that didn't know me much and whom I didn't know either.

Our small civil ceremony turned out to be this grand scheme by a sister of a friend of my DH, she promised me the moon on a budget and trying to be nice, friendly and please everybody I went with it.

She painted this picture of a wonderful small chapel, a small garden reception, so romantic... turned out to be a rushed half exchange of vows on a small sitting room in the house of someones great grandmother... yeah I am still not clear whose great grandmom... The reception was a bowl of chicken salad and a small white sheet cake.

At the end I didn't want to seem ungrateful, so I just put on my biggest smile and tried to make lemonade out of the lemons... but it truly became a surreal experience.

When people ask me about my wedding I first ask them if they want the short version or the long version... for some reason they always want the long version, it is a sort of stand up routine now.

 

[29apr00]

Forget what you read about how vow renewals are horrible and can't be anything like a wedding! Those people are mean and bitter and probably divorced anyway!!

YOu play your VR how ever you want it! There have been some seriously huge beautiful wedding type VR's and some very low key family only type ones too! And each one was beautiful and special because it was a celebration of love that has lasted!

we are doing our VR on DCL and have 18 people total. I bought a new dress and we WILL have an actual ceremony with flowers and vows and new rings. Our child are our attendants and will be included in the ceremony. it'll be perfect for us!

 

[Tink&PirateMama]

Forget what you read about how vow renewals are horrible and can't be anything like a wedding! Those people are mean and bitter and probably divorced anyway!!

YOu play your VR how ever you want it! There have been some seriously huge beautiful wedding type VR's and some very low key family only type ones too! And each one was beautiful and special because it was a celebration of love that has lasted!

Right on!! I totally agree They are all beautiful and a celebration of lasting love

We are also doing a VR this september... we are having our children as attendants, and not having an officiant... I have a big fat princessy gown in red because I love it and my husband loves me in red Right at first in the planning I read online some of these things, and I think you just have to do what is right for you and not worry about what others think.

Congrats to you and your husband!

 

[ChocoKat]

Forget what you read about how vow renewals are horrible and can't be anything like a wedding! Those people are mean and bitter and probably divorced anyway!!

YOu play your VR how ever you want it! There have been some seriously huge beautiful wedding type VR's and some very low key family only type ones too! And each one was beautiful and special because it was a celebration of love that has lasted!

we are doing our VR on DCL and have 18 people total. I bought a new dress and we WILL have an actual ceremony with flowers and vows and new rings. Our child are our attendants and will be included in the ceremony. it'll be perfect for us!

Right on!! I totally agree They are all beautiful and a celebration of lasting love

We are also doing a VR this september... we are having our children as attendants, and not having an officiant... I have a big fat princessy gown in red because I love it and my husband loves me in red Right at first in the planning I read online some of these things, and I think you just have to do what is right for you and not worry about what others think.

Congrats to you and your husband!

Thank you guys!
It really makes me feel much better to hear all the encouragement.

I am really nervous and excited at the same time, I really can't think of a better place to do this than WDW. I can't wait!!! These next year and a half is gonna fly!

I have already been playing around with designs for the Save the Dates and the actual invitations. I can't help it, I am a graphic designer, so they need to be perfect.

This is going to be so much fun!!!

 

[Ember]

As far as I know, the only "etiquette" for a vow renewal is that you don't wear a veil. And, frankly, if you want one, I'd ignore that "rule." You're obviously polite and not inviting people for the gifts, so don't worry about the rest.

Get a beautiful dress, walk down the isle, have a ceremony and a reception... There is no reason why you shouldn't do these things!

Have fun planning!

 

[padisneyfour]

welcome and congrats! good luck planning your VR and have fun! I agree with what has already been posted- plan what makes you and Df happy.

We are planning for our 20th anniversary in july 2010. we plan on having our dds as attendants at the ceremony and having a family sand ceremony. I have a dress and will def have bouquet as will our dds. we are inviting basically family ( approx 25) planning on having a dessert party in the evening. good luck with everything!

 

[Piggy and Bear]

Personally having looked at some of the websites that offer ettiquette advice, I think they are not worth the effort of reading them!

A marriage is something special between you and your husband. Your marriage and my marriage are both different, therefore what you will plan for your VR will be different to what I will plan for mine. In otherwords everyone's VR will be unique, so how can there be a standard ettiqette????

It is YOUR special day and you do what YOU both want to make it special!

Enjoy the planning and the day!

Congratulations
Piggy

 

[ChocoKat]

Thank you ladies!

I will hear your sage advice and go on ahead with my dream! Yay!!!

I guess I should start a PJ right?

OK here we go!

 

[Elsha]

I say to heck with anyone who says you can't make your VR into the wedding you didn't get.

I'm in the beginnings of planning a VR, and I'm treating it as the wedding I wanted in the first place. Everything will be what I couldn't afford or pull off the first time.

I think that if anyone has a problem with you doing everything you want for your VR, let it stay their problem. If they would actually try to make your day less meaningful because of it...you probly don't want them there in the first place.

Just my 2 cents...