HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

[tiffjoy]

there was no attack. I was frankly bothered by the insinuation that CIO was selfish and wanted to clarify that not everyone does it out of selfish motivations. There are those of us that sincerely believe that we are donig what is best for our children. It is NOT easy. Being a parent never is. You really did come off as condecening and accusitory. If that was not you intent I guess I am reading too much into it, but that is the way I felt after reading your post and felt I needed to respond. It seems to me like at least one other poster got that as well. Everyone is entitled to thier own opinion, but I felt like those of us that expressed views contrary to yours were being accused of being lazy and selfish.

You really read into my post. When did I say anyone who used CIO was lazy or selfish? (I did say later that sometimes it is taking the easy way out, but that can be said of many things, and I did not target anyone or the OP especially with that point.)

And I have no idea what I said that was condescending or accusatory. And who did I attack with a differing opinion and call lazy and selfish?

I also specifically said I was expressing another viewpoint, not the right one. But, isn't everyone guilty of believing that their opinion is the right one? Obviously, you believe that your way is the right way or you wouldn't do it.

I do not know anyone on this board, and therefore would never say that anyone here is lazy or selfish. I have known mothers who used CIO because they couldn't be bothered to deal with their babies, but in the posts I read on this thread, I saw people offering CIO as a solution to a problem, not as a lazy excuse. I offered my opinion, and again, I will not apologize that it is different from the others. I don't see a problem with offering advice to a fellow mother who asked for it.

 

[princessmom29]

I think the non-CIO people aren't saying sleep deprivation is good or what you should do, but that there are other ways to get your kid to sleep through the night without CIO. Healthy sleep habits are important, but there is more than one way to instill them.

I have 3 kids (which I state since apparently more than 1 is a requirement for sleep knowledge ) and all 3 have been totally different with regards to sleep. First was terrible, truly terrible, but knowing what I do now, with my youngest having reflux, I think she had "silent reflux", which would explain a ton. Anyway, she was a terrible sleeper, up many times a night, etc. I got the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book, only after reading Ferber, and other books, trying their methods unsuccessfully, and found the No Cry method to be the one I liked the most. We implemented that and she was sleeping through the night. It took some work, but for the most part there was no crying. And more importantly, no vomiting from crying so hard like with CIO. She went from terrible, constantly waking up, to sleeping incredibly soundly for 12 hours straight with that method. Oh, she was way past 6 months, but we initially started with other methods at a younger age, they just didn't work.

With my 2nd, he was just an awesome sleeper from the start so nothing really needed. But, when we would go on vacation or otherwise sleep out of our home, he would get off-track and when we returned he'd often cry at bedtime for a day or 2, then back to his normal self. So we basically did CIO with him, but different kid, different personality, different response. He never cried more than 7 minutes.

Right around his 1st birthday he had a bigger setback after being in Europe for 3 weeks and sleeping in pack n' plays, with me, in the stroller, etc. This time though he was a harder sell. So when the crying went on over 7 minutes, I realized I wanted to change the approach. So with him, I would go to him everytime he woke up, I would hug him, lay him back down, and sit next to his crib. Never talked to him nor picked him up, but I was there, and he knew it, and eventually he'd fall asleep. My interventions got shorter and less frequent as he started sleeping better like he had been.


And my 3rd, she has been the best of the crew in some respects. She has severe reflux so her first 2 months were marked with incessant crying, frequent feedings, and inability to lay flat in her bed at night (which is why I think my 1st had this as well, same symptoms). Anyway, we didn't know she had reflux, just thought it was regular baby spit-up (albeit a ton of it, and with force...). Once the ped figured this out and we got her on the right medication and dose (which took some tweaking), she went from not being able to lay in her bed at all to sleeping a 4 hour chunk at night, which grew quickly to 6 hours, then 9, then 10, then 11.5 hours. No CIO (thank gosh as I would have felt terrible once we learned of the reflux!), all on her own so I can't take credit.

But she got a bad cold 3 weeks ago and has been waking up at least once overnight since then. Because she was sick there was no way I would think of CIO (and with her reflux I actually wouldn't anyway), but I've been working on getting her back on schedule and we're down to sleeping 9 hours, feeding, then another 3 hours, so she's getting there. I've just been repeating the bedtime routine when she wakes overnight, not feeding her, and she goes back down without complaint.

Anyway, my point was just that I don't any of the non-CIO fans are saying to just deal with it and suffer and crash your car cause you fall asleep on the road. Just offering alternative solutions to the waking problem.

I guess there are different definitions of CIO out there because I would consider most of what you are doing CIO. In my book anything that is not getting the up out of the crib and rocking them to sleep means you are letting them CIO, and teaching them to put themselves to sleep. To me, being anti-CIO means you will pick up and give attention to a child any time he/ she cries at night and only put them back in the crib asleep, or co-sleep so that you are there on demand. I also consider 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep to be "sleeping through the night." 12 hours from a baby under a year is truly amazing in my book. DD has NEVER slept that long at a time. EVER. She just doesn't require that much sleep. 10 hours at night is the max she will sleep now, usually only 8. My sister was the same was as a child. I was 6 years older and always needed more sleep than her. When I ended up deciding she had to learn to put herself to sleep she was still getting up at least 3 times between 11 and 5:30.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

But, isn't everyone guilty of believing that their opinion is the right one? Obviously, you believe that your way is the right way or you wouldn't do it.

HAHAHA! I always say this and haven't ever heard anyone else say it before. Someone said, "you just think your opinion is right way". I say, "of course I think my opinion is the right way...why in the world would I do it if I didn't think it was the right way!". So, ftr y'all. I'm right!









...but we can still agree to disagree.

 

[princessmom29]

I personally feel that it's my job as her mom to tend to her when she cries. I don't know of any other species who cares for their young who would ignore the cries of their baby. there's a reason that CIO bothers most moms who try it- it goes against nature. Just my two cents.



I can't imagine how I would have felt if instead of holding her and nursing her through all her discomfort last night, I had left her to cry because I believed that she should learn to sleep. I work full-time, as does my DH, so I do sympathize and understand how hard it is. But babies really do need comfort and security, not abandonment and schedules.

I highly recommend his book as well as a site that is actually full of mothers who have great advice (I'm not really thinking the Disney board is the best place for kid-rearing questions) Above all, I think listening to your instincts is most important, and not giving in to pressure from others, or trying to make your life what is was before having a baby.

I went back and reread so that i could clarify what bothered me. The bolded sections are the things that read to me as carring an implicit judgment about those who choose those methods of parenting. For me those statements seemed to make a value judgment about parents who choose a way different from yours. Essentally you were saying to me that everything I believe is good for my child
1. goes agianst nature
2. amounts to abandonment
3. and and is aimed at returning my life to pre-kid status
That is why I felt so strongly about responding.

 

[tiffjoy]

I guess there are different definitions of CIO out there because I would consider most of what you are doing CIO. In my book anything that is not getting the up out of the crib and rocking them to sleep means you are letting them CIO, and teaching them to put themselves to sleep. To me, being anti-CIO means you will pick up and give attention to a child any time he/ she cries at night and only put them back in the crib asleep, or co-sleep so that you are there on demand. I also consider 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep to be "sleeping through the night." 12 hours from a baby under a year is truly amazing in my book. DD has NEVER slept that long at a time. EVER. She just doesn't require that much sleep. 10 hours at night is the max she will sleep now, usually only 8. My sister was the same was as a child. I was 6 years older and always needed more sleep than her. When I ended up deciding she had to learn to put herself to sleep she was still getting up at least 3 times between 11 and 5:30.

To me, to be clear, CIO is not responding when my baby cries- I believe that babies should be held and comforted when they cry. I don't think co-sleeping is necessary to be anti-CIO, but it's easiest for me, and my DD has always preferred to co-sleep. I actually never intended to co-sleep- she chose it for us. I agree that sleeping through the night isn't 12 hours, but I do know many people who feel that babies should sleep that long without waking up.

According the the general rule that STTN is 4-6 hours, depending on age, my daughter does STTN, and we have achieved it without CIO. She goes to bed at 7:30, and I nurse her to sleep. She wakes up at 11 pm for another meal, then sleeps until 5 am. She nurses and dozes again for about an hour, then is up for good at 6 am. I am not saying that to rub it in, but to say that I agree that babies need to develop sleep habits, but I think there are other ways to achieve them.

 

[tiffjoy]

I went back and reread so that i could clarify what bothered me. The bolded sections are the things that read to me as carring an implicit judgment about those who choose those methods of parenting. For me those statements seemed to make a value judgment about parents who choose a way different from yours. Essentally you were saying to me that everything I believe is good for my child
1. goes agianst nature
2. amounts to abandonment
3. and and is aimed at returning my life to pre-kid status
That is why I felt so strongly about responding.

And I also said "My two cents," which is what it all was- my opinion.

Yes, my opinion is that CIO is wrong. Your opinion is that co-sleeping and answering my baby's every cry is wrong. But I don't get upset by your opinion because that's what it is- an opinion, and you are free to have it.

I wasn't responding to you, but to the OP. Yes, I do believe CIO is wrong, or else I would do it with my DD. I'm not going to pretend that I think differently in order not to offend. BUT, I said it was "my two cents" and that statement clarified that it's an opinion, and that means everyone is entitled to their own.

Parenting is really hard. We're all just trying to do our best, and that is different from parent to parent. But the OP asked for advice, and I have my opinion. Yes, it differs from yours, but that's bound to happen in life. I hold no ill will or think parents who choose CIO are awful people who don't care about their children.

 

[tiffjoy]

HAHAHA! I always say this and haven't ever heard anyone else say it before. Someone said, "you just think your opinion is right way". I say, "of course I think my opinion is the right way...why in the world would I do it if I didn't think it was the right way!". So, ftr y'all. I'm right!

..but we can still agree to disagree.

Too funny- I have never heard anyone else say it, either, and to me, it's so obvious. Of course everyone thinks they are right!

And totally agree- we can all agree to disagree.

 

[princessmom29]

To me, to be clear, CIO is not responding when my baby cries- I believe that babies should be held and comforted when they cry. I don't think co-sleeping is necessary to be anti-CIO, but it's easiest for me, and my DD has always preferred to co-sleep. I actually never intended to co-sleep- she chose it for us. I agree that sleeping through the night isn't 12 hours, but I do know many people who feel that babies should sleep that long without waking up.

According the the general rule that STTN is 4-6 hours, depending on age, my daughter does STTN, and we have achieved it without CIO. She goes to bed at 7:30, and I nurse her to sleep. She wakes up at 11 pm for another meal, then sleeps until 5 am. She nurses and dozes again for about an hour, then is up for good at 6 am. I am not saying that to rub it in, but to say that I agree that babies need to develop sleep habits, but I think there are other ways to achieve them.

So you are somewhere in the middle. I would see nursing to sleep as a huge problem, however. I really think you are likley to have a huge fight on your hands once she is weaned and/or you begin expecting her to go to bed awake. I would never let a baby cry for hours and not go in and confort them, but neither would I pick her up and rock her or co-sleep. A pat on the back and a reassuring word without getting her out of the crib was what I used. I just feel it is essential that babies learn to put themselves to sleep as early as possible. It tramutizes them so much when you try to do it as a toddler. My BFF did it with her 2 year old and would call me sobbing becuase he wouldn't go to sleep. She had him in her be up untilthem and it was SOOO hard to get him out. If they lean early to go to sleep in thier own bed the tramua and tears are a non-issue.

 

[badblackpug]

I'm new here, but I'm also a new mom, and just wanted to post to say that my 10 month old daughter still doesn't STTN, and I wouldn't expect her to do so. Being a baby is hard work, actually- there's a lot of growing and adjusting. I personally feel that it's my job as her mom to tend to her when she cries. I don't know of any other species who cares for their young who would ignore the cries of their baby. there's a reason that CIO bothers most moms who try it- it goes against nature. Just my two cents.

If you do choose CIO, please know that if you are breastfeeding, it might harm your bfing relationship and cause your supply to dry up. My DD eats the majority of her intake at night, and if I didn't nurse her at night, she wouldn't be nursing much. If you are formula feeding, many babies are also distractable at this age, and don't eat enough during the day. Night feeding through the first year is highly common for babies, and the only reason to discourage it is to make life easier for the parents.

Also, this age is a prime time for teething, which is incredibly painful. Many babies cry at night during this time seeking comfort for their physical pain. Even pain meds may not totally get rid of the discomfort.

6-12 months is also a time of great developmental strides which make it difficult for a baby to sleep- their brain is just going, going, going. My DD often wakes up crying and crawling- her body and mind are thinking about her new developmental activity and it's a lot going on. There is also the classic 9-month sleep regression, which occurs at the general time of learning to crawl, stand and possibly walk.

My DD took almost 2.5 hours to fall asleep last night, and she woke up 3 times, then was up for good at 5 am. we co-sleep to help make life easier for me, and less stressful for her. Sure enough, when I looked this morning, another tooth had popped through to the surface. I can't imagine how I would have felt if instead of holding her and nursing her through all her discomfort last night, I had left her to cry because I believed that she should learn to sleep. I work full-time, as does my DH, so I do sympathize and understand how hard it is. But babies really do need comfort and security, not abandonment and schedules.

Dr Sears, as a PP mentioned, is a great source of info. I highly recommend his book as well as a site that is actually full of mothers who have great advice (I'm not really thinking the Disney board is the best place for kid-rearing questions) and are up to date on the latest research. Although my parents did do CIO with me, there is new research to suggest that it isn't healthy for children. Just as we need to progress year by year in terms of safety for children (ie, my parents didn't even bring me home from the hospital in a car seat), we need to do the same for sleep methods. The site is kellymom dot com, and I have found it to be my sanity savior.

Again, this is just my opinion from my experience. I do understand there are different ways of raising children, adn I respect that. But I really hope that the OP can research other methods besides CIO. Above all, I think listening to your instincts is most important, and not giving in to pressure from others, or trying to make your life what is was before having a baby.

I think the issue here is with the bolded. The suggestion is that what other mothers do is not "natural" and is offering less care than an animal. I think a lot is not what you say, but how you say it. Had the PP (and another who suggested not sleeping with your kids is worse than an animal would do) Made a statement such as "It doesn't feel right to me, It doesn't feel natural to me." it probably would not have caused offense.

 

[princessmom29]

I think the issue here is with the bolded. The suggestion is that what other mothers do is not "natural" and is offering less care than an animal. I think a lot is not what you say, but how you say it. Had the PP (and another who suggested not sleeping with your kids is worse than an animal would do) Made a statement such as "It doesn't feel right to me, It doesn't feel natural to me." it probably would not have caused offense.

exactly! you expressed what I was feeling better than I could.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

All three of my kids, now nearly 7, 5 and 18 mos have been exclusively bf and nursed to sleep. They all sleep through the night, though the 18 mos has an occasional odd spurt here and there. I'm not sure why so many people think that just because we don't let our babies CIO and we nurse them to sleep and sooth them when they wake that we have discipline and boundary problems with our kids. Just because I nurse my baby to sleep and sooth them when they wake does not mean that I don't know how to say "no" or that it's a free for all for my 2yo in the middle of the night. Here...bed is bed, either in mine or yours.when they are very small. Whatever, but we are all sleeping and it's nighttime. If you are not sick, you are to be sleeping, too, or at least lying quietly so others can sleep. I have never had the "big fight" that you are talking about. It's a gentle persuading and teaching our kids to be part of the team of our family. 7 year has been sleeping through the night and in his own bed, from about 12 mos on. 5 yo has been in her own bed from about 2yo on and sleeping through the night...though she has night terrors and frequent growing pains. My 18 mos sleeps through the night for the most part. He has/had reflux so often couldn't lay flat at night.

 

[jodifla]

All three of my kids, now nearly 7, 5 and 18 mos have been exclusively bf and nursed to sleep. They all sleep through the night, though the 18 mos has an occasional odd spurt here and there. I'm not sure why so many people think that just because we don't let our babies CIO and we nurse them to sleep and sooth them when they wake that we have discipline and boundary problems with our kids. Just because I nurse my baby to sleep and sooth them when they wake does not mean that I don't know how to say "no" or that it's a free for all for my 2yo in the middle of the night. Here...bed is bed, either in mine or yours.when they are very small. Whatever, but we are all sleeping and it's nighttime. If you are not sick, you are to be sleeping, too, or at least lying quietly so others can sleep. I have never had the "big fight" that you are talking about. It's a gentle persuading and teaching our kids to be part of the team of our family. 7 year has been sleeping through the night and in his own bed, from about 12 mos on. 5 yo has been in her own bed from about 2yo on and sleeping through the night...though she has night terrors and frequent growing pains. My 18 mos sleeps through the night for the most part. He has/had reflux so often couldn't lay flat at night.

Because the DIS boards routinely fields questions from moms who have nursed and co-slept, and can't get their 5-year-olds out of bed with them. They are sick of it, their husbands are more than sick of it, and nighttime is a disaster.

 

[princessmom29]

All three of my kids, now nearly 7, 5 and 18 mos have been exclusively bf and nursed to sleep. They all sleep through the night, though the 18 mos has an occasional odd spurt here and there. I'm not sure why so many people think that just because we don't let our babies CIO and we nurse them to sleep and sooth them when they wake that we have discipline and boundary problems with our kids. Just because I nurse my baby to sleep and sooth them when they wake does not mean that I don't know how to say "no" or that it's a free for all for my 2yo in the middle of the night. Here...bed is bed, either in mine or yours.when they are very small. Whatever, but we are all sleeping and it's nighttime. If you are not sick, you are to be sleeping, too, or at least lying quietly so others can sleep. I have never had the "big fight" that you are talking about. It's a gentle persuading and teaching our kids to be part of the team of our family. 7 year has been sleeping through the night and in his own bed, from about 12 mos on. 5 yo has been in her own bed from about 2yo on and sleeping through the night...though she has night terrors and frequent growing pains. My 18 mos sleeps through the night for the most part. He has/had reflux so often couldn't lay flat at night.

so how exactly did you transition from nursing them to sleep or rocking them to getting them to go to sleep on their own in thier own bed without them crying at all? I am really very interested if there is actually such a method out there as I have never seen anyone who consistently rocked their child to sleep past a year accomplish it without at least a few screaming fits. For everyone I have seen try to do it past a year old it has been anywhere from simply upsetting fore a few nights to a complete disaster. That is why I was adament about not putting the baby in our bed. I have never seen it not be horribly difficult to get them out after they are a year old. It owuld be nice to know of a way to do it with a toddler/ young child that was not a battle. BTW I had night terrors as well. I had the m off an on unti l iwas a young teen, and I can remember how scary the last few I had were. I feel for your DD, and for you.

 

[princessmom29]

Because the DIS boards routinely fields questions from moms who have nursed and co-slept, and can't get their 5-year-olds out of bed with them. They are sick of it, their husbands are more than sick of it, and nighttime is a disaster.

this is definitely been the experience of everyone I know who has co-slept. Every one of them has had to either share their bed at least until the kid went to school, or it was a nightmarish battle to get the child out of their bed. In most of these families it seems like no one sleeps and everyone is always tired.

 

[jodifla]

Same here- my daughter had terrible reflux and couldn't lay flat. The very first night I gave birth, I held her all night long because she would cry if I put her down. Thank goodness I never did CIO, as you said, because she was crying and wanting to be held because of a medical condition.

And that's exactly what I was doing- offering another opinion.

Actually, she just needed to be upright, not held by you, although I'm sure that was nice. My son had reflux as well, so held him upright 20 minutes after each feeding, then put him in his elevated crib so he could sleep comfortably.

As I said earlier, my son slept through the night at 6 weeks. It was a combo of sleep training, and accidentally CIO. I say accidental because I didn't mean to let him CIO, but I was so exhausted being an only parent with a newborn after my husband was called away on a family emergency, that I just didn't hear him a couple of nights.

And that was all it took. He was hardly traumatized by it, by the way he took to sleeping after that. And frankly I wasn't either, because I didn't even know it happened.

Sleep deprivation is a very dangerous thing, and it always irks me when moms try to force OTHER moms to play the martyr. I read that single mothers don't have these sleep issues....because they simply can't attend to baby's every cry and function. So they end up like me....eventually just sleeping through the crying.

 

[jodifla]

so how exactly did you transition from nursing them to sleep or rocking them to getting them to go to sleep on their own in thier own bed without them crying at all? I am really very interested if there is actually such a method out there as I have never seen anyone who consistently rocked their child to sleep past a year accomplish it without at least a few screaming fits. For everyone I have seen try to do it past a year old it has been anywhere from simply upsetting fore a few nights to a complete disaster. That is why I was adament about not putting the baby in our bed. I have never seen it not be horribly difficult to get them out after they are a year old. It owuld be nice to know of a way to do it with a toddler/ young child that was not a battle. BTW I had night terrors as well. I had the m off an on unti l iwas a young teen, and I can remember how scary the last few I had were. I feel for your DD, and for you.

We decided to take a hard line in the sleep department because we had friends who routinely had to take 2 and 3 HOURS to put their child to sleep.

 

[tiffjoy]

I think the issue here is with the bolded. The suggestion is that what other mothers do is not "natural" and is offering less care than an animal. I think a lot is not what you say, but how you say it. Had the PP (and another who suggested not sleeping with your kids is worse than an animal would do) Made a statement such as "It doesn't feel right to me, It doesn't feel natural to me." it probably would not have caused offense.

Again, I offerered my opinion. An opinion is not necessarily accepted or liked by anyone. That statement was prefaced by me saying it was my opinion. You don't have to like it or agree with it, and you are more than free to have your own opinion and express it, or disagree with mine as you have done.

I won't apologize for people not liking my opinion. Again, I was responding to the OP, not to anyone else. If other people take offense because they don't share my opinion, then I can't help that. I would think that people who are comfortable with the way they have raised their children wouldn't be so offended. I'm not by people saying I spoil my daughter by letting her co-sleep. I really don't see how my opinion, a complete and total stranger to all of you, is really causing you all that much offense.

So you are somewhere in the middle. I would see nursing to sleep as a huge problem, however. I really think you are likley to have a huge fight on your hands once she is weaned and/or you begin expecting her to go to bed awake. I would never let a baby cry for hours and not go in and confort them, but neither would I pick her up and rock her or co-sleep. A pat on the back and a reassuring word without getting her out of the crib was what I used. I just feel it is essential that babies learn to put themselves to sleep as early as possible. It tramutizes them so much when you try to do it as a toddler. My BFF did it with her 2 year old and would call me sobbing becuase he wouldn't go to sleep. She had him in her be up untilthem and it was SOOO hard to get him out. If they lean early to go to sleep in thier own bed the tramua and tears are a non-issue.

To me, nursing to sleep is the natural way for my little one to fall asleep. It's not a problem for me, and it's not a problem for the other mothers I know who have done it. Co-sleeping it also not an issue for either me or my DH- he, in fact, is one of my strongest supporters and also is firmly against letting our DD CIO. You may feel that it is essential to teach a baby to go to sleep on their own as soon as possible, but I don't share that opinion.

We plan to nurse for quite a while longer, and she already falls asleep for naps in different ways than nursing. I don't anticipate it being an issue, and again,there are ways besides CIO of dealing with sleeping at all ages. I know plenty of people this way has worked for.

Actually, she just needed to be upright, not held by you, although I'm sure that was nice. My son had reflux as well, so held him upright 20 minutes after each feeding, then put him in his elevated crib so he could sleep comfortably.

As I said earlier, my son slept through the night at 6 weeks. It was a combo of sleep training, and accidentally CIO. I say accidental because I didn't mean to let him CIO, but I was so exhausted being an only parent with a newborn after my husband was called away on a family emergency, that I just didn't hear him a couple of nights.

And that was all it took. He was hardly traumatized by it, by the way he took to sleeping after that. And frankly I wasn't either, because I didn't even know it happened.

Sleep deprivation is a very dangerous thing, and it always irks me when moms try to force OTHER moms to play the martyr. I read that single mothers don't have these sleep issues....because they simply can't attend to baby's every cry and function. So they end up like me....eventually just sleeping through the crying.

Actually, she wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her. we tried many, many things, I think I know what ended up working best.

I don't recall telling anyone to play matyr or get to the point where they can't function. That would hardly be healthy. I do think that sometimes, parents get little sleep, and it's just a fact of life.

I'm friends with 2 single moms who attend to their baby's every need and don't do CIO. Both also co-sleep to make life easier. They have my utmost admiration- I'm in awe of the single parent.

Again, I just want to emphasize that this is my opinion and my personal stance. CIO is not an option for me. I shared another idea with the OP- that, I believe, is the point of posting a question- to get ideas.

 

[tiffjoy]

All three of my kids, now nearly 7, 5 and 18 mos have been exclusively bf and nursed to sleep. They all sleep through the night, though the 18 mos has an occasional odd spurt here and there. I'm not sure why so many people think that just because we don't let our babies CIO and we nurse them to sleep and sooth them when they wake that we have discipline and boundary problems with our kids. Just because I nurse my baby to sleep and sooth them when they wake does not mean that I don't know how to say "no" or that it's a free for all for my 2yo in the middle of the night. Here...bed is bed, either in mine or yours.when they are very small. Whatever, but we are all sleeping and it's nighttime. If you are not sick, you are to be sleeping, too, or at least lying quietly so others can sleep. I have never had the "big fight" that you are talking about. It's a gentle persuading and teaching our kids to be part of the team of our family. 7 year has been sleeping through the night and in his own bed, from about 12 mos on. 5 yo has been in her own bed from about 2yo on and sleeping through the night...though she has night terrors and frequent growing pains. My 18 mos sleeps through the night for the most part. He has/had reflux so often couldn't lay flat at night.

Awesome post.

I have co-workers who are constantly telling me that I'm ruining my child. I couldn't agree with you more.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Because the DIS boards routinely fields questions from moms who have nursed and co-slept, and can't get their 5-year-olds out of bed with them. They are sick of it, their husbands are more than sick of it, and nighttime is a disaster.

Let me share a secret with you. They can get their kids out of their beds. They don't want to. Why? Who knows? They might complain but at the end of the day I am willing to bet dollars to donuts that the parent who is moaning the loudest really does want the kid in the bed.

so how exactly did you transition from nursing them to sleep or rocking them to getting them to go to sleep on their own in thier own bed without them crying at all? I am really very interested if there is actually such a method out there as I have never seen anyone who consistently rocked their child to sleep past a year accomplish it without at least a few screaming fits. For everyone I have seen try to do it past a year old it has been anywhere from simply upsetting fore a few nights to a complete disaster. That is why I was adament about not putting the baby in our bed. I have never seen it not be horribly difficult to get them out after they are a year old. It owuld be nice to know of a way to do it with a toddler/ young child that was not a battle. BTW I had night terrors as well. I had the m off an on unti l iwas a young teen, and I can remember how scary the last few I had were. I feel for your DD, and for you.

I don't do CIO. It is simply not for me and my dh. All of our kids sleep just fine. I wish I could tell you some magical way that they went into their own beds but alas I do not know why they did not cry. Maybe because they were developmentally ready to be in their own bed? Maybe they were intrigued by their environment? I don't know. The time seemed right for them and off they went. No tears or tantrums.

this is definitely been the experience of everyone I know who has co-slept. Every one of them has had to either share their bed at least until the kid went to school, or it was a nightmarish battle to get the child out of their bed. In most of these families it seems like no one sleeps and everyone is always tired.

See now we co-sleep and everyone sleeps beautifully here. No problems getting anyone out of our bed either. Everyone I know has no issues with the co-sleeping. Their kids sleep great and when ready (not school age) they are in their own beds with no problems. IMO when a parent has trouble getting an older (school age) child out of their bed it is the parent with the issue not the child. Secretly I would bet that that parent doesn't really want that child out of their bed. They might complain etc. but if they really wanted the child out they would find an easy way to do it. It's like potty training. Different approaches work for each child. Also, a lot of people assume that I don't sleep well because a child is in my bed. The truth of the matter is that I am not a good sleeper at all. I wake up a million times a night. I was like that even before I had kids. I also do not require tons of sleep so I while I might be tired I am not tired enough to sleep. So maybe those families aren't really tired from co-sleeping.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

so how exactly did you transition from nursing them to sleep or rocking them to getting them to go to sleep on their own in thier own bed without them crying at all? I am really very interested if there is actually such a method out there as I have never seen anyone who consistently rocked their child to sleep past a year accomplish it without at least a few screaming fits. For everyone I have seen try to do it past a year old it has been anywhere from simply upsetting fore a few nights to a complete disaster. That is why I was adament about not putting the baby in our bed. I have never seen it not be horribly difficult to get them out after they are a year old. It owuld be nice to know of a way to do it with a toddler/ young child that was not a battle. BTW I had night terrors as well. I had the m off an on unti l iwas a young teen, and I can remember how scary the last few I had were. I feel for your DD, and for you.

Oh no. I didn't say there was no crying at all. I said I do not let my babies CIO, which is putting them in a room alone and leaving them to cry until they fall asleep. I have had a couple of screaming fits(just like CIO'ers have ) but I am always there comforting and holding them if they want or need it and not at 6 mos old.

I think it becomes the "complete disaster" when you are not consistent. I usually eventually say, "milk is sleeping" and "time for sleeping". They might fuss or all out protest for a couple of nights, but I lay next them and that's that. Just keep saying the same thing. I don't ever do that before one year of age. With teething and upset tummies and growth spurts(hungry), I feel babies need their mamas when they need their mamas. I just kind of gauge it by their needs at the time since they are all different. I don't night-wean them at one, but I do set limits if they are needed.
When they moved to their own beds, dh or I snuggled with them and then we left the room and sat in view with a book for a few nights and that was that. If they got up, we quietly led them back to bed and told them it was "time for sleeping". Maybe we stink or something, but our 5yo and 7yo won't even come in our bed when they are sick. They want us to snuggle with them in their bed. LOL

The night terrors are awful. It's so sad to watch and you feel so helpless.