Help: How do i not offend guests?

[Rebclay]

OK, I have a question... The venue that i have my heart set on only holds 50 people. That means that I am really cutting down on my guest list. I want to hold an at home reception after everything in Disney but I don't want anyone to feel like i'm just inviting them for the presents. I want to be able to celebrate with everyone and narrowing down who i'm inviting to disney is becoming one of the worst parts of planning for me.

OK... now for my question: How have you guys having at home receptions after their disney wedding invited people that weren't invited to the wedding without hurting people's feelings?

Thanks for any help.

 

[lurkyloo]

Yes. I mean, as far as we knew we didn't hurt anyone's feelings. DH has a HUGE family. We were the first couple in it to only invite some of his 9 aunts and uncles to a family wedding, but I'm pretty sure the rest of them weren't itching to travel all the way across the country for our wedding!

We had 34 guests at WDW who were close/immediate family and friends. Then we invited about 120 people (almost all DH's friends and family) to an at-home reception. Again, since most of them live in California, I think they were relieved not to have to travel across the country for our wedding and were much happier to drive a couple miles to the at-home reception.

If you're really worried that you'll appear to be angling for gifts, put a note on the reception invite that says "no gifts, please"...

 

[SailorsPrincess]

Carrie has given you great advice, but I wanted to add that I once received a wedding invitation that stated "your presence is your present!"

HTH!

 

[figmentfan814]

To be honest we were in a similar situation. Although, DH and I wanted to have a more intimate wedding so we chose to only invite our closest family and friends to our DFTW. We were also honest about our restrictions for guest count too.

We had a reception at home 3 months later and "premiered" our wedding video during the dinner which we had playing on two large screens. We did a fun theme to make the night a little more memorable for our guests. This was a great way to make our guests who didn't travel to the wedding feel like a part of our big day. I was surprised that people actually watched our video too At the request of some of my cousins I even wore my wedding dress again and we repeated things like the father/daughter dance, first dance, and cake cutting.

Try doing something creative and out of the box that way your guests at your at-home reception will still feel like a special part of your wedding. Sorry to hijack, but here are some shots from our reception. We did a red carpet theme since we were doing the movie on big projectors, we even made movie posters with shots from the wedding and used them as table names. It was complete with a red carpet entrance where we had a photographer posed to take shots of everyone as they entered. By doing something different we still treated our guests to a special night. Plus, most people enjoy a reception more than the actual wedding ceremony anyway

We had several tables set up with memorabilia from our wedding and I worked on several scrapbooks which were on display along with our wedding album from our photographer.

Here is the wording on our invitations:

The front of the invite:

The funny part was that we were the first in our family to do anything like this before. A few months later, one of my younger cousins was married in a small ceremony and then was thrown a reception a month later shortly after that another cousin eloped and had a reception two months later. Apparently, DH and I started a trend in our family now.

Sorry to hijack with all the photos, I just thought it might help to see that I know since we were able to do it without any hurt feelings, I'm sure you can too This was something I was so nervous about, but in the end things turned out fine.

 

[adisneygal]

Vanessa, very cute idea for your at home reception!

We were gonna have ours about a month after our DFTW but I think now we are gonna postpone it until after summer. We are having it outdoors and I don't want to sweat through the whole thing.

We are only having about 30-40ish at the DFTW and inviting 120 plus to our at home.

 

[figmentfan814]

Vanessa, very cute idea for your at home reception!

We were gonna have ours about a month after our DFTW but I think now we are gonna postpone it until after summer. We are having it outdoors and I don't want to sweat through the whole thing.

We are only having about 30-40ish at the DFTW and inviting 120 plus to our at home.

I defnitely don't blame you on waiting; especially because of the weather. Plus, you'll have plenty of time to regroup after your wedding. We had a 3 month gap and I'm so grateful for that because we needed some down time before we really jumped into plans for the reception.

Your count is similar to ours- we had 50 at our DFTW and around 150 for our reception. Good luck with all of your plans! Another note, I had STDs for our reception that were sent out around the same time as our shower, so well before our DFTW. That way people knew that a reception was going to happen.

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

I had about 34 people at my Disney wedding. Just close family and friends and on March 28th we are having an at home reception with 160 people. We are ONLY inviting those that didn't come to the Disney (with the exception of bridal party and parents). My Godmother is already complaining but I told her you got to go to the real wedding in Disney so sorry but only those that didn't get the chance to go to Florida can come to the reception. Everyone else doesn't care since they already were a part of the wedding in Disney.

 

[Rebclay]

Wow, thanks for all the advice. That really helps me feel more comfortable with my decision to keep the wedding small at disney.

When did you guys send out invites for the at home reception, at the same time as the wedding invites?

Thanks,
-Rebecca-

 

[beatlesblonde]

Our Disney wedding is this December and we've already started sending out invites for the wedding itself. Since our wedding is an Escape we're limited to only 18 guests, so we're doing immediate family and a few very close friends. Even though we're handing out formal invites, a lot of the info is also being passed around by word-of-mouth. We've had a few family members try and guilt us into inviting them, but almost everyone has been great in understanding the situation.

Our at-home reception won't be till next June, so 6 months after the wedding. That's due to a combination of weather (we cna almost guarantee no snow in June, although this is Indiana so it can never be certain ) plus quite a few of our family and friends are in school or are teachers so we needed to make sure they'd be able to come to the reception. We'll probably send out save-the-dates after the wedding, since I want to use wedding pictures in the STD/invite somehow.

 

[lurkyloo]

We sent out combination wedding announcement/invites the day after our wedding, but that's cuz I was paranoid and kinda keeping the wedding on the downlow so people wouldn't wonder why they weren't invited to it (the theory being that they wouldn't even know about it until after it had happened! ).

 

[tommymomo]

I think eveyone goes through this as they put there guest list together. No matter what you do here you may hurt some peole. The best advice I can give is the advice I took. Just make you and your future wife happy . You can't make everyone happy, so don't try to do it.
Be honest with your guests(or non guests) and everything should fall into place.

 

[quentina]

We sent out combination wedding announcement/invites the day after our wedding, but that's cuz I was paranoid and kinda keeping the wedding on the downlow so people wouldn't wonder why they weren't invited to it (the theory being that they wouldn't even know about it until after it had happened! ).

Hey...I met you guys last month in the BC elevator!!

Happy Late Anniversary!

Kim

 

[Bride-to-be]

Rebclay, by chance are you doing the beauty and the beast venue at the studios?

 

[Rebclay]

:

 

[Rebclay]

Rebclay, by chance are you doing the beauty and the beast venue at the studios?

If everything goes according to plan... Yes!! I really hope everything works out because this is pretty much my dream location.

Thank you everyone for your help and advice. I really do appreciate it.

 

[Bride-to-be]

I am SSOOOOO JEALOUS. Thats what I wanted to do. As soon as Bill emailed me the pics I was completely sold. Then I had trouble shrinking the guest list and asked if kids and infants were counted in the total count - and they wrote back and said it wasn't recommended for kids. For some reason they apparently think kids will wander off the stage and fall.

I have so many questions for you! What are you doing about staring out on the empty bleachers? - that was something I could never figure out. Do you have your dress yet? Are you going to wear a white dress or a yellow/gold Belle dress?

Now I really really want to do it!!!! I kept thinking I wanted to switch the linens away from the black ones but I never really figured out what I really wanted. I was looking at the disney florist website the other day and they have the most amazing red rose under the glass bell dome. Its soooo perfect. Please share all of your details!!!!!!

P.S. if you schedule your wedding during the week you will probably loose a bit of your guest list. But who really cares for that venue just explain to everyone that there is a small strict limit on numbers and that you are sorry but you have to make it an intimate occasion.

 

[Rebclay]

I am SSOOOOO JEALOUS. Thats what I wanted to do. As soon as Bill emailed me the pics I was completely sold. Then I had trouble shrinking the guest list and asked if kids and infants were counted in the total count - and they wrote back and said it wasn't recommended for kids. For some reason they apparently think kids will wander off the stage and fall.

I have so many questions for you! What are you doing about staring out on the empty bleachers? - that was something I could never figure out. Do you have your dress yet? Are you going to wear a white dress or a yellow/gold Belle dress?

Now I really really want to do it!!!! I kept thinking I wanted to switch the linens away from the black ones but I never really figured out what I really wanted. I was looking at the disney florist website the other day and they have the most amazing red rose under the glass bell dome. Its soooo perfect. Please share all of your details!!!!!!

P.S. if you schedule your wedding during the week you will probably loose a bit of your guest list. But who really cares for that venue just explain to everyone that there is a small strict limit on numbers and that you are sorry but you have to make it an intimate occasion.

I haven't gotten my dress yet, i am still quite a ways out. My dbf and i have decided that if he wears a blue jacket like the movie, i will wear a gold gown but if he goes with a black tux, i'm going to wear white. He said he would absolutely wear the blue for me but i can't seem to find anywhere that has it for rent. I would love it if he wore something like what patrick dempsey wears to the ball in enchanted (it's based off of the beast's outfit).

The whole looking into the bleachers thing, the reception plan that they have is relatively short and i'm hoping that the guest won't really notice because we are at the happiest place on earth with an absolutely beautiful location that is really unique.

I really like the black linens under the gold overlay. And i definitely plan on using the bell dome roses for my centerpieces.

And the only reason i am truely concerned about the guest count is because me and my dbf both have very large families. He is pretty certain most of his won't attend but my family is very tight knit and will really want to be there because i will be the second grandchild to get married in my family. lol, here's an example of how interested my family will be. When we went home during the holidays, my cousin cornered us, asked my dbf when he was going to propose, and recommended he do it that night in front of the family. I have a feeling the wedding will be something similar.

Our wedding will hopefully be on Monday September 6, 2010. I am kinda hoping it being on a monday will deter some people from coming. At this point, it will only be 4 of my friends and 4 of DBF's friends coming... the rest is family and us.

I plan on starting a pj with all my details but i don't really want to start it until i have more concrete details and right now i feel like nothing is happening so it's a little frustrating. As you can see from reading this, i'm not engaged quite yet. My dbf and i picked out where and when we wanted our wedding but he was jobless from november till last week so a ring was out of the question for the time being. He has found a really good job that he is happy with and as soon as he can he will buy the ring and we can get the ball rolling. My mom and i agree that we need to wait to drop the wedding bomb on everybody till after we're engaged so i really have no clue as to who is interested in making the trip or not and it's causing unneccessary stress. I should be more worried about my graduation in May. Everytime i talk to my mom, she thinks i am talking about graduation (announcements, who to invite, where we want to celebrate, etc) but i'm hooked on the fact that i will be getting married in a year and a half and am talking about the wedding.

If you have anymore questions, i have more details just can't make them official with disney or my family yet, feel free to pm me.

 

[marielynn724]

similar situation, not disney, but a destination wedding: my brother and sister in law got married up in vermont (where they met and went to school). they only invited their parents and siblings (i wasnt even invited as the best man's date!). many close family members were extremely put off by not being included. my mother in law pretty much made them have an at-home reception afterwards (they didnt want one at all). it was very awkward - the general vibe was that people were upset and didn't really want to be there, at least that was my observation.

personally i really truly believe that you should do what YOU want for your own wedding, even if that means a destination wedding with 10 or 20 guests. that said, i do not believe in having 2 weddings or 2 wedding receptions. you get one chance to do what you want - having a second reception is like telling people they didn't make the cut to be there when you really got married, but you still want a wedding gift anyway. i think the only exception to this is when one family lives in another country or something like that, and you have to have 2 weddings so both families can be there (say 1 in india and 1 in usa or whatever).

 

[figmentfan814]

that said, i do not believe in having 2 weddings or 2 wedding receptions. you get one chance to do what you want - having a second reception is like telling people they didn't make the cut to be there when you really got married, but you still want a wedding gift anyway. i think the only exception to this is when one family lives in another country or something like that, and you have to have 2 weddings so both families can be there (say 1 in india and 1 in usa or whatever).

One important thing to remember is that sometimes you might want family and friends there for your big day, but its not always a financial possiblity for people to make the trip. Having an at-home reception often is the best solution so that these guests that might not be able to afford the trip are still able to be included in your big day

 

[lurkyloo]

Hey...I met you guys last month in the BC elevator!!

Happy Late Anniversary!

Kim

Thanks! Great to "see" you again!


Sorry to go OT there, everyone...