Help me know what to say..

[Disneyfan754321]

My DH s dad has covid and was put on a vent. He has underlying heath issues and is 80 ..... I dont need to say much more.
I do not know what to say to my DH, I do not want to be insensitive. I tell him I'm here and that I love him but I'm speechless.
I cant sit here and say I'm sorry over and over. I cant give him false hope. I think he is mostly upset for him mother to be upset .
No one is allowed to see him except his wife through glass only. We are over 1000 miles away. Not sure being there would be any better.
It's hard to be in this situation
What can I say to my husband?
Bible quotes are welcomed as well... for that's all we have right now.

 

[Disneyfan754321]

This really stinks, just as I had my husband convinced to take the shot... his fully vaxed parents get covid not trying to debate it, just a little more info

 

[mommasita]

My DH s dad has covid and was put on a vent. He has underlying heath issues and is 80 ..... I dont need to say much more.
I do not know what to say to my DH, I do not want to be insensitive. I tell him I'm here and that I love him but I'm speechless.
I cant sit here and say I'm sorry over and over. I cant give him false hope. I think he is mostly upset for him mother to be upset .
No one is allowed to see him except his wife through glass only. We are over 1000 miles away. Not sure being there would be any better.
It's hard to be in this situation
What can I say to my husband?
Bible quotes are welcomed as well... for that's all we have right now.

I am sorry your father in law is on a ventilator. You can be there for your husband, ask him if there is anything you can do. Does he want to talk, possibly yes, possibly no. You can also have hope, be prepared in case, but if you pray, then pray for him, his wife, your husband, yourself, the entire family.

Regarding the vaccine, I’m not going into that debate, it’s against forum rules (sticky on top) Please refrain, and everyone else as well, I would like to keep this as a support for you.

Please update if and when you can, and if you just want to let anything out

 

[easyas123]

Perhaps it would help your husband to feel as if he is 'doing something' for his mother, and by extension his father, if he was there to physically support his mother? Even if he can't go to the hospital, his presence might make things a bit easier for her, and provide her some stability as well as another person to speak up for his & her wants & needs should the worst happen.

Sounds like a really rough situation, my thoughts go out to you & your family.

 

[danadest]

Sorry about your situation. Not sure if this would help but when I’m having a hard time I don’t like to talk about it but I will write about it. Maybe get him a small notebook & let him decide if he wants to get his feelings out on paper. It really helps me & I hope it helps you.

 

[Disneyfan754321]

Thank you guys, today the situation worsens..
My DH s mother was admitted to the hospital. Other than that no new news about his dad

 

[mommasita]

Thank you guys, today the situation worsens..
My DH s mother was admitted to the hospital. Other than that no new news about his dad

I was worried about this. I’m sorry, I can’t imagine the worry you are all going through. I’m not sure on the hospital rules/regulations, but last year my husband was hospitalized, and a big this was tapes. People were communicating to their loved ones this way. I know the hospital personnel are overwhelmed, but it’s something to think about, maybe your husband could make a tape, also getting out his feelings, and a staff could play it in his fathers room.

I am keeping everyone in my thoughts and prayers. Please try and remember (as hard as it is) to eat and drink, this takes a tremendous toll both emotionally and physically.

 

[RogueX]

All I can say is that I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Sometimes quiet company, the squeeze of a hand and a hug is the most a person needs at any given moment.

Take care of yourself as well.

 

[Disneyfan754321]

All I can say is that I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Sometimes quiet company, the squeeze of a hand and a hug is the most a person needs at any given moment.

Take care of yourself as well.

That's exactly what I have been doing...
When the phone rang at 1am I knew that was not a good sign, and it was not. His father is gone.
.
His mother is still in ICU so as stressful as this is I keep trying to say positive things. It made him mad yesterday. Guys are hard sometimes sadness comes over as anger. I just want to say thank you to all my friends on here! You guys have been in my thoughts and really helpful.

 

[RogueX]

I offer my deepest condolences. Hugs to both of you for whatever measure of comfort they may offer.

 

[easyas123]

I'm sorry for your families loss, I hope the upcoming weeks bring you some peace.

 

[crazymomof4]

I'm sorry for your situation. It's got to be so hard. My DH is very close to his dad and I dread the day....

You sound like me. I always want to say "the right" thing. Come up with something magical that will make things better. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves! I think we need to remember that it's often what is done that has the most effect rather than what is said. The physical gestures showing you are there: arm over the shoulder, clasp of the hand, hug. Also... and this is big.... The small kindnesses. Things that will help him get through these days. Little things he may overlook that you take care of for him. I'll give a real-life example. In 2017 my mother had a stroke while I was in WDW. We live nextdoor so she called DH. He called the ambulance and she was taken to the hospital. Before he went down to the hospital he fed her cat and packed a bag for her with toiletries and clean underwear. All these years later, it's not the words he said that I remember.... its the underwear!! He remembered to pack underwear for my mom!
So this is my point. Surround him with kindness and love. His mind is in such a whirlwind right now (I know, I've lost both of my parents) that he probably won't remember much in the way of what is said to him... but feeling your love by your gestures will have a huge effect!
My heart goes out to you and your family as you go through this!

 

[nw6675]

I read this earlier and then watched my church online. Coincidentally the sermon was on Genesis 50 (Jacob's passing and divine providence). Praying for peace for all of you.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Oh, I'm so sorry

I never know the "right thing" to say to people either, but I agree with taking care of little things so he has less to worry about while he's dealing with all of this.

 

[Suzabella]

First, I'm so sorry. Having lost all 4 of our parents, you don't have to say anything. Just be there for him. Do things to take the load off of him at this time where you can. Prayers for you and your family.

 

[mommasita]

I’m sorry for the loss of your father in law. All the above posters have touched on very good points. I don’t want to repeat them. I understand what you mean, often pain can come off as anger, especially in the beginning. Pain, grief, it us all the love we have. I will pray for your mother in law, your entire family as well.
Take care of yourself, a lot will rely on you,

 

[Silver saucer]

I'm so sorry. What a nightmare for you both. The above posters have all had great advice. Surround your hubby with love. There really isn't anything you can say. Just be there and listen and love him. I will be praying for you and your family that God will cover you both in love and comfort both now and going forth.
Liz

 

[mommasita]

Thank you guys, today the situation worsens..
My DH s mother was admitted to the hospital. Other than that no new news about his dad

Hi, I wanted to check in on your MIL, as well as the rest of your family. You have been on my mind a lot.

 

[Disneyfan754321]

Hi, I wanted to check in on your MIL, as well as the rest of your family. You have been on my mind a lot. ❤

Thank you, so my mil is still in the hospital with covid penuinomua my fil funeral is on hold untill his wife can attend. All the brothers and sisters are fighting.... you know just good old family drama.
So I looked up on google on what to say and do..
It said exactly what you all said. I truly have the best friends on here. It's crazy when all of this was all starting, all I was thinking about is talking to my friends on dis. Trying to stay busy and keep my mind off things, keep this house going..... also waiting for a good time to ask my DH if I can spend $1000 and $200 a month for the next 12 months to keep his mind off things .
We so need a little magic in our lives... praying his mother can get better I know i wont have the words for when that event happens.

 

[mommasita]

Prayers your Mil recovers from the pneumonia. Family drama, oh yes, sadly I know that. I hope some magic finds a way to you.