HELP!I'm pouring my heart out here, need advice!*Updated 6/12/07*

[aka-mad4themouse]

...My daughter is having surgery tomorrow to replace the tubes in her ears due to chronic ear infections.

I'll keep a good thought for her. My DS had to have tubes put in for the same reason. We were fortunate that we only had to go thru the surgery once. I'm not sure that I could have tolerated the stress a second or third time. I hope all goes well.

But, just know that I have not spent 1 penny since last Sat. I know it's only been five days, but not one cent, not one! That has taken alot for me to do and I am so proud, I am going to see how long I can go. Of course I have to get gas tomorrow! But, no extra spending and I am soooo proud. (Don't burst my bubble by saying big deal. It has been a big deal for me. I probably would have dropped $30 by now if this was 3 weeks ago.)

WTG! I think this is a major step for you and it is a big deal. Fighting impulse spending is a hard thing for many shopaholics to overcome. Congratulaions on staying "on the wagon" for 5 days!

 

[ElizaB39]

Magic! Way to go on the 5 day spending freeze. I am working on a freeze since 9/1/05 and have done well but I have spent a bit. Nothing that broke the budget though. I actually went shopping with my MIL and thought, what a waste of money! There is nothing here that I want or can't live without. I bought 3 food items at Costco and that was it.

Good luck with the tubes. When my daughter went under anesthesia for getting a cyst in her chest removed I freaked out (and I am the calm one or so I thought). I just didn't like the "going under" thing.

 

[jeancbpugh]

We have good solid term life insurance.

Is it term life insurance or whole life insurance that will serve you better?

Isn't whole life insurance the one that is like an investment and is a guaranteed amount paid out tax free?

Anyone know?

Thanks.

 

[jeancbpugh]

Is it term life insurance or whole life insurance that will serve you better?

Isn't whole life insurance the one that is like an investment and is a guaranteed amount paid out tax free?

Anyone know?

Thanks.

This is from an insurance company's website:

Term insurance, also called temporary insurance, covers a person against death for a limited time -- the term. For example, the term might be until children are grown, college is paid for, or until retirement. You pay for the coverage period and at the end of the term the contract, or policy, expires. If no claims are made against the policy during the term, you don't receive any benefits after the policy expires. At the end of the term you can apply for more insurance if you still need it. However, if you are in poor health you may not qualify or it may be very expensive. Be sure to make the term sufficiently long to meet your goals.

Whole Life insurance, also called permanent insurance, is permanent and does not expire (assuming you continue to pay the premiums). It provides coverage similar to term insurance, but it also provides an investment vehicle. A portion of the premium goes toward insuring your life while the rest goes into investment account. This investment account can be either an interest bearing account, stocks, bonds, or a combination of each.

Which is better (our opinion)? Young families with large financial obligations are usually better off with term life insurance. The substantially lower premiums enable them to purchase sufficient coverage to protect against loss of income. Any discretionary investment funds should first be placed in investments than can be purchased with pre-tax dollars (IRA’s, 401(k)s, 302(b)s, SEPs, etc.) then other vehicles that use after tax dollars (mutual funds, money market accounts, etc.) that are likely to generate returns similar to or better than life insurance contracts. Whole Life insurance is sometimes purchased by people for tax and estate planning purposes.

 

[dvcgirl]

Is it term life insurance or whole life insurance that will serve you better?

Isn't whole life insurance the one that is like an investment and is a guaranteed amount paid out tax free?

Anyone know?

Thanks.

Term life insurance is a better deal for us. The premium is much lower than whole life, and it also pays out tax free in the event of one of our deaths. We prefer to invest our money and not give it to an insurance company to invest. Also, as we get older and our premium increases, our retirement portfolio will be robust enough that we'll be able to drop it altogether. In addition, while my husband is still employed he has a very nice death benefit through his company.

 

[dvcgirl]

This is from an insurance company's website:

Term insurance, also called temporary insurance, covers a person against death for a limited time -- the term. For example, the term might be until children are grown, college is paid for, or until retirement. You pay for the coverage period and at the end of the term the contract, or policy, expires. If no claims are made against the policy during the term, you don't receive any benefits after the policy expires. At the end of the term you can apply for more insurance if you still need it. However, if you are in poor health you may not qualify or it may be very expensive. Be sure to make the term sufficiently long to meet your goals.

Whole Life insurance, also called permanent insurance, is permanent and does not expire (assuming you continue to pay the premiums). It provides coverage similar to term insurance, but it also provides an investment vehicle. A portion of the premium goes toward insuring your life while the rest goes into investment account. This investment account can be either an interest bearing account, stocks, bonds, or a combination of each.

Which is better (our opinion)? Young families with large financial obligations are usually better off with term life insurance. The substantially lower premiums enable them to purchase sufficient coverage to protect against loss of income. Any discretionary investment funds should first be placed in investments than can be purchased with pre-tax dollars (IRA’s, 401(k)s, 302(b)s, SEPs, etc.) then other vehicles that use after tax dollars (mutual funds, money market accounts, etc.) that are likely to generate returns similar to or better than life insurance contracts. Whole Life insurance is sometimes purchased by people for tax and estate planning purposes.

What they don't tell you is that the commission on whole life policies are *huge* compared to term life policies. And...that whole life policies are lousy "investment vehicles". We do much better with a term policy and investing the difference between a term and life policy on our own.

 

[nowellsl]

What they don't tell you is that the commission on whole life policies are *huge* compared to term life policies. And...that whole life policies are lousy "investment vehicles". We do much better with a term policy and investing the difference between a term and life policy on our own.

Suze Orman says this all the time!

 

[jeancbpugh]

What they don't tell you is that the commission on whole life policies are *huge* compared to term life policies. And...that whole life policies are lousy "investment vehicles". We do much better with a term policy and investing the difference between a term and life policy on our own.

I'm curious because I'm beginning to sort out the finances of my 80-year-old now disabled and sometimes forgetful father.

 

[JenniferW]

Magic 2x,

I have followed this thread partly for valuable info and partly just to see how you are doing. I am impressed with your courage to take/ask for criticism. A spending freeze is a fabulous way to start and then you can figure out a more precise plan on action. The advice on this board is so amazing and so many different perspectives. Don't feel rushed in making huge changes without thinking through your decisions. Whatever you decide hopefully getting educated about your choices will help you make the best choice for you. While others may want to know what decisions you've made, they are yours alone and of course we'd love you to share them but don't feel obligated. By sharing you may help other people in similar situations.

Our thoughts are with you and your family today with your daughters procedure.

Jenn

 

[nowellsl]

Magic 2x,

I have followed this thread partly for valuable info and partly just to see how you are doing. I am impressed with your courage to take/ask for criticism. A spending freeze is a fabulous way to start and then you can figure out a more precise plan on action. The advice on this board is so amazing and so many different perspectives. Don't feel rushed in making huge changes without thinking through your decisions. Whatever you decide hopefully getting educated about your choices will help you make the best choice for you. While others may want to know what decisions you've made, they are yours alone and of course we'd love you to share them but don't feel obligated. By sharing you may help other people in similar situations.

Our thoughts are with you and your family today with your daughters procedure.

Jenn

Beautifully stated!

 

[MrsPete]

But, just know that I have not spent 1 penny since last Sat. I know it's only been five days, but not one cent, not one! That has taken alot for me to do and I am so proud, I am going to see how long I can go. Of course I have to get gas tomorrow! But, no extra spending and I am soooo proud. (Don't burst my bubble by saying big deal. It has been a big deal for me.

Why would we burst your bubble -- you've taken a big step in the right direction!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I have several things I am working on right now. You wouldn't believe all the ways we have found to cut corners. My daughter is having surgery tomorrow to replace the tubes in her ears due to chronic ear infections. After we get home from the surgery I have a plan of action in place to get some other things taken care of. I will give a full update either Su. or Mon. But, just know that I have not spent 1 penny since last Sat. I know it's only been five days, but not one cent, not one! That has taken alot for me to do and I am so proud, I am going to see how long I can go. Of course I have to get gas tomorrow! But, no extra spending and I am soooo proud. (Don't burst my bubble by saying big deal. It has been a big deal for me. I probably would have dropped $30 by now if this was 3 weeks ago.)

I hope your DD surgery goes well. I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

Good for you that you have started a spending freeze. It isn't easy to break a habit. In time it will get easier.

When you do need to start spending again, the trick is to look for lower cost alternatives. I'll give you an example. I was buying the Johnson and Johnson Lavender body soap for children (15 oz) at $3 and change. I found an alternative- Target brand, same size (and scent) for .99! It smells better too! A lot of the time you can find a lower cost alternative without sacrificing value.

Check out the dollar store. They have so many bargains it isn't funny. I know I paid $8 or so for a baby nail grooming kit. When I misplaced the nail clippers I bought a replacement kit at the dollar store. Same type of kit! Toothbrushes that cost $3 or more you can find at the dollar store. But even at the dollar store you have to know the value of things. Some things are overpriced to offset the others, just like everywhere else.

BTW, you have inspired me to return to my expenditure journal. Keep up the good work!

 

[JodyTG]

OP,

I understand what you're going through. I used to shop simply because I was bored. My main thing was shoes. I love shoes. I am addicted to shoes. But I didn't stop there, I would buy clothes, too. I would go shopping if I was bored, upset, or for any reason really. Sometimes I would buy one item that was on sale for 75% off. Sometimes I would buy 2 or 3 or 4 or even 5 whole outfits (top, bottom, underwear, shoes, the whole works). Some of these things, even after 4 years, are still hanging in my closet with the tags on them. I'm keeping these things to remind me NOT TO EVER DO THIS AGAIN.

My DH and I (poor guy married me, the shopper, almost 3 years ago) are going to be debt free (except for mortgage) by this time next year. I do still sometimes get bored when my son is taking a nap but I do something different now. I have an excel spreadsheet that has all of our bills on it with our pay off plan. If I get bored, I look at the sheet and start another one to see if there's a better, faster, easier way to get this done. I can spend hours doing it. It's become sort of a game for me.

I know that this sounds weird, but whenever I think that I need a new (whatever), I just look at my spreadsheet and change my mind. We do still go on vacation (DVC members & almost paid off), but what was mainly affecting our savings was shopping and going out to eat. These are two things that we rarely do anymore. Whenever my DH, out of the blue, says that we should go out to eat tonight, then I mention a sale at Macy's I'd like to check out. We then have a laugh and just stay home.

I just want to feel how great it will be to be debt free. I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas to get here so that I can get my gifts from Santa. I know that the feeling, and the security, will be more than worth all the scrimping we have done to get there.

 

[dvcgirl]

I have several things I am working on right now. You wouldn't believe all the ways we have found to cut corners. My daughter is having surgery tomorrow to replace the tubes in her ears due to chronic ear infections. After we get home from the surgery I have a plan of action in place to get some other things taken care of. I will give a full update either Su. or Mon. But, just know that I have not spent 1 penny since last Sat. I know it's only been five days, but not one cent, not one! That has taken alot for me to do and I am so proud, I am going to see how long I can go. Of course I have to get gas tomorrow! But, no extra spending and I am soooo proud. (Don't burst my bubble by saying big deal. It has been a big deal for me. I probably would have dropped $30 by now if this was 3 weeks ago.)

Best of luck to your DD tomorrow....we'll all be sending postive thoughts!

And good for you for going 5 days without spending. That's the way to do it! Now you need to learn to keep it up. You'll be encouraged when you see your CC balances start to go down instead of staying the same, or even going up.

Now obviously, you're going to have to go to the store again. Guess which store you should be heading to...the grocery store. And that's pretty much it. Think necessities to sustain life. Food, water, shelter. There's so much temptation out there now because the holidays are getting closer. Re-use all of your Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations....you don't need anymore...those things add up...and quick! If your house doesn't feel festive, make some stuff with your kids, it will have more meaning.

Avoid the mall at all costs...way too many temptations there. As for holiday gifts, you and your DH should sit down and discuss a strategy, but you'll need to spend next to nothing this year. If your parents and siblings buy gifts for you and your DH, maybe you could ask them to use whatever they spend to buy your children a couple of small gifts. Remember, your kids will not remember what they were given for more than a week.

Make this the year you really change your financial future! You are still young enough to turn this thing around if you get started now! Good luck to you!

 

[deadhedjen]

Yeah, I agree the whole Christmas thing can be tricky. Dh and I tell folks this every year. Please just buy for the kids and not for us b/c there are just too many people to buy for and then it gets out of hand. Well every year its the same thing...nobody listens to us and goes out gets stuff for us and we feel bad. I actually dislike visiting on Christmas for this very reason.
Every year I have the kids do a project making Christmas gifts for everyone. They are usually some type of Christmas decoration made from scratch with the stuff bought at Michael's/AC Moore on sale.
I have the kids make one for every family, not every family member, just every family. Total cost for each gift $2-3. That's it. We've been doing this for about 5 years now. Oh, I have the kids make one for each of their teachers too. (maybe u can post on the crafters board for ideas to make really inexpensive gifts...I know I'd add to that post, lol)
The tricky part is at work....it seems everyone collects money for gifts for the bosses, the doctors (I'm a nurse), the department collectively adopts a child on the giving tree, and assorted other reasons "everyone" from the department "has" to chip in. WELL NOBODY CHIPS IN FOR ANYTHING FOR ME, LOL!!
OP, you work in the hospital (radiology, right?....I think u mentioned this in an earlier post) so you are going to need to come up with a plan for when you're faced with this. My plan whenever I'm asked for money is to say "Oh sorry, I'm broke." and if someone offers to lend me the money for the collection I tell them again, "No really, I'm broke. I can't afford it." End of discussion. They take up too many collections anyway. Its not part of my job to be giving people money.

Well anyway, you'd better start coming up with a plan for how you're gonna handle these issues this year. It'll be easier for you if you do. LOL, maybe the folks here can come up with some other ideas on how to approach it though.

BTW....I really admire your strength to go 5 days without spending and for keeping up with posts here. I give you a lot of credit for that. Stay strong and please know that myself as well as the folks here are really rooting for you. Hang in there.

Jennifer.

 

[crisi]

The tricky part is at work....it seems everyone collects money for gifts for the bosses, the doctors (I'm a nurse), the department collectively adopts a child on the giving tree, and assorted other reasons "everyone" from the department "has" to chip in. WELL NOBODY CHIPS IN FOR ANYTHING FOR ME, LOL!!
OP, you work in the hospital (radiology, right?....I think u mentioned this in an earlier post) so you are going to need to come up with a plan for when you're faced with this. My plan whenever I'm asked for money is to say "Oh sorry, I'm broke." and if someone offers to lend me the money for the collection I tell them again, "No really, I'm broke. I can't afford it." End of discussion. They take up too many collections anyway. Its not part of my job to be giving people money.

Mine is "oh, I don't believe in that stuff" Most people at work know I have a goofy religion (I'm Unitararian) and assume that they are stepping over the boundry into religion and drop it. It isn't Christmas or gifts I don't believe in, its giving gifts at work - my gift list is amazingly small - my kids, my immediate family (sisters and spouses, my parents, my one nephew) and my husbands immediate family. I don't buy for friends or co-workers.

For the most part I find gifts incredibly wasteful - I've gotten so much in life as gifts that I'd never have bought, never use - and I'm not the garage sale, return, eBay sort. I still have a box of frames in the basement not to my taste from my wedding ten years ago!

 

[disneysteve]

I still have a box of frames in the basement not to my taste from my wedding ten years ago!

About 3 years ago, we cleaned out our basement storage closets of all the engagement and wedding gifts we had received back in 1991 and 1992 that we had never used and sold them all at our yard sale. Some of them were very nice name-brand items (Mikasa, Lenox, etc.) and we did quite well with them, even at yard sale prices. It freed up a lot of space to store our newer junk that we actually like.

 

[MrsPete]

Now obviously, you're going to have to go to the store again. Guess which store you should be heading to...the grocery store . . .

Avoid the mall at all costs...way too many temptations there. As for holiday gifts, you and your DH should sit down and discuss a strategy, but you'll need to spend next to nothing this year.

Grocery store hint #1: Plan your meals and take a list -- buy just what's on the list. Most of the stufff we toss into the cart mindlessly is over-priced or unnecessary.

Grocery store hint #2: Watch your beverages. With the exception of milk, beverages add little nutrition to our diets, but they sure do add to the grocery bill! Seriously, 20-30% of the average person's grocery cart is beverages! Sodas are expensive, especially if they're in individual cans. Juice, again especially in the form of juice boxes, is expensive. Let's not even talk about alcohol or those little bottles of Starbuck's coffee/milk. If you have an old grocery receipt stuffed in your purse, check and see if you're typical in this regard. Instead, focus on upping your family's water intake -- it's much more healthy anyway.

As for the holidays, I'd suggest that you shop in the attic and closets. You probably have brand-new things sitting around that either you were given as a gift or that you bought and never used. Make it a challenge. See just how few gifts you can buy.

Kids are easy. Try a consignment store for some good-quality used toys -- you'll be amazed at what's out there. One Christmas we gave our daughters a like-new Barbie house that had been well over $100 when it was new; we paid less than $10. They had just as much enjoyment from it. Be sure to buy your kids some art supplies; they're used and enjoyed so much longer than toys.

When my kids were small, we were a member of a "toy library". We paid $10/year to join, and we could check out toys for two weeks. We dragged home science kits, dress-up kits, Little Tykes workshops, huge Lego tubs, doctor's tubs . . . I don't even remember what all. Everything was educational -- no dolls with batteries that require zero imagination, etc. At birthday time we'd check out the parachutes and outdoor games. By the end of the two weeks, my kids were always tired of the toys -- even the nicest toys -- anyway, and they never had a problem letting them go. We really used that place. Sometimes at Christmas I'd buy them toys that they'd already "borrowed", knowing for certain that they'd love that particular toy.

 

[DisFlan]

Christmas - oy! The holidays can really get out of hand if you have a fairly large family. Christmas is at our house this year, and I'm trying a new plan. We have two nieces, ages 2 and 5. I'm limiting ANY gifts for the grownups to under $5. Mostly just something little to wrap up and look nice under the tree or in a stocking. The kids are the ones who will get the real goodies.

We've all had some big expenses this year. My DSIS and DBIL paid a small fortune to adopt their 2 year old in China earlier this year, and then they had to evacuate Houston for several days in an overpriced hotel - so things are tight for them. My Mom is on a fixed income and my DS and daughter-in-law are still in school. (We're paying tuition for DS). This is NOT the year for expensive presents all around! But we still really want the girls to have a great time, so the emphasis will be on toys and "Princess" items. I'm searching Disney online for bargains. Not having to buy expensive gifts for the adults will really help lower the Christmas tab.

DisFlan

 

[disneysteve]

Try a consignment store for some good-quality used toys -- you'll be amazed at what's out there.

We used to have DD pick out a few toys she wasn't using anymore and take them to Goodwill. That helped teach her about helping others who are less fortunate. Then we would take her into the Goodwill store and let her pick out one "new" toy to take home. So it did a good deed, helped reduce clutter at home and saved money.

We also bought lots of toys, books, games, puzzles, etc. at yard sales. When she was done with them, we sold them at our own yard sale, usually for about the same amount that we had bought them for. New items lose value once they are used, but used items hold their value quite well if they are taken care of.