Help me navigate my trip planning nightmare please!

[iMadHatter]

I've been lurking for months, planning an all-out Disneyland adventure. I want 5 days, park hoppers, staying at the DLH (never done before, have wanted to my entire life). We first planned for dates in October, then November, now we're stuck in August because of work hiccups. Tickets are bought. Hotel paid for. But now that we're settled on a date, all h*** is breaking loose.

For starters, my hubs is disabled, but disliked amusement parks long before his health was an issue. He dislikes crowds and lines, so I offered for him to stay home. He says he wants to come, so I'm dragging his cranky self to Disneyland because I miss it and want this adventure for my own sanity and for my two daughters (8 and 5 now). He had his choice and made it so he is coming of his own volition now.

Now my parents, aged 71 and 76, want to come all 5 days. My dad has motion sickness problems, neither parent is a great walker. My dad has never really enjoyed Disneyland, even when we dragged him there every year or so growing up. My mom loves DL, so I know that's why she wants to come. Oh, yeah- they did this to my sister when she planned a trip to Yellowstone a few years ago and my dad whined the entire time that he couldn't get a decent "hot meal." It was not fun.

And now my brother, his wife who is having a baby in June, and their 4 year old son are coming for three days. In that same Yellowstone trip, this extra family was frustrated because they had to do things for themselves, like make their own sandwiches.

So now everyone is coming. My hubby is supremely unhappy. He's tired of my family already. I'm stressing out because this was supposed to be the happiest vacation ever. It's being hijacked and is SOOO not what I started out planning!!

I can't tell my family to stick it. I know some of you would advise that. I just can't. My brother paid for a trip for us in the past, so I feel I owe it back to him to allow him to tag along. My parents are my parents. They're coming and that's that. But what can I do to minimize stress for my hubby, for me? Any ideas on how I can salvage the wreckage and make this trip still an enjoyable experience for me and my daughters? I don't really care about anyone else. They're on their own. Anyone else out there had a whole family trip that wasn't a disaster?

 

[dieumeye]

Well… I guess you could always do a VIP tour. Everyone splits the cost. It’s certainly an expensive solution, but would definitely alleviate a lot of the issues you are worried about!

More practically, just let all the groups know that they are on their own. Don’t feel pressure to cater to anyone else. And don’t put pressure on them to keep up with you. That is, you don’t have to expect to do everything with everyone all the time. Most likely the older folks may not want to be up early or late or go all day anyway. Just plan what you want to do and let everyone know they can join you or not at their leisure. From my experience with a larger mixed group, everyone is happier when they can do what they want… whether that is go hard all day, or just sit and do nothing!!

 

[NannyBeBe]

First of all, I would insist that your parents have their own room and your brother and family have their own room. Then I would let everyone know what time you will be settling in for the night and what time you plan to get up and off to DLR each morning, with the understanding that the rest of your family does not have to conform to your timetable. All financial arrangements should be understood prior to leaving. I can sympathize with you regarding your dad. My father-in-law was the same way. If I were you, if Dad becomes cranky I would just leave him where he is and go do something you enjoy and check back with him after a while. Or you could offer to walk with him back to his room. Not sure what to advise about your husband. Hopefully he will find a way to enjoy himself.

 

[Dr.Mickey]

We have done this with a large, multi-family group: Plan ONE event together per day, and that’s all. One day can be a nice meal at a table service restaurant. Another day could be watching a night show together and then dessert afterwards. Another day could be meeting in Cars Land after dark to enjoy the neon lights and maybe get on a ride together.

You would be surprised at how well this worked for us at WDW. Instead of spending a whole day micro-managing the day together (which ride next, which FP next, didn’t you just go to the bathroom???), you can get together for a leisure recap of the day. You will have much more to talk about this way (really, you hated Pixar Pier?), and you won’t be responsible for their misfortune.

It may be difficult to broach this subject, but I suspect secretly they will be glad you did. You still get family time in the happiest place with WAY less stress.

 

[ktlm]

Tell the entire family ahead of time, that the plan is to book a meal together every day and that the rest of the time, there is no pressure to stay together as a group. They are welcome to tag along with you if they are interested if what you want to do, or they can split off any time they want and do their own thing and meet up for meals. We had a bad (Non-Disney) trip with our inlaws. We don't travel the same as BIL/SIL or MIL/FIL. They are sitters and we are doers. After that first trip, DH and I decided that we were not going to pay a lot of money to go somewhere and then just sit around doing nothing staring at each other instead of doing the things we want to do in that location. We have never had trouble traveling with MIL/FIL again. They hang with us when they feel like it, and when they are tired, or not interested in what we are doing, they go do their own thing, or go back to the resort. We had a great WDW trip with them. They spent a good part of the day with us, and when they got tired of keeping up, they left.

I think if you try to stay together all day every day, it is a recipe for disaster. If you let everyone know that they can spend some time together, but also can split off and do their own thing at any time, it might help. If your husband likes beer, just sent him to the beer truck on the Pacific Wharf, in CA. When my DH disappears, that is usually where he has gone off to.

 

[avalon451]

I love Dr.Mickey's idea. If you love to plan, here's another approach.

Can you sit down with each of these 3 groups-- first hubby, then Mom, then brother?

Tell DH, "I know DLR isn't your favorite idea of a fun family vacation. Leaving aside the extended family for now, what would make it more pleasant and bearable for you, just within our own family? If we don't have to stick together all the time, would you be okay with sleeping in for awhile while DDs and I go to the parks early? Or if we want to go commando for a few hours, would you be okay hanging out in a cool spot with a beverage and surfing on your phone, while we check in on you once in a while? Or you could go back to the hotel and relax by the pool. Anything that makes it a more relaxed experience for you is cool-- we don't have to be together every minute [unless his disability is such that you need to be with him]." You could plan to be with him for a few choice experiences that he might enjoy or might enjoy watching the girls enjoy. Will he be in an ECV? Either way, maybe you could get a DAS and maybe not have to wait in such long lines. Anyway, if he can give some input and is not expected to be glued to your side the whole time, maybe you can get him to buy into the idea of a plan for him that lets him out of feeling like he has to keep up with you and put up with the crowds he hates. Make a scaled back plan just for him. Get him to buy into it, then he will have ownership and know what to expect. Less chance for him to complain, if he knows ahead of time what's going to happen, and he agreed to more or less follow that plan before you left.

Then do a modified version of this for the other two groups. Tell the parents, "We like to really go go go, and we have a definite plan. Here it is. It's very ambitious. DH isn't interested in doing all of this, so he will do his own thing sometimes. We'd like to meet up with you for one or two special things during the day-- how about lunch this day, and the parade or fireworks this day, etc." Then you can ask them what they would like to do, and definitely don't want to do, then make the plan for them. Spell it all out with a timetable and everything. Give them plenty to do with plenty of rest time and again, get their input so they have ownership. Do the same for your brother's family. "Hey, we're going to be a lot more active than you'll probably want to with a baby and a 4 year old. Want me to give you an itinerary that goes easy for the little ones? And we'll meet you for the lunch, parade, etc. with Mom and Dad."

Hope you can broker a deal and make it bearable for everybody! It will take a lot of planning on your part, but I bet they'd all be happy to have their own personalized plan, and that gives you a chance to put your planning expertise to good use. It's actually kind of fun to plan for others. I've made personal touring plans for several friends.

Good luck!

 

[rklafuller]

I’d be telling your husband if he can’t suck it up and at least pretend he’s enjoying himself for the sake of his kids and partner for a couple of days then stay home!

 

[azdisneylover]

If you could swing adding club level to your hotel, I think it may make your stay better. Perfect place for family who do not want to be in the parks during the heat of the day and swarms of hot, sweaty, irritated people moving in different directions at different speeds. Focus first on your daughters and your hubby. What are their likes and dislikes? Plan your days around what they would want, then, plug in something your inlaws may like to do too. Since your mom loves DL, start showing her things that would be fun for her and your dad. You might be pleasantly surprised how supportive she may be planning the trip with you. Then, do the same with your sibling(s). Since your brother will have a newborn, there will be trips back to the room. So important to keep children on their schedules. Frozen the play is a nice thing the whole family can do together.There are many things that everyone can do together; lots in the Animation Building. That is a great place to cool off during the heat and be entertained. Staying onsite, you will have MM/EE, which is such a blessing! It is so nice, especially in DCA where just hotel guest are let into the park an hour early. Then, get fass passes and ride everything you want to do in the next couple of hours before the crowds really start to get thick. Time to either sit down for a late breakfast or early lunch and head back to the room for a swim, nap, etc. Knowledge is power. You know how your family will react to certain rides, attractions, restaurants, etc, so look over all the menus. For example, it doesn't matter how many people tell you how great Tortilla Joe's in DTD is, if you do not care for Mexican food, it will not be a good experience for you and yours. If just you and your mom would like to ride the monorail, DO IT and try to rid in one of the cones. It is awesome!
You are going to Disneyland!!! Please do not stress out too much. There is so much info on the boards here, so, please ask away. We all want everyone to have great DL trips.

 

[EmJ]

I can't speak to planning a Disney trip, but my husband and I have done Las Vegas several times with my parents, and do basically what was advised here. That is, we plan to get together for dinner at a fun or funky restaurant, and sometimes for a show or drinks after dinner. During the day, we each do our separate things. My dad loves gambling downtown (too smoky for me), my mom wants to go to the outlets, and DH and I like to visit museums or go to the Orleans for its $0.25 blackjack machines. None of us would be happy doing what the others want to do, so it's best if we go our separate ways and then meet up for some fun meals and talk about how much we won! (Spoiler: The answer is "nothing"... we win nothing... we lose all the money... but it's fun!)

 

[Paflyers]

We take Family trips to WDW every other year. There are between 11 and 15 of us that go. My Mom and Aunt don't do well with walking so they rent a electric scooter for the week. This allows them to keep up with us and not have to stop for rest every 5-10 minutes. We also agree that if someone wants to leave the parks early they are free to do so. WDW has the bus system so it's easy for anyone to just head back to the hotel and get back into the rooms with their magic bands. We've never had an issue. We make sure that everyone knows what time dinner is that day and where we are going, if they want to have dinner together. Otherwise, since it technically is everyone's vacation we always agree to let everyone do their own this, however; rarely do we split up. The teenagers from time to time like to leave early and go swimming, but always meet back up for dinner.

Now, we have NEVER been to DLR.. Next February will be my first time and it will only be DH and I since we will be on our honeymoon, but I think a family outing to DLR can't be that much different from WDW. Hope ya'll have a blast! We love going on vacation together since we all live in different states and it the one time we get to all be together.

 

[AndrewC]

I highly recommend just going out on your own ways and meeting up for prearranged “big things”. Possibly a character breakfast so the elderly parents and your disabled (and possibly grumpy ) husband can share in on the kids being excited about meeting the characters. Fantasmic and/or World of Color are another good anchor points. Both have dining packages that can help secure decent spots for a larger group and could allow for a nice dinner and then the show. Maybe you and the kids can hit a ride in between dinner and the show so it isn’t too much waiting around time for them. World of Color has a dessert party and is a decently long show. This could be good for elderly parents and for someone with motion sickness that isn’t going to be on rides a lot. It’s a little pricey but is a seated reserved location with a great dessert and drinks. It’s also pay ahead so that argument can happen at home before the trip even starts.

Frozen also could be a good thing to hit with the group since it’s ~40 minutes, indoors, and sitting down. Be firm ahead of time that this is for your kids and they will want to be all over the park. This isn’t a hang out at the hotel half the day type thing. They’re welcome to come along and you can list off those anchor items that you think a big group would enjoy, but then you’re off with the kids.

I probably would have another chat with each of the people that doesn’t really want to go. If they have the mindset of not wanting to be there and especially if constantly adding up the cost and thinking of what they COULD be doing, you really don’t want them there.

 

[AndrewC]

Also, not sure how disabled your husband is, but he might be able to hang back at the hotel with your younger one and spend some time at the pool or something and you and your eight year old can do some of the slightly older stuff (Indiana Jones, etc). But I would talk with him now about if he’s up to doing that, make it about so the kids can do as much as possible. If he’s disabled to the point of not being able to do that, maybe another good chat with him about why he’s coming. He might be feeling like he doesn’t want to be left out, or miss out on a good time that they’re having, but he might really not be in a position to enjoy himself, which can drag others down. [Absolutely NOT saying that someone disabled can’t have fun, but being honest, it takes some extra effort and time and I would imagine reduced or no mobility would make being in crowds even more hell]

Find out if he wants to come because HE wants to go (even though it wouldn’t be his pick), or because he thinks he NEEDs to be there.

 

[HydroGuy]

Wow, families can be complicated! I SO admire your grasp of the larger situation. I wish I had good advice for you. I guess all I can say is whether than asking the otherw what they want to do, you TELL them what you are going to do and invite them to join you or do their own thing. If they join you then be verbal when they show up and say how glad you are they are joining you to do "X". Then go do "X".

When someone complains then tell them how sorry you are and suggest the hotel, pool or Trader Sam's!

Truly, best of luck!

 

[Mike_M]

I’ve made my share of Disney trips with extended family and they’ve all been fairly successful. A big part of that was allowing others to be themselves with their own expectations while making some time for me to have my needs met too.

For me, I’ve always had more park endurance than others in the family. The crowds and lines don’t stress me out at all and I enjoy staying till closing if I have the opportunity.

So at least a day or two of each of those old trips, the rest of the family would head back early (by my standards at least lol) to the hotel to decompress and I’d get to stay in the park by myself. I’d use that time to hit my favorite rides a little extra, wander and take pictures (some of my favorite pics in the park were ones I got during my solo time) and just enjoy being in the park. It helped me to have a little part of the trip be exactly what I was looking for.

My way might not be the answer for you, but whatever it is that will give you a little space to enjoy the park the way you envision it, even if it’s just for a short time, will make the difference in how you remember the trip I think.

 

[iMadHatter]

Thank you all for the awesome advice! There were some wonderful ideas given, and I've already had a couple of conversations as a result.

Hubby is happy knowing I don't expect him to stay with us all day. He really doesn't want to miss out. So he's good now. My mom just wants to feel useful, and is happy to help where she can when we're there. She will also help me come up with a plan for keeping my dad as happy as he can be before the trip. I haven't had a chance to talk to my brother and his wife, yet. But really, I keep reminding myself, it's Disney! It's supposed to be magical. It will be magical. The more the merrier (but just one magical meet up a day will be sufficient, and I absolutely love the idea of enjoying Disney in the later hours all by myself!)

I hope this made sense. I've been through the wringer this week with work, and don't know if my brain is fully functional right now. But I did want to say thanks for all the great ideas and help! You guys are great!

 

[agamble]

You got lots of great advice from other posters. I just wanted to chime in too. We've been with family a few times. We also have 3 kids of varying ages and sizes. We have found that splitting up is necessary to keep everyone happy. Being flexible is also necessary. Sometimes things don't go the way we want, and tempers can rise...Anyway, my big tip is to split up throughout the day. This is absolutely necessary with our oldest. She behaves better one on one, but also she is bigger and can and will ride all the thrill rides where as her younger siblings were not always big enough or brave enough. And sometimes when traveling with grandparents they just don't want to do what the rest of the family does due to health or other issues associated with age. We are also get up and go in the morning types, and my parents (especially my dad) are not always so inclined.

I will say I was a bit upset about 5 years ago when my dad changed my plans at the last minute. My parents brought their older two grand kids with us and our 2 kids (at the time). The plan on our first day was to head straight to Fantasyland (because HELLO), but my dad decided at park opening that we needed to go to Star Tours first. He isn't a fan of the Fantasyland rides and also felt that my nephew (14) would enjoy a thrill ride. BUT my niece and nephew had never been to Disneyland and we had a one year old so I thought that we should do some classic Disney rides first and also ride something that everyone could ride together. In the end it didn't matter. Yes, it ruined my plan and frazzled me a bit, but overall it didn't have a big impact on our trip. We actually spent very little time with my dad and nephew on that trip. We did a lot as a family of 4 and sometimes my mom and niece joined us, but we mostly saw my dad and nephew at Dinner. The nephew was actually a bit of a grump as he was having trouble not being digitally connected all the time and didn't want to get up in the mornings. The first day we all went together, but the next day my family got up and left the rest of them. On the third day my mom and niece made sure they were up to leave with us, but my dad came on his own time and actually left the nephew in the hotel because he didn't get up. Splitting up was the best thing to do.