Help... I have a situation....

[Ceila]

In this situation, I would leave my child home, and meet with them. Due to the ages of the kids involved, I would consider this more of a harassment issue, and kids being unsupervised, and not a sex crime. In my mind, this would be equal to my child being pushed, and the kids not being disciplined, and kids not being watched enough.

The bathroom thing wouldn't bother me as much - kids in school go to the bathroom without an adult.

I agree with the first paragraph. This absolutely needs to be dealt with, but if the boys are about the same age, it is not sexual harassment or abuse.

I do disagree with the bathroom thing not being an issue. First of all, they were at a public pool, not school. Second, and more importantly, the fact that the camp's leaders ignored their own rule (children must be accompanied) was broken sends up more red flags. Correct procedures are not being followed, which tells me that the leaders are either under-trained or incompetent.

I would NOT be sending my child back to that camp.

 

[Ginny Favers]

Just got back from my meeting with her.

While I was there, she called a meeting with ALL counselors (not just DD's) to reaffirm the procedures and that they immediately needed to go over with the children the talk about respecting personal space. She also called the parents of the boys and made them aware. She spoke with DD's counselors and none was aware of the situation she was describing, but she reiterated that they needed to be supervised more closely. In addition they will no longer be going to the park they'd gone to (it's a very large wooden structure and sometimes difficult to see everyone).

As for the bathroom issue, DD had a bloody nose and told a counselor she wanted to throw away a tissue. When she was told she could, she ran to the restroom to throw it away instead of the nearest trashcan. This is in line with what DD told me (she told me she didn't actually USE the rest room, that she just went in to throw away a tissue).

I do think they will be on their toes, now....

 

[mjkacmom]

I do disagree with the bathroom thing not being an issue. First of all, they were at a public pool, not school. Second, and more importantly, the fact that the camp's leaders ignored their own rule (children must be accompanied) was broken sends up more red flags. Correct procedures are not being followed, which tells me that the leaders are either under-trained or incompetent.
.

Oops, I missed the part about being at a public pool - I thought it was at the actual camp.

 

[clm10308]

It sounds like the director is going to make sure that the kids are monitored much better now. I think I would probably send my lid back to the camp but that could be a tough decision.

With the age of the boys, I don't think there is any reason to contact the police. Each state is different, but there usually a cut off age at which young children can not be held criminally responsible for their behavior.

If you continue to have concerns about how the camp is supervising the children, you could call the agency that oversees/ licenses the camp. This sounds more like a day care camp so it is probably regulated by the agency that regulates day cares.

 

[Ginny Favers]

It sounds like the director is going to make sure that the kids are monitored much better now. I think I would probably send my lid back to the camp but that could be a tough decision.

With the age of the boys, I don't think there is any reason to contact the police. Each state is different, but there usually a cut off age at which young children can not be held criminally responsible for their behavior.

If you continue to have concerns about how the camp is supervising the children, you could call the agency that oversees/ licenses the camp. This sounds more like a day care camp so it is probably regulated by the agency that regulates day cares.

I'm going to talk to my husband more tonight about what we should do.

I don't think I'll be calling the police.

I know that she loves it there, has many friends, and that they have been very good about informing us when there have been situations (my daughter gets bloody noses all the time, and every time, I get a call about it). Many of the conselors are older (they do not employ teens), and several I have known for quite awhle, since the camp is run by the daycare my children have gone to for some time (one counselor is her kindergarten teacher from last year, whom she adores). When selecting this daycare, I went through a very long vetting process, and I've had nothing but good things to say about them for the past year.

But obviously, most important is that my daughter is safe.

Still, if I sent her to another place, there's no telling incidents like this wouldn't happen there, too. And she would miss her friends and teachers terribly.

So am I crazy for wondering if I should give them another chance to see if they've improved? Because at least now, they'll be more vigilant.

 

[torinsmom]

I'm going to talk to my husband more tonight about what we should do.

I don't think I'll be calling the police.

I know that she loves it there, has many friends, and that they have been very good about informing us when there have been situations (my daughter gets bloody noses all the time, and every time, I get a call about it). Many of the conselors are older (they do not employ teens), and several I have known for quite awhle, since the camp is run by the daycare my children have gone to for some time (one counselor is her kindergarten teacher from last year, whom she adores). When selecting this daycare, I went through a very long vetting process, and I've had nothing but good things to say about them for the past year.

But obviously, most important is that my daughter is safe.

Still, if I sent her to another place, there's no telling incidents like this wouldn't happen there, too. And she would miss her friends and teachers terribly.

So am I crazy for wondering if I should give them another chance to see if they've improved? Because at least now, they'll be more vigilant.

I think with your daughter supporting the story that she chose to go to the bathroom to throw the tissue away, instead of a closer trash can, I would be satisfied with the counselors being cautioned to be more observant. As far as what happened with the boys, things like that can and do happen all the time with that age child. If there was a pattern of that behavior, I would think about it differently. I don't think you're crazy for giving them another chance. Make sure your daughter knows that she shouldn't go away from the group alone, and make sure she knows to tell you if there is any more inappropriate touching.

 

[sbell111]

It seems that the camp director handled the issues aggressively and appropriately. I don't think that I would have any significant issues sending my daughter back.

 

[ols386]

It seems that the camp director handled the issues aggressively and appropriately. I don't think that I would have any significant issues sending my daughter back.

I would agree.

 

[dimimi]

It seems that the camp director handled the issues aggressively and appropriately. I don't think that I would have any significant issues sending my daughter back.

I agree with this statement. Also, you should be proud your daughter told you ! Keep encouraging her to do that....forever! Obviously you taught her to do the right thing!

 

[TDC Nala]

Take her out and complain to whoever the manager is that they're not watching the kids properly. It sounds like the bit with the tissue was just a misunderstanding about 5 year old thinking - they thought she would go to the closest trash can.

The boys were her age? would the police actually investigate 5 year old boys for this stuff? I think they're too young to be charged with anything.

 

[Ginny Favers]

Thanks for your feedback, everyone.

 

[Talking Hands]

I would keep my child home until I have spoken with the director. Depending on the results of the meeting, I would take whatever action needed.
I am more concerned about the counselors attitudes than the fact she was touched by 5 and6 yo boys. All need to be reminded about proper touching. The reason I say proper touching is that in some families touching is a way to get a person's attention and it may be that is true in the boys' families. Since we don't know the family situation it is hard to say we don't touch other people.

 

[cornflake]

My first question was how old the boys were. Given their ages and that it does seem more annoying her while she was climbing than anything abusive or sexual - and that the director responded promptly and appropriately, I'd be fine with that.

The bathroom thing as well sounds like nothing - there's a difference between using the bathroom and being told to just run in to throw something in the trash and I wouldn't have a problem, personally, with someone saying that was ok. Like I don't perceive that as violating the not using the bathroom unattended rule.

I'd also make sure you don't make this a bigger thing than it is to your daughter. As it does seem to have been just little kids being little kids (I am NOT saying it's ok for the boys to have touched her, it's not and they should have been spotted and told to knock it off immediately - I just mean it's not molestation or anything of the sort), I'd drop it and if she brings it up, clarify that we don't put our hands on other people or poke at them, especially if they're climbing. Like I wouldn't focus on where they touched her, lest she then focus on it.

 

[esk]

I'd send her back. Sounds like the director handled it appropriately.

5 year old kids are curious and as long as the staff knows these 2 boys are curious, they will be on the lookout. The bathroom thing, that sounds like nothing, I wouldn't even think about that one again (and my DD gets crazy gusher bloody noses too! )

I would be concerned if the director did nothing...I mean, if she said "oh, kids exaggerate" or "are you SURE that happened" or "thanks, I'll talk to the staff"....but the director had a meeting to discuss it with the staff, THEN came and told you about it afterward, so she followed through. I'd move on.

Similar thing happened to DD when she was 7. New after school program, there was a special needs boy and she said he touched her privates. I talked to the director, who sort of rolled her eyes and said "really? are you SURE? I'll look into it" After I talked DH off the ledge, DS10 chimed in that they were playing tag and yes, the boy touched her there, but it was really as she ran by and it was like he was tagging her. Oh, OK, we thought, and moved on. Except the director never got back to me. So about 3 days later, DD tells me (and DS corroborates) that the boy has been LICKING her, on her face. Apparently, he mouths and licks things and the staff knows about it (yep, they just put the toys in the bins each night, don't bleach them...so nasty). This boy is physically 10 or 11. I go right to the director and tell her that is unacceptable, that the staff needs to make sure it doesn't happen again. She says "well, DD should stay away from him". I flip out, and say "that's the plan? SHE should stay away from HIM? He follows her around! Where is the staff" and the director says "well, they are watching the other children. We have to treat this boy the same as all the other children. He deserves the same care as your DD and we can't tell him he can't play with certain children".

We pulled our kids out that very day. Because the staff and director were completely unconcerned with the sanitation, the fact that licking could escalate, that is was GROSS, and that this boy, with very many special needs, did not need any extra supervision or accommodation. Or that is was somehow my DD7's responsibility to make sure she didn't get licked by a larger boy.

Go with your gut. If you feel the director handled it, then put it out of your mind. If you feel like you got blown off, then pull her out.

 

[AntePrincess]

I agree that the situation seems fine, that the touching seems innocent and the director's approach was appropriate, I just wanted to put a word in to keep an eye on your DD. Over the years I've known a few girls and women who had what appears to be a similar experience, but they still dwell on it even as adults. One woman I know said that her parents acted like nothing had happened and that bothered her for a long time.

You know your DD's temperament best and it sounds like you've talked it all out with her, so I really doubt anything negative will come of this, but it's something to keep in the back of your mind.

 

[Nancy for Disney]

You should call you states child abuse hotline to see how they handle it. It is probably curiousity and not sexual. I would be concerned that your child went into the bathroom without staff's knowledge. When I was in daycare we were constantly head counting. As a matter of fact, our daycare wasn't allowed in public pools.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

It seems that the camp director handled the issues aggressively and appropriately. I don't think that I would have any significant issues sending my daughter back.

I agree. OP, I think you did the right thing here and I would be happy that your DD came to you and told you about this. You have taught her right.