Help! I'm in a tizzy

[lagunaseca]

Hi, I normally am an organized WDW planner but that just went out the window. We had planned a trip for our family of 5 in 3 weeks and 2 days ago I was on the phone with my best friend and was telling her our trip plans and she called me this morning and they have booked at the same time at the same resort. God bless my dh because even though he's made some jokes like, "send me a postcard" ;-) he's taking it better than expected. He likes my friend and her dh and kids but he and her dh really have nothing in common. I have made some p.s. (a.r) but now there are 9 of us! I know at this point it will be hard to get seating for 9 even at seperate tables. We'll have to change our plans and do more c.s. than I planned. If we were to eat at off times is there somewhere you'd recommend will be fun for a party of our size with kids 9 - 17? I thought I had my ducks in a row but this throws everything off. I am very happy to go to WDW with my friend since I will be celebrating my 40th b-day but I'm a little apprehensive. I'm sorry if this part is OT but do you think it's rude if I talk to my friend before the trip and basically say, "I want you to know that if at any time you or anyone in your family wants to do something different than we are, say you are tired and really want to go back to swim, or want to do something different there will be no hard feelings." I say this because one time a group of 4 families went to the beach and we all are friends but tensions ran high since everyone's priorities were different. Some liked to stay at the beach, others preferred the pool, and 2 of our friends wanted us to shop nonstop. Some wanted a nice steak dinner, some wanted Burger King. I just want this vacation to be magical. Am I being paranoid?

 

[Luv2Roam]

Paranoid? Not at all.
I would make sure and have a chat with before you leave to avoid any hurt feelings later.
It will be a little harder at some restauranst with a larger group. It may not be an issue. But it may be too. And just let her know that up front.
Also let her know you may want some private family time. And if they want some too, your feelings will not be hurt if they want to separate for awhile.
The more people you get together, the harder it is to try to please everyone and stay on a schedule.
Take a deep breath, talk your friend, and relax.

 

[daisy112878]

You definitly need to talk to her before you go. Most important thing to remember is it is your family's vacation and yall should be happy no matter what. Tell her that sometimes yall might want family time and that there will be no hurt feelings if they want the same. We go with my family to WDW every other year. There's 8 of us. It's a great trip b/c we all know that we do somethings together and sometimes we don't. We don't get our feelings hurt b/c my dh and I want to go here and everyone else doesn't. We just part ways and then come back together later. Personally I wouldn't change all my PSs. I would try to add them to some but I would also keep some just my family.

Also your DH is a lot more understanding then mind would be. He would freak if I told him one of my friends was going to WDW pretty much with us.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

You're not being paranoid. We are going with friends during Christmas. I gave her a copy of our itinerary for which parks each day and made 1 PS for LTT and MVMCP. I told her if they wanted to get together for the biggies like the fireworks and illuminations that was fine but they are on there own after that. I did offer to watch the kids one night while they go out to eat and they will watch ours while we do xmas shopping.
Just be upfront about spending time with your family alone. If she is a good friend then she will understand. Maybe plan a big night for your birthday or on the flip side tell them that day is marked just for you and your family.
I agree with Daisy I wouldn't change all of your PS's.

Good luck!

 

[DiszyDean]

From the male perspective:

I was in a similar situation for our August trip...My daughter was talking to her best friend about the trip and while we know her mother through the daughter, I would not classify us as "friends"....Well, apparently my daughter's friend talked her mom into wanting to go at the same time we are going...Needless to say, I wasnt thrilled about this...#1..My daughter's friend is ok in short doses ( spending the night, ect. ) but I cannot imagine spending a week with her..might sound bad, but you would have to know this girl....#2...this was meant to be our last big family vacation before my son ( 15 ) gets too "cool" to want to go on family vacations...I really dont want to spend it with essentially strangers that we are somewhat obligated to tag along with...#3...They still have not made any reservations for anything and our plans are almost set in stone....resort reservations, PS's , ect....

I ran into her mom the other day and her mom was talking me up about the disney trip..at one point she interjected with the "hope we are not intruding" comment and I took the opportunity to explain the fact about it possibly being our last big family vacation all together...I think she got the point, but I think it also made her mad..which was not my intention....

Maybe its just a guy thing, but I know I would never impose on someone else's vacation without being invited first....

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

It's definitely not just a guy thing. I wouldn't want anyone intruding in on our family time, even if it was my best friend.
I hope you did get your point a cross however in your case I would keep you're plans a secret. At least Disney is a big enough place that you most likely won't bump into them. If you do my favorite advice is from Delswife, take 3 steps to the left when you're in a crowd.

 

[dreamalittledream]

Paranoid? Not at all.
I would make sure and have a chat with before you leave to avoid any hurt feelings later.

Take a deep breath, talk your friend, and relax.

I TA with this advice. We did the big trip that included basically 5 families. We all came up with our "must do" list and I worked out the schedule and PS for all. Then we sat down and went thru it so we all could see when we would be together and when we would have alone time or smaller group times. We talked it out before we went so we would avoid the hurt feelings or not enough time together. It all worked well and fairly so we all knew what to expect, it also took the anxiety out of the trip. It also avoided the "what do you want to do? I don't care, what do YOU want to do? It doesn't matter." timewaster of decision making in a group.
Get a plan together and then relax! Have a great time. and who knows maybe DH and FDH will bond over beers at ESPN or Mickey Bars in Tomorowland!

 

[lagunaseca]

Thank you all for your comments and advice and keep it coming. This is why I love DIS so much, you are very kind and understanding people. I was feeling guilty about having these thoughts. I just got overwhelmed with what I felt as responsibility for our friends to have fun and love WDW like we do. It may happen and may not but I realize now that if I do my best and give them the option to do their own thing then I shouldn't feel responsible for every decision. My brother was very recently diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and that is one reason we want to just get away and try to take our minds off things for a few days. Other than offer support there is not much I can do for him right now. I think maybe that is one reason my friend wants to do this trip with us - we are realizing life can be short. And our daughters who are 9 months apart don't go to the same school but are best friends like their moms so they are going to make lots of wonderful memories while we're at WDW. Thanks again for making me stress less.

 

[Leota]

Lagunesca - I'm sorry about your brother's battle.... Also, I do want to echo the need for private time in a large group trip. We have gone to WDW with the full extended family & also several times with my parents. What has worked for us was spending time as individual families & having a few big group get-togethers.
I'm sure if you broach the subject ahead of time, your friend will not be offended at all & will probably really appreciate it.
Have a Magical Birthday trip!

 

[daisy112878]

lagunaseca - I'm sorry to hear about your brother. We were suppose to go to WDW in July. But in Nov we found my sister's cancer had come back for the 3rd time. She had to have a bone marrow transplant the first of this year. It's been rough for all of us. We had to move our trip to dec so my sister would feel up to going and also to celebrate her almost 1 year from the BMT. Your family is in my prayers. And I hope you and your family have a great time in WDW. It will help to give yall a break and relax.

 

[Aimee K]

My brother was very recently diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and that is one reason we want to just get away and try to take our minds off things for a few days. Other than offer support there is not much I can do for him right now.

Health and healing to your brother

I agree with the communication theme going through this thread! Let her know which PS you have made, and invite HER to try for the same times as you if they wish. I HIGHLY caution you not to plan their vacation. We helped someone plan extensively once, and it broke our hearts that they didn't end up as enamored with WDW as we are. Relax and enjoy, it's going to be a great trip!