Help organizing help for friend with cancer...

[krcit]

Hi. Just got bad news about a friend. She is going to be hospitalized for a few weeks and has 3 young kids. I want to organize our neighbors and friends to make dinner for her DH and kids every night. Has anyone done this and how should I go about it? I'm thinking just find out how many friends we have willing to help and then assign a night for everyone. What do you think? I figure I will also make a few freezer meals so that they can always just defrost soemthing if they need it.

 

[clh2]

What a nice friend you are!

I would find out how many friends are willing to help, and try not to plan 1 meal per night - maybe every other night, otherwise they will have leftovers coming out their ears. Also - try to have people sign up for the meals. That way the family will not be eating the same thing for the whole 3 week period.

Talk to the family and find some basic likes and dislikes, as well as allergies.

Also - I would (maybe as a group) get a pack of the aluminum pans from Sam's club or Costco. As appreciative as your friends will be - it will be far easier to not have to remember whose pans go back to which family.

 

[krcit]

Thanks!! Those are great ideas...especially about the disposable pans. I'm going to talk to everyone tomorrow and get planning. Just feel so helpless and want to do something to ease their burden.

 

[ugadog99]

Get someone to do paper goods: paper plates, napkins, paper towels, and maybe some plastic spoons and forks. Also, don't forget drinks: tea, bottled 2 liters, bottled water, etc.

 

[rie'smom]

Make a calendar and give each person a copy. Set up a call line. Person who has Monday calls to remind person who has Tuesday and so on.
Thanks for helping your friend!

 

[Saphire]

It is really wonderful of you and your friends and neighbors to help in this way. I am in a group at church that prepares and delivers meals to people in need. It is very helpful to use e-mail to coordinate everything. Relay any info about allergies or strong dislikes. Ask your volunteers to "reply-all" when they know what they will make and what day they will cover. Using disposable pans is a great idea and relieves the family from the worry of getting a dish back to the right place. Make sure instructions are included with the meals, time in oven and at what temperature. We usually do three meals a week and space them out, to cut down on left-overs. Some people include dessert, or muffins for breakfast, etc. Some people donate gift cards to restaurants for take-out. Remember to make the drop off brief. I always include a card with the meals I make, and just say something positive or uplifting.
Sometimes we have the same person deliver all the meals, sometimes each person that makes the meal delivers it. See what will work best for your group AND the family. Best wishes!

 

[golfgal]

Someone posted a like on another thread about an online calendar for this exact purpose-cancer calendar or something like that. I'll try to find it.


I would have a few people set up to bring snack things too-chips, fruit, veges, etc. because sometimes you just don't want a meal. I would also only have food brought 4-5 times/week vs every night because they are bound to end up with a lot of leftovers (providing they eat leftovers).

 

[golfgal]

http://www.carecalendar.org/

Here it is. I bumped up 2bearsmom's thread about her neighbor with cancer. There are a lot of good ideas on that one too.

 

[RUDisney]

After my sister's cancer surgery in January, her neighbors made dinners that could be frozen. I don't know if they rented a freezer for her or if someone had an extra one that they used.

This way, people could make what they wanted and her family could select what they wanted from the freezer to defrost and heat from day to day.

Every meal made for the family is appreciated because the patient is tired and the rest of the family is stressed and having to pick up the tasks normally done by the patient.

You guys are so nice to do this!

 

[T*Bird]

Here is something else you might want to do. I once was on a meal committee and the organizer had this set-up, which I think is a great idea. She had a big ice chest/cooler outside the back door of the person's home. Whoever was bringing the meal that day put the food into the ice chest. That way they didn't have to call ahead or ring the bell and disturb the family. Sometimes it isn't possible or convenient for the family to have to answer the door and receive guests. Having the ice chest just makes it easier for everyone concerned. Hope this helps, and hats off to you for doing this for your friend!

 

[kacaju]

you got some great ideas. Also, please make it clear that the person making the meal...MAKE the meal. After I had my youngest, I got a meal from a friend. it was spaghetti and all she did was buy all the stuff and brought it over. I still had to boil the water, heat the sauce etc...
Another time when dh was in the hospital someone else brought us dinner. This friend, not only made us dinner, but she also made lunches for my kids for school the next day.

 

[PrincessInOz]

The father of a kid from DS10 grade passed away very unexpectedly about 5 months ago.

We ended up setting up a rotating calendar and put the word out to the grade/school community. Within 2 days, we had over 20 volunteers to make meals. We just kept adding the names to the list until we ended up with each volunteer responsible for one meal in a 5 week roster.
For additional volunteers, we set out a separate roster for laundry duties as the family was in the middle of renovations at the time and did not have a functional laundry.

We got everyone's email addresses and phone contact; and the roster was emailed out to everyone.
The roster was provided to the family, together with contact/phone numbers.

1. Each person cooked a meal (including sides, salad and dessert) and delivered it to the family between 5 and 6 pm everyday (time was agreed to with the mother). We did not provide frozen meals.
2. The person delivering the meal just rang the doorbell and could opt to stay (until the door was opened, drop the food and go) or drop at the doorstep and leave.
3. All meals were delivered in disposable (aluminium foil or plastic) containers and we cooked enough for 5 or 6 people (she had family from out of town staying with her). For meals delivered in containers that the cook wanted back; the containers were left on the doorstep the next day for them to collect.
4. All meals had to be food that could be re-heated in a microwave; although in most cases, food was delivered warm/hot for immediate consumption.
5. The people cooking meals for a week (e.g., commencing on a Sunday) emailed each other to coordinate menus so that the family did not get the same meal 3 days in a row.
6. If a person could not keep their obligation to deliver a meal, they were responsible for organising a substitute; or advising the family (where possible, with a minimum of 24 hours notice).
7. For nights where the family wanted a night off, the mother would call and advise the person on duty. We asked for at least 24 hours notice.

For the laundry, the family left out their laundry twice a week. The person on duty would pick up, wash, dry and fold; then return the laundry back to the family the next day. We provided laundry service for 3 months when the renovations in the laundry were completed.

At the end of the month/5 week period, the roster rotated back to the person at the start of the list.
We kept this up for over 4 months until the mother advised us that she was ready to take over these activities.
We didn't drop from full 7 day service to nothing; we phased it out by dropping to 3 times a week for another 3 weeks before we stopped.

 

[Mimi1965]

​

At the end of the month/5 week period, the roster rotated back to the person at the start of the list.

We kept this up for over 4 months until the mother advised us that she was ready to take over these activities.
We didn't drop from full 7 day service to nothing; we phased it out by dropping to 3 times a week for another 3 weeks before we stopped.

I think you all have a good heart.
But to feel I could not fix food for 4 months? Really?
It almost seems this person took advantage of your kindness


I prefer the poster who said to give the family an assortment of frozen cassaroles-that way THEY can choose what they want to eat that night and are not having to answer the door or BE There to accept the food.

 

[barkley]

Hi. Just got bad news about a friend. She is going to be hospitalized for a few weeks and has 3 young kids. I want to organize our neighbors and friends to make dinner for her DH and kids every night. Has anyone done this and how should I go about it? I'm thinking just find out how many friends we have willing to help and then assign a night for everyone. What do you think? I figure I will also make a few freezer meals so that they can always just defrost soemthing if they need it.

will the kiddos be going to daycare or school? if so you might want to figure in your plan some school lunches and snacks (unless they are provided or routinely purchased at school). when i was ill dh had no problem dealing with breakfasts or dinners that they kids enjoyed/were easy to prepare (thank goodness for stouffer's family size meals) it was their school lunches and snacks that kind of left him without ideas or spacing on it till it was time to dash out in the morning. the kids got tired of dad's old standby (pb&j) so when i got feeling better they were more interested in me working my way back into the kitchen routine by taking these "meals" over first


btw-before you start organizing, consider asking your friend/her dh if they even are willing to let you do this. while it's a very generous gesture some people simply do not feel comfortable with this kind of arrangement.

 

[krcit]

Thanks for all the ideas. I am going to talk to my friend today and amke sure it's cool with her but I know it will be. She will be hospitalized for at least a month so it really needs to be done. She has a high school aged son so he is capable of getting a simple meal together ie. boiling spaghetti or assembling a salad. I am going to get the diaposable containers for sure. I live right near them so I will be the main contact person.


PS Thanks golfgal for the link!

 

[lovemygoofy]

I will suggest that people label their dinners and date when delivered. The family may be busy or want something else and the dinners can be lost in the shuffle.

Keep a pack of labels and a sharpie there and possibly some stick it notes because people may need to leave directions on heating up meals or dessert or something.

With all the families I've worked with, I've also left a small journal/book that the person bringing the food signed and wrote down what they brought. It just helps when it's time for thank you notes and if there were questions about a specific meal.

 

[barkley]

Thanks for all the ideas. I am going to talk to my friend today and amke sure it's cool with her but I know it will be. She will be hospitalized for at least a month so it really needs to be done. She has a high school aged son so he is capable of getting a simple meal together ie. boiling spaghetti or assembling a salad. I am going to get the diaposable containers for sure. I live right near them so I will be the main contact person.


PS Thanks golfgal for the link!

high school kids have hollow legs-i'll pass on a suggestion someone (or a couple of neighbors could team up on) might want to do that would go a big way in providing the makings for both meals and snacks this young man can throw together very easily and quickly (a friend did this for her teen sons when her work schedual changed for a couple of months)-

go to costco and get 10-15 pounds of ground beef. get one of the big bags of cheddar cheese.

brown all the ground beef, then after draining off the fat put 1/3 of the meat at a time back into the fry pan-with one batch season with taco seasoning, with one season with italian seasoning, with one just leave plain.

batch the meat (after it cools) into gallon ziplock bags-lable each with an identifier ("mexican", "italian", "plain").

gift it with some taco shells, tortillas, enchilada sauce, jarred pasta sauce, dry pasta, manwich and some hamburgar buns.

the teen can take out just the amount of pre-cooked meat needed to make among other things:

tacos (nuke the meat)
enchiladas (put meat in tortillas, top with sauce and cheese-bake till warmed through)
bell-beefers (taco meat and enchilada sauce on a burgar bun)
spagetti (put the meat in a pot with premade pasta sauce)
sloppy joes (follow directions on can but skip the cooking/draining part of meat).


if it's like my house there's always tortilla chips around so they could also make nachos. if the teen likes to cook he could add canned veggies and some gravy to the plain meat, top it with mashed potatos and make sheppard's pie. precooked ground beef also works fine with hamburgar helper, or on top of a pre-made pizza crust.

 

[krcit]

high school kids have hollow legs-i'll pass on a suggestion someone (or a couple of neighbors could team up on) might want to do that would go a big way in providing the makings for both meals and snacks this young man can throw together very easily and quickly (a friend did this for her teen sons when her work schedual changed for a couple of months)-

go to costco and get 10-15 pounds of ground beef. get one of the big bags of cheddar cheese.

brown all the ground beef, then after draining off the fat put 1/3 of the meat at a time back into the fry pan-with one batch season with taco seasoning, with one season with italian seasoning, with one just leave plain.

batch the meat (after it cools) into gallon ziplock bags-lable each with an identifier ("mexican", "italian", "plain").

gift it with some taco shells, tortillas, enchilada sauce, jarred pasta sauce, dry pasta, manwich and some hamburgar buns.

the teen can take out just the amount of pre-cooked meat needed to make among other things:

tacos (nuke the meat)
enchiladas (put meat in tortillas, top with sauce and cheese-bake till warmed through)
bell-beefers (taco meat and enchilada sauce on a burgar bun)
spagetti (put the meat in a pot with premade pasta sauce)
sloppy joes (follow directions on can but skip the cooking/draining part of meat).


if it's like my house there's always tortilla chips around so they could also make nachos. if the teen likes to cook he could add canned veggies and some gravy to the plain meat, top it with mashed potatos and make sheppard's pie. precooked ground beef also works fine with hamburgar helper, or on top of a pre-made pizza crust.

Thank you!!! This is a great idea and I will do this myself. Then they will always have something quick to eat.

 

[PrincessInOz]

I think you all have a good heart.
But to feel I could not fix food for 4 months? Really?
It almost seems this person took advantage of your kindness.

My apologies.
I did not point out that they were in the middle of renovations.
No laundry for 2 months and the kitchen had also been ripped out. The kitchen was also undergoing structural changes (internal wall being opened out to a bigger family room) and it took the builders over 3 months to finish and install the new kitchen. Took another 2 weeks to clean up and unpack; and then we insisted that she didn't drop to nothing in the first couple of weeks.

 

[a1tinkfans]

OP: what a loving thing to do. Wishing your friend a speedy recovery!

Best of Luck to her and You with your spectacular efforts.