Help, the other shoe on the holidays!

[SILLYANDI]

Wow, what a great grammy you are! My parents and in laws all fight over who "Gets" us for Christmas. All we want to do was wake up in our own beds and not have to rush the kids off to someones house (tearing them away from their presents & forcing them out of their comfy PJ's). I'll be your daughter I'd love to have a grammy who understands and has the grandkids best interest in mind instead of every year having to explain why we are staying at home and visiting later in the day (and without fail having grammy show up unannounced at 6AM so she doesn't miss a thing!)

Sorry, I don't have any words of wisdom...only wishful thinking...

 

[bumbershoot]

It's not that I don't want them over for Christmas...I would be crushed if they didn't come home at all. I just think it would be nice for their babies to experience Christmas at home. Waking up, stumbling out to the front room with sleepy eyes and experiencing the AWE when they see their tree light up with the gifts under it.

They grew up in your home doing this. They want their children to experience what THEY experienced.

Nope, no sleeping bags. The adult children and their spouse all sleep in the room they had as kids and the grandbabies sleep in the spare bedrooms. (we have 9 bedrooms-turn of the century home)

Oh.My.Gosh.

So...my mom died 8 years ago at 55 just after I turned 30. Even before that she was switching up traditions, not insisting I come home, and so on.

Can I please be adopted? We don't really believe in the Christmas stuff, but that's OK, I would still like to be part of what you guys do.



IMO, until YOU don't want them over, until YOU are too tired, until YOU don't want to cook etc, don't tell them what you think THEY should do. If they want to spend the day with you and you want them there, let them do what they want. It's not your job to insist they re-create the wheel when they don't want to, when they like the wheel they have just fine!

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

Could you pass it on to your oldest child/child with oldest grandchildren?

Our family have always been in your own home on Christmas day family too, I had my first at the end of HS so I've never had a christmas in my parents home as an adult- we moved out 9 weeks before my 18th christmas and ever since my parents have come to us on Christmas morning to see "what he bought" and then the whole family would get together at my parents house for boxing day and sleep over night (sister lives 200 mile away, we live 15 minutes away) and spend some time together.

When I got to child #3 having her 2nd christmas my mother "passed the torch" as such- now our family tradition of boxing day takes place at my house as it's the most awkward for us to travel (four small kids) when my kids are bigger and my sister (just married) hopefully have small one we'll move it on down to her house- everyone pitches in with making the food so it's no extra work for the host, we just go to who's house makes sense due to convenience- right now it's mine because we have the biggest home, we are the only one with kids under 10.

It still feels just the same- same people, same fun, just different house.

 

[RACHELSMOM1]

I know my mom would give her right arm if we would all come home for Christmas with ALL her grandchildren. But, being that we are 14 hours away, plus there are all the different schedules, work, travel, costs to deal with that it's just not realistic. I think if my mom was a DISser, she would probably get quite angry and really perplexed at your post...but the grass is always greener on the other side, right?

Angry? Why? Oh, well, life is too short to get angry and perplexed over a simple statement on the DIS. Are you angry at what I said? Wow, I am going to Disney, I am excited!! No cooking for 3 days, no cleaning up afterwards while everyone else sleeps and watches TV. I love it!! You don't have to!! I look forward to the Christmases in the future at my childrens' homes. My 3 little princesses are going to WDW - how much fun is that? By the way, I have been to the other side and back, and no side is greener than the other - it is called life experience!!

 

[SLK1]

Angry? Why? Oh, well, life is too short to get angry and perplexed over a simple statement on the DIS. Are you angry at what I said? Wow, I am going to Disney, I am excited!! No cooking for 3 days, no cleaning up afterwards while everyone else sleeps and watches TV. I love it!! You don't have to!! I look forward to the Christmases in the future at my childrens' homes. My 3 little princesses are going to WDW - how much fun is that? By the way, I have been to the other side and back, and no side is greener than the other - it is called life experience!!

Angry is way too strong of a word...sorry. I mean she would feel kind of like, "Wow, you have what I want...be happy about it!". Don't read too much into what I said - I just always hear my mom wishing her three kids would spend Christmas with all 8 grandchildren at her house - but it just can't happen. So, to read that someone actually HAS that but doesn't want it would be like hearing someone won the lottery but really didn't want the money. Make sense?

 

[Steve's Girl]

As pp mentioned, I think they have started a tradition already!!! And it is straight from their childhood for their children to experience too, just not as you expected it! I think it is wonderful and you should enjoy it .....your kids are giving their kids wonderful memories with their grandparents that closely mirror their own childhood memories.

I agree! They are choosing to create their own traditions for their families. And they chose to include you! I would be thrilled and honored if my kids chose the same when they are adults.!

 

[Nancyg56]

As pp mentioned, I think they have started a tradition already!!! And it is straight from their childhood for their children to experience too, just not as you expected it! I think it is wonderful and you should enjoy it .....your kids are giving their kids wonderful memories with their grandparents that closely mirror their own childhood memories.

ITA with this. Your children have their tradition established for their families, it just does not mirror the one you established with your own. Unless you are not happy with their company, and that does not seem to be the case, I would let it go and welcome them all without commenting that the kids are missing something.

Kids always miss something on a Holiday, if they are home they miss sharing their joy with their GP's and cousins, if they are at one set of relatives they miss the other. If they stay at home for Christmas Day they miss the hectic activity of visiting everyone.

Your family knows that you are not attempting to "hog" them all to yourselves adn have made their own choices for how they want their children's memories to be formed and I believe that they are nostalgic about their own days as children waking up in their own rooms. How many parents are so fortunate that they gave their children such a magical Holiday that as adults they want their spouses and their children to have that same experience. And how many parents would like that the spouses of their children are so enchanted with the magic that they agree that your home is the best place for all to celebrate Christmas.

 

[NotUrsula]

I think I know what is going on here. YOU remember going somewhere else for Christmas as stressful to your children (got that from the "put my foot down" comment) and you think that based on your experience that THEIR children are stressed by it, too.

But are they? Do they misbehave and cry and whine? Or are they happy little chipmunks?

Back when your kids were little, did your parents or inlaws live further away? Did they throw hissy fits over who got the grandkids on Christmas morning? If so, compare yourself to them -- are you repeating their pattern or behaving completely differently?

Your kids seem to WANT their children to remember Christmas as a big gathering at the grandparents with all their cousins and Aunts and Uncles. Their spouses even like your version of the holiday so much that they prefer it over their own parents' version. For them it is apparently NOT mostly about presents and Santa, so pat yourself on the back -- you raised 'em well.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I don't see that the grandkids are missing out on anything. They're with their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings on Christmas. I don't think it's where you spend the holiday but who you spend it with. If your kids are close enough that they all want to spend the time together, why not? If they don't think they're depriving their kids of anything and the kids aren't complaining, I don't see any problem.

Traditions are good, but it's OK to change things a bit, too. My mom always had a turkey for Christmas dinner. Even now, she absolutely insists on it! I have been hosting Christmas dinner for several years (ever since my old boss and his wife gave me a set of Spode Christmas Tree china!). I cooked an entire turkey dinner for many years at my mom's request. But, it's getting to be more of a problem. My brother and sister don't eat real meat and always bring their own salmon to cook. My kids are picky and won't eat a whole turkey dinner. I'm not big on turkey and would actually rather eat the salmon. So that leaves my mom, dad and husband to eat it. It hardly seems worth it! A few times, I've made a turkey breast and side dishes that will go with turkey and salmon. Mom says it isn't the same because she likes the wings. And I don't relish the idea of cooking all day on Christmas when I'd rather hang out with the kids. Personally, I would love to order pizza on Christmas. No cooking, no mess and everyone's happy. Except mom. Oh well.

My point is that your kids may not feel strongly about the same traditions you want to carry on. And that's fine, too.

 

[kim929]

You keep saying you want them to follow tradition at their house, but to me they have a tradition that you started years ago with them spending the night. They've been doing it with grandchildren for 8 yrs. I would be crushed if for years we stayed at my parents house and my mother said for us not to come. We have a tradition in with our family, it's not for christmas, but every Sunday my sisters, brother, sister in law, and grand kids go to our parents house. We are there all day everyone knows (family and friends) you can drop by everyone is invited. My parents go to Florida for a few months in the winter and we still meet there every Sunday. We call our parents in the afternoon put them on speaker phone so everyone can talk. If our parents said um, you guys can't come here anymore on Sundays we would be crushed.

 

[sndfan]

It seems as though everyone, kids and spouses are happy the way things are...now that you've mentioned it to them, they know that if they ever want to stop and create their own traditions, they can do so without hurting you.

If you are worried about the Santa gifts...write him a letter and ask him to drop off ALL the presents for ALL the grandkids a few days early...I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Then each child would have their own pile of gifts from Santa on Christmas morning...

 

[dislal]

I agree! They are choosing to create their own traditions for their families. And they chose to include you! I would be thrilled and honored if my kids chose the same when they are adults.!