Help!! FMIL is not happy with our date! Long, sorry.

[AnimalPrincess]

So here is the deal....My Fiance and I decided that we wanted to get married at the end of April '07. The reason for this date was that its not the summer, so it wont be too hot, but it will be nice enough, and it is far enough away from spring break so it won't be peak season anymore (high costs and crowded parks). Well my FMIL is not happy with that. She is a school teacher which means that she doesn't get paid time off, so she wants us to have it during her regular breaks: Christmas, Summer or Spring break. Well summer is out, because of weather, I dont want to be a sweaty mess in my dress, and I am just not into the Christams thing, so that leaves Spring Break. Well her break is going to be right around Easter, which means the parks are going to be crazy busy, and hotels etc will cost more. I don't want my other guests to have to pay more for a hotel, when I am already asking that they stay at disney (a lot of my friends are just out of college so = poor) My FMIL is just not really wavering on this, she is telling my fiance to examine his priorities, and is making him think that she won't come if we make her take two days off of work. My biggest complaint is that she isn't paying for it, so she should just go with what we want. We have considered her times, but they just arent the best for EVERYONE. Are we being unresonable??

Thanks!

Sorry its so long....

 

[evedein]

Why not offer to pay her 2 days lost salary. It would probably be cheaper than the increased cost of going during the high season. She would probably still complain, but you would have made an honest effort to accomadate her. The ball would then be in her court to compromise.

 

[JandJ]

Sorry that it's already starting on a bad foot with your FMIL. I think there's a thread on here about "bad" MIL and FMIL. I'm lucky to have one that only bugs me constantly about giving her grandchildren but is generally very nice.

My MIL is a teacher too but she took 3 days off to see her son get married so I don't understand why his mom is putting up such a fuss? It's her son for goodness sake, it's not like she's being asked to take unpaid time off to go to a friend's wedding or something. I don't know, I guess it depends on how much you want to keep the peace, keeping in mind that you may never make her happy, you might want to consider summer. How early or late does she end and start school? Here they end in May but go back the beginning of August. May would not be bad at all, but August is too hot.

What is your DF's opinion on this? It's almost like she's trying to make him choose which is more important to him, his mom or his fiancee and that's just mean on her part

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[sarah_n_brian2006]

My best advice for you, if you choose to accomodate her, is to chose a 3-day holiday. Like Presidents day. Im in Palm Beach County, I know our kids get off that Monday, February here is probably the prettiest month. It is Florida's driest month. Go with a 3-day weekend. One more point 3-day weekend might seem busy, as long as they are not Memorial and Labor Day, but usually, the highest percentage of Disney guests are Floridians, which make for less madness, since most go often. April's beautiful, don't let her ruin it for you!

 

[sarah_n_brian2006]

One more thing, stay away from May to Novemeber. I don't believe I need to say more than the 20 year Hurricane promise weather people promise us!

 

[allisonswonderland]

My mom is a teacher and I chose Veterans Day week, She will probably take an extra day that she will not be paid for. It is her sons wedding...ugh! I have a bossy FMIL who did not like the disney wedding idea period, so ... it stinks! Pm me- I would maybe at least try to come up with a compromise, kind of, like the 3 day..

 

[groomtb]

what about her priority of attending OWN SON's wedding?!
if she's not going to lose her job or thousands in pay....wth???

sorry i'm just extremly fustrated with this kind of parent.....because that sounded exactly like my FMIL lol. we literally had to force her to come out here by paying ALL of her expenses...even with that she still complains

stick to your date! still a year away so anything might change her thinkings...*cross finger*

 

[JessHooper]

I think my idea differs from everyone else on here...I am blessed to have a great FMIL, but there is no way on earth that my fiance would ever change something as important as our wedding date to accomodate her, especially if she's not paying for it. Good luck trying to explain it to her. Maybe you and your DF should sit down together before you BOTH talk to her.

 

[Honeibee]

Well, my two cents on this would be - STICK TO YOUR GUNS! I agree with groomtb. SHE should get HER priorities straight! And if you don't start off on the right foot with this one, I'm afraid she's going to be trying to run your life for a long long time. She sounds like the type.

Can I just say, THIS kind of stuff is EXCATLY why DH and I got married at WDW, without anyone else.

 

[princessblueeyzes]

My best advice for you is that it is YOUR WEDDING! DO WHAT YOU AND YOUR DF want to do and choose a date that is best for the both of you. I understand about your FMIL because I have the same problem except I also have my DF's step mom too- they all think that just because it's his wedding that I have to follow what they want and I have already heard it from all ends of the spectrum by not having it where I live. Even though they will and are not going to pay for ANYTHING for the wedding EXCEPT their way to get to WDW and their lodging and food expenses, I kindly let them know that I have things under control and that if I need any of their advise I will ask them. I also politely let them know that it's my DF's and my wedding and we will plan things the way we want them.

Also talk to your DF and see what he thinks. You're only supposed to get married once in your life so you might as well do it the way you want things to be. Don't settle for anything that would or might make you upset. If it's important enough to her-she'll show up, even if there is grouching and complaining. I'm sure she'll show up as it is her son's wedding.

PM me if you need to talk, and need some more advice- it's hard having a destination wedding when no one is happy about having to travel.

 

[twojo21]

are you custom or intimate?

be careful with holidays as some have increased minimums for custom weddings. my advise would be to first get on the same page with your fiance. you are not being unreasonable, this is your wedding day & your fmil is being selfish. if you can arrange the date to be on a weekend so she can come down friday night & leave sunday night great if not talk to her & ask she make a sacrifice or do like evedein & offer her the 2 days pay. were getting married march 21st which is the beginning of spring break season this year (easter is the end of april). do whats best for you two & best of luck with fmil. im lucky with mine.

18 days until were married at wdw!

 

[budbeerlady]

Get married when you want. IF you start to work around her demands she will weight in on all aspects of your married life. It is her son's wedding, they have substitute teachers and no one is going to care besides her. Its your day and she needs to realize that and get over it! Other people I assume are taking off work to attend your wedding? Some people just dont get that the world doesnt revolve around them! If she choses not to come:
1) That is her choice
2) She is going to look pretty bad to co-workers/ friends when she explains why

Realistically, she will be there, she might be pouting but she will be there.

 

[allisonswonderland]

I agree with twojo.....it is your wedding. I just went with the 3 day because I thought it would help with our guests being off work around that time. Honestly I would not compromise either- Ijust thougth I would try to be nice, you and fiance decide and that is when your weddig should be.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Stick with the day you want. If you give her an inch, she will take a mile! If she knows that you are going to accommodate her on this, what else is she going to demand? How many children you have, what their names are, where you live? My experience is that if your FMIL is like this now, then she wants all aspects of your lives to be exactly the way she thinks they should be.

Remind her that this is her son's wedding and he will only get married once. If she threatens not to go, this may be one last attempt to make you change your mind. Try sticking to your guns. If she finally realizes that you are not going to change your minds, she may end up giving up and coming anyways. If not, do you really want someone with that negative of a mood at your wedding anyways? <---- Sort of a difficult question seeing as she is your DH2B's mom!

 

[groomtb]

oh yeh, substitute teacher day can be a blessing for the kids

and if you guys can't get along with FMIL...best to live far (far) away
plan it and book your wedding asap, then let everything ELSE work around YOU.

 

[DisneyDiva74]

I totally sympathize with your problem, as we had the same one! My DFH's mom is also a teacher and wanted us to have the wedding in the summer to accomodate her. I love her and I'm sure she wasn't thinking about what she was asking, but..um..Florida in the summer? No way!
We finally compromised on the weekend of Martin Luther King day in January '07 so she'll at least get Monday off, but it was not without a lot of stress and some major freaking out on my part (wait a minute, I've only been engaged a month...isn't it a little early to have to be bridezilla???).
Good luck with it all and I agree...consider a three day weekend if possible and if not, do what YOU and DFH want!!!

 

[LUV2DZNEE]

Good Grief, your wedding is over a year away and she can't save a few extra pennies between now and then to be able to afford to take a day or two off for her son's wedding. Maybe she could pick up a couple of tutoring gigs over the Summer to cover her wedding fund. Stick to your guns and be ready for a bumpy ride with this MIL. If you and FDH don't cut the apron strings now, she'll be running your marriage in no time.

Chris

 

[OceanAnnie]

So here is the deal....My Fiance and I decided that we wanted to get married at the end of April '07. The reason for this date was that its not the summer, so it wont be too hot, but it will be nice enough, and it is far enough away from spring break so it won't be peak season anymore (high costs and crowded parks). Well my FMIL is not happy with that. She is a school teacher which means that she doesn't get paid time off, so she wants us to have it during her regular breaks: Christmas, Summer or Spring break. Well summer is out, because of weather, I dont want to be a sweaty mess in my dress, and I am just not into the Christams thing, so that leaves Spring Break. Well her break is going to be right around Easter, which means the parks are going to be crazy busy, and hotels etc will cost more. I don't want my other guests to have to pay more for a hotel, when I am already asking that they stay at disney (a lot of my friends are just out of college so = poor) My FMIL is just not really wavering on this, she is telling my fiance to examine his priorities, and is making him think that she won't come if we make her take two days off of work. My biggest complaint is that she isn't paying for it, so she should just go with what we want. We have considered her times, but they just arent the best for EVERYONE. Are we being unresonable??

Thanks!

Sorry its so long....

1.) You are definitely not being unreasonable!
2.) Stick to your guns and have your wedding as you like. Tell her you'll miss her if she can't make it. This may very well set a precedent for the future with his mom wanting & getting to call all the shots. This one is not her's to make!! You'll have to train her about "boundaries".
3.) Hold on your in for a bumpy ride!!!
4.) Good luck and enjoy your wedding day no matter what!! She should honor this as a once in a lifetime event!

It's beyond crass for her to try to insert her wishes.

ETA- Ask her who got to set her wedding date! LOL.

 

[J and R's mom]

I was an April bride for the same reasons that you've listed. I couldn't have asked for nicer weather! And the crowds were VERY small.

My MOTHER was a high school math and science teacher when we were married and she took the WHOLE week off to be at our wedding (we were married on a Monday). I was her priority and she wanted us to have a nice wedding at a nice time of year with low crowds. SHE WANTED WHAT WAS IN OUR BEST INTEREST as ANY parent should! That's what your FMIL needs to hear from your FDH! My mom had tons of accumulated sick days and worked it out with the principal at the beginning of the school year (7 months BEFORE our wedding) that she would be out sick that week. He had no problems with that. I know each state handles teachers' sick-days differently, but it all worked out for my mom. I imagine that your FMIL could also work it out with her school as well.

Please stick to your plans. April is a WONDERFUL month to have a wedding at WDW.

 

[FayeW]

I don't want my other guests to have to pay more for a hotel, when I am already asking that they stay at disney (a lot of my friends are just out of college so = poor) QUOTE]

I have a bigger problem with this part of your post than the original topic. Frankly, I think it is pretty nervy of you to ask that your guests stay onsite when you acknowledge that many of them don't have a lot of cash... unless, of course, you are paying for it!

Sure it is "your special day", but people are spending alot of money to help you celebrate. Graciousness is very becoming on a bride.