Help me out here. Compromise is not one of my strong points..

[MrsPete]

I agree with the majority here: Plan your trip this year, his trip next year -- or whatever. Just agree that BOTH trips are "in the planning stages". You'll each enjoy the trip even if it isn't your favorite.

I also agree with those who suggest that avoiding England during these two upcoming events is a good idea.

Finally, I don't think the "who's paying for it" argument has much merit. You're married. It's ALL y'all's combined money. Right now you're earning more. In a couple years, it's possible that the tables could be turned. Share and share alike.

 

[Mkrop]

I don't feel I "hold it against my DH either". We were both previously married and though we do combine some of our pay to pay bills, we also keep part of our money separate. I could simply spend an extra day at home and we wouldn't travel at all. We couldn't afford to do what we do now. But, we both enjoy it and I'll do it until I'm too tired to do it anymore.

I dont know if you mean to sound this way but it sounds very seflish. This is MY money so we do what I want. You are married and this is both of your money no matter who earns it and these are both of your vacations.

I agree to hold off on England for awhile but to just dismiss his idea because it is not your cup of tea (get it tea, England) I think is also very selfish

 

[tammymacb]

I totally don't mean to be selfish. And if it's suddenly DHs dream to take pictures around the English countryside, I'll be there for him.

I'm just not happy about taking my trip which was already in the planning stages and dumping it to do so.

 

[hereyago]

Does he not think there aren't any opportunities for cool pictures at Galapagos islands? shoot, I will go with you.



i think if he tells you he trusts your planning and doesn't give any input then he can't say anything about he wants to do something else.

Have you shown him the things ya'll can do there?

 

[Wishing on a star]

First , I know that you probably don't mean for this to sound selfish...
But, just in all brutal honesty (which I am well known for ) Your post did come of sounding somewhat selfish.

There are two things here....
First, it sounds like you all are having some issues with a communication breakdown. All the sudden he just up and springs this on you??? In all honesty, (especially since I understand his POC, because I would probably really NOT want to go to the Galopagos) it sounds like he finds this trip to be an issue... and instead of just ironing it all out with some adult converstation.. he comes up with something that he thinks is more interesting to try to derail your trip.

Secondly, your use of the term 'eventually' came at me like this... EVENTUALLY..... In my experience that word has no place in an adult, planning, conversation... If something is going to be done, then talk about a time. In my experience, everytime I have heard that word, the person was talking about something that they really were going to make darned sure would never happen. I had to actually tell my husband that I really hoped I would never hear that word out of his mouth again!!!

Look, it should be your trip one year.... and his trip the next...
Simple....
No 'it's money from my account'....
No 'eventually'
No 'I'm not good at compromise, so there....'

All of these terms and phrases are common speak for 'my way, or the high way'.

 

[manning]

What you are doing sounds like fun but I am curious. What are you putting away for retirement and rainy days.?

 

[tammymacb]

I'm not sure that that's really your business. But, I'm vested with state retirement ( DH is also ) he's also got a full military retirement. I put away 10% in a 401 K, my employer matches and adds another 3% and I have a savings account.

Again I work an OVERTIME shift every week ( 12 hours at time and a half ) which I put into my travel account.

 

[tammymacb]

First , I know that you probably don't mean for this to sound selfish...
But, just in all brutal honesty (which I am well known for ) Your post did come of sounding somewhat selfish.

And, I don't want to sound selfish. My DH is awesome, and life wouldn't be as much fun, nor would trips me such adventures without him.

I get that my "eventually" probably does sound vague. But, here it's not so much ( I think ) As we're getting a little older we want to cram in as many dive trips as we're able to while we still can. DH wants to return to St Lucia again as it was gorgeous but we would rather stay in another area next time. We have friends on Grand Cayman and Barbados...we're hoping to cruise the Med and Alaska....so getting everything in order and the ability to pay ( cash ) for the trips, they sometimes get shuffled around. As in if I spend a lot on one trip, I do a cheaper trip next time while I have time to save up.

 

[manning]

I'm not sure that that's really your business. But, I'm vested with state retirement ( DH is also ) he's also got a full military retirement. I put away 10% in a 401 K, my employer matches and adds another 3% and I have a savings account.

Again I work an OVERTIME shift every week ( 12 hours at time and a half ) which I put into my travel account.

Sorry I asked. Have a nice day and hope your retirement plans,like most states, isn't underfunded. Unlike you, many people aren't saving.

 

[NotUrsula]

Simple: take separate trips. (Not all of them, just occasional ones that accomodate things that you don't both really want to do.)

 

[hopemax]

All these previous trips...have they been trips he has been equally as excited as you to take? Honestly.

We have a couple dream trips. For DH, it is Scotland/England/Denmark. For me it is Japan. We made an agreement years ago that he would get to do his trip before I got to do mine, because our normal vacation pattern is to go where I want to go. Usually, WDW, but also DL and I talked him into taking the Magic to the Med in 2007 because my Mom could get a great deal. While, he certainly enjoyed those trips, they were not the ones that he would have chosen; and I know he would have preferred to skip some of those trips to have done his trip sooner. We actually had his trip planned (but not quite booked), but 9/11 happened and his job ended up being really up in the air, and he was eventually laid off. Here we are almost a decade later and he still hasn't gone. I'm actually making it a priority that we go in the next 3 years.

If that is the sort of situation with you, I would let him have his trip. But I also have learned a few important words when dealing with DH, "This is really important to me." I can't say it about everything, and when I do say it, I try to show him how true it is by giving up other things I want & love in order to save for this important thing. So if both of these trips are truly important to both of you, then sit down and work out the framework of a plan so both of you can realize them, and talk about what you are willing to sacrifice so that it CAN happen.

And last thing, sometimes separate vacations is the best answer. DH goes on road trips to soccer games, because there is no way I would want to go. And I take extra trips to Disney.

 

[tammymacb]

So far, I'd say we compromised pretty well.

We're both divers, so we've hit several of the big dive destinations in the Caribbean. I've asked DH for input on where we stay, but he usually leaves it to me as I'm the planner and researcher.

DH loves all inclusives. I hate them. We've stayed at several ( including one this year ) because I know he likes them.

DH once asked to go to Dominican Republic. I booked it. Hated it, BTW, but we had a great time together and decided we wouldn't be going back.

I think we equally love Grand Cayman and Barbados. I think DH likes Mexico far more than I do ( I actually don't like Mexico much ) But, we've gone to Tulum, Cozumel, Akumal and Playa.

I'd say so far we're pretty even.

As far as going alone, we do that for some things. DH doesn't like WDW. I go to Food and Wine with my girlfriends. I'm not a camper. DH camps a few times a year with friends and fishes, hunts etc etc. Totally not my cup of tea. We don't mind doing some things on our own. But, big trips ( and my bucket list items ) will definitely include my DH.

 

[RitaZ.]

It sounds like the two of you have a good relationship and enjoy your time together. Just talk to him! I'm sure a compromise can be reached.

 

[SereneOne]

I don't know what the heck other posters are talking about

I don't see where you are being selfish or lording your extra pay over your husband.

Your dream trip is to Galapagos, the two of you are in the planning stages and now he brings up scrapping this trip to take one to England?

He sounds like the selfish one to me.

You are already planning this trip and it is your dream, so go and then next time it is his turn.

Heck, if he does not want to go, I will go with you!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with previous poster. Tell DH to suck it up this this and make him go to the Galapagos. It is YOUR turn OP.

Next year he can pick. Problem solved.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Tell dh it is Galapagos this yr and next yr he can pick.

This.

I agree and that's why I do ask for his input. I just don't want to take a large chunk of money and use it for a trip I could care less about just so DH can take pictures either.

I don't know "how" into photography he is, but for those of us who enjoy it as a serious hobby, taking pictures might be the highlight of a trip, even though others may not "get it". So be careful of being dismissive if it's something he really enjoys doing on his trips.

And PS, enjoy your trips. They all sound good to me, even the England ones next year.

 

[tlbwriter]

I don't know "how" into photography he is, but for those of us who enjoy it as a serious hobby, taking pictures might be the highlight of a trip, even though others may not "get it". So be careful of being dismissive if it's something he really enjoys doing on his trips.

Yes, but surely there are things to photograph in the Galapagos as well.

I think the important thing is that this trip was already "accepted" and now the DH is suggesting another one instead. I'd definitely do his trip in the future, but not scrap the one you're already planning.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Yes, but surely there are things to photograph in the Galapagos as well.

This was my point.

 

[LuvOrlando]

From what you posted am I to understand that your DH seems to go along with whatever it is you like to do year after year? Has he ever spoken up and you let him take the lead before? To me this would make all the difference in the world. If your DH always follows and now he finally has an interest I would yield, that's just me but I'd do it. I kind of think it would be fun to see all the festivities planned for the wedding so that's a once in a life time too.

If you really aren't sure how to handle it maybe you should write the locations on bit of paper together, put them in a hat and do whichever one comes out of the hat 2011 and then save the second choice for 2012. Again, it could be just me but I'm very wary of pulling too hard. Out of the 2 of us I am definitely the more enthusiastic partner but that enthusiasm can come off as domineering if I'm not careful, so I go out of my way to be careful.

Personally both trips sound like they could be lots of fun, distinctly different but still fun.

 

[mjkacmom]

As in if I spend a lot on one trip, I do a cheaper trip next time while I have time to save up.

I think this is the problem. If you hadn't mentioned your overtime, I think most would agree with you. However, it's the "I used my overtime pay for this vacation, therefore I decide where we go" attitude that is causing folks to have some sympathy for your DH. According you you, he is doing all he is capable of in regards to what he earsn, as are you.