Help feed my picky child...

[mjkacmom]

I'm sorry, but I think making them starve because they don't like how something tastes is just awful - I've seen it first hand. I'm by no means trying to judge, but I'm just saying what my experience has been.

A.

I agree - my dd7 (almost 8) is picky, and weighs about 45 pounds. She will not eat something she does not like - she will go hungry. Should I make her cry, or give her a peanut butter sandwich? BTW, DH and I are SO not picky eaters - we will eat ANYTHING. So even if I can't understand how she's feeling, I'm not going to force her to eat something she hates.

 

[mom2aredhead]

OP - My oldest has major sensory issues so we struggle with a very limited diet for him.

I completely sympathize with you. We have the same issues with my son.

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I honestly don't "get it".. I can't imagine a child having that much control over their parents.. It really does baffle me..

Consider yourself lucky then, instead of judging people.

When my son was a baby, he had an extremely difficult time transitioning from baby food to table food...or even the more chunky toddler-type table food. When he was a year old, he still was physically unable to even have a 1/2 of a cheerio in his mouth without gagging...so he was still on baby food. He hating even touching many foods. You know the picture that so many people have of the kid on his first birthday with the cake smeared all over his face? My son wouldn't even stick a finger in his. He screamed bloody murder when we brushed his teeth, and actually gagged and vomited when we "tricked" him into trying a new food. At that age, that reaction has nothing to do with control and everything to do with some sort of sensory issue.
After many long discussions with his pediatrician, we went through our local early childhood intervention providers and had to have a therapist come in for oral-motor therapy a few times a week. We spent countless hours trying to basically get into his mouth...toothbrushes, spoons, toys...anything that would de-sensitize his reaction to having something in his mouth. After a while we started trying food...any kind of food...just to get him to hold it in his mouth without gagging. We were making a lot of progress, then he fell and knocked his front tooth out when he was 3...a pretty big a deal for most kids, but for a kid that has oral-motor and oral-sensory issues, it was a HUGE hurdle.
Eventually he was able to get past a lot of it - the texture of some things, and the still-missing tooth. But now at age 5 it's still a battle. He doesn't like thick lumpy things like oatmeal or mashed potatoes. His yogurt cannot have any pieces of fruit in it. Tomato sauce cannot be too chunky. He eats chicken and steak, but it has to be cut so small that I cannot even say for sure if he chews it before swallowing or just chokes it down. He won't bite into an apple or pear...it needs to be cut up.
The good news is that he doesn't like any kind of candy except for lollipops... no chocolate, no m&m's. And definitely no gum - when I chew it he makes faces and begs me to spit it out - just the thought of having something like that sit in his mouth disgusts him.
So...
He eats chicken. Prefers breaded, but will eat grilled etc. if he's hungry enough. But not turkey...unless it's a breaded turkey cutlet.
He eats steak/beef, but again, it must be very small pieces, drowned in ketchup.
He loves salad (w/ranch dressing) and I try to sneak in as much as I can there - peas, carrots, broccoli slaw, baby spinach.
He eats pasta, tomato sauce preferably on the side so any offending chunks can be dealt with. He also loves mac and cheese, so I make the home-made and try to make it a little healthier.
Pizza (but usually pulls the cheese off)
Peanut butter sandwiches, no jelly.
Cheese sandwiches, actually cheese in almost any form except on pizza.
French fries - crispy ones. Not thick steak fries - too much like mashed potatoes i guess.
There are more things, and although there is a little pattern to what he likes/dislikes, it all comes down to the texture more than the taste for him.

In a perfect world, would I prefer he eat a more varied diet? Of course.
Would I like for him to be able to "just try" something without gagging and vomiting? You bet.
Do I tire of people telling me he needs to "just get over it" or I should "force him", or "let him starve"...what do you think.

I'm happy that he is otherwise a happy, healthy, normal, intelligent kid. And after all this time, I'm happy that he eats what he eats at all...

 

[jodifla]

I agree - my dd7 (almost 8) is picky, and weighs about 45 pounds. She will not eat something she does not like - she will go hungry. Should I make her cry, or give her a peanut butter sandwich? BTW, DH and I are SO not picky eaters - we will eat ANYTHING. So even if I can't understand how she's feeling, I'm not going to force her to eat something she hates.

Yep, I agree. While I think many children will respond to the repeated exposures to food, some have issues and just won't eat certain things -- and possibly SHOULDN'T.

Feeling that mommy guilt to expand his menu, I twice forced my child to try something he avoided. One was eggs, the other, shrimp cakes. Both times he threw them right up.

I came to find out he has food ALLERGIES to eggs and shellfish.

My son is in bed by the time DH gets home for dinner, so I do make a separate meal for him. He likes the typical kid food, and DH and I like pretty adventurous stuff, so this works best for us. There's a reason most kid menus are the same at restaurants....those are the things most palatable for kids.

I didn't like a lot of things as a kid that I love as an adult. Starving my kid to force him to have an adult palate at age 7 isn't something I equate with good mothering.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think those that brought up their children's sensory issues have a very valid point. My ds5 received a couple of years of speech therapy because of an UNDER-sensitive mouth (big drooler too). He loves SO many different foods - he's tried every single Costco sample! Sushi, clams, buffalo wings, altoids - all textures and tastes. However, his twin sister is much pickier, and won't use bubblegum toothpaste, because she says it's too spicy.

Tastebuds vary, and I think a lot of pickiness is physiological, not psychological. I think most kids eat a lot more variety as they get older, and their tastebuds mature, some kids are born, ready to eat anything, and some kids buds never mature, and they become picky adult eaters.

Having twins, who had the same exact food experiences, it's funny how different they are with food - dd5 LOVES chocolate ice cream, HATES vanilla, ds5 LOVES vanilla ice cream, HATES chocolate!

 

[MichelleVW]

I would also make sure to explain to him that if he is having a meal at someone else's house he absolutely cannot say that he doesn't like what they are serving he needs to grin and bear it. I have had people over to my house who would just say that they didn't like what we were serving, and ask for a pizza or something.

.

I wouldn't order a pizza at someone else's house, but I wouldn't eat something I didn't like either.

I'm a grown up traumatized picky eater here...My parents forced me to eat the veggies I didn't like and sometimes held me down and forced the food in. I STILL cannot get over my pickiness and when people try to make me try something new that I don't want, I kind of freak out inside.

So now with my kids, I never pressure them to eat stuff they don't want. I'm not a short order cook, but they can eat cereal or a sandwich if they want.

I'm not criticizing what works for most families, but I hope no ones kids ever have to turn out like me...I know I am messed up, but I really can't help it! I hate almost all vegetables. I once told someone jokingly that I was an "anti-vegetarian" and they totally believed me

Same here, I have never forced my children to eat anything. If they don't like what I make for dinner, they will just make their own food. They have known how to make a peanut butter sandwich since they were about 5.

I have a question.... why do some of you make such a big deal about someone - child or adult - being a picky eater

The child doesn't like anything served so he/she gets nothing to eat???? How the heck is that good for a growing child?????? Not even a peanut butter sandwich???? I just don't get it

I agree, I'm not going to be a short order cook either, but they can surely get up and make their own sandwich!! I don't eat things I don't like so why would I force my child?

I agree - my dd7 (almost 8) is picky, and weighs about 45 pounds. She will not eat something she does not like - she will go hungry. Should I make her cry, or give her a peanut butter sandwich? BTW, DH and I are SO not picky eaters - we will eat ANYTHING. So even if I can't understand how she's feeling, I'm not going to force her to eat something she hates.

Exactly. I try to make something that they will eat, but if not they can make their own ramen or sandwich.

 

[tlens]

I guess I'm mean too. At age 9 (and I have a 9 year old), I'd say well then I guess you'll go hungry.

Your son's diet, other than the fruit and yogurt, isn't overly healthy.

 

[luvmy3]

I didn't like a lot of things as a kid that I love as an adult. Starving my kid to force him to have an adult palate at age 7 isn't something I equate with good mothering.

Its not about forcing a child to have an adult palate, its about getting your child to eat healthy foods. Chicken nuggets, pizza, hot dogs etc that you find on the childrens menus are not as nutritious as "adult meals". I do not want my children eating that junk all the time just because they like it. I happen to think that is good mothering


BTW I do not force my picky eater to eat anything, he always has a choice. If I make something I know he doesn't like I will make him a seperate dinner. If I know he likes what I make (like baked chicken instead of grilled)he has a choice to eat it or not, nothing is being forced in his mouth.

 

[Loverly]

I had a very, very picky eater and i choose not to make food a battlefield. He became very adventueous in his college years and now eats all sorts of exotic foods...and is super

However my Mom was from the "old school" of you eat what is served. period. It would really aggrivate her that at our big Family Thanksgiving meals I would not force he and siblings to try her food.(The other SIL did force her kid and he actually seemed to gag on some of her weird junk)

Her menu?

Let's see-we started with Tomato aspic-which is like tomato juice jello with asparagas and boiled egg slices in it

Then a roasted meat (which my kids ate) and a potato dish (which they ate)
T
hen brussel sprouts with a white vinagery sauce

Dessert-Pumpkin souffle

Oh yeah-they REALLY loved eating at this Grandma's house

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

Buy the Carnation instant breakfast drink mixes, then make it with ice cream (it's like a thick milk shake that way) for the calcium, vitamin D, and protein and add in things like strawberries, bananas, peanut butter, orange juice, etc.

For the vanilla I add in fruit or peanut butter. For the chocolate I add in bananas or peanut butter, and for the strawberry flavored I add in bananas or orange juice.

My very picky daughter drinks these and it provides her vitamins, minerals, protein, calcium, and calories.

Empty sugar calories.

A child who is hungry and not hopped on sugar will eat an apple, or drink a class of orange juice.

 

[fraggle551]

I have been a picky eater for 21 years. And guess what. I'm a healthy, average weight 21 year old. Who eats no vegetables, generally nothing smothered in a sauce (such as chicken francaise), nothing that comes from the sea, nothing spicy, currently no meat, drinks no milk and i'm sure many other things im forgetting.

Some people just do not like certain foods. According to my mother, I would even spit out and throw up the same baby foods I hate now. What on earth is the point of forcing food down a child's throat that they despise and will end up throwing up over?

Flame all you want, but I don't buy into the "if they are hungry enough, they will eat". If someone put fish down in front of me for a week, and that was my only choice, I wouldn't eat. The smell of fish alone makes me nauseous.

Now my brother on the other hand will eat anything you put in front of him. We were raised by the same exact parents, with the same exact rules. His palate is just different than mine. Some kids are born picky, and some aren't.

 

[mjkacmom]

Empty sugar calories.

A child who is hungry and not hopped on sugar will eat an apple, or drink a class of orange juice.

A glass of oj has the same amount of sugar as the breakfast drink, very little protein, no fiber, and a LOT less nutrients. I'd rather my child have a smoothie, with added whole fruit, and added peanut butter for extra protein (picky eaters need protein), than a glass of juice, which to me, is one step away from soda (I can't even drink plain oj, because it's way too sweet!).

One thing about my picky ones - they LOVE apples, and eat several a day (I buy the bags at Costco).

 

[jodifla]

I have been a picky eater for 21 years. And guess what. I'm a healthy, average weight 21 year old. Who eats no vegetables, generally nothing smothered in a sauce (such as chicken francaise), nothing that comes from the sea, nothing spicy, currently no meat, drinks no milk and i'm sure many other things im forgetting.

Some people just do not like certain foods. According to my mother, I would even spit out and throw up the same baby foods I hate now. What on earth is the point of forcing food down a child's throat that they despise and will end up throwing up over?

Flame all you want, but I don't buy into the "if they are hungry enough, they will eat". If someone put fish down in front of me for a week, and that was my only choice, I wouldn't eat. The smell of fish alone makes me nauseous.

Now my brother on the other hand will eat anything you put in front of him. We were raised by the same exact parents, with the same exact rules. His palate is just different than mine. Some kids are born picky, and some aren't.

Great points.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

My DD's are very picky eaters. One thing I make will be a great hit and they will eat a ton of it, but the next time I make it they will no longer like it. I try and make things that they like but if they decide they don't like it, then they can go hungry or make a PB&J. If they could, they would live off spaghetti, chocolate milk, and ice cream.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

A glass of oj has the same amount of sugar as the breakfast drink, very little protein, no fiber, and a LOT less nutrients. I'd rather my child have a smoothie, with added whole fruit, and added peanut butter for extra protein (picky eaters need protein), than a glass of juice, which to me, is one step away from soda (I can't even drink plain oj, because it's way too sweet!).

One thing about my picky ones - they LOVE apples, and eat several a day (I buy the bags at Costco).

I am sorry if you have to bribe a child to drink some OJ (ours is freshly squeezed, and full of vitamin C) by adding ice cream, there is an issue. I agree, though that store bought is just glorified sugar water, too.

And, no, after you've trained them to only eat soft textured, bland crap, teaching them to enjoy other foods won't happen until they grow old enough to figure out you screwed them up, and they lost out because of it.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

I have a question.... why do some of you make such a big deal about someone - child or adult - being a picky eater

The child doesn't like anything served so he/she gets nothing to eat???? How the heck is that good for a growing child?????? Not even a peanut butter sandwich???? I just don't get it

The palates of children are being ruined by fast food mush. If it isn't full of fat, salt or sugar, many kids just won't eat it. A child who is made to try broccoli at every meal may not learn to love it, but it isn't going to kill him, it exposes him to textures and flavors that are beyond crap, and might even get some fiber, vitamins and minerals in him. If they are allowed to choose their meals, let's face it, they wind up like Buddy the Elf and his four food groups.

Missing a meal never killed a child, and would still be better than chicken nuggets, and kraft mac and cheese for six months.

 

[KadysMom]

I am sorry if you have to bribe a child to drink some OJ (ours is freshly squeezed, and full of vitamin C) by adding ice cream, there is an issue. I agree, though that store bought is just glorified sugar water, too.

And, no, after you've trained them to only eat soft textured, bland crap, teaching them to enjoy other foods won't happen until they grow old enough to figure out you screwed them up, and they lost out because of it.

I have a picky eater. She has food allergies too so that makes it hard to find foods for her to eat. I dont argue with her because she will go days without food and it wont phase her. She has an eating disorder and couldnt care less if she ever ate. We have gone to nutritionists and between the pediatrician, gastroenterologist (he helps with her severe reflux) and the nutritionist, the main point they all made was to never force your child to eat. I make one meal, but I have to make separate foods for her because she cant eat most of the foods we do.

I am a picky eater too. You couldnt pay me to drink OJ. Freshly squeezed would have me gagging. So everyone is different. I cant even stand apple juice! YUCK. I think judging people when you have no idea what they have tried or what issues their kids might have is just horrible.

 

[stinkerbelle7531]

I have a picky eater. She has food allergies too so that makes it hard to find foods for her to eat. I dont argue with her because she will go days without food and it wont phase her. She has an eating disorder and couldnt care less if she ever ate. We have gone to nutritionists and between the pediatrician, gastroenterologist (he helps with her severe reflux) and the nutritionist, the main point they all made was to never force your child to eat. I make one meal, but I have to make separate foods for her because she cant eat most of the foods we do.

I am a picky eater too. You couldnt pay me to drink OJ. Freshly squeezed would have me gagging. So everyone is different. I cant even stand apple juice! YUCK. I think judging people when you have no idea what they have tried or what issues their kids might have is just horrible.

And I think raising a generation of overweight and/or malnourished children is a crime.

edited to add, if one is dealing with real allergies, and not the rash of "intolerances" it does make it more difficult, depending on the food to make a well rounded meal the whole fam. will enjoy.

I can't imagine anyone from my grandmother's generation even discussing such rubbish. You ate what you had or you starved. You didn't whine and bellyache and threaten to vomit if you tasted some pulp.

 

[KadysMom]

And I think raising a generation of overweight and/or malnourished children is a crime.

I can't imagine anyone from my grandmother's generation even discussing such rubbish. You ate what you had or you starved. You didn't whine and bellyache and threaten to vomit if you tasted some pulp.

She isnt overweight. She has to see specialists because she has been UNDERWEIGHT! At 5 she was 28 pounds. She refused to eat food. Everything she ate hurt her stomach and caused her to throw up. As we discover things she can eat, we give them to her. She has food allergies, so that limits her food. She isnt a junk eater. She cant eat chocolate or cakes or anything like that. For lunch she likes homemade soup. She wont buy lunch at school because the food is gross.

I wont force her to eat, because it isnt right. I cant imagine anyone from your grandmothers generation ( or mine ) forcing a child to eat food that instantly caused her to throw up. This includes food she loves, but she just cannot eat....

So dont say dumb things... THANKS

 

[Mom2Nick]

Empty sugar calories.

A child who is hungry and not hopped on sugar will eat an apple, or drink a class of orange juice.

Wonder why all my son's nutritionists recommend it along with Pediasure.

OJ and every other juice are empty sugar calories........

 

[mjkacmom]

I am sorry if you have to bribe a child to drink some OJ (ours is freshly squeezed, and full of vitamin C) by adding ice cream, there is an issue. I agree, though that store bought is just glorified sugar water, too.

And, no, after you've trained them to only eat soft textured, bland crap, teaching them to enjoy other foods won't happen until they grow old enough to figure out you screwed them up, and they lost out because of it.

Who said anything about bribing kids to drink oj by adding ice cream? A poster said she added ice cream to instant breakfast to make it creamier, not to oj (which is something I might do - my kids are on the underweight side). My kids will drink oj, but I limit juice - I don't see why anyone needs to drink juice (although I'm a huge V-8 fan myself). I'd rather they eat whole apples and oranges.

And just because kids are picky, doesn't mean they eat junk. We don't do fastfood here, because I don't like it. Although they don't eat a huge variety of foods, they still eat whole wheat pasta, salad, carrot sticks, fruit, skim milk, turkey meat balls, chicken, and one of my picky ones loves raw salmon sushi and vegetable dumplings (but forget about getting her to eat a burger).