Help - family problems!

[threeboysmom]

I'm not sure what board to post this on, but since this is the most popular one, I figured this would be a good place and it does center around WDW......

This is my dilemna and I need some advice! My parents & my sister and husband are both moving to Florida in early September, about 1/2 hour from WDW. Now, they are NOT Disney people - they've never understood why I vacation at WDW 2-3 times a year. They vacation at FL just about every year and NEVER go to WDW at all! They just like FL because of the heat & the palm trees. I honestly think they chose a town so close to Orlando because they know I vacation there frequently (we are a very close family) & therefore they'd be able to see me at least 2-3 times in a year.

BUT, now here's the problem. What is going to happen on my family's future WDW trips?? We're planning on going down over Christmas (naturally, we'll spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with them in their new homes). But my parents want us to stay with them in their house for the whole 2 weeks!! When I told them the other day that we would probably get a hotel, they said in shock "why in the world would you want to do that????" with this really dumbfounded look on their faces. I feel that if we stay with them (and my DH feels the same way) that it would not be a vacation for us. We like to go out to eat, we like to go out to the parks - that is our vacation. It won't be like that if we stay with them. I really think they will be offended if we are getting up early and spending the whole day at the parks without them and not getting back until late at night. I'm in such a turmoil right now - I LOVE my family and don't want to hurt them in any way. But how can I salvage my vacations to my favorite place in the world?? This is going to happen now for EVERY trip we plan. I don't mind "visiting" them for 1 day out of my vacation or having them join us for dinner a few times during the week, but they will not be satisified with that. If we go down to Florida, my parents are going to want to see us & their grandchildren every day of the week! I can see it coming down to "you are choosing WDW over your family???" and they will be hurt....

My DH jokingly said (at least I am hoping he was joking) that we should find another vacation place to become a favorite rather than Florida. What?!!!! But then again, maybe he's right......

Has anyone else been in a similar predicament? Anyone have relatives that live near Orlando and want you to visit them rather than spend time at the parks??

I am very desparate for help. This is eating away at me and they haven't even moved yet (not til fall).

 

[buzz2400]

You said you are a close family. I would just come out and say what you just said. Most likely if you stay with family you will feel obligated to "visit" with them then to "visit" with Mickey. I would be honest with them and if they insist on you staying with them tell them outright, I go to the park when it opens and I stay until it closes and give them the hours.

 

[got2lovedisney]

Not really the same but I have an Aunt & Uncle in orlando and a cousin in winter gardens/park(?). I'm not that close to them so I'm in and out of Disney and they never know. You're in a different boat.

I would in no way suggest you lie to your family about your arrival/depature date. I wouldn't suggest you say...tell them you're coming in on a Sunday when you'll really be there the Thursday before just to sneak in some private Disney time. Nope...not me.

 

[Johnfish]

My best advice would be to plan separate trips. In other words plan trips specifically to visit your family and vacations to specifically visit WDW. Then explain that the vacation trips are for your families vacation. Offer them the option of joining in the magic but make it clear that the vacation to visit WDW and not as a family reunion. Of course on the family trips you should plan on visiting them and not WDW.

John

 

[decker96]

I experienced a similar issue on our first trip to WDW with our kids a year and a half ago. My grandparents have lived in FL for 22 years. They moved about 45 minutes away from WDW 12 years ago (not because of WDW). When we were planning our trip my grandma wanted us to stay with them. I explained to her that since our kids were only 5 and 2 we would be staying on property so we could take breaks in the afternoon for naps and swimming. She understood this but then wanted us to come over for dinner one night. We weren't getting a rental car which I explained. (Even if we had, we wouldn't have gone, we only had 3 1/2 days in the parks and I wanted to spend them all there). She then got upset and said won't we see you at all? I told her that they should come and meet us for dinner one night. They chose lunch instead. We met at DTD, had a great lunch and then went over to the Lego store. They had a great time watching their great-grandchildren play and visiting with us. That was our break from the parks that day and we got to see my grandparents as a bonus.
If you go to WDW 2--3 times a year maybe one of those trips you stay a few days with them and the rest of the time stay in a hotel. Let them meet you somewhere for a lunch or dinner. Better yet, invite them to come with you one day so they can see the magic through their grandchildren's eyes.
Be sure to schedule other trips just to visit them, not to go to WDW. They may not understand at first or be happy about it, but if you are as close as you say, they'll get over it especially if you explain that WDW is your family vacation, the same as if you were going somewhere else on vacation. You would stay in a hotel and spend your vacation as a family. They just happen to live near your chosen vacation spot.

 

[MrsJ Henry]

My suggestion would be to tell them that since this vacation spot has been a tradition for you family for quite a while now that you don't want to change it. However, You want to spend time with them also so each time you go down you will spend a few days with them before you head to the parks/resort and finish off your vacation there.

 

[abitjaded]

Ohhhhh, toughie. We have similar problems. Our Florida relatives always expect us to extend a WDW trip to see them. They are spread around the state, and it always makes a trip to WDW a chore, long drives to other cities, extending a quick WDW trip to two weeks, anyone who knows we showed up, but not at THEIR house is upset. How about this, spend part of the time with them, no WDW visits at all. Then extended family WDW time (get them to buy Florida APs!), even leaving the kids with them an evening (or day) while you do a parent's night out. Then spend part of the time on property, making it clear it is nuclear family time. It will all work out. It drives us crazy, especially when people we love want to join us in the parks, but cannot keep up with our commando mode, we even pay hotels and admission for some so we can get them to Orlando rather than drive all the way to see them (painfully expensive, but...). BUT a part day at WDW is better than none at all. And just get them to see it as increased opportunity to see you, not decreased. Then make it so, by going to Florida a lot more often!

Carla

 

[georgina]

My in-laws are in Gainesville, which is about 2 hours away. We decided not to try to combine trips to WDW and them, but we don't get to Florida as much as you do. We visit them twice a year, and don't do more than one trip to WDW a year, usually less frequently.

 

[momtotwinglesx4]

So don't even tell them you're going to Florida. Since they don't go to WDW, it's not like you'll run into them! Then, once a year or whatever, just go visit them.

 

[schweig]

My husbands mother resides north of Orlando and my parents spend the winter months an hour north of Orlando. What we have done (and will do again this December) is split our trip in half. We fly into Orlando and my parents pick us up at the airport. We check into our WDW resort and spend the day at DTD and go out to dinner. They leave and we spend 5 nights at the parks. They come back and pick us up the evening of our last day and we spend the next 5 nights with them. This allows us to do both in one trip. We always make sure we are with them by Dec. 23. This has worked very well for us - my parents go to the parks during off season and my MIL would never go to Disney. We asked them to stay with us, but they don't want to.

 

[minmate]

Theoretically speaking, should your mom and sister & husband have moved to say, Kansas -- how often would you suppose you would visit them there? Let's say, 1-2 times a year... and with that being the case, would the time and money required to visit them in "Kansas" take away from your 2-3 trips/yearly to WDW? If not, then I'd say, just continue your 2-3 WDW trips and on those, make it clear those are VACATIONS -- and if you choose - you can invite them to visit you IN and around the parks, according to your vacation schedule then when you plan your 1-2 trips to visit family in "Kansas" -- oops, voila, their actually in FL... well, just go visiting family -- and do your best to ignore the fact you are so close to your favorite Happiest Place on Earth! Pretend you're in Kansas instead! lol....
However, if you can't swing say 5 trips to FL a year -- try to do equal time WDW and Family visits. Hey, you're paying the way to get there... they should compromise a little too right? And if they feel they don't have enough time with you -- they can come visit you in your hometown!

 

[Blueberry]

I have to agree, could you not tell them you are going to WDW for a week or so..and then plan a seperate trip to visit the kin another time. It would work out if you used to have WDW vacations and vacations to visit the folks, same amount of time just all in the same area. It would be hard to combine family visitation trips with WDW trips otherwise...just my two cents, hope it works out!!

 

[Miniefan]

You never know, with them moving down there maybe they will get bit by the Disney bug, invite them to the parks with you, maybe they would enjoy going with you... A lot of people can't have fun on vacations sometimes because they are too busy worrying about the money they are spending on them...maybe with them already being there, it wouldn't be like vacation to them, besides, why don't they like it, are they crazy or something??

You know the only two options you have are to be openly honest and tell them that your vacation plans will not stop just because they moved to the city you vacation in, if they moved anywhere else it wouldn't change your WDW plans would it??
And option #2, don't tell them when you are going

I'm sure it stinks to be you but if your family is close and they care about you they will understand. A person's vacation shouldn't be compromised by the other family's decision to move. Are you going to expect them to spend their vacation times with your family,?? probably not
Hope I helped you some
Kim

 

[MermaidsMom]

I like the idea of including them in YOUR vacation. Maybe stay at one of the DVC villas and invite them over for a park day and dinner- or even to spend the night(s). Present it like it's a big treat/gift to them so they won't have to cook or clean while you are there. If this won't work, go to plan B (don't tell them how long you are actually there!).

 

[232271]

We dont have the exact situation, but our extended family always wants to come with us to Disney. This year we had to kindly explain that we wanted some alone "family" time with our immediate family only. We have had someone with us the last five times!! (they still got their feelings hurt, though)

What I think might help is to explain to them how great the resorts are and show them photos. Let them come and visit the resort during your stay. Tell them how much the it adds to the atmosphere and vaction feeling.
I might type up an itinerary (?sp) and give it to them and ask them to meet you for lunch at DTD (or a park if they have AP's) like someone said above.
IF you do get them to try disney they may fall in love!

If it really hurts their feelings stay a few nights with them at the end of the trip. or at the "special" times (ie. christmas eve, day, new years,) when you are there.

Just Remember we dont know how much time we have on this earth, so keep that in mind when it comes to the few times you do have to sacrafice. Becuase when they are gone you soon realize how "little" time you really did spend together.

I know this must be extremely tough. But hang in there, positive attitudes and all will work out.

Good luck and God Bless.

 

[sharonk]

Since you're a close family, I think you need to be honest (or at least somewhat honest! : ) and tell them that it's just not a vacation to you if don't stay in a hotel, eat some dinners out, etc.

But, at the same time, I think you should compromise. After all, they are your family and you do love them. I think it would be rude if you went down to Florida for a week or two and only spent a few hours with them. Maybe you could designate a day or two that's spent primarily with them at their house, ask them to join you at the parks for a day or two, and then spend the rest of the time as you normally would if they didn't live there.

You probably don't want to hear this, but I would give my last dime to be in your shoes. My husband's father lives overseas, his mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's and my mother is dying of cancer. We jump through hoops to give our young children precious minutes with their grandparents with the hope that they might remember these special people who love them so much. We may not have felt this way a few years ago, but today, we would happily give up an entire vacation to Disney World to spend a few days just sitting around the kitchen table or the living room in our parents' homes. I guess it's really true that you don't know what you've got til it's gone!

Good luck,

Sharon

 

[orvilleair]

You are in a "no win" situation because you want to try to make everyone happy. Remember that you have to make yourself happy too. If that means staying at a resort, then that's fine with me. Vacation is to recharge your batteries not worry about making everyone happy.

Invite your parents to go for a day or two just to see their grandkids' reaction to the attractions.

Maybe buy them a park hopper pass for Christmas, and your parents can explore WDW at their own pace. Who knows, maybe they will love it.

Once in a while, spend the week at their place and don't go to Disney. Orlando has a lot to offer. My parents live in Sarasota half of the year and they showed me Siesta Key, Venice, nice parks, trails etc.... They enjoy showing me around. They aren't into Disney either.

Doesn't the average joe get 2 to 3 weeks of vacation a year? Vacation time is so precious these days and stress has to be relieved. Everyone needs to relax once in a while, and if that means Disney then go.

Your parents are moving to Florida on their own choice. They will have to live with the ramifications of moving such as being farther away from you. You can only accomodate them so much but they have to accomodate you too.

 

[don8life]

Oh Boy, that is a dilemma. I have a simiar situation. My sisters moved down there, but hours from Dis. At first they got very insulted that we did not take the time to visit them at their houses. But we go when the kids are in shcool and we drive. Driving puts 4 days to the trip already, so visiting family is not an option.

My advice to you is be up front in the beginning. We prefer to stay in a hotel. Don't be wishy-washy and say maybe we will spend a few days with you because than you are setting a precedent. Be firm in the beginning, let them know how you feel and future trips they will know what to expect.
Good Luck

 

[OhMickey]

I am sort of in the same boat. Everything sounds the same - inlaws moved to Mt Dora, want us to stay with them when we vacation (well not with them but at a hotel near them), and they are not Disney people. The only thing that is different is that we are not a close family. I believe my inlaws only want to exert some control.

We have toyed with the idea of not telling them when we are going to Disney but we always think - what if something happens? So our solution is to stay 2 days in Mt Dora and the rest of our vacation at Disney.

My inlaws always think they want more than they really do. By the end of the two days they are ready for us to leave. They like to think they are a close family and they like to think that they love their grandchildren. However, when we go they treat us like dirt. They actually spend little time with us. What they do is suggest that we should go here or there while they stay at home. Last trip in an attempt to "entertain" the children they dropped me and my 4 kids off at their community pool. They told us they had to run to the store and would be right back. Four hours later they show up. We had been in the hot Florida sun for four hours. I brought no money to purchase drinks and we were drained. Later I found out that they were in the comfort of their air conditioned condo reading the newspaper!

Sometimes they visit us at Disney (an offsite restaurant). Now they are very wealthy and believe me they are going to die wealthy! They always complain about the prices, the crowds, the service, the everything! We've met at Beaches and Cream, Rainforest (DTD), and once in Celebration. We never want to take time out of our schedule but we do, just to keep the peace.

After reading what I wrote, I'm going to bring up the idea of not telling them we are going. That is what I suggest you do too.

 

[jennz]

Tough situation! My parents live in Orlando, and we live in Indiana now. We LOVE Disney, they don't . Our last trip down we did not tell them we were going...it was our vacation, we stayed on-property, they get upset if we don't see them, blah blah. It was not a problem (except for some guilt) UNTIL we got back and now can't show them pictures and coudln't let DD talk to them for a month since she wanted to tell about her trip, and I still have to watch what I say. Something to think about...

On a previous trip we told them we were coming and invited them out for a few meals, they didn't come (because of scheduling) and it caused a few hurt feelings but nothing major, so that will be the plan next time.

Good luck!! Just remember you are not choosing one over the other, they just happen to live in the same place you are vacationing.